


Morally Unethical

by AristoMuse



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Badass Eren Yeager, Badass Mikasa Ackerman, Blood and Violence, Canon Compliant, Contains Heavy Spoilers, Doctor/Nurse Eren Jaeger, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Grisha is a better dad than canon, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Examination, Medical Experimentation, Medical Trauma, Not with the kids, Pragmatic Armin, Prostitution, Sort Of, Trauma, from Levi of course, slight mental instability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-06-29 12:17:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 139,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15729240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AristoMuse/pseuds/AristoMuse
Summary: No matter how rambunctious, hot headed, and unruly he was, Eren Jaeger was still a doctor's son.And a doctor can save you...or take you apart.(Where we get to see the smarter side of Eren that's always been overshadowed by his anger, and how that changeseverything.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story will take place pre-breach for a chapter or three, then go right after post-breach and explore a lot within the two years between the breach and military enlistment, then it'll "follow" canon. As a note, a lot of what Grisha and Eren will be doing in the earlier chapters will be considered outdated medicine practice by our standards (AOT setting is basically 1880s), but Eren will grow and learn. He'll also be a little less hot headed here than in canon, and a bit more competent as a result. Also, this story is canon compliant, so all the lore from canon is canon here as well!
> 
> As a very important note: I'm not a doctor nor am I a med student. A lot of medical procedures and herb mixtures will come directly from our good friend and overlord, Google, or left vague. So if you're a doctor/med student/just smarter than me, let me know if I get anything wrong! 
> 
> (If you're wondering why I chose such a difficult subject to write about, it's because I love to torture myself 8D and because the premise is too interesting to pass up.)
> 
> This fic does contain: explicit violence, explicit depictions of gore, medical examinations, malpractice, implied/referenced prostitution, slightly unhinged thought processes, torture, trauma, kidnapping, attempted sexual assault, and references to PTSD. This fic will also have graphic gory imagery in its cover art, so if that makes you uncomfortable, please scroll down quickly. This fic also contains major spoilers for current manga events.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

**842**

"What are the lungs and where are they located?"

"The organ that helps us breathe in oxygen and lets out carbon dioxide. Upper chest."

"And the liver?"

"Renews blood, detoxifies chemicals, and metabolizes drugs. One of the most important organs in the body. Right below the diaphragm and next to the stomach..."

"And the gallbladder?"

"Argh!" Eren flipped the medical textbook closed and crossed his arms over his tiny frame. "Dad, I'm so bored with this! Can't I go out and play?" He begged, his iridescent green eyes growing wider to hopefully convince his father. "Please?"

He was 7 years old, about 3ft 6 inches tall, and _fed up_ with learning medical texts. 

Grisha Jaeger frowned. He was a man approaching middle age, just passing 30 years. His brown hair was combed neatly passed his shoulders and parted in the middle of his forehead. He had the same green eyes as his son, but they didn't glow as brightly, partially because of the round spectacles he wore in front of them. "Eren..." He sighed for what was probably the tenth time in an hour. "You know I want you to be happy, but right now, you have to study. Just a little longer, okay?"

"But it's so boring!" Eren argued back, fiddling with the strings that tied up the collar of his cotton shirt. "All you do is make me read books and draw organs. I wanna go outside and play! At least to go pick herbs?" He could run around in the fields at least, maybe try catching some bugs.

"Eren," His father rubbed his temple, clearly trying to stave off the impending headache. "This is one of the rare times I'm home to teach you. I know you have been sneaking out once your mother goes to do laundry, and I know you come home bruised and scratched from picking fights with other children." 

"Because they're mean and they try to pick a fight with _me_!" He corrected. "Mom always yells at me about the fights, but who else is gonna go teach those bullies a lesson?!" 

Letting his hand fall back down to their kitchen table, Grisha withheld a pained expression. "I never said it's wrong, but I'm rarely home to patch you up. You already know how to sanitize and bandage cuts, but what if something worse happens? What if I'm out of the district and someone comes around with an emergency?" He reasoned, reaching out to cover his son's small hand with his own calloused one. "Your mother has to take care of the house and you, but you have to take care of people when I'm not around."

Eren pouted and looked to the side. "I guess...It would be cool if people thanked me for helping them."

Grisha's mouth smoothed out into a smile. "That's my son. Remember, Eren. Helping people is the right thing to do." His smile turned indulgent. "And if helping them means knocking some sense into them, then by all means."

The young boy grinned up at his father. "Yeah!" 

"Now, tell me about the gallbladder."

 

* * *

 

 

When the lesson finally ended, Eren rushed out the door after giving his father a quick hug, already making his way toward Wall Maria. It was mid-afternoon now, which meant he didn't really have much time to explore before his mom would want him home for dinner. 

He ran through one of the main thoroughfare of Shiganshina, not minding when people called out to him.

"Hey, slow down!"

"Watch it, brat!"

"Kids these days, no manners at all..."

Eren only grinned, not a single care in the world. He didn't have any friends since he was either too rough or hotheaded for the local kids, and those three bullies would always gang up on him, so he was on his own. Not that he minded much, but it made going to school really irritating. No one ever wanted to hang out with him or share their books, and while he wasn't the type to want to read, it didn't mean he couldn't! 

He knew his dad meant well, that being a doctor was tough and tiring, but it was boring to read so much about the human body. It was dry with no story, just diagrams and paragraphs about the muscles, organs, and bones. He had only been allowed to help bandage small cuts, especially when they had more than one patient waiting, but no one ever trusted a kid like him to do a good job. Even if he was the son of Grisha Jaeger, the doctor who saved Shiganshina from a deadly plague.

His mom was tough, too. He loved her but man, she yelled all the time and he yelled back. Clearly he took after his mom more than his dad, what with their thick eyebrows, large eyes, small upturned noses, and heart shaped faces, even though his was still pretty round with childhood fat. But while her hair was black, his was brown, and while her eyes were gold, his eyes were green. 

Even though his dad traveled a lot for house calls, they had more than enough money to live comfortably, at least in Shiganshina. He had heard from school that Wall Rose and Wall Sina were much nicer, but it was also more cramped. Either way, they were always surrounded by the large looming walls that kept out humanity's greatest enemies.

The Titans.

His teacher had said they were mindless, slobbering beasts that looked like deformed humans. Usually their limbs were too long or too short, always kind of pudgy, and their faces never changed. They could be as small as 3 meters or as tall as 15 meters, and there was one thing they all had in common. Their lust for human flesh.

He hated them. For eating people, for making them scared enough to hide behind the walls. For caging them in like cattle. The only people who were brave enough to fight for their freedom were the Survey Corps. Men and women who would go outside the walls and risk their lives to fight titans and to reclaim back their land from a hundred years ago.

They were so cool...

Snapping out of his thoughts, Eren brightened when he realized he was nearing the gates that led into Wall Maria territory. Shiganshina was on the very edge of the wall, one of four districts that jutted out from the walls, and the territory inside was a lot of farmland, green plains, giant forests, and he heard there was even a desert somewhere. One day he'll see all of the world-

"G-Give it back!"

Stopping near the gate, Eren looked to his right where in an alley between two buildings was a small blond boy, surrounded by three very familiar, and very unwelcome faces. 

The bullies.

One of the bullies, Frid, smirked smugly down at the much smaller boy, holding up a book in his hands. "No way, nerd! I heard from some people that this here book is forbidden. What's a loser like you gotta do to get somethin' like this?"

"M-My grandpa gave it to me..." The blond boy whimpered, tears brimming in his large blue eyes. "Please, give it back..!"

Another of the bullies, Riba, snickered. "You hear that, Frid? He said 'please' like a lil girl!" They all laughed obnoxiously around their victim, making him shed tears.

Eren had enough.

"Hey!" He yelled out, stomping in their direction. They stopped laughing and turned to look at him with irritated frowns, the blond whimpering at another person who was bigger than him. "Give his book back!"

"Jaeger, not hidin' in your mom's skirts for once?" The last boy, Arkim, taunted him with a familiar sneer. "What, you know this loser?" He pointed his thumb at the blond boy. "Losers gotta stay with losers, huh?"

Eren scowled up at them. They were older than him by three years and taller too, so he was at a disadvantage. Still, he couldn't just stand back and let them pick on someone..! "You're the losers here!" He retorted strongly. "All you do is pick on people! Why don't you actually go read a book for once? Oh wait," His tone turned mocking. "You probably don't even know how to. That's why we're in the same class even though you guys are older!"

Immediately, the bullies' smirks turned into frowns, their faces red with embarrassment and anger. "Why you..!" Frid began, throwing the book to the ground and with one step forward, threw a punch at the green eyed boy.

Ducking under, Eren immediately brought his own fist up right into his diaphragm with a thwack, exactly where it would induce emesis. Frid covered his mouth and ran backwards to throw up what was probably his lunch, and Arkim stepped up with a scowl. "Damn you, Jaeger..!" He threw a punch as well, and lifted his left leg to kick him. 

He didn't have enough hands to block both, and Eren let out a cry as a solid knee rammed into his ribs. He fell to the dusty ground but scrambled back up, ignoring the twinge he felt in his side, and jabbed his fingers into his throat. Arkim choked, saliva coughing out, and massaged his throat. Two down, one to-

Eren choked when someone came up behind him and wrapped an arm around his neck, tightening their grip. "You little shit!" Riba growled behind him, flexing his bicep to try to crush his throat. "Don't think you'll get outta this! I'm stronger than Frid and Arkim!"

Scratching at the arm and leaving bleeding red marks on the skin, Eren struggled to breathe. "Hgg...Nghh..!" His feet kicked up into the air while he thrashed around, trying to escape, when an idea came to him. It was super underhanded but he was going to die if he didn't do it..!

Taking in as much air as he could, he lifted his leg, arched his back, and kicked backwards right into Riba's crotch. The older boy _squeaked_ in pain and immediately let go to cup his balls, collapsing into a pile of whimpering meat. 

Dropping to the ground, Eren coughed as he tried to breathe, feeling his now very much bruised throat. Shit, hopefully his throat didn't collapse! 

Swallowing some saliva to soothe his dry throat, he looked up to see the blond boy still trembling in his spot, his book carefully held but tightly against his chest. Coughing a bit more, he got up on his feet and grabbed him by his arm, ignoring his squeak. "C'mon, let's go..!" He spoke raspy-like, pulling him toward the gate. The blond hadn't gotten a word in before he was being dragged toward the gate that led out to the grass plains.

None of the Garrison soldiers cared, with some of them sitting around playing poker and drinking alcohol, so they had no problem leaving the district. After a few more minutes of running, Eren stopped near a small river and collapsed on the grass to take a few gulps. "Haaa...Damn those bullies..." He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his brown sweater and looked down at his reflection, more specifically at his bruise, and winced at the violent red that curved around his neck. His dad did say he should patch himself up instead of making his mom worry. Was there any arnica around here? He could faintly remember picking some...

"U-Um..."

Oh yeah, he had someone else with him. Eren turned around to see the blond boy he had rescued scuttle up to him. "...-you." He mumbled with his head down, his fringe covering his eyes.

"Huh?" Eren cupped a hand near his ear. "Sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn't hear."

Taking a deep breath, the other boy lifted his head and gave him a shy smile. "...Th-Thank you for...saving me from those bullies." He spoke gently with a stutter. "No one's ever s-stood up for me before..."

Eren perked up and grinned. Someone was thanking him for helping them! "You're welcome! Those guys are always jerks, in fact this is the first time I've ever been able to beat 'em!" He rubbed the back of his head with a proud smirk. "I'd always take the chance to take 'em down a notch! Are you okay though, uh..." Wow, he didn't even know his name.

"I-I'm Armin Arlert." The blond boy introduced himself with a slight bow. "It's nice to meet you."

"Hi Armin, my name's Eren Jaeger!" Eren reached out and shook his hand eagerly. "Hey, wanna be friends?! Since we're both targets for those guys, we should stick together!" He wasn't going to admit it was because he was lonely. Armin seemed like a nice guy, if a little too quiet and shy. He should stand up for himself, and if they were friends, he could teach Armin to hit the weak spots.

Armin's baby blues widened, taking up almost half of his face. "Friends..?" A small but happy smile spread on his face and he nodded. "O-Okay! Let's be fr-friends, Eren!" He hugged his book to himself. "Do...Do you like books?"

Eren scratched his head. "Eh...Depends. I think medical texts are super dry, but I like stories!" He looked down at the book that his new friend hugged. "Didn't one of them say that this book is forbidden?"

Armin nodded and looked around for any eavesdroppers before leaning in closer. "My grandpa gave it to me. He said it's from a time when knowledge like this wasn't banned a-and he knows I like learning." He held it up so Eren could look at the cover. "It's about the outside world!"

Eren's eyes widened. "The outside world..?" He breathed excitedly. "What does it say?!"

Smiling at his enthusiasm, Armin opened the book to show drawings and large texts. "It says that there are mountains covered in fire, fields of ice, and huge deserts!" He iterated enthusiastically. "And get this! Apparently there's this huge expanse of water called the ocean! It stretches for longer and wider than the eye can see, and the water is salty!"

"Whoa..." Eren could only imagine what that could be like. Was it like a lake, but really big? Was the water dark, or clear? What kind of fish lived in it? Did fish even live in it if it's supposed to be salty? "The world is pretty big, huh..."

"Mm!" Armin nodded quickly. "One day...One day I want to see it all."

Hearing his words, Eren couldn't help but want that too. To live in a world where they didn't have to fear the titans. To live in a cage where they were just waiting to die. He wanted to see these fire mountains, ice fields, and huge deserts. Most of all...

"Let's go see the ocean together." Eren announced firmly, eyes glowing with determination. "One day, we'll explore the world and see everything!" He raised a fist in the air.

Armin blinked but beamed, raising his tiny fist as well. "Yeah!"

And then there were two.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Armin?" Eren asked the next day after they met, while they were out in the plains.

"Hm?" 

"Why didn't you fight back against them? Frid and the other idiots, I mean."

Armin paused his reading and his shoulders slumped. "...Because there's no way I'd win against them if I did." He mumbled self-deprecatingly, hiding his face between his knees. "They're bigger and they eat more."

Eren sat up from the grass and faced his best friend (his only friend) with a firm frown. "But that's probably why they pick on you, because you never fight back!" He clenched his hands on his knees. "In this world, if you don't fight, you won't get anywhere! Are you happy being on the losing side forever?"

"That's not it!" Armin blurted out with a quivering lip. "I'm not really losing. Even if I don't f-fight, I never run away."

The brash boy blinked. That was true. Even though Armin was in tears yesterday, he hadn't taken the chance to escape. Only when Eren had forcibly pulled him with him. "...You know, even though you're pretty small, you're kinda strong."

Armin blinked. "S-Strong? Me?" His voice rose up in incredulity while he pointed at himself. "No, I'm weak...You had to save me yesterday."

Eren shook his head. "Maybe not physically, but you're definitely smarter, and smarts are a kind of strength, right?"

The shy boy felt his cheeks heat up at the compliment and ducked his head shyly. "I-I guess that's true...Oh," He perked up. "Speaking of saving me, how did you know where to hit them? You mentioned medical texts, right..?"

Groaning, Eren flung himself back down onto the grass. "Yeah, it's 'cause my dad's a doctor and he's making me learn all his stuff. 'Just in case of emergencies.'" He quoted sarcastically with a roll of his turquoise eyes. "I think he wants me to be a doctor too."

"Wow, you must know a lot about the human body then..!" Armin admired his new friend. "Can you describe to me where you hit them and why?"

"I hit Frid in the diaphragm which is right here," Eren poked himself in the space between his chest and his abdomen. "It kinda controls how much you can breathe, but it also helps you throw up. If you hit it hard enough, it forces the stomach to push up whatever's in there and can't be stopped. For Arkim, I jabbed him in the throat. Throats are actually really fragile and you can crush them with enough force, so jabbing fingers will make you choke and it feels like you can't breathe. Plus, people don't usually protect that place so it's an easy target. I'm kinda surprised I haven't tried it sooner." 

Eren continued nonchalantly, not noticing Armin pale at his blunt explanations. "Then for Riba, you probably saw but I kicked my foot into his balls. There's a certain angle where if you hit the penis, it'll knock against the pelvis bone and hurt extra badly. I was kinda desperate to escape his choke hold though so I didn't hold back." He shrugged and grinned with his hands cushioning his head. "Maybe next time, they'll think twice before they mess with me, and you!"

"...You're scary." Armin mumbled to himself, hugging his book closer to provide some comfort. "That's...a really creative way to use your medical knowledge, Eren."

"It better be good for somethin' since my dad won't let me play until I finish up those stupid textbooks and worksheets he makes me do." Eren stuck his tongue out at the sky, imagining that he was doing it to his father. "I'd rather be outside and play than be stuck reading indoors. There's not even a story to learn."

Armin hesitated but if he was honest, his own bright mind made him open his mouth before he realized it. "But doesn't everybody have a story? Let's say someone came to you with a scraped knee. You can then imagine what they were doing. Were they running and they fell? Was the cut deep, so it was done by a sharp tool? Are they crying from the pain, so maybe they had never been hurt like this before? Or do they come without any arguments, implying that it's normal for them? I don't know, it's just a thought-"

He paused when he saw two bright green orbs staring at him in astonishment, and yelped when he was tackled into a hug. "Armin, you're a genius!" Eren yelled with a grin. "You're right, that would be more fun to think about!" 

Blushing at the compliment and at their close contact, Armin lit up like a stove. "Y-You're welcome..?" He squeaked.

 

* * *

 

 

From then on, they were the best of friends even though their personalities didn't really match.

Eren was loud. Really loud. Everything he said, everything he did, he did it with exuberance. People couldn't help but notice him as if his very existence drew attention. Both good and bad attention. It was why he was known as an unruly child and why bullies would pick on him. Usually he'd lose if there was more than two, but he got lucky that day since he decided to use his stupid medical knowledge for once. Who knew learning how to help people could also hurt them? 

Armin though, was the complete opposite. He was quiet, reserved, and shy, almost painfully so. His voice was barely above a whisper at normal volumes, and even though he had bright blond hair and baby blue eyes, people tended to overlook him as if he wasn't there. It didn't help that he instinctively curled into himself when they were in busy areas, only relaxing when they were alone together in the grass plains outside of Shiganshina or when they would hang out at each other's houses.

Still, they had each other. Eren would fight off the bullies, sometimes winning, sometimes losing so badly that Armin ended up learning how to care for bruises too. Armin taught him how to be more quiet, and to appreciate a good book, though his favorites were always filled with knights saving the princess or fighting off monsters.

Eren hadn't thought he was well-off by any means, not rich but not poor either. His house looked like any other house in Shiganshina: made of stone, wood, and plaster. It had a kitchen and dining room in one, with two rooms on the second floor for him and his parents, and a basement that his father never let him in. He assumed that was where he stored all his syringes, beakers, and other science-y equipment that a kid like him shouldn't be touching.

But Armin's house was a lot smaller. He didn't even have separate rooms for him and his grandpa; they slept in the same bed and their bedroom also doubled as a kitchen and small sitting area. His grandpa worked as a fisherman and occasionally a farmer, going out into the expanse of Wall Maria for his jobs at the break of dawn and coming back at sunset. They had just enough money to feed the two of them 3 loaves of bread every day, with some vegetables and leftover fish that wasn't sold off to his grandpa's employers. 

Armin never talked about his parents either, not because of bad memories, but because of what happened to them. According to his grandpa, they loved him very much but their sense of adventure and curiosity was too much and so one day, they left to travel outside the walls. They didn't make it far once they were caught by the Garrison Regiment and executed. His grandpa would only tilt his straw hat down to cover his eyes while Armin clammed up and hid inside his books.

Even though he was sad for Armin losing his parents, Eren couldn't help but admire them for wanting to be free and fighting for it. 

He had also introduced him to his parents on one of the rare days that his father was home. They were surprised that he actually had a friend. (Which he took offense to that. He could make friends...If he wanted to.) Carla Jaeger immediately thanked him for being her little boy's friend and invited him to a modest dinner of roast potatoes and fowl. Armin of course turned beet red and tried to hide behind his book, mumbling that he would have to ask his grandpa. 

Grisha on the other hand, stared at the little boy after hearing his name. He spied the book and remarked rather casually that it was forbidden knowledge, and if he was caught by any of the soldiers, he'd get in big trouble.

Eren immediately defended his new friend, saying that none of the Garrisons were sober enough to notice anyway. What was so wrong about knowing the outside world? It was rightfully theirs, if only the stupid titans hadn't appeared! 

Raising a brow at his outburst and how quickly he defended Armin, Grisha only shook his head. "I'm just warning you kids. Don't let anyone else see it, all right?" He cautioned. He liked Armin well enough, but that was the only time Armin had ever met the man. If he was ever over at Eren's house, it was only his mother who was home, taking care of the house and the chores. Grisha Jaeger, he learned, was a very famous doctor in Shiganshina and most of Wall Maria. He was even known enough to be called to Wall Rose and on one occasion to Wall Sina at Stohess University of Medicine for a lecture. 

If Armin was honest, he couldn't really see a resemblance between father and son aside from their coloring. Eren, from what little he knew, hated learning. Sometimes he wouldn't even let Armin read for longer than an hour before tugging him to play tag or tossing ball. Sure, he was more interested in helping his father out when they did get a patient at their house, and he would sometimes tell Armin about the wounds and the stories he came up with surrounding them, but otherwise he didn't really care. 

Eren wasn't really doctor material anyway.

 

* * *

**844**

Two years slowly passed and the seasons began to change. What were long hot days of blistering sun became shorter days filled with chilly winds. The plains they usually hung out in were beginning to dry, the trees starting to lose their leaves for the winter. Because of the dropping temperatures, Armin's grandpa couldn't really find any work on the farms and could only sustain on fishing, leaving the two of them in a precarious situation with food.

Eren was worried again, but Armin reassured him it was like this every year. Since they could only farm and fish inside the walls, there was a limited amount for everyone. There were just too many people to feed, and so long as he wasn't going to starve to death, he could go hungry for a night or four. "It's not that bad." He voiced quietly with a weak smile, as if he was trying to convince himself as well. "One day soon, I'll have to start working too since grandpa is getting older. Maybe at old man Wagner's bookstore."

"Yeah, but..." Eren muttered, fiddling with the buttons on his thick wool coat. "It's just not fair. You don't eat a lot as it is, and your grandpa works hard even though he's so old. If we had more land, we could feed everyone! We'd have more room for cows and pigs and chickens, and no one would have to go hungry just because those greedy assholes in Sina can afford it all!"

Alarmed, Armin reached out and covered his mouth. "Shh!" He looked around the almost empty street, making sure there was no one close enough to hear before taking his hand back. "You know you can't talk like that, Eren." He pleaded. "You could get punished."

"So what?!" Eren replied back strongly, clenching his fists at his side. "Everyone else thinks so, too! Even though the Garrison doesn't do shit except for drinking and gambling, they're still almost as poor as us! I hear Wall Sina has so much money that one person living there has the same amount of money as one district in Wall Maria. It's sickening!" He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You feel the same way, don't you?! They could be eating chicken every day! Or-Or even ham and steak!"

"I'm pretty sure they can afford even more than that..." Armin muttered before raising his voice. "I agree that it's unfair, but that's just the way it is. M-Maybe if we both work hard, we can get enough money to find better jobs inside the Walls. Then we can eat like that too, okay?" He grabbed his friend by the arm. "Let's just drop it?" He pleaded.

Eren pursed his lips before jerking his head down. "Fine." He reluctantly agreed. He looked up at the sun and squinted. "...I think I should go. I'm supposed to go to a house call with my dad. Something about meeting their daughter."

Armin perked up. "Do-Do you think she'll be nice?" He asked shyly. "Would she want to be our friend?"

The green eyed boy grinned. "Maybe! Apparently she's half Asian, so it'd be cool to see what she looks like." Dusting off his pants, he ran toward the gate, almost forgetting to wave to his friend. "I'll see you tomorrow!" 

Dashing to the gate of Shiganshina with his newly knitted red scarf that his mom gave him flying around his neck, Eren looked around the crowd of people that were constantly coming in and out of the district. He wasn't tall enough though, and decided to scale on top of some crates to search for his father, finally finding his signature dark brown coat as well as the glare reflecting off of his glasses. "Dad!" He waved to get his attention and dived through the crowds.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Kid, get some manners!"

"Ah, he almost pushed me over!"

Finally making it to his father, Eren matched his pace as they made their way out as well. "It was very rude of you to push through those people." Grisha scolded him even as he handed him a small briefcase. "Be more careful next time, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Eren waved him off. It wasn't like he was hurting people just because he wanted to get somewhere faster. "So who are we meeting again?"

"The Ackerman's." His father replied, turning from the main road to a smaller one, then another smaller one until they were headed toward an isolated cabin far from any town. "I have known them for some years, and they recently sent me a letter asking for a checkup. Mrs. Ackerman thinks she may be pregnant, which means you can assist me during the birthing process in a few months."

Eren pulled a face. "Yuck." He glanced up to see his father frowning down at him and he sighed. "Yeah, yeah. It'll be an enlightening experience." He gritted out. Who in their right minds wanted to see that? Not him. 

As they made their way up the hill toward the edge of the forest, the gloomy sky above them had finally split open, spilling rain all over. It was a small trickle at first, but steadied into a constant but not terrible rhythm. The roads underneath their shoes became slicker, the dirt already wetting into mud, but they did their best to walk up without getting their briefcases dirtied. Luckily, Grisha had the foreknowledge to bring a cloak with him.

Grisha tried not to roll his eyes at his son's immaturity. He was only 9, he had to remind himself. "I told you before, but they have a young daughter about your age. Her name is Mikasa."

"Mikasa?" Eren sounded out. It was a strange name, Asian he guessed.

"Yes. There aren't any other children around here, so be nice to her, all right?"

"Mmkay. Maybe I can introduce her to Armin, too!" He paused. "Unless she's got a horrible attitude."

"Eren. This is why you only have one friend."

After a few more minutes, they finally arrived at a quaint cabin. It had its own farmland, though it was too small to be one that supplied the city. The Ackermans probably farmed enough for themselves and their neighbors. It was quiet, almost suspiciously so, and when no one answered the door when Grisha knocked, their suspicions were confirmed.

The door groaned open, left unlocked, and when Grisha caught sight of what was inside, his eyes widened to the point of pinpricks and he immediately pushed Eren behind him. "Wha-?" Eren voiced but was quickly shushed.

Muddy footprints were tracked all over inside the cabin. The small dinner table had lunch being prepared as well as some sewing equipment, but some of the plates had smashed to the floor in a million pieces from someone knocking the table. Cabinets were broken, closets were upturned, and _so much red_ splattered all over the walls and surrounding surfaces.

In front of them were two bodies, a male and female. The male, a blond haired man, had been kicked to the side, the knife wound in his chest slowly trickling blood from his rapidly cooling body. The woman had straight black hair and a slim figure, her dusty blue sweater stained with the blood that had sprayed from the large trauma where an axe had cleaved through her shoulder and almost took off her neck. Her neck muscles and veins as well as a hint of her vertebra were out for the world to see. Their skins had taken on a gray almost blue tinge, and neither of them moved, not even a breath.

Both of them were dead.

Grish quickly knelt down and checked their pulse, cursing when he couldn't find them. "We're too late...Rest in peace." He sighed deeply, a bead of sweat or rain rolling down from his hairline and down his jaw. "Eren," He called out quickly when he realized there were only _two_ bodies out of a household of three. "Is there a girl nearby? Did you find Mikasa?"

"...No."

The doctor gritted his teeth and stood up. "I'm going to call the Military Police and request an immediate investigation. You go wait at the base of the mountain. Understand, Eren? Eren?!"

Eren didn't answer him, his hollow and wide eyes staring at the corpses.

These were normal folks. A family like his. They were just trying to get by, to raise their daughter. They had memories, hopes, and dreams. He didn't know what they were, and he never would, but the fact of the matter was that someone, or someones, had come in and killed them. A human. Not a titan which was driven by instinct, or a wolf that was just hungry and looking for sustenance, but by another person who was selfish enough to kill.

They were just trying to have a family...

_"Mrs. Ackerman thinks she might be pregnant..."_

These were normal people...

_"Did you find Mikasa?"_

Their daughter.

Their daughter was missing. 

"Eren, go already!" His father finally screamed at him, snapping him out of his thoughts. The doctor rushed as quickly as he could down the hill toward the nearest checkpoint where there were bound to be at least a Garrison soldier, leaving his son alone with two cold corpses. 

Eren clenched his hands and stepped inside the cabin. The rain stopped pouring over him, leaving him feeling as if he had entered somewhere forbidden, but he didn't care about that right now. He slowly knelt down next to Mr. Ackerman. His body was right next to the door. The chest was usually the first place to be defended via the person hugging themselves, so was it a surprise? He answered the door and was immediately stabbed? There were no other wounds on him, meaning it hit straight through the heart and he died quick. 

He silently stood up and moved to check Mrs. Ackerman. There was a pair of fabric scissors near her hand. She tried to defend herself? Her face was frozen in a half-lidded gaze, and the large wound at the junction of her neck showed him everything. She bled fast but not fast enough. She felt it all. Did she try to buy time for Mikasa?

Mikasa.

She was still out there. If these two were dead, it meant that the killer was still alive. She wasn't dead here in the cabin like her parents, which meant...

The killer had taken her _alive_.

He didn't know what was overcoming him, but he wanted to make things right. "The Military Police won't arrive in time..." He muttered to himself. That's right. By the time they made it, Mikasa would be dead or...or what else. She would be gone, and he...

**He had to do something.**

Glancing around the small cabin, he looked at the kitchen area and found a knife. He tested the edge, finding it sharp enough to slice through his finger. This would do.

Tucking it into his coat, he ran out and looked at the ground. It had started raining, right? So any tracks would be washed away soon. The killer had to have been strong if he killed two people so quickly, which meant that his shoes should...

There!

Eren quickly ran toward the edge of the forest where he could see large shoe prints in the dirt, and looked up to see it led deeper in. Steeling himself, he followed them as quickly and as quietly as he could. If Armin was here, he'd be the first one to tell him he was crazy for going in, but he wasn't here. All that was here was the voice in his head that told him 'This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.' 

He ran and ran for as long as he could, stopping when he had to to catch his breath. He could see his breath in the air, and the rain still hadn't led up. He had even tripped a few times, righting himself at the last second. Looking around, he made sure his scarf was wrapped around securely and continued. If he stayed too long, it wouldn't just be Mikasa in danger. There could be wolves around, and he couldn't fight those off. Maybe one, but Armin had taught him before that wolves always hunted in packs.

At last, just as the last bit of sunlight went down behind the gray clouds in the sky, the tracks led to what seemed to be an abandoned cabin. He would've believed it to be abandoned but the muddy shoe prints leading up the stairs said otherwise. Someone was here recently, and this was where Mikasa was most likely at. Was she scared? Was she hurt..? 

His eyes narrowed into determined slits.

 

* * *

 

 

"Why did you have to kill the mother?!" One of the kidnappers yelled at his cohort from his lone chair. "She was full blooded! Now all we've got is the half-Asian daughter. She's not worth nearly as much!"

"She attacked me!" The other kidnapper argued. "What was I supposed to do?! Let her stab me with those scissors?!"

While they argued, a lone girl was left tied up on the dust covered floor, numb to everything. Her thin dress and sweater was soaked through from the rain, and her skin felt as cold as ice. She stared ahead with no expression, her dark gray eyes as dull as the sky.

Nothing mattered to her anymore. Her parents...Her parents. Her parents were dead. Killed. Murdered. 

Her father.

Then her mother.

Why..?

Why didn't they kill her, too?

Being alive while they were gone...It was worse than anything she had ever felt before. Worse than when her parents had that argument about how they were going to support another child, worse than when these two men had knocked her unconscious, worse than when they slapped her awake. 

She should just die...

The door slowly creaked open and her two captors snapped their heads toward it. "Huh?" One of them walked toward it, eyes narrowed.

A lone boy with brown hair and shimmering green eyes, filled with unshed tears, was stood in the doorway. He was meek and adorable in the way that all lost children were, and completely wet from the rain. He held his hands behind his back, as if he knew he was going to get yelled at. "Um..." He called out shyly. "I...I'm lost and I...saw this cabin."

The man looked toward his partner who after a moment, silently signaled to him to 'lure him in.' The man turned back to the new child, conveniently blocking his sight of the tied up girl on the floor, and smiled kindly. "A kid shouldn't be walking in the forest alone." He knelt down slightly to pat him on the head. "There could be wolves out there, but you won't have to worry about anything if you come with me-"

He stopped when he heard something gush, and slowly looked down.

Eren's innocent facade faded into a fiery and defiant scowl, his emerald eyes like poison. "Thanks, mister," He whispered softly, watching as red quickly seeped down from the man's throat and down his front.

He made sure to angle his knife so that when he stabbed him, it stabbed through his left carotid, vocal cords, and larynx before finally feeling it stop against the hard surface of a bone. He yanked his weapon out, relishing in the slickness of the meat and the wet sound of blood on metal, and watched as the body collapsed on the floor in a fountain of red.

Just like Mikasa's dad.

The other kidnapper quickly got up on his feet and paled at the sight of the murdering child. "No way..!" 

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to take the other man by surprise now, Eren quickly closed the door and looked around him. There wasn't much in this cabin since it had been abandoned some time ago, but there was enough lying around that he could use. 

Finding an unused broom and wax strings, he quickly tied his knife to the end just as he heard the man yell out from the other room. "C-Come back here, you damn brat!" The footsteps came closer to the closed door and Eren backed up, holding his new makeshift spear up. Adrenaline coursed through him and his blood was pumping quickly. He was ready.

As soon as the door opened, he let out a war cry and sprinted across the small hallway, using his momentum and body weight to javelin the man. "You fucking animals!" He screeched at the man as he repeatedly stabbed him in the chest, making sure it went through his lungs first and then his heart. He deserved to choke on his own blood before his heart gave out.

"Die, die!"

Just like his victims. Just like how Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman was slaughtered in their own home for no reason other than greed.

"You had it coming! Pieces of shit like you don't deserve to live!" 

Feeling the corpse beneath him still, Eren finally stopped and panted, not minding the scent of copper filling his lungs. It was quiet now, with only the faint pitter-patter outside to remind him that it was still raining.

Bringing up an arm to wipe away the sweat on his forehead, he slowly turned his gaze to the lone girl still tied up on the floor. "It's all right now." He called out softly, a complete 180 from how he just was. "Don't worry, you're safe."

He just killed two men.

Felt his knife slice through their skin like butter, felt their muscles snap, their veins burst. Smelt their fear when they realized they had no chance; the scent of sweat, tears, and urine mixing together. Felt their hot blood coat his hands and some of it splattering on his face. Heard their hearts stutter to a stop, never to beat again. Saw their eyes dull and their pupils expand, looking like broken dolls.

And he didn't regret it.

Stumbling off of the second corpse, he walked over to the girl. She was pretty, he would give her that. She had long silky black hair like her mother, as well as her gray eyes, and pale milky skin. But while her mother's had been a dead gray from postmortem, Mikasa's were open wide with astonishment. She had a few bruises on her face, likely from when the kidnappers had roughed her up. 

Eren scowled when he caught sight of them and made a mental note to make some more arnica paste for her, as well as some tea to help with any internal pain. He was glad he killed those pigs. Wild animals like them deserved to die just as if not more painfully than their innocent victims'. 

Kneeling down behind her, he helped her sit up and cut through the ropes binding her hands together. "You're Mikasa, right?" He asked a few moments later when she still hadn't said anything. "I'm Eren, Dr. Jaeger's son. I'm sure you've met him before, he's said that he is-," He paused. " _Was_ , good friend of your parents. I tagged along with him to your house for medical examinations." 

He placed the knife down and pulled off all the ropes before gently turning her around. "I'm not a real doctor, but I know enough." He reassured her gently, looking her over. "Did they hurt you anywhere else? Your wrists are cut through from the rope, but it shouldn't get infected."

Mikasa didn't answer his questions, but as she gingerly rubbed her wrists, she opened her mouth. "There was a third man," She stated apathetically.

Eren stilled, his eyes widening at the new information. What? 

Adrenaline coursed through him once more in a flash when he heard a door open behind him, and he quickly turned around to see. Just as she said, there was a third man whose eyes were trained on his dead colleagues'. A third man he hadn't killed. Which meant they were in danger-!

He quickly reached for his knife but a knee to his chest knocked him back, as well as all the breath in his body. He coughed at the impact, feeling his stomach roil from the hit. He might've even bruised a few ribs. 

Before Eren could react, the man had quickly walked over to him and roughly grabbed him by his fringe, making him yelp in pain. "Did you do it?" The man asked in a ghastly voice, lifting him up by his neck. "Did you do it?!" He wrapped both his hands around the boy's skinny neck and began tightening his grip. "I'll kill you!" 

Mikasa was frozen in her spot, watching as the boy who had rescued her slowly had the life choked out of him. She was trembling, from the cold, from fear, from everything. 

Choking as his windpipe was being crushed, Eren struggled to scratch at the man's wrists. If he could split open a vein, he could get out..!

He slowly opened his eyes, nostrils flaring to catch more oxygen, sweat pouring down his hairline, and caught sight of the other child in here, the knife right next to her. Mikasa... "Fight..." He forced out, catching her attention. "Fight..! If you lose, you die...But...if you win...you live!" She had to do it. If she didn't, he would die and she would disappear into the Underground. She had to fight..!

He wasn't going to die here! 

"What the fuck are you trying to say, brat?!" The kidnapper growled, tightening his grip on his throat. He had no intention on letting him live.

Eren croaked, saliva escaping the corners of his mouth. Just a little more..! Breathe, dammit! He yelled at himself and opened his mouth again. "If you don't fight, you can't win!" He yelled hoarsely. "FIGHT!" 

Hands trembling, Mikasa took hold of the knife, still dripping with the vicar of her two other kidnappers, and stood on unsteady legs. The man had yet to notice she had moved, all his attention being directed at killing the boy, Eren. She took in a shaky breath, never completely breathing out for fear of collapsing. Could she really do this? Wasn't it wrong to kill someone? 

But...

This man had killed her parents. Just like how that preying mantis ate the butterfly. Just like how her father shot down a goose. Just like how he was trying to kill this boy now, who had only been trying to save her. This world...was cruel. She always knew, but never acknowledged. 

Now though...She realized she was part of this cruel world. If she wanted to live, she had to fight. 

Fight.

Fight.

**Fight.**

Her hands stopped shaking, steadying into a smooth grip. Her heart slowed down, with no fear or uncertainty to grip her. She knew now. 

"Haaaa!!" With a yell, she ran forward, her foot breaking the floorboards and her hands crushing the wooden handle of her knife, and stabbed forward, spearing the man in his back. Her aim was off and the blade entered his right shoulder blade, not that she had been aiming for anything except that she had to hit him. However, despite hitting solid bone, the weapon pierced straight through from the force of her thrust.

"Argh!" The man cried out in pain and his hands relaxed, letting Eren fall to the floor. The boy coughed as he tried to regain his breath, his red face finally turning back to its lightly tanned hue, and he launched himself toward the discarded rope. Grabbing it in his hands, he quickly pulled both ends around the man's throat, planted his foot on the spot between his shoulder-blades, and _yanked._

A sickening crack echoed in the quiet cabin and the body fell limp with a gurgle, its hands dropping to its sides. With a rough kick, Eren pushed it toward the wall where its skull slammed against the wall and it stayed semi-upright, not uttering a single sound. The only things they could hear were their own harsh breathing and the pitter patter of the rain that was slowly lifting up.

Eyes darting to and from every exit, Eren confirmed that no one else was left and immediately collapsed on his back, swallowing as much air as he could. Bringing up a hand to his throat, he winced once they made contact. Definitely bruised, almost crushed. "M-Mikasa..?" He croaked, turning his head to look at her.

Mikasa stared down at her hands, bloody from where the wood had splintered and cut into her skin, and she slowly took a seat next to him. Neither of them said anything.

In a few minutes, or even a few seconds or hours for all Eren knew, they heard rushing footsteps as well as the clinking of metal from outside the cabin and he perked up. He knew the Military Police was gonna be too slow.

"Eren!" Grisha immediately yelled out once he slammed open the door, collapsing next to his son and overrun with concern. "Are you all right!? Your throat..!" He quickly lifted his head and caught sight of the second child. "Mikasa!" 

Everything was a whirlwind of activity after that, where the children were rushed outside of the cabin and away from the three men they had killed. One of the police started a campfire for them before quietly talking to the doctor. After a few minutes, he joined his other co-workers inside to examine the scene, leaving the father and son alone with the only surviving member of the Ackerman family. 

Grisha immediately dropped to his knees and hugged Eren to him, "Thank goodness you're all right..." He breathed out, cradling his son as close as possible. "When I got to the base of the mountain and saw you weren't there, I somehow knew you had went after Mikasa alone..." Pulling back, he glared at him. "What were you thinking?! Do you have any idea what you have just done?!"

Eren glared back. "I killed some dangerous animals." He announced. "They were beasts that just happened to look human!"

"Eren!" Grisha shouted in alarm.

"They would've been long gone if we waited for the Military Police!" The young boy yelled back, knowing 100% that he was completely right. "It would've been too late and we would've never seen Mikasa again!" 

Grisha's face turned grim. "That's no excuse, Eren!" He scolded mercilessly. "You only got lucky! Do you even know why I'm yelling at you right now!? It's because you risked your life like that! If you had been a second too slow, I wouldn't have a son right now! What would your mother think if I had to tell her that?!" 

Eren faltered and fought hard not to cry. "But..." That hurt. He didn't want to hurt his parents like that. He loved them. It was because he loved them that he knew he had to go after Mikasa, because she did know how much it hurt to lose her parents. He clenched his fists and felt his lips quiver. "I just wanted to save her quickly...Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman wouldn't have wanted their daughter to disappear, too..."

Staring at his son with a hard gaze and watching as his turquoise eyes trembled with unshed tears, Grisha finally let out a deep sigh. "...I'm still mad at you, but I understand." Standing up, he turned toward the silent child who stared at the fire with empty eyes. "Mikasa...Do you remember me?" He called out gently, catching her attention. "We met a few times when you were younger. How do you feel right now?"

Mikasa stayed silent, not meeting his gaze. "...Which way do I go to go home?" She whispered. "It's cold." Not even Dr. Jaeger's cloak could warm her. "There's...nowhere for me to return to."

Eren frowned sympathetically and lowered his head, his chin catching his scarf. Oh! He unraveled the dark red fabric from his neck and slowly walked up to the other girl. Stopping in front of her, he draped it rather inelegantly around her, letting the end flop on top of her head. "You can have this." He gave her a small bashful smile. "It's warm, right?"

She stared at him with wide eyes, her head registering his gesture a few moments later. He not only went after her, a girl he didn't know, but he killed her kidnappers. Now he even shared his warmth. Warm...

Tugging it closer, she smelled it. It smelled like pine, herbs, and grass. It was warm and cozy, carefully knitted with love. He was giving her that. 

When she didn't answer, Eren reached out and lightly grasped her hand. "You can live with us. Let's go home, okay?"

Her sight blurred with tears, tears that she had been holding back. His hand was warm. "...Thank you...Eren."

And then there were three.


	3. Chapter 3

With Mikasa living with him now, Eren had even less of an excuse to skip out on his lessons. 

When they brought her back that night, Carla had wondered exactly who this little girl was. "Is she lost?" She had asked, but the answer she received was far more grim than she expected. Knowing that she had nowhere to go and that they had more than enough money to support another child, Carla welcomed Mikasa with welcome arms. Mikasa greeted her with a quiet "Mrs. Jaeger..." before ducking her face into her new scarf, still warm and smelling like her savior. 

Eren took her up to his room and told her to take a seat, that he would take care of everything. While Grisha and Carla spoke in low murmurs downstairs, Eren rushed around for what he needed. He boiled some hot water, got some new rags from the supply closet, and some ointments that he himself made. He had to make sure her wounds were disinfected and wrapped, her bruises taken care of, and to clean up some of the leftover blood splatter from the dead bodies. 

If he wrung the towels too hard while he thought about those three men, he didn't notice.

Rushing back up to his room and kicking the door open with his foot, he set the bucket of supplies he brought up on the floor and gestured for her to come closer. "We gotta take care of your wounds first." He said gently, giving her a bright smile when she did as he asked. 

"Here, gimme your wrists." He lifted up her hands to examine the lacerations, using the a candle to illuminate his sight. The skin was extremely irritated and rubbed open from the friction, leaving it bright red and slowly starting to ooze a clear fluid. Frowning, he picked up the bottle of alcohol and uncorked the top. "Brace yourself." He warned, waiting for a second before he generously poured the disinfectant over her wounds.

Her fingers twitched in his grasp but otherwise she didn't make a sound or any sign that it hurt. That was...kind of weird, but maybe she was still in shock. After patting it dry with a clean towel, he picked up a jar of antibiotic ointment. It was a mixture of witch hazel, beeswax, chamomile, and lavender. Witch hazel helped to keep wounds clean, while beeswax created a protective seal over the damaged skin while still allowing it to breathe. Both chamomile and lavender are considered healing herbs and are anti-inflammatory and anti-fungal, which would be important since who knew where that rope was stored before being tied around her wrists.

As Eren made to apply it to her skin, one of his fingers brushed an indentation on her skin and he frowned. What was that? Flipping her wrist, he stared down at the scar. Firstly, it was completely healed, meaning it had been a long time since it was inflicted, at least a year or two. Secondly, he recognized the way the flesh healed from the injury that it was too smooth to be an accident, but too jagged to have been done by a brand, which implied someone had done this with a knife or some sort of sharp object. 

It was a circle, with a large "A" in the middle with all 3 ends touching the inside of the circle. "...What is this?" Eren asked quietly. "Who did this to you?"

"...My mother." Mikasa answered in a whisper. "She said it was important..."

Eren looked up at her in disbelief. "How?" Her own mom had scarred her? 

She shrugged minutely and avoided his gaze. "I don't know. She said it had to do with my heritage."

He frowned but decided to ignore it for now. There was nothing he could to for a wound that was for all intents and purposes, fully healed. Instead, he applied the salve on her lacerations and carefully wrapped them up in a thin layer of gauze. It wasn't bleeding so it didn't need too many bandages, but it needed to be kept dry. "Don't let these get wet, I'll change 'em for you tomorrow to check how the rope burns are." He advised before picking up the jar of arnica paste and applying it to the bruises on her face.

Mikasa flinched back for a moment, not expecting him to reach for her face, but relaxed soon after and closed her eyes. She savored how he was so gentle with her, how even though she had witnessed him kill 3 men in a savage fit of rage, he was still kind and soft. He wouldn't have survived the last man if she hadn't acted. "...Eren..?" She voiced quietly. "How...is your throat?"

Eren blinked, bringing up a hand to massage said area. He winced as soon as he applied pressure, but if he could speak, that meant his vocal cords weren't crushed. He experimentally swallowed, and finding that he could, shrugged. "It'll be fine. I'll just slather some arnica before bed." He grinned at her. "Thanks for worrying."

It was like being in the sun, Mikasa admired in awe. Warm and bright, and so completely natural. Her fingers twitched before she slowly reached out to tug on his shirt. "Eren..." She whispered, feeling sleepy. "I'm tired..."

Eren nodded in understanding. "Okay. Do you want to wipe down before getting into bed? I'll wait outside."

She tightened her grip on his shirt. "No, stay."

"Uh, okay." He shrugged. "There's hot water and towels here too, so...use as much as you want." 

After wiping herself down and changing into a spare set of Eren's pajamas, the two of them curled up in his bed. As soon as he blew out the candle, leaving the room pitch black, Mikasa scuttled closer and tucked herself under his chin. Her hands had yet to detach themselves from his shirt, wanting- no, needing him close by. Eren meant safety. He meant family. He meant warmth.

And she was tired of being cold.

 

* * *

 

 

Since then, Mikasa had attached herself to Eren's side like a leech, barely ever letting him out of her sight.

After a few days of adjusting, Grisha finalized the paperwork to officially adopt Mikasa into their family, leaving her as an honorary Jaeger. He and Carla had become something like a second set of parents, or an uncle and aunt to her. They made sure she was fed, clothed, and educated alongside Eren at the local Shiganshina school. While the education in the outer perimeters weren't as in-depth as the interior, everyone learned to read and write as well as basic math and home economic skills. 

A week after, Eren had finally introduced her to Armin in their signature grass plain with the single tree on top of the hill.

"H-Hello..." Armin ducked his head shyly. "M-My name is Armin Arlert. You're M-Mikasa, right?"

Mikasa only nodded, hiding her mouth within her scarf. Ever since Eren had tied it around her neck that horrible night, she had never parted from it. She woke up with it, she ate with it, she played with it, and she slept with it. The only time she ever took it off was to wash it, and then rub it around Eren to get his scent into it before wearing it again. "...Hello." She greeted him with no emotion.

Eren rolled his eyes and lightly pushed her forward. "C'mon, be a bit more enthused. Armin is my best friend and I want you guys to get along, okay?" He turned to his best friend whom had gone red in the face from his announcement. "Armin, Mikasa is my new sister, so she's gonna stick around for a long while. Don't let her intimidate you, she's just quiet."

Gulping, Armin stuck out his hand and clenched his eyes shut. "It's nice to meet you! Let's be friends too!" He shouted as loud as he could, his head buzzing from the blood rush.

Mikasa slowly blinked and after getting an encouraging nod from Eren, accepted and shook his hand. "Okay..." She smiled shyly. "Friends..."

Eren grinned at the sight. Now he had _two_ friends! "Let's go play already! Mikasa, you're it!" He grabbed Armin by his arm and began to run down the hill. "Run, Armin!" 

"W-Wait, Eren!" Armin panicked from behind him, barely able to keep up with his grueling pace. 

Mikasa made to follow them, her footsteps much faster than either of them could produce, and caught them within five seconds. "Tag."

The day was filled with them playing together, getting to know one another, and even Armin and Eren introducing her to the concept of the outside world and all its mysteries. While Mikasa was never going to be as close to Armin as she was to Eren, she liked him. 

She hoped...that this family wouldn't disappear, too.

* * *

 

Later that day while Mikasa was helping Carla out with chores, Grisha invited Eren out for a little venture. "Eren," The doctor began grimly. "What I'm about to show you, you cannot let anyone else know. Do you understand?"

Eren looked up at him in confusion. "What's going on, dad..?"

Grisha stared down at his son just as they arrived at an unused house close to the wall. " _Promise me._ " He stressed, only opening the door when his son nodded his head.

Walking inside the unused house, Eren covered his nose immediately as the stench hit him. It was a concoction of urine, feces, the copper scent of blood, and stale water all in one. Something had died in here. 

Closing the door behind him, Grisha walked over to a nearby table and lit an oil lamp, illuminating what was in the center of the house. Three bodies neatly placed next to one another on a large metal examination table. They were completely stripped of any clothing, leaving them bare to the elements. Due to the cold weather, they had been preserved almost perfectly with only the usual signs of postmortem decay that happened a day after.

But Eren knew it had been a week.

Because he had killed these three men.

He stared wide-eyed at them while his father rummaged through a box. Why were they here? He thought that the Military Police would've disposed of them already. Actually, why hadn't he faced any punishment? He had killed three people, not that he regretted it at all. Was it because they were criminals? Was it because they were human traffickers that had a bounty on their heads and so long as they were dead, the Military Police didn't care?

"Eren."

The young boy looked up at his father who now had tied an apron on, along with a cloth over his mouth and two plastic gloves. "You might be wondering why you haven't been punished for voluntary manslaughter." Grisha began quietly. "I argued with the Police and made sure that though your name is in the file, you won't be credited for killing them. The official report is that they had an argument and in a fit of rage, broke out into a fight which resulted in their deaths. I appropriated their bodies for...reasons."

Turquoise eyes still wide, Eren slowly walked over to the nearest corpse. This was the first man he killed, he knew because of the knife wound in his neck. "...What reasons?" He asked slowly.

"Education." Grisha answered with a quirk of his brow. "I already know why you killed them, and even though it goes against every parental instinct I have, the ones I hold as a doctor tell me that you know what we will be doing today."

Admiring the still corpses for another minute, Eren slowly grinned and put on an apron as well. "Having some fun." He chirped, sliding on a pair of gloves. He was actually excited for this lesson. Not only did he stop these men from being animals, but now they can contribute to his knowledge. Armin would be proud of that logic, but maybe not about the rest of the details. He didn't even think his mother knew, but he assumed his father wasn't going to mention this so he wouldn't either.

Grisha smiled grimly at his son's logic. Perhaps if they had lived somewhere else, he wouldn't have let Eren do this, let alone go kill 3 men, but the reality was that they lived here in a walled off territory with limited space and an overflowing population. He had to pass every last drop of knowledge before it became too late.

"Now then, follow after me. First, we will create a two centimeter incision above the epiglottis..."

 

* * *

**Three Months Later**

Finishing up the last of his homework, Eren slammed his books closed and laid his head down on the table. "Ugh..." It had taken him longer than usual because he had put off his schoolwork until it coincided with his medical quizzes, and now he sorely regretted it. His brain felt fried.

Mikasa ignored him as she washed the dishes.

Grisha was out on a house call and Carla had gone to the market to try to buy some spices. Since it was the dead of winter, all the rooftops of Shiganshina were covered in a thick layer of snow, along with the untrodden alleys and streets. The snow had no chance to settle in the marketplace and so the ground was already a gross mix of brown snow and compact mud. 

Speaking of his mother, she should be back soon, along with whatever food she could get. It was probably going to be goose and some potatoes. Food was always more expensive in the winter, but the winter also meant more people falling ill, and so while they felt the drawbacks of the weather, they were able to eat comfortably due to the increased needs for a doctor.

It also meant Eren was forced to help out more, just like now.

The door to their modest home slammed open and both children looked up to see Carla struggling to carry a familiar Garrison soldier in. "Eren, get the patient's bed ready! Mikasa, help me with him would you?" 

Mikasa immediately went to help out and with her impressive strength, carried the man by herself and laid him down on the cot they had ready for patients. "Eren, he's really warm." She remarked dispassionately before moving back to let her brother take over.

Grumbling, Eren slipped on a pair of distilled gloves and moved closer. His patient for the day was a blond man of average height, with a gross trimmed mustache above his lips. He wore the typical Garrison Regiment uniform, consisting of a tan mini jacket with the emblem of a rose surrounded by thorns, white pants, brown leather boots, and several straps around his chest, waist, and thighs. The uniform was consistent for the entire army except for the emblem, and the belts were needed to use a weapon called ODM gear.

Eren always dreamed of joining the Survey Corps and being able to fly high in the sky outside the walls. Their emblem consisted of a pair of blue and white wings crossed over one another, dubbed the "Wings of Freedom." He wanted those wings too, but for now, he'll just have to keep dreaming about it.

"Where'd you find him?" He asked, poking the unconscious man in the cheek. He had a bit of mud on it.

"By the gates like usual." Carla reported worriedly while she placed her basket of groceries down on the kitchen table. "He was on the ground face first. Grisha won't be back until later, so can you look over him for now? I have to start dinner."

"Yeah, yeah..." Eren grumbled. It wouldn't be the first time he had to treat a patient himself, though this was the first time he had ever treated a soldier. Two months ago, about a month after Mikasa joined their household, he had to help his father with a birth. It was horrible, smelly, and gross, and the lady urinated and defecated while pushing. The baby was loud, grayish-pink, and looked like some weird creature. However, once Grisha wiped it- _her_ down and gave her to her mother, it felt like something clicked inside him, and for the first time, Eren liked being a doctor. 

Especially the way the mother beamed down at her new daughter, even when covered in sweat, tears, and bodily fluids. It was kind of heartwarming.

Eren peered down at the unconscious man in his home and began to take his vitals. First, he checked his pulse. Counting for a minute, he found it was definitely high for someone who was unconscious, clocking in at about 82BPM. It was also irregular, and Eren had a sneaking suspicion of why when he leaned in closer and was hit with the stench of booze. "Ugh..!" He immediately covered his nose and backed away. "He stinks of drink...Again."

"Ah yes," Carla piped up from the kitchen area. "Typical of Hannes, but I thought I should have you check just in case. You know I'm not as good as you or your father when it comes to medicine." She smiled sheepishly. "Some of the other soldiers said they'll come pick him up later."

Right as she said that, the Garrison soldier's eyes snapped open and Eren immediately dragged a dingy bucket over just as he leaned over the edge of the cot and vomited. "Bleurgh...." Hannes coughed as he continued to throw up what was probably 99% alcohol. Wrinkling his nose, Eren reluctantly patted his back to avoid him choking on his own vomit. That wouldn't be fun at all.

 "You're disgusting." Eren remarked callously once the soldier finished throwing up his guts, and held out a glass of water.

Coughing the last bit of phlegm out, Hannes accepted the glass, first to wash out his mouth, then to hydrate himself. "Yeah, well you're still a lil brat, arent'cha Eren?" Hannes retorted with a croak, collapsing back onto the cot. "Ugh...How did I get here?"

"My mom had to carry your good-for-nothing ass here." Eren informed him bluntly, not being gentle whatsoever when he wiped the man's face with a wet cloth. He then felt his temperature. Hannes' skin was flushed, both from alcohol and from just throwing up. "You might have a fever, so drink lots of water. Your buddies are coming to pick you up."

Hannes chuckled weakly. "You make for a poor nurse, Eren." He teased, yelping when the boy smacked him with the cloth. "What would yer father say if he saw you treatin' me like this?"

"He'd probably tell you you deserve it for trying to destroy your liver." Eren replied flatly, rolling his eyes as he took off his gloves. "You can go whenever, nothing's wrong with you except for the usual stuff."

Struggling to sit up, Hannes leaned back against the wall and sighed, peeking out the window at the dark sky and the steady fall of snow. "Shit, what time is it?"

"Time for you to stop cursing around children, Hannes." Carla scolded while she carried a chicken roast to the kitchen table. "What did I say about drinking so much, especially on the job?"

"Hmm..." The soldier grasped his chin to think. "Not sure, I think I was drunk then."

The mother threw her hands up in the air, exasperated with her old friend. "Of course. I feel so sorry for poor Sierra, having to deal with your drinking problem." She tutted before turning around back to the kitchen. "Mikasa, help me with the dishes?"

"Okay." The young girl responded quietly, doing as told.

Eren glanced at the kitchen table then at the family friend still hungover on the patient cot before sighing loudly. "You should eat before you leave." He offered reluctantly. It wasn't that he hated Hannes, on the contrary he knew a lot of stuff about the Military, and he let him through the gates without a pass. He was also friends with his parents, and had apparently watched him grow up while looking after the Walls. He just hated how Hannes would be an amazing soldier if he just stopped drinking so much. He was even starting to get a beer gut like some of the other Garrison soldiers. If he was in the Survey Corps, he'd be super fit and capable. 

Hannes let a smile slowly appear on his face and brought the boy to give him a noogie. "Aw, thank you, Dr. Jaeger." He cooed mockingly while the boy tried to fight off his arm. "You're so kind to poor ole me, inviting me to dinner."

"Let...Go...!" Eren struggled out his grip, almost falling on his face when the arm disappeared from his neck. "For your information, I'm never going to be a real doctor! I'm just doing this because mom told me to!"

Hannes let out a booming laugh. "Haha! One day Eren, you'll find out that being a doctor ain't so bad." He ruffled the boy's hair before getting to his feet to take a seat at the dining table. "Smells good, Carla! You've always been a good cook since you worked at that bar!"

"Oh you!" Carla rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she sat down as well, Mikasa following after. "Eren, take a seat! We'll leave some leftovers for your father."

Eren pouted and pulled himself to the dining table. He'd never be a doctor. Being a doctor meant having to deal with filth all the time, and helping others. There was no fighting, no adrenaline, no freedom. 

He would never resort to being a real doctor, even if he _was_ getting real good at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far! I'm having a lot of fun writing this and keeping Eren's bratty nature while combining his doctor skills hehe.
> 
> Next chapter will be the Breach!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thank you for the out pour of love for this story! I didn't think it was going to gain so much traction in such a short amount of time!
> 
> Warning: Heavy spoilers from the manga!
> 
> Also this chapter got too long so the breach will be the next chapter, but there's a special original scene in here that I hope you guys enjoy!

**845**

When Eren woke up with a gasp, almost suffocating from Mikasa's scarf lying on top of his face, he knew today was going to be bad. "Mikasa..." He wheezed for air, elbowing the form that had wrapped around him like a leech and refused to let go.

Even though they had separate beds, Mikasa would occasionally sneak into his when she had a nightmare. She never spoke about them and he never asked, and while he grumbled about the lack of space and privacy, he knew it was because she had issues. Issues he wasn't going to pry about. 

He may know how to treat physical wounds but that didn't extend to mental or psychological, and just because she wasn't a normal girl didn't mean there was something wrong with her. Except when she was inadvertently trying to kill him in her sleep.

"Mm..." With a small groan, his sister slowly opened her eyes and rolled over to sit up on the side of the bed. "Gomen." Looking out the window, she realized that the sun was almost at its highest angle, meaning they had slept in far longer than they should have. 

"Eren! Mikasa!"

They peeked at the closed door where they could hear Carla yelling for them from the first floor. "Are you awake yet?! Can the two of you go get some firewood from the forest?! We're running low and I don't know if I have enough to cook later!"

"Okay, mom!" Eren yelled back, already scuttling off his bed and putting on a beige shirt and some dark brown trousers as well as some sturdy boots. He paused when he held up his sweater. It was still kind of cold outside, so he should wear it. It would be a pain if he came down with a cold, or worse, the flu. Neither of them had an instant or reliable cure.

His father had mentioned that any vaccines he created would be useless within a few months because the virus that caused the flu was constantly mutating, and the Interior wasn't going to waste money to send any help. It was why Mrs. Langnar next door had passed away, along with her husband. Eren had had to take care of the corpses while his father wrote a letter to their only daughter, Ilse, to inform her of their passing.

He hated working with diseases.

Bruises were easy. Cuts he could bandage. Broken bones were manageable. Hell, even births weren't so bad.

But diseases were another story. He could remember the stench of rotting flesh, when maggots dug through a quickly decaying limb that was too far gone to save. Flesh rot. When he stood by and watched as his father amputated a man's leg and didn't have enough anesthetic, and so the man felt everything, screaming his head off when the sawblade began to grind at the bone. Scurvy. When a child's skin would bubble and rash over, quickly heating up their bodies with a blazing fever until it gave out. Smallpox. When a woman who suddenly had lung problems and chest pains, ultimately asphyxiating to death when she couldn't breathe. The townsfolk said it was Cold Breath, but his father called it Tuberculosis.

There were a lot of things his father taught him that Eren realized, no one else really knew.

"Eren?"

Blinking out of his dark thoughts, he turned to see Mikasa was already dressed and ready to go in a long flowing dress and sweater, his old scarf wrapped securely around her neck. That almost killed him again today. "Yeah yeah, let's go." He slipped a small jar of arnica and antibiotics into his pocket as usual.

Opening their bedroom door in a rush and racing down the stairs, he gave his mother a hug before quickly wearing his pack. Mikasa did the same, following after him as if she was his shadow. "Bye mom! We're going out now!"

"Be careful, you two!" Carla yelled out with a basket of laundry in her arms. "Don't take too long! I need the firewood to sterilize the sheets!"

"Yeah yeah, don't nag us!" Eren answered back, flinging open the door and running straight down the small road. The roads were all small and cramped, and sometimes when he ran down them, he felt like the houses would crush him if they came any closer. If only humanity had more land, more freedom. They wouldn't have to live almost shoulder to shoulder with other people. Wouldn't have to fight over food. Wouldn't be so susceptible to contagions. 

"Eren!" Mikasa called out to him, easily keeping pace even while he ran as fast as he could. "Should we pick more arnica?"

He lit up. "Yeah! We could make some for the Survey Corps when they come back!" He didn't notice his sister grimace.

Once in a while, the Survey Corps would leave the walls through Shiganshina. Eren had heard it was due to them marking down unknown territory and formulating plans on how to travel. Only once in a while though did they come through their town. Out of all four districts in Wall Maria, Shiganshina had the most Titans gathered around, making it one of the least desirable places to live and the worst route to explore from.

Those disgusting deformed monsters pawing at the stone walls, hungering for human meat. He'll keep cheering on the Survey Corps soldiers for being so brave in killing titans, and one thing he recently realized was that he could donate medicine. Medicine was always a crucial supply, and he was starting to make varied creams as well.

The "abandoned" house his father had lead him to with the dead bodies had become their lab. It became their playground where they could experiment with different flora and fauna. Where Eren learned, with the right ingredients, to complete the last hurdles of medical training: Creating vaccines. They were all tested on rodents first, which his father _stressed_ after witnessing Eren almost inject himself.

It was also where Eren made all his salves and medical alcohol now, because the last time he left the alcohols in his house, Hannes had visited and accidentally ingested some.

It was not a fun time making him throw it all back up.

The gates leading into the rest of Wall Maria's territory grew closer and Eren increased his pace. "C'mon, Mikasa! Let's hurry!" He encouraged, running through the gate without so much as a hello to the guards who knew them like they were their own children. 

Mikasa pursed her lips in displeasure but remained silent, stopping only when he stopped. They were at the edge of a forest next to the hill they usually played on, and due to it being Fall, a lot of tree branches were snapping off of the trees, making them easy firewood.

Eren immediately began collecting some, securing them on his pack, and Mikasa did the same. He glanced over at her and a sliver of jealousy hit him when he saw she was already outpacing him. No matter what he did, Mikasa always did it better. Whether it was fighting, carrying things, running, jumping, _everything_. It was crazy how strong she was, especially for her age. She could already out-lift some of the soldiers on watch duty by picking them up. He wanted to be that strong, too.

Well, there was one thing she wasn't good at, and it was everything that he excelled in. 

She could sew, which meant she could do stitches, but she wasn't gentle whatsoever. In fact, her impressive strength would end up hurting the patient and he'd have to take over. While she could pick herbs, her grip was too strong and would either damage the leaves or the roots, which made them effectively useless. Armin was actually better at it, whenever they could tear him away from his books, and sometimes he ended up helping Eren gather up the flowers he needed to make pain relief cream and tea for his grandpa.

Grandpa Arlert had been let go from the farms, so now he could only rely on fishing as his job. Fishing meant he had to sit in one spot for a long time without moving much, and it became painful for him when he would finally stand up after the long hours. Armin had broken down one day, hiding his face in Eren's arms.

_"He-He's all the family I have left..!" Armin blubbered one day while they were cloud watching on the hill. "We're already so poor, and-and I'm still just a weak kid..."_

_Eren furrowed his brow and lightly knocked the top of his head. "Have some more faith in him, Armin!" He yelled, trying to uplift his spirits. "He's fighting hard to support you, so you know what you should do?! Find a way to help him as well! Don't just sit here and cry, use that big brain of yours!"_

_Sniffling, Armin looked up at him with watery eyes. "...Y-You're right. How do I help him though..? It's not like I can just wish away his aches-" He stopped himself and looked up at his friend in a new light. "...You're a doctor."_

_Eren immediately scowled. "No, I'm not."_

_"But you know everything about being a doctor."_

_"Yeah? So?"_

_Armin's hands shot out and gripped his shoulders. "Can you spare some pain relief cream?!" He asked fervently. "Or better yet, teach me how to make some! Grandpa always says his knees hurt from sitting and kneeling for too long!" He uncharacteristically shook his friend. "Please, Eren!"_

_"All right, all right!" Eren relented before slapping his hands away. "Just stop shaking me, okay?! We'll go make some now..."_

_Armin beamed and for once, tackled him into a hug, knocking the both of them onto the grass. "You're the best! I'll help you with your math homework forever!"_

_"I'm not that bad at math!...Am I?"_

_"...I'll help you with your math homework forever."_

Picking up another branch, Eren sighed and stopped. Armin had gotten the hang of it soon enough, and had stopped asking him to make it for him. Maybe one day, Armin would be a better doctor than him.

Mikasa looked up from her job and slowly blinked. "Eren?" She quietly called out.

The young boy slowly walked up the hill and took a seat underneath the tree, inhaling the scent of nearby jasmine flowers and moss. Seeing that he was all right and was just slacking off, his sister resumed picking up more branches, leaving him to his thoughts.

Looking up at the bright blue sky with only a few clouds floating by, Eren fell silent. What was it that he wanted to do with his life? He couldn't imagine picking up firewood like this and living in their house forever, especially now that there were four people living there, it sometimes got too crowded. Shiganshina, he learned in school, was one the poorest district within the Walls. Trost, which was 100 kilometers away, had more food and was more well-off, and he wasn't going to think about Stohess and the rest of Sina. 

Farming was boring, fishing seemed sleep-inducing, and while he was good at it, he really didn't want to be a doctor. Dr. Jaeger this, Dr. Jaeger that. 'Why aren't you doing more?! Why couldn't you save them?!' The few times his father had failed, those words cut so deep into the both of them. 

He wasn't as strong as Mikasa, but that wouldn't stop him from becoming strong. He and Armin had promised to see the ocean together, to see the world, and what better way than with the Survey Corps? 

Eren smiled to himself and closed his eyes, dreaming of being a top soldier that killed titans with ease. The ocean would be big, like a giant lake, but the water would be salty, and lots of different fish would live in it. They would swim in it, maybe make a boat and try to sail elsewhere. They would see everything.

A nice dream...

...

_Teeth._

_Blood._

_Screams._

_Mikasa...leaving?_

_"Complete my mission for the sake of Mikasa and Armin."_

_"Teach him. Teach him even if it seems inhumane. He needs to survive, no matter what."_

_"You have to learn. You must control the Coordinate."_

_"You will save or destroy the world."_

_"Eren Kr..."_

_"Eren."_

_..._

"Eren?!"

Eren's eyes snapped open and he blinked several times to get rid of the blurriness. "Huh..?"

Mikasa stood over him with a concerned frown, her scarf fluttering in the breeze. "You fell asleep again. It's past noon now." She informed him quietly. 

He furrowed his brow and looked up at the sky, trying to figure out the angle of the sun. "Did I..? Huh..." He covered his mouth as he yawned, and then stretched his arms up in the air. "I feel like I had a really long dream, but I don't remember it..." It's been like this for a couple days now, maybe even a week. He would feel sleepy and dream. They were long dreams as well, but whenever he woke up, they would slip away like mist, and he'd end up forgetting about it all.

"We should head back, Mrs. Jaeger will get worried-" Mikasa stopped and stared at him, her eyes widening just slightly. "Eren, you're crying..."

"Huh..?" Eren blinked again, and he finally felt wet droplets hanging on the edges of his eyelashes, and the skin around his eyelids were much warmer than the rest of him. Slowly reaching up with a hand, he wiped them away and gazed at them with a faraway expression. "Why..?" He whispered.

A breeze blew and rustled the tree, with a few leaves falling around them. A bell rang in the distance, marking that it was now 2PM, and Eren shook his head and stood up. It was no use thinking about why he had been crying. Maybe he just yawned too hard. "Don't tell anyone I cried."

"I won't." Mikasa tilted her head. "But if you're crying for no reason, is there something wrong?"

Shouldering their firewood, both youths walked back to the gates to Shiganshina. The road was fairly deserted today, with only a few people traveling through from the main roads. Walking to the gate, they both frowned when they heard raucous laughter as well as the clinking of bottles, with Eren outright scowling when he saw the reason.

Hannes, Fugo, and other Garrison soldiers were sitting around on crates, playing cards and drinking while on duty. Hannes threw down his hand and cursed when he realized he had lost another 10 royals. "Ah shit! The wife's gonna be mad at me again..."

"Ah, man up a little, Hannes!" Fugo teased him, slapping his stern gut. "You shouldn't let your wife control you! You're the man of the house!"

"I don't see men," Eren announced with a scowl, gaining the attention of the drunk soldiers. "All I see are a bunch of lazy drunkards!"

"Eren!" Hannes waved at him merrily and stood up, almost tripping over the crate he used as a chair. "And Mikasa! Out gatherin' firewood for your mom?" He blinked and peered closer at the young boy and at his slightly red rimmed eyes. "Were you cryin'? Did Mikasa get mad at you?"

Eren glowered at his red cheeks, glazed eyes, and unsteady gait. "Aren't you guys taking it way too easy? You guys should be alert in case the Titans attack! What if they breach the Wall?! I doubt you can even fight while inebriated!"

Fugo let out a loud sigh and stood up as well. "C'mon Eren, the Walls have stood strong for a hundred years." He bragged, resting his hands on his hips. "There's no way a Titan would break in, but if they did, we'd do our jobs."

"Your belts might break if you drink any more beer..." Eren muttered under his breath before raising his voice. "You should just rename yourselves the Wall Repair Corp instead of the Garrison for all you guys do! You're not prepared at all to fight Titans!"

Hannes chuckled. "I wouldn't mind that, but Eren..." His smile turned grim. "If we're fighting, it means things are bad. I don't mind people calling us drunk freeloaders, because it means they have the safety to think such things. Do you understand?"

Eren clenched his fists, unable to swallow that information. "So long as we're safe inside these Walls, we can survive...But that means we're nothing but cattle, waiting to be eaten!" Hearing the other Garrisons laugh at him, he scowled and began walking again, ignoring all the adults around him. They wouldn't understand. Why would they? They're drunk out of their minds and playing cards while on duty. If he was a soldier, he would never let himself stoop so low!

Mikasa followed after him dutifully, giving him concerned glances every couple of seconds. "Eren...You want to join the Survey Corps, don't you? You shouldn't."

Eren snapped his head in her direction in disbelief. "What!? Why?! Are you going to say they're stupid, too?! They're brave!"

Suddenly, another bell tolled. Eren paused, confused as to why they would be signalling the time again, but as the bell rang and rang, he realized with elation why. The Survey Corps! "The soldiers are back! Let's go, Mikasa!" He took his sister's hand and dragged her down the road.

"Wait, Eren..!" Mikasa called out worriedly behind him, but he paid no heed, too embroiled in the thought of seeing his heroes in the flesh. They had left early several days ago, before he even woke up, so he hadn't gotten the chance to see them. This would be the first time he'd really get to see them in the flesh!

The streets became more crowded as more people lined up along the sides of the main boulevard to watch, and Eren puffed up his cheeks before ducking down a side street to circle back. The way was blocked by more people, but to his left there were some crates, and tensing his legs, he jumped up to see. 

Grinning excitedly, he turned to watch his heroes only to freeze, his blood running cold.

Bloodied bandages, missing limbs, covered bodies, specks of red staining the whites of their uniform trousers as well as the beige of their jackets. The Wings of Freedom were almost brown from the amount of dried blood that had covered them. The soldiers themselves dragged themselves inside the Wall with their horses, eyes downcast with their shoulders weighed down with the burden of their losses. Some couldn't even see with all the bandages shoddily wrapped around their heads. 

Eren knew that around 100 soldiers had left, but...all he could see were maybe 40 people, including the injured and the dead. Was this really real..?

"These are all the soldiers that made it back..?"

"The rest must've been eaten..."

"That's what happens when you go outside the Walls."

"Moses!"

Both children snapped their heads to see an elderly woman break out of the crowd to stop the Commander, Keith Shadis. Eren recognized the woman as Agatha Braun. He had treated her before when she had come down with a persistent cough. She had been kind and almost like a grandmother, not that he ever had one. Now though, she looked half-crazed, desperately searching the retreating soldiers for her son.

"Moses! Commander, where is he..?" Agatha pleaded. "I don't see my son anywhere. Where is my son, Moses?!"

The commander looked down at her with a hollow and empty frown, face gaunt and eyes sunken in from the horrors he had endured. "Ah...You must be Moses' mother." He turned slightly. "Erwin."

Another Survey Corps soldier, a tall man with blond hair, walked up behind his superior with a small white bundle in his arms. "Sir." He greeted his commander frostily, almost glaring at the man. He offered the package to the distraught mother who looked down at it in confusion and dread.

She slowly unwrapped it, gasping in horror when she saw what it was. The flesh had already started to turn purple in some spots, with brown dried spots all over. The hand was still positioned as if it was holding a ODM sword, and a putrid smell emanated from it.

"That arm was all we could retrieve of Moses." Commander Shadis announced grimly, his jaw clenching shut even as he forced himself to talk. "I...I'm sorry."

Sobbing, Agatha clutched the severed limb and cradled it to her chest, falling to her knees as tears streamed down her face. "Moses..." She wept. "My son..." 

Everyone looked on in silence, with no one speaking a word. Neither the soldiers, the onlookers, or Eren said a thing.

"Was...Was he useful?" Agatha whispered, looking up at the commander with heartbroken eyes. "Was his death at least useful to humanity?! DID HE HELP OUR CAUSE, EVEN A LITTLE BIT?!"

Clenching his fists, Commander Shadis fell to his knees, gritted his teeth and opened his mouth. "Of course!..." He paused and his expression fell, his eyes wide with horror at his revelation. "No...Our expedition this time didn't..."

All Survey Corps soldiers looked down, in shame, sorrow, and guilt. Failures.

"We never...We never..." Commander Shadis clenched his eyes shut. "WE NEVER LEARN A THING! It's my fault...My own incompetence killed our men," Tears trailed down his face as his own actions dawned on him. "And we still don't know a damn thing about them! I'M SORRY!"

All the townsfolk looked on with horror filled eyes, with no one saying a thing. Agatha stared at the Commander with a broken soul, and was frozen where she was. With a shuddering sigh, the Commander stood back up with his spirit clearly broken, and began walking once more, the rest of the Corps following him at a subdued pace.

Eren couldn't believe just how powerless they were. So many brave and courageous heroes had died...and for what? To learn nothing? To have discovered nothing? The first lesson he had ever learned from his father was to compile all available information, and if the results were insufficient, then he had to try another method. Had they...

"Good for nothing..."

"All they are are a waste of taxpayer royals..."

"We're basically paying for them to be eaten..."

Eren saw red.

Taking one of the branches from his pack, he whacked the man in front of him who had been muttering such horrible things. "Shut up!" He yelled. "They're braver and worth more than you'll ever be!"

The man turned around and raised a fist. "You brat!"

A hand reached out and grabbed his pack, dragging him down the alley. "Huh-?! Hey!" He looked behind him to see it was Mikasa, and with a sting of jealousy, saw that she was dragging him effortlessly with one arm. "Mikasa, let go!" 

With a swing of her arm, she threw him against a nearby house and he yelped at the impact. His pack dug into his back, probably leaving bruises, and all the firewood scattered from the throw. "What was that for?!"

"Eren..." Mikasa stared at him with a frown. "Do you still want to join the Survey Corps, even after seeing that?"

He froze.

Did he? Did he want to join and watch as his comrades be eaten? Or be eaten himself? Did he want to come back and hear all the townsfolk call him bad names, and wish he had already dropped dead so they could stop funding his Branch? Did he want to take orders that could get him killed, like what Commander Shadis had said he did?

No.

He clenched his hands and began gathering the firewood silently, and a moment later, Mikasa stepped up to help him. Biting his lip, he decided to take off his pack and without saying a thing, began running.

"Eren!" He heard her panicked voice behind him, but he didn't stop even when he heard her follow. He ran and ran and ran, down the winding alleys, down the cramped streets, almost tripping when he turned the corner, and continued running until he finally saw it. 

The gate leading into Wall Maria territory.

The horses neighed but walked on obediently through the gates, and the last of the Survey Corps soldiers were leaving Shiganshina. Eren knew this was dumb to do, but even though he couldn't enlist now, even though he saw how tired and downtrodden they were, he wanted to help.

"Wait!"

At the very end of the group now, the blond man from earlier paused and turned around at the sound of his voice, a few of his comrades stopping with him. They were all tired, filthy, and just seconds away from collapsing, and Eren clenched his jaw.

Stopping in front of them, Eren panted for breath and dug through his pockets until he found what he was looking for, and presented them to his heroes. "I-I'm a doctor's son." He stammered out nervously, keeping his head bowed. "Please use these for your wounds! I...I hope they help!" 

He always kept a jar of arnica and antibiotics with him, to help erase his wounds before his mother caught sight of them, or to help patch Armin up when the bullies targeted him. If his medicine could help them even a little bit, he'd be happy..!

A hand landed on top of his head and he peeked out from behind his fringe. The blond man with rather large eyebrows and clear blue eyes knelt down and struggled to smile down at him. "Thank you." He said with a deep voice, taking the jars of cream with him. "Thank you very much..." His voice wavered for a moment, and if his eyes misted over, they were clear again once he blinked. "I'm sorry you had to see that." 

Heart beating quickly, Eren shook his head. "No! I...I understand it's dangerous, so I want to help you out. You-You guys are my heroes!"

"Tch." His companion scowled in disgust and turned his face away when the young boy glanced over at him, not wanting to show the shame that was assuredly on his face. "Erwin, let's go already..." 

Eren peered up at the other man, and found that he didn't really have to since he was rather short. With black hair shaved underneath and sharp gray eyes, he was pretty intimidating, but he had no wounds on him whatsoever. In fact, him and "Erwin" had no injuries, which was miraculous compared to most of their other comrades. Were they the elites..?

"Eren!" 

Mikasa finally came up behind him and began dragging him away again. "Didn't I just warn you..?" She hissed quietly, giving the soldiers a quick nod when she saw they were still staring at them, and quickly turned the corner down an alley.

"Mikasa..!" Eren complained again, but this time he didn't fight back to run away. While he was annoyed with how she treated him as if he was incompetent, inwardly he was happy. He got to talk to his heroes. He got them to notice him, and he was able to help them with his creams! 

So what if he could die out there? 

If he wanted to live, then he had to fight! 

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin Smith stood up from his crouch and looked at the two innocuous jars in his hands. They were small, but opening them, found they were almost full to the brim, bringing with them the smell of peppermint, arnica, lavender, and chamomile.

Miche Zackarius, an even taller man than Erwin with straw blond hair and a slight mustache, leaned closer and sniffed. "They smell medicinal all right." He announced.

Levi rolled his eyes, exhausted. "Are you really gonna trust some snotty brat's 'medicine'?"

Erwin peered down at the medicine, and taking a finger, swiped a bit of the peppermint one and applied it to his hand, more specifically at the junction of his thumb and pointer finger. His skin tingled for a moment before a calming warmth permeated from the spot, helping to relax and soothe the ache of holding his ODM swords for long periods of time. "...I think I will." He replied minutes later. "These are effective."

Raising a brow, Levi looked behind him at the poor district of Shiganshina. A kid who had effective medicine? Medicine that they sorely needed? "...Not bad." He murmured, before closing his eyes and resuming his trek further into the Walls. However, it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Medicine could never bring back the dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Shiganshina is the least desirable place to live because it's in the south. Later in the manga, you find out that that's where all the titans originate from.  
> -Eren's dreams are never revealed, but Eren Kruger somehow knows about Armin and Mikasa, and Rod Reiss mentions how the Founding Titan has the power to send memories transcending time and space, so Founding Titan Eren could be sending his past self and the person he was named after, memories. Or it could be P A T H S lol  
> -There's no listed currency for the AOT world, but during a scene where the MP sell off unused ODM gear, you can see them use coins. Coins in a monarchy ruled government are usually called "royals," so I'll be calling it that too.  
> -The AOT Wiki lists Moses as "Moses Braun"


	5. Chapter 5

Eren was still riding the high of his happiness when they finally made it home, and greeted his parents with a joyful, "I'm home!"

Carla looked up from washing the dishes and smiled. "Welcome home, you two!" 

Grisha lowered his copy of the Bergs Newspaper and gave them a quiet smile. He had faint dark circles underneath his eyes, and Eren remembered he had spent the last week or so working in the basement. The basement that he still wasn't allowed in. He already guessed it was some kind of lab, but why he wasn't allowed in when they had a lab in the outskirts of town was still a mystery. One that he was going to ask about today. 

Opening the wood storage, Eren unloaded all the sticks and branches they collected together while Mikasa went to wash her hands. Carla wiped her hands on her apron and approached her son with an amused smile. "Wow, Eren. That's a lot of wood you two collected. I'm surprised you were so diligent in your chore."

Dumping the last of the firewood in, Eren turned to his mother and pouted. "What, I'm always diligent! Ask dad if you don't believe me!"

"He's right." Grisha added absentmindedly, reading another page of his newspaper. "He's always diligent and hygienic." 

Carla raised an unimpressed brow at her boys. "Is that so..." Leaning over, she grasped her son's very red ear and pulled. "Then why are your ears so red, hm? They only get like this when you're lying~." She sang, smiling smugly when he yelped and went "ow ow ow." "Mikasa? How much of the work did you do?"

"I collected most of them." Her adopted child responded faithfully, staring at the scene with nonchalant eyes that held a glimmer of laughter. "Eren took a nap."

"Mikasaaa!" Eren whined, cheeks red with embarrassment. Did she have to be so truthful?!

His mother tsked and shook her head. "See, Eren? You can't lie to your mother. You shouldn't let Mikasa do all the work since you're the next man of the house, okay? Now wash your hands, I already prepared lunch which," she glared lightly at the two of them. "You're both late for."

"Sorry." The two children intoned, one unaffected and the other sheepish.

They took their seats next to the Jaeger patriarch and as soon as Carla placed their lunch down- a buttery potato soup with bread- Eren dug right in. They had left earlier without eating, and even though they were used to small portions because of the overall shortage of food within the outer Walls, he felt ravenous enough to eat a horse. Not that horses tasted very good. In fact, the meat was rather acidic-like and tough, making it Eren's least favorite type of meat to eat.

Mikasa reached out and gently wiped his face with a kitchen rag. "Stop eating so messily."

She thought she was gentle, but for Eren, it was like sandpaper tearing his face off with how much force she put into it. "Mm! Mikasa-Mm!" He sputtered when she shoved the rag into his mouth, almost punching his teeth. "Mrrgnh!"

"Stop arguing, you two." Grisha lightly scolded them, and they settled back into their own meals, leaving the family of four in a peaceful and comfortable silence with the occasional sounds of chewing.

As soon as Mikasa finished her meal, the corners of her mouth curved down and she decided to speak. "...Eren wants to join the Survey Corps." She announced, and both parents stiffened where they were.

Eren choked on his soup and glared at her. "Mikasa!" He hissed. First she tattled about the firewood and now about the Survey Corps?! What next, was she going to tell about how he had almost emasculated Frid last week when they tried to pick on Armin again?

"What?!" Carla slammed her hands down on the edge of the sink and immediately turned around, outraged and horrified. She marched right up to her son before he could run away and gripped his collar. "Eren, why would you ever want to do something like that?!" She yelled, almost shrieking. "Don't you know how dangerous it is?!"  

Offended, Eren yelled back. "Of course I do! I'm not an idiot! But if I don't join, who will?! Morale is already low enough as it is, and I don't want to be stuck behind these Walls forever! The Titans have to die before we can actually live!"

"These Walls keep you safe!" His mother screamed, golden eyes glaring right down at him with tears. "Do you want me to lose my only son?! IS THAT IT?!"

He clenched his jaw. She hit him right where it hurt, but his feelings weren't more important than this. "Of course not, but if it meant that I could actually learn something out there, then it'll be worth it!" He shouted righteously, knowing in his heart of hearts that he was right. "People's sacrifices shouldn't be in vain!"

Gasping, Carla stared at him in horror and tried to withhold her sobs. Eren grimaced and looked away. "I know it's dangerous outside...But can you call being trapped within these Walls forever, living?!" 

Paper rustled from behind him and he turned to see his father give him a stern frown. "Eren, is that really how you feel?"

Eren nodded adamantly. "It is. I don't want to live knowing nothing." He didn't want to be a doctor, treating folks day in and day out. Sickness and disease would always exist, but Titans had only existed for the last hundred years or so according to school, which meant that they could be exterminated into extinction easily so long as humanity would actually fight back! The only people who wanted to fight were the Survey Corps, but even they focused more on exploration than actually fighting Titans! Most of all, he wanted to see the ocean, and the world.

He wanted to be free, and he wanted his family and friends to be as well. A life behind the Walls meant a life of cowardice.

Grisha's frown morphed into a resigned smile and he nodded. "I see, if that's what you really want to do." Without any further explanations, he stood up from his seat and headed toward the front door where his briefcase and hat was hung on the coat rack.

Stupefied, Carla followed after him. "Dear! You can't be serious!" She voiced, aghast at his blase answer. "Eren just said he wants to throw his life away!"

Securing his hat on top of his head, her husband turned to her. "We can't stop him, Carla." He replied sympathetically. "A time comes when a human needs to do what his heart yearns for, in this case searching for freedom and sating his curiosity. Eren," He turned to his son who held out his briefcase. "When I come back," He held up his necklace which held a small golden key. "I'll show you what's in the basement."

Eren perked up. "Really?!" He grinned excitedly. "You promise?!"

Grisha nodded. "I promise. There is one last thing to teach you, and though I know you will never be a doctor like me, it's important you know."

He blinked. One last thing he had to learn? Like what? He already knew what to do for most things, except maybe invasive surgeries. Before he could ask though, his father had already exited the house and was walking toward the main road to catch the daily boat ride into the Interior. "Bye dad!" He waved after him.

Outright scowling, his mother turned to him like a raging storm. "Eren Jaeger!" She yelled, making him wince. "You will promise me right now that you will not be joining the Survey Corps! Your father may allow you to do whatever you want, but I'm your mother and I have a say in your future! It's a stupid decision!"

Pouting, Eren ran out the door as well and down the stone steps. "Stupid?! I think people who want to stay as cattle are stupid. I'm gonna join no matter what, mom! You can't stop me!" And without waiting for a response, he ran off toward the outer Wall.

"Eren, come back here!" Carla yelled, sighing when he ignored her. She turned to her other child and grasped her shoulders. "Mikasa, please watch out for him. He's so reckless."

Mikasa nodded, burrowing her nose into her scarf. That was her sworn duty, after all. To look after her savior.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren didn't really have any place in mind to run to, he just wanted to get out of the house. He loved his mother, truly, but she was so overbearing sometimes. It was probably because he was her only child, and Mikasa always seemed so damn capable, that she only ever wanted to fuss over him. He was 10 years old for Maria's sake! He was old enough to look for a job, and even though military enlistments were only open to those 15 and older, that didn't mean he would just twiddle his thumbs at home, waiting to pick up his father's slack. He liked helping people, yes, but being a doctor meant being chained down and that was almost worse than living like cattle.

Panting, he paused at a crossroad and realized he was actually close to Armin's house. He and his grandpa had a house close to the Wall, almost right next to it, which was why they could even afford it on Grandpa Arlert's scant and unstable pay. 

Feeling the ever looming presence of Mikasa coming closer- at this point, he knew where she was by instinct- he decided to jog down the small alley and knock on Armin's door. "Armin? You home?" He called out.

A few moments later, the door opened but by the wrong Arlert. Armin's grandpa peered down at him from under his straw hat and greeted him with a wizened smile. "Oh Eren! Hello there, are you looking for Armin?"

"Hi Grandpa Arlert!" Eren waved with a smile. "Yeah I am. Is he here?"

"He said he was going to read by the river, and that if you come by, to tell you to meet him there." Granda Arlert told him merrily, scooting out to close the door behind him. "I'll be going to ask the Lietz farm if they need any extra hands. Let Armin know for me, wouldja? Oh, hi Mikasa!" He waved to the little girl as she walked up to them, and she gave him a shy nod.

"Okay gotcha!" Without any seconds to spare, Eren sped off again toward the direction of the river, Mikasa hot on his heels. Armin usually wouldn't choose such a popular place to hang out unless he was feeling brave, and he had a slight suspicion that three very unwelcome presences would make themselves nuisances soon. 

"Eren..." Mikasa called out from behind him, her scarf fluttering from their speed. "We should go home. Mrs. Jaeger is still mad at you."

"That's plenty of reason for me not to go back then." Eren retorted, turning the corner at a very tight angle, but paused when he heard some familiar voices. The sight he came upon made his blood boil. Of course they were here. "Hey!" He called out with a growl. "You assholes!"

Armin was being cornered into a building's side by the three neighborhood bullies: Frid, Riba, and Arkim. Riba and Arkim were more into it, pulling at the blond's hair and jerking him around by his bare-threaded sweater, while Frid stood back with a slightly nauseated face.

"Why don't you ever fight back, Arlert?!" Riba scowled down at him, slamming him into the building.

Armin grunted but stood his ground with defiant eyes, a bruise already forming on his cheek. "That would put me on the same level as you!" He yelled derisively. "You know I'm right! That's why you're hitting me instead of arguing." When the bullies stood still in a stupor, he continued. "You may as well admit that I'm winning!"

"Hey! Stop it!"

As soon as they heard Eren's voice, Frid took a step back in fear. "Yo...It's Eren." His hands instinctively went to cover his groin where he could feel the phantom pain of Eren's grab-and-twist, almost emasculating him.

"What the hell are you afraid of?" Riba taunted his fellow bully, picking Armin up by his hair. "He's a damn heretic like this one. He's not so bad as long as we hold down his arms and legs." 

"Yeah!" Arkim agreed confidently. "We can take 'em! He's just a little brat anyway!" 

As Eren ran closer, face scrunched up in an angry scowl akin to a demon's, Mikasa ran up beside him, her gaze as cold as ice and as piercing as a dagger's. All three bullies immediately paled and made a run for it, leaving their victim alone. "Shit! It's Mikasa too! Run run run!" 

Armin coughed from the dust trail they created, and while Eren wanted to run after them with a scalpel, it wasn't worth it and so he stopped next to his friend. "Armin! You okay? Cough it all out." Eren instructed, patting his friend's back. Mikasa stopped right in front of them and watched worriedly as their most physically weak friend tried to rid himself of all the dust that he had accidentally inhaled.

After a few moments, Armin coughed out the last with some saliva, and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "E-Eren...Mikasa...Thanks again for saving me." He mumbled, ducking his head.

Sighing loudly, Eren stood up and looked down at his bookish friend with a disapproving frown. "Armin, you gotta fight back! They'll never leave you alone otherwise!" Furrowing his brow when Armin began to tear up, he sighed again and moved to help him to his feet, but the blond refused and looked away.

"I can stand on my own..." Armin voiced unenthusiastically, wincing when Eren recoiled, hurt. "Really, I'm okay, Eren. Thanks."

They all took a seat at the bank of the river, with Armin keeping his head down in his knees. "...I'm not strong like the two of you." He mumbled, the two of them barely able to hear him through the fabric of his pants. "Sure I'm book smart, but Eren knows a human's weak points and Mikasa is just scarily strong. I..." He hugged his legs closer. "Why do you two hang out with me? I'm such a burden...You heard them, they called me a heretic. I just want humanity to be able to go outside and learn about the world."

Cursing under his breath, Eren picked up a spare rock and threw it into the river, trying to rid himself of the anger he could feel churning in his stomach. "Those damn bullies. Why does everyone act like we're crazy just because we wanna go outside?"

"Because staying inside the Walls has let humanity survive." The blond answered blandly. "They're afraid that if some of us go out, the Titans will be let in. It's why the royal government declared any information about the outside world taboo.

"Armin..." Mikasa began quietly, placing a small hand on his shoulder. "You may be weak, but you're not a coward. You can become stronger, too." 

"Yeah what she said." Eren agreed, nudging his downtrodden friend. "If you spend all day thinking you're weak, then you're weak. But if you truly want to be stronger, then you gotta figure out a way to use your strengths to cover your weaknesses. We're your friends because you're a heretic, because you're nice, and because you're smart. Being strong doesn't just mean having lots of muscles, it means knowing how to use those muscles, or lack thereof."

Armin softly snorted but smiled a little. "Thank you, Eren, Mikasa. That did make me feel a little better."

Eren fake pouted. "Only a little?" 

Giggling, the soft blond stood up and dusted off his pants. "I should probably get home before grandpa worries."

"He said he was heading to the Leitz farm." Mikasa informed him quietly, adjusting her scarf to sit better around her neck. "Do you want to join us for dinner? We can go to the market."

"Okay..." Armin agreed uncertainly, not wanting to be a bother to the Jaegers more than he already was. 

"Speaking of..." Eren began, glaring at his sister. "Why did you tell my parents?!" 

Armin looked on curiously while Mikasa closed her eyes. "I never said I wouldn't." She retorted calmly.

"How did it go then..?" Armin asked hesitantly, scooting closer to the other boy.

Eren scratched the back of his head. "Well...They weren't happy." He informed him sheepishly. "If the Titans don't kill me, my mom will."

"I bet..." The bookish boy pursed his lips. "I do wonder about people's logic when it comes to living inside forever...Just because the Walls haven't been breached in a 100 years doesn't mean it won't be breached today..."

A relaxing breeze brushed against them, accompanying the calm rush of the constantly flowing river. The sun was just setting, turning the sky into a rainbow of orange to green to blue hues. Only a few clouds in the sky gently floated by, with the occasional quacking of goose. The marketplace was just as busy as ever, with people peacefully going on about in their lives.

Their entire bodies were suddenly thrown into the air by a loud tremor followed by some sort of explosion and a flashing light. Eren yelped and covered his ears, falling flat on his back after. The entire town felt it, and they looked up at the outer Wall as smoke curled up into the air just beyond it.

"Did something fall from the sky?"

"What the hell was that?!"

Armin stared up at the Wall and when he finally saw, he was frozen in his spot. Everyone within the vicinity suddenly quieted, leaving them all in a void of silence, almost unnaturally so. Eren rubbed his head as he stood up. "What the hell was that? Armin, did you-" His eyes followed his friends and they widened in horror.

At the very top of the Wall that lead to the Outside, was a hand. A bright red hand, held together by strands of muscle and cartilage. A hand that was skinless and much larger than a human's, which meant...

"That Wall..." Armin whispered shakily, not believing what he was seeing. "Is over 50 meters tall..!"

"That means..." Eren breathed, pupils shrinking and showing the green of his eyes that reflected his worst nightmare. "It's one of _them_..."

And like a demon that had been summoned, it rose up past the Wall, blocking the sun behind it to bring about an age of darkness. A giant skinless head stared back at them with disproportionately small eyes and _so many teeth_ , steam leaking through from its closed mouth and from every part of it. A Titan.

In the back of his head, Eren wondered why it had so many fat strands covering the top of its head as well as crisscrossing over its mouth, but he didn't have time to question it when the earth shook again and the giant Titan moved.

It was slow, painfully slow, but no one moved an inch, too frozen with fear and disbelief. With a low groan, it brought its foot down and kicked. A deafening explosion rang out from the Wall, and a shower of rocks and debris were launched into the air, falling like meteors. It didn't matter what they hit; houses, carriages, _people_. Some tried to run in vain, only to be completely eviscerated from the impact, their bodies exploding like blood filled balloons. 

Uncovering his ears, Eren realized they created a hole in the Wall. A hole in the Wall that protected them from Titans. A hole that was conveniently about 17 meters tall, enabling even the largest of Titans to come through.

And come through they did. 

One by one, giant malformed beings that mocked human physiology slowly ambled through the hole and began heading for the nearest meals. People screamed in fear at the thought of being eaten, whole or in pieces. Shiganshina _trembled_ and like any animal running away from its predators, the townsfolk tried to make their way to the inner gate. 

"We have to get out of here!" Armin screamed, already beginning to back away from the Wall, but stopped when he realized his dearest friend was heading in the wrong direction. "Eren?!"

Eren slowly walked forward, uncaring of the chaos among them. "...My house is over there." He whispered with wide eyes, his sight reserved to the large rock that had catapulted in the direction of his residence where _his mother was_.

There was no hesitation in his next steps and he dashed down the suddenly empty streets. "Mom!" 

"Eren!" Armin tried to call him back, but Mikasa ran after him without a word, leaving the blond all by himself. "Mikasa..!" He reached out to stop them but froze when he saw his own hand shaking. Trying to bring up his other hand to quell his shakes, he gritted his teeth and forced himself to stay where he was. There was no conceivable way to win. "The Titans..." He spoke out shakily, his entire body trembling alongside it. "Will overtake this city..!" 

Taking another shuddering breath to calm himself, he wiped away his tears and began running in the opposite direction of his friends. His grandpa was close to the inner gate at this point, but Eren's and Mikasa's house was close to the outer Wall as well, and there was no way, even with Eren's scary medical knowledge or Mikasa's monstrous strength, would they be able to make it without help. In the case of emergencies such like this, citizens of the Wall would be directed toward the evacuation ships that would carry them into the Interior. Hopefully his grandpa would be able to make it...

and he'd be able to get help.

His plan _had_ to work.

 

* * *

 

 

Running down the streets to his house, Eren found his neighborhood unrecognizable. The bumpy roads that were haphazardly paved with the occasional stone steps were turned into a war zone. Houses were smashed, splattered with the blood of dead people, and some of the streets were even blocked by crumbling buildings. He didn't stop running, but he caught sight of a sobbing woman trying hopelessly to pull a man from underneath a boulder, but his legs were still and his upper body completely buried underneath. He was dead.

Breathing unevenly, Eren hurried ahead, thoughts running wild in his head. There was no way something hit his house. Out of all the houses nearby, theirs was slightly tucked between a nook and another, much larger house. When he turned the corner, everything would be fine, his mother would be running out the front door as well and they would get to safety in the Interior where they would reunite with his father and he'd train as a soldier to kill all these Titans. Everything was fine-

When he turned at the corner, it felt like the whole world was laughing at him, because his house was one of the buildings that had been crushed by a giant boulder. Not his neighbor's, not across from him, no. It had to be his house.

Increasing his pace, Eren gritted his teeth, trying to withhold his tears. "MOM!" He shouted at the tops of his lungs, Mikasa following after him in equal desperation. Running up the steps, his breath was caught in his throat when he saw his mother was trapped underneath the roof of their house, held down from the rock.

Grimacing in pain, Carla weakly looked up and almost cried. "Eren! Mikasa! Get out of here!" 

Ignoring her, Eren grabbed onto one side of the roof with both his hands. "Mikasa, grab the other side!" He commanded, his sister doing as told, and together, they combined their strength to try to lift the heavy wooden beams that pinned their mother down. 

Tensing his arms, Eren put in every ounce of power he could, every drop of blood, sweat, and tears. He knew, oh he knew in the darkest pit of his mind and soul that his mother had no chance of survival. Being pinned like this must mean that her legs were broken at the very least, and her lower spine completely crushed at the most. Even if they could lift the roof off her, they wouldn't be able to make it to safety in one piece, but logic had already left him long ago. All that mattered was that his mother, the woman who had birthed, cared for, and loved him with her very being, was trapped.

And he was too weak to save her.

"Mikasa, hurry!" He urged desperately when the tremors increased, coming ever so close to where they were.

"I know!" Mikasa answered back sharply, for once her own emotions overriding the calm exterior she wore. 

Looking back and forth as these two children tried their best to save her, Carla muffled a sob. "The Titans...They're inside, aren't they?" She whispered. "You two need to get out of here! Eren, take Mikasa and run!"

Ignoring the pain of his hands being punctured by splinters and being carved from the friction, Eren continued to fight, feeling the wood move just slightly. "I want to run!" He yelled out hoarsely, tears and sweat blotting his vision. "But I'm not leaving without you!"

"Eren..." Carla wanted so badly to cry, but as a mother, her first instinct was to get her children to safety. No matter what. "You know that my legs were crushed. I won't be able to run, and I would die later from sepsis. Please..." She clenched her eyes shut and ignored her instinct to survive. "Listen to me just this once and GO!" 

Eren stared down at her in horror. He knew, but he also wanted to deny it. No, his mother wasn't dying here! "No! I'm not leaving you here!" He forced himself to keep lifting, even when he felt his radius bones creak and his biceps tear. "I'll set your legs, I'll do surgery on your lumbar spine, I'll do anything but I'M NOT LEAVING YOU HERE!"

Desperate, Carla turned to her other child, but Mikasa didn't stop, not even as tears began streaming down her face as well. "Mikasa, please!" The mother begged, but the young girl only continued to fight, to use her vastly superior strength to try to move this obstacle. She didn't want to lose her family again, she didn't want Eren to lose his family like she had. She didn't want to be cold.

But their blood froze when the tremors came so close that the nearby windows rattled, some of them shattering. "Is that..?" Carla's voice was barely a whisper, doing her best to not attract the attention of the nearby monster.

A whirring sound caught their attention and Carla could've wept tears of joy. "Hannes! Take the children and run!" 

The Garrison soldier landed on the ground and hurried up to them, a bead of sweat dripping down his slightly wrinkled forehead. "Don't underestimate me." Hannes smirked faux confidently, much to Carla's horror. "I'll defeat the Titan and save you all!" And without waiting, he took out his ODM trigger handles, jammed them into his sheaths, and held out his swords in a proper military stance.

"No!" Carla screamed after him. "Just take the kids!"

Hannes didn't listen. Every fiber of his being told him to turn around but he forged on ahead. If it had just been the kids, then there wouldn't be a problem, but Carla was a long time friend, and Grisha had saved his wife from the plague. Eren had nursed him back to health on several occasions, though reluctantly. And Carla herself had always kept a seat open for him as well as some warm food. They were his family too, and he would do his best to repay them-

He froze.

The Titan stared down at him with large dark eyes, empty except for the sheer hunger that resided in them. It's blonde hair perfectly framed its horrific smile, with its many teeth that was about to sink right into his flesh and tear him apart. It needed nothing, but wanted to eat him. Its only purpose was to devour him-

Sheathing his blades, Hannes turned right around and wrapped an arm around Eren's torso, picking him up. "Wha-?!" Eren looked down at him with wide eyes. "Hannes! Let go!" 

The Garrison soldier didn't listen, picking Mikasa up next, and with a clench of his jaw, began to run away from the Titan, from the Jaeger household, from _Carla_ who was still trapped.

"Thank you, Hannes!" Carla yelled in relief, locking eyes with her son's desperate greens that were turning gold and blue and all the colors that had ever brought her joy. "Eren, I love you! You must survive! SURVIVE FOR ME!" She screamed herself hoarse, finally succumbing to the urge to break down. Tears streamed down her face and her one free arm trembled as it covered her mouth. "...Don't leave me..." She whimpered.

Another large tremor shook the earth beneath her, and she knew.

And Eren knew.

"MOM!" He screamed, unable to look away as the smiling Titan picked up his mother from the rubble with infuriating ease. He watched as it held the woman up to its face, and he immortalized the image of when the Titan twisted her body, opened its maw and bit down.

Like raining rose petals, blood sprayed in the air. Bones cracked, muscles torn, ligaments snapped, heart bursting. 

It swallowed.

And Eren broke.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Numb.

That was all he could feel right now. He barely acknowledged the mayhem that had become his hometown; the screams of his neighbors that were then cut off by the sound of crunching, the loud ringing that was the emergency bell, the smell of blood, fire, and the horrid stench of the Titans. He ignored the pain of Hannes' shoulder digging into his stomach as he bounced up and down from his hurried steps, and almost forgot Mikasa was in the soldier's other arm, staying limp with defeat.

How..? How could this have happened? Home was supposed to be safe. Home was supposed to be a warm and loving home with his father and mother, both of them alive and happy. Home was supposed to be behind the Walls, keeping the Titans out. The Titans should've never come through, they were supposed to stay outside and wait for him to come kill them. This wasn't supposed to happen. 

His mother...

Oh Maria, he could still hear the sound of her spine being twisted by that damn Titan. He would remember its physical appearance even in death. Its horrible straw blonde hair that framed its ugly face, forever frozen in a demented smile. Its rib cage protruding from its disproportionate body and its gangling limbs. 

"We made it!"

Eren gasped when he was suddenly placed down on the ground, and before he could even react, him and Mikasa were pushed onto the evacuation boat, barely making it on among the crowded deck. Hannes gave them a sad smile that was more a grimace, and disappeared onto the roofs with a zip of his wire to help the evacuation. "This ship is full!" A soldier announced, kicking the plank off, and several people behind him rioted.

"You can't be serious!"

"I don't want to die! Please, let me on! LET ME ON!"

"Please, let my son on at least! Children are first priority, aren't they?!"

A tremor shook the ground, and some people even went as far as jumping into the water to climb onto the boat. Whether or not they lived, it didn't matter so long as they didn't die by a Titan. It was for naught though, as the ship began to pull out of the docking area and the suspension beam slowly guided them farther inland.

"Eren! Mikasa!"

The two shell shocked children turned around to see their friend, mostly unharmed aside from a few cuts and dirt marks. His grandpa was even sitting behind him, completely untouched from the Titans' rampage except for his ragged breathing and sweaty exterior. In the back of his mind, Eren realized the old man was stressed and on the verge of a heart attack. "You're both okay!" Armin teared up as he hugged the two of them. "I thought...I thought I wouldn't make it in time!"

"What do you mean..?" Mikasa asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Somehow Armin still heard her, though he gave the other boy a worried frown when he stayed silent.

"I knew you two were going back to your house, so I came here to find Mr. Hannes. I told him where you guys were..." Biting his lip, Armin lowered his head. "There wasn't anything else I could think of, but this was something I knew I could do, so..." 

Mikasa placed a hand on his shoulder. "...Thank you, Armin." Her lips twitched into a shadow of a smile. "Your plan really did save us. Just..." Her gaze slid over to her still silent brother, and she looked away in shame and guilt.

Blinking, Armin looked over at Eren. "Eren..? Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly, placing a hand on the other boy's arm. "You're not hurt, are you? Where is-" He stopped and his eyes widened in horror when he realized he only saw two people from the Jaeger household among the crowded boat. "...Oh." He ended glumly, sniffling his tears even as his lip quivered.

Clenching his hands, Eren slowly walked over to the port side and slammed his hands down on the railings, his clouded mind unaware of the splinters digging deeper into his palms and fingers. "...Damn them." He whispered, his voice as shaky as his exhausted arms. "Damn those Titans..!" He gritted his teeth and he looked up at what had been his peaceful hometown, now covered in flames and smoke and carrying the screams of the unfortunate. "I'll kill them..." He swore out loud. His mother who hadn't deserved anything like this. His beautiful, kind, and loving mother who had never committed a crime in her life, who had only raised her hellion of a son. Eaten. And for what? Titans didn't even digest humans. She was eaten for nothing. 

And he had never felt so much hate before.

The hatred born in his damaged heart seeped into his soul, filling his very being with the deadly and volatile emotion. The anger he felt at that giant skinless Titan that had kicked a hole into the Wall, letting those demons into his home. The despair at seeing his home completely and utterly destroyed, and how outclassed they really were compared to these dumb animals. The soul crushing moment when he realized he was absolutely useless in saving his mother. How even Hannes, a grown man, couldn't even go up against one Titan.

Trembling, his nails dug into the railing, leaving scars upon its rough surfaces. "I swear, I'll kill every last one of them!" He screamed, tears of anger and deep wrenching pain streaming down his face, distorted by his beast-like snarl. "I'll rip and tear their necks out with my bare hands if I have to, so long as they die and never eat another human again! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!" His chest rose up and down in a rapid cycle, and his voice was hoarse from being abused, but there wasn't a single inch of his being that didn't yearn for the Titans' extinction. 

He'll be the one to kill them all.

No one reacted to his screams, too embroiled in their own suffering. Mikasa looked on with dead eyes, hiding the lower half of her face in her scarf in an attempt to stop her lips from quivering. Armin watched with wide eyes, having never seen this side of his friend before. No longer was he just a rambunctious and bright boy. His friend looked as if the devil itself had possessed him, ready to spill whoever's blood so long as it quelled his revenge. 

A cough distracted Armin and he turned to look at his grandpa who tried to muffle his mouth with his sleeve. His wrinkling skin was almost an unhealthy shade of red, and beads of sweat were pouring down his face. A hand was clenched at his chest and Armin paled even more, resembling a ghostly white sheet when he realized what was going on. "Eren!" He shouted for the one person he knew who could possibly help, even a little.

Growling, Eren turned around with a snarl, his green eyes glowing like liquid poison. "What?!" He snapped, but paused when he caught sight of the predicament. "Grandpa Arlert!" Anger forgotten for just this moment- because he could never forget the weight of his hatred- he rushed over to the elderly man's side and slid him down so he was on his back. He winced when his arms twinged, remembering that he had definitely torn at least two muscles, but forced his hands to check his vitals.

Breathing? Labored and quick, but too short. Panicked and uncontrolled.

Fever? Skin was unusually cold, worryingly so. Too much sweat.

Eyes clenched shut, but he was still conscious.

Right hand clutching chest, left arm barely moving. 

All signs of a potential heart attack.

"...Shit." Eren breathed out, and quickly laid the man out comfortably with his feet and arms stretched out. "He might be going into cardiac arrest."

"What!?" Armin shrieked, clutching his hair in a death grip as he stared as his ill grandfather in horror. "This is the absolute worst time! Can't you do anything?! EREN!"

"Shut up!" Eren snapped, a sliver of guilt stabbing him when he saw his friend recoil as if hurt. "I said might. Grandpa Arlert's exhibiting all the signs but it may not happen just yet." He patted his pockets, searching for any of his medicines, but remembered that he had handed everything he had on him to the Survey Corps soldiers and hadn't restocked when he had went...home. "Shit, I have nothing that could help. There's no medication on hand right now that could help a heart attack, and I..." He clenched his eyes shut, frustration welling up once more. "I don't have any equipment if I have to perform surgery. Fuck!"

Armin let out a shaky breath and fell to his knees, clutching his grandpa's hand with both of his. For a moment, he admired how his hands were so small and dainty, barely filled with any callouses at all, while his grandpa's was large and hard from his many years of labor, his skin tanned to a darker shade in the sun. "Grandpa..." He whimpered, bringing the hand to his forehead and hoping to everything he could that this day wouldn't get worse. He hoped, he prayed, he pleaded everything.

A tense silence filled the boat's deck, and not even the occasional sob that escaped another evacuee could break through the atmosphere. They had just barely escaped death and now one of their own was on its doorsteps...

A loud boom shattered their concentration and everyone on the boat looked up and out toward the land, and their hearts were frozen in terror.

As the raining debris of rocks and cement settled, a Titan could be seen. Its short white hair barely brushed against its armor plating that covered its entire body save for the red strands that lied beneath, and its feet skidded across the ground, stopping several meters after it had collided with the inner gate.

Wall Maria was breached.

 

* * *

 

 

Humanity had once again lost to the Titans, in their own territory no less.

It was long after the sun had set that they finally arrived in Trost. Even though the evacuation was only a couple hours old, the Wall Rose district was already filled to the brim with refugees from Shiganshina. Military Police tried to keep things in order, but so many people were still panicked and starving from their ordeals that it was literal chaos in the streets. 

"Keep moving!" A soldier shouted, gesturing toward the edges of the city. "Barracks have been prepared for all of you! First come first serve! Don't push or shove!"

As people rushed to get off the boat, the trio of children didn't move an inch away from their only remaining guardian. Luckily, Grandpa Arlert's symptoms passed and Eren checked that his heart rate had decreased to a normal rate, if still slightly too elevated for a resting person. "What do we do..?" Armin whispered, hugging himself since the sun had taken all the warmth away and he was left in his thin sweater.

"What can we do?" Mikasa asked, fidgeting with her scarf. "We have no home, no food, nothing. If Grandpa Arlert wakes up soon, maybe he can say Eren and I are his too..."

"Yeah..." Armin nodded glumly. "I hope there's enough rations for everyone...Though I doubt it..." Squatting down on the deck of the ship, he hugged his knees and huddled as close as he could to his only remaining family member. "We were never prepared to feed so many, and now that Wall Maria is lost..."

Clenching his fists, Eren glared toward the south. "How is there not a single plan for this?!" He hissed, teeth grinding together. "Are we...Are we so outclassed by those damn Titans?!" Letting out a sharp sigh, he collapsed onto the deck and leaned back against the wall of the captain's cabin. "How could everything go so wrong so quickly..." He whispered blankly, staring up at the stars that mocked him with their innocuous twinkles.

Mikasa gazed over at him and silently huddled next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. Her own roughed up hands- still filled with splinters and ceramic from where she tried to lift their roof off their mother- came up to enclose over his left, just as equally injured hand. She didn't say anything, didn't dare to, not when she knew he blamed himself for not being able to save their mother. When she was just as equally at fault as him. 

His hand twitched to hold hers as well, and in the dead silence of this horrible night, they mourned together for everything they had lost.

 

* * *

 

 

When morning came, nothing had improved in the slightest.

The one good thing that happened was that Grandpa Arlert had woken up without complications, and though Armin was ecstatic, Eren told the older man to try to take it easy. It wasn't the best time to say such things, especially when they had all just lost their homes not even a day ago, but it was the only thing he could do.

He wasn't a real doctor. How could he be, when he couldn't even help one person? He had let his mother die because he was incompetent and useless. Too young, too brash, too hotheaded, too confrontational, too impatient, too unprepared, too weak, too...late. 

People had already started lining up for rations- one loaf of bread and a cup of water- and tensions were high. The Trost courtyard that would've been beautiful to see what with its fountain and arches, was completely overrun with people, refugees and soldiers alike. There wasn't a single Trost native nearby, and if there was, they would be eyeing the Shiganshina natives as if they were vermin to be thrown out. Even the soldiers that were regulating the government funded rations were treating them like trash.

Even Grandpa Arlert had lined up, and Armin was able to carry back three loaves.

Eren could feel his blood boil. Weren't humans supposed to be helping one another in times of crises like now?! Being a soldier especially meant that the person was to protect their citizens at all costs, and yet-

"They should've just let the Titans eat more of them." A soldier whispered to another. "Then there wouldn't be such a shortage of food."

"I know, right?" Their comrade snickered. "They're just a burden on humanity at this point." 

Snarling at this point, Eren went up behind them and kicked the back of their knees, making sure they fell before he reached out to pinch the junction between their neck and shoulder-

Mikasa pulled him back before he could make contact however, and he trashed in her grip. "Mikasa, let go!" He growled, ready to murder these two guards. "They can't just speak about us like that! They weren't there when the Titans invaded!"

Rubbing their knees, the soldiers turned around with a sneer. "Hey! You damn brats!" One of them shouted.

"I'm so sorry for my friend!" Armin immediately apologized and bowed. "He's just hungry!"

"Tch...You vermin should be grateful to even be here right now!" The other soldier yelled, taking a step forward with the intention of disciplining them.

Narrowing her eyes, Mikasa quickly dragged both her boys with her and down an alley, too quickly for any guards to catch them. Once she passed into a deserted street, she let Armin down gently while throwing her brother into a pile of crates, staring dispassionately as he yelped in pain upon contact and he fell to the ground with a wince.

"What the hell was that for, Mikasa?!" Eren shouted up at her, eyes blazing with anger and indignation. "Why'd you throw me?!"

"Eren," Mikasa began quietly but no less sharply. "You can't go around assaulting officers like that. You could get in trouble and you won't get rations."

"So what?!" He retorted, his rage simmering right beneath the surface of his skin. "It's not like they've seen it! How that giant Titan kicked the Wall and how that other armor Titan broke through the inner gate. Watching as people died in the hands of Titans..." He clenched his fists, his nails digging crescent shapes into his skin. "I'd rather go back right now and kill all those Titans myself! Throw an axe at their necks and chop them down like trees." Looking down at the loaves of rations in Armin's arms, he grabbed one and callously threw it on the ground. "I don't need this! I don't want their pity!" He just wanted to go home. He wanted this nightmare to be over. To realize that the Titans were still just prey to him, and that he himself wasn't prey. If he could just get his hands on some ODM gear, then-

A solid fist landed right on his cheek and sent him careening back onto the ground. "Don't be an idiot, Eren." Mikasa snapped at him, stepping forward to lift him up by his collar. "You're weak. We're all weak. If we go back to Shiganshina right now, _we'll die_. Think, Eren. Use that clever brain of yours that Dr. Jaeger has always praised. Be more rational, because right now all you are is a nuisance on humanity." And without pause, immediately shoved his loaf of bread into his mouth, almost choking him. "Eat."

Coughing, Eren reluctantly bit down and lowered his gaze, trying hard to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. He was being an idiot, he knew. He wouldn't be able to do anything right now. He wasn't a military trainee, much less a soldier. He wasn't prepared. He had no equipment. He was too small, too weak, too late. If he had just been a few seconds quicker, maybe he could've gotten back home in time to warn his mother and then take her out toward the evacuation boats. If his mother was here right now, she'd be scolding him for throwing a tantrum when she knew he could be better than this. That her hotheadedness had been passed down to him. If she was here right now, she would be holding him in her arms, whispering comforting words into his ears. If she was here, he wouldn't feel so helpless with only Grandpa Arlert being the only adult they could rely on.

If only his father was here-

Eren's eyes widened and he quickly choked down his bread. "Dad!" He exclaimed, catching both Mikasa and Armin off guard. "My dad! He went into the interior a few hours before the attack! He's alive somewhere!"

The other two gasped. "That's right!" Mikasa breathed out in shock, hope shining in her eyes once more.

"If he's alive, then he must have heard the news by now!" Armin extrapolated quickly, munching on his stale bread. "Trost is the only evacuation destination for Shiganshina, so he would know to find us here! With him and grandpa, we could secure more rations, especially with him as a doctor!" 

"Yeah..!" Eren breathed out, elated for the first time in what felt like ages. Finally, some good news. He still had his father, wherever he was. It was only a matter of time before he came to Trost to find him, right?

Right?

 

* * *

 

 

By the end of the week, the refugees had been categorized and assigned jobs at any available landfill. There had been no news from the other 3 districts that existed in Wall Maria, and everyone assumed the worst for them. The ration lines in the center of the city still stretched on for what seemed to be kilometers, but there was less and less food to hand out, and riots were beginning to break out. Each person fighting like rabid animals, driven to desperation from hunger.

Grandpa Arlert wasn't able to help much, but he was able to get some rations due to his age as well as name dropping one of his former employers whose farm had been responsible for growing some of these rations. The refugee barracks were all full to the brim that people spilled out onto the streets, finding any place to take cover for the night to rest. They had to sleep on hard floors with only a sheet to act as a bedroll, with hundreds and hundreds of other people.

There were so many people. People that they could recognize were their neighbors, the butcher, the seamstress down the street, their school teacher. But there were so many they didn't recognize that had come from other settlements, smaller villages within Wall Maria. Within Trost, and soon Calaneth and Krolva were thousands of refugees clamoring for shelter and food.

If Eren had thought humans were cattle before, now he truly felt like some farm animal placed in an overpopulated pen. The smell of urine, feces, and human sweat clung to these giant warehouse shelters, and people were beginning to get sick, either from hunger or from the horrible living conditions. He thought about helping, but he could barely make himself move to help Mikasa and Armin. He wanted to wait for his father, but with each day passing by, he doubted that the man could find them in the crowd of faceless hungry people.

The Police thought they were scum, the locals treated them like unwanted vermin, and even the other refugees kept to themselves with survival as their top priority. What was once a prosperous city became something more like an outdoor shelter, and Trost natives actually began to move away from the stench of unwashed bodies and the displaced. 

Which meant they had been able to find a place to live.

Granted, it was in the worst area of Trost, more commonly known as the Alley of Gaiety. Here were all the brothels, prostitution rings, gangs, seedy bars, and shady apothecaries that a morally sane person wouldn't dare take a step into. The buildings were more rundown, the street- if it could even be called a street when it was just a bunch of houses stacked up next to each other in a tight alley- was filled with the smoke of unidentifiable scents and the ever present smell of sweat, urine, and bodily fluids. 

This was the part of Trost that not even the Garrison or Military Police would patrol, leaving it to fester like an unpopped boil, and it was the perfect playground for Eren. 

Since they decided to wait for news of when Grisha was coming to town, Armin suggested they find a more permanent place to settle down until such a time came. Alley of Gaiety was the only place with cheap enough rent that they could afford, and even then it was just barely. Grandpa Arlert was able to find work as a fisherman again within Wall Rose territory, and sometimes wouldn't even be back for several days. The commute from Trost to the fishery was too long and taxing, and he would usually stay in the barracks there.

Their house- more of an apartment- consisted of two rooms and an outhouse. One room they used as a communal bedroom, and they would all bunker down on the hay mattress they were able to acquire from some old lady down the street who smelled like herbal inhalants. The other room was Eren's, specifically for his herbs and medicine.

Grandpa Arlert didn't make enough money to pay their rent and keep food on the table, and this being an alleyway of sin meant there was a system that the locals adhered to, one that Eren had weaseled in quite nicely with the help of Armin. Their landlord had a persistent cough from smoking so often, and would often times lower their rent if Eren made him his mixture of oregano, thyme, and peppermint oil. Herbs which they could easily grow next to their dingy window.

There were also several prostitutes who were looking for affordable birth control and detoxes, and Eren would trade them his medicines in exchange for supplies, like a table, some chairs, or just cold hard royals. The apothecaries would sell things to Eren for a cheap price, and he would bring them back home to grow his own. 

When a gang came by to ask- more like threaten- them for a poison supply, Mikasa naturally stepped up into her role of protector and almost killed them all until Armin stopped her. 

"Wait, Mikasa." Armin began nervously, right before she was about to stomp down on a gang member's head in the middle of their small living room. "They could be useful."

"Useful?" The young girl raised a brow. "To us or Eren?"

"It could be both..." The blond boy looked down at them apprehensively, and them looking back with bloodied faces fearing for their lives. "Depending on their answer, of course."

"Y-You win! We'll do whatever ya want!" The gang leader cried out, tear leaking from his face to mix with snot and blood. "You-You guys are monsters!"

Mikasa only stared down at them with a blank face. "It's a cruel world." She stated flatly. 

Eren walked out of his room and held up a small bottle of clear liquid. "If you want this, you're gonna have to work with us." He bargained with a frown, green eyes as hard as emeralds. "You better listen to Armin."

"Me?!" Armin squeaked, hiding himself behind Mikasa.

"Who else is gonna keep up with all the stuff that goes around here?" Eren said with a raised brow. "You've got better bookkeeping skills than either of us."

"O-Okay, we'll listen to ya guys!" The gang leader smiled nervously, a few of his teeth having been knocked out by Mikasa's punch. "We'll both profit, yeah?"

Eren frowned. "Who are your enemies? I'm not helping if you're targeting innocent people."

The gang members sweated apprehensively, and one of them spoke up. "W-We only go after people who try ta mess wit us! Like when the Military Police come here to sleep with our girls and leave without paying, or-or when a pimp treats their girls like shit. It fucks up the whole system, ya know?"

Armin hummed and narrowed his eyes. "I see...So you're abiding by your own laws outside of the law." He glanced at his friends, swallowed, and finally nodded. "...We can work with that."

In the end, all three of them became rather important figures in the alley. They only wanted to find a way to support themselves, but they ended up going far and beyond what they needed.

Eren became a doctor for all intents and purposes, as well as a potions master that created poisons and panaceas. He was known as the cute little brother that everyone would go to if they weren't feeling well, or didn't want others to feel well.

Mikasa became the muscle that would keep the alley in check, and would beat up anyone who dared try to revolt the system. Even though many had commented on her beauty, not a single mistress or pimp dared to approach her to be one of their girls. 

And Armin, surprisingly, became so adept at bookkeeping that he ended up in charge of the brothels when one of the sisters mentioned to their mistress how good he was at numbers. He hadn't planned this, in fact he didn't want this, but he didn't need to see any of the business that went down, only making sure everyone paid and was paid their rightful amounts.

Grandpa Arlert didn't know anything about this, and thought the alley was just another poor neighborhood. He did wonder when they could afford so much new furniture, hot food, and why strangers came in and out, but he left it as the kids working little jobs.

Months passed like this and still there was no sign of Grisha. 

Eren could slowly feel his hope fade away the longer it became, and he woke up more and more frequently from nightmares. All of them would wake each other up with their own night terrors, all flashing back to that faithful day when they had lost their homes. If one would wake the others, then the two would bundle them together and hope that they could provide one another with enough comfort. They only had each other, after all. 

Eren could only hope he hadn't lost his other parent as well. He almost resigned himself to playing doctor until he was finally forced to take it seriously. 

Sometimes, even a fake doctor was better than none.

"Dr. Jaeger..! We need your help!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: graphic descriptions of the body
> 
> Also I realize I never made a note about this, but any names that aren't mentioned in the main storyline are names made up by me, for example Hanne's wife is named Sierra in this fic, as well as the 3 Shiganshina bullies are named Frid, Riba, and Arkim. I hopefully won't have to do it too often in future chapters (because making up AOT names is hard, considering they're some weird amalgamation of German, French, and Euro Japanese)

A loud pounding began to echo within their small apartment, and it almost made Eren drop his newly made syringe.

He looked over at the closed door of his "lab" and frowned, his fingers twitching to the concealed blade in his sleeve. Who the hell was knocking at almost- He checked the angle of the moon outside the dingy window- 3AM? The Rosica gang knew not to bother them when it was this late, especially since Armin was finally taking some well earned rest. The two apothecaries didn't have any new orders they wanted, which meant it was either someone foolishly trying to rob them, or-

"Dr. Jaeger!" Someone pounded on their front door, almost splintering the wood. "Dr. Jaeger, we need your help! Please!"

Ah.

Heaving a sigh, Eren placed his materials back in his cooled cabinet and made sure to lock it before heading toward the front door.

The knocking had grown more frantic, to the point where Mikasa and Armin opened the bedroom door with sleepy eyes, wondering who would be bothering them. In Mikasa's hand was a blade, salvaged from a broken ODM sword.

"Dr. Jaeger! Please!!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Eren yelled back, hiding one hand behind his back as he unlocked the various latches. Opening the door, his blade ready in his hand, he was instead surprised to see one of the girls from Madam Hiesel's, sweat pouring down from her forehead and panting from what seemed to have been a quick run here. 

"Dr. Jaeger!" The prostitute sighed in relief, wiping her brow. "Please, it's Difa! Something's wrong with her!"

"Slow down." Eren advised soothingly, sliding his blade back into its arm holster underneath his sleeve. "What happened with Difa?" 

"She-She just collapsed out of nowhere!" She explained frantically, wringing her hands in front of her. "She had been feeling weak the past couple of weeks-well, months really, but nothing seemed wrong with her and she was still able to take customers. Just half an hour ago, she fell over and lost consciousness and seemed to have wet herself, but it didn't look like piss..." She bit her lip. "Can you come? I-I know it's late, but you're the only doctor here!"

Eren scrunched up his face.

He really didn't like how so many people depended on him. Firstly, he was only ten years old. Sure, he was obviously more knowledgeable and skilled than any other doctor in Wall Rose right now, especially since the more talented doctors had retreated into Sina, but he didn't have a license. He still wasn't a real doctor, and he never would be. He was going to join the Survey Corps soon, much sooner than he thought since an announcement had been made in the town square declaring that Military Enlistment would be open for twelve and older. He could go and kill Titans as soon as he turned fifteen.

But for now, as Mikasa liked to remind him, he had to survive, and that meant making sure people still wanted his services.

"All right." Eren relented in the end. "Give me a few minutes to get my kit and I'll follow you." Ignoring the woman's sobbing thanks, he turned around and walked back inside his room.

He had a prepared briefcase- like his father's, he realized with a pang- that contained a set of boiled clean bandages made from scraps, safety pins, scissors, gloves, tweezers, a few scalpels, alcohol, anesthetic, medicinal pastes, and a needle and thread as well as a bottle of boiled clean water.  

It wasn't enough for say, an invasive surgery, but it covered all the basics and it was all he really needed. No one in this alley ever needed extensive care. Either it was a minor laceration or illness, or they were already dead, overdosed on drugs he didn't make or killed by someone else. 

Taking an apron with him, he walked past Mikasa who was waiting for him at the door, already in her signature red scarf and a well covered sweater and dress. "I'm coming with you." She announced quietly.

"No you're not." Eren immediately disagreed, turning around to glare at her. "I can take care of myself. No one will mess with me, and Armin needs someone else here to watch the apartment. We don't want another incident like last week."

When a desperate addict had heard of Eren's under-the-table medicines and assumed they were of the recreational kind, the kind that he was willing to risk his life for. And risk his life he did.

He was currently cooling in the basement their landlord had oh so generously given them.

"No one would dare try anything against us, so I'm coming with you." Mikasa argued flatly. "I'm not letting you go around by yourself." 

Eren tried to quash his anger, oh he tried. "I'm not a kid." He bit out, his teeth grinding together. "You can't just treat me as if I'm some helpless younger brother you have."

It was infuriating to have her constantly follow him as if he couldn't handle himself. Hadn't he been the one who had saved her? Who killed two men for her? (He won't claim that last one, she _had_ been the one to stab him and he was going to have drowned in his own blood if Eren hadn't snapped his neck with rope.)

Taken aback, she looked down abashedly. "I know, I just..." She whispered. "I just don't want anything to happen to you. I- _We_ need you."

Of course she had to bring up the family thing. 

Sighing, Eren rolled his eyes and gestured to the door. "Fine, but if anything happens, just let me handle it. It's just a quick doctor's call." 

Mikasa brightened up behind him and made sure to wave to Armin who sleepily went back to bed, and followed after her brother out the door and down the old creaky stairs of their house. The landlord lived on the first floor and rented his second floor to them. Recently, they asked if they could use the basement and due to the mold and dust, he allowed them to use it rent-free so long as they cleaned it all up. 

When they headed out of the house, they had to cover their faces from the harsh winds that whipped through the alley. It was almost the end of Fall, and they knew Winter was going to be hard due to the food shortage. The Alley of Gaiety was quieting down for the night, with many seedy patrons at the bars or already in bed with their fun for the night, so no one bothered them while the prostitute led them over to Madam Hiesel's where a crowd of people hovered around the entrance.

"Out of the way!" Eren shouted, already pushing his way through with Mikasa right behind him. The people grumbled at his lack of manners, but after seeing who he was, moved aside.

As soon as Eren entered the seedy brothel, he tied a scented cloth over his mouth and nose which would protect him from the stench of sweat, sex, and urine. It was gross living so close to places like this, but he knew they were just doing their best to survive as well, so he couldn't judge too harshly.

The brothel was just a strip of rooms and a small bar up front, dimly lit with reused candles on the tables. The floors were wood, old and worn from the steps of heels and dirty shoes, and the wallpaper was yellow from smoke and lack of maintenance.

Madam Hiesel, a strict woman who ran her house with an iron fist, would usually be behind the bar serving drinks, but tonight she was in front of one of the rooms along with a gaggle of women. "No one is to bother Difa!" Madam Hiesel informed the rest of the girls under her employ. "I have my suspicions as to what's wrong with her, but until that Jaeger brat arrives, we are to leave her alone."

"That 'Jaeger brat' is here." Eren cut in with a scowl, already walking up to the room with Mikasa following after him. "Madam." He greeted stiffly.

Madam Hiesel looked down at him with a conflicted frown. "Good, you didn't waste too much time. I'm sure Ana told you, but Difa here suddenly collapsed and then seemed to have wet herself. It's not urine, but I have only ever seen this kind of liquid once..."

He raised a brow. "And?"

"...In women ready to give birth."

Eren stilled. What?

Rushing into the room, he placed his briefcase on top of a table and popped it open to retrieve a set of gloves. Sliding them on, he tied his apron securely on his front before moving to the bed.

Difa was unconscious, but her breathing was so harsh he could hear it from across the room. Looking closer, she was sweating and trembling, her face contorted into a grimace even knocked out. As the Madam described, the bed sheet underneath her rear was wet as if she had wet herself, but if her suspicions were correct, then...

Trying to remain professional but still not being able to withhold an embarrassed grimace behind his mask, he pushed up her skirts and pulled down her completely soaked underwear. The liquid definitely originated from her sex but it wasn't urine, it was amniotic fluid. She was in labor and she was beginning to dilate. 

Looking back up from her groin, Eren frowned at her state. How was it that she was pregnant and no one knew? Did she not have a regular monthly bleeding cycle? While Difa was a little heavier than some of the other girls who worked in the brothel, she was nowhere distended enough to look pregnant. Her stomach was almost flat.

His father had told him pregnancy came in different forms, and some women might not show, but this was unusual. 

Deciding the best thing to do was to get the information straight from the source, Eren gently tapped Difa's cheek with the back of his hand. "Ms. Difa? Wake up. Wake up!" 

With a pained groan, the prostitute slowly came back to consciousness only to grunt and hold her stomach. "Ahh...Why-Why does my stomach hurt so much?" She asked weakly, trying to sit up.

Eren helped her up, and then propped up her pillow as back support. "Ms. Difa, can you tell me about your cycle? When was the last time you bled?" He asked somewhat shyly. He may know what to do but Maria's sake, he was just a boy.

Difa blushed- well, as much as she could in her state- and looked away. "I've bled occasionally, and it was always light, just a few spots at a time."

Eren hummed thoughtfully. "Did you ever miss one of your teas?"

By tea, he meant the contraceptive tea that was commonly brewed in places like these. The recipe changes depending on where within the Walls the ingredients could be gathered from, but here it was a combination of parsley, cotton root bark, and spearmint. Mugwort was popular to use in Shiganshina because the climate was just barely warm enough to grow it, but they didn't have access to it anymore. It wouldn't surprise him if that meant her tea wasn't strong enough.

Difa shook her head, but cried out in pain and curled into herself. "Ow!" She winced. "I-I always take my teas regularly, every month...Though..." She bit her lip, sweat shining off her brow. "Once, my tea had to be watered down since we had too many clients..."

"When was this?"

"A-About 8, almost 9 months ago? Somewhere around there..." She slowly shook her head. "Please, is there anything you can do to help me? Maybe I'm having bad cramps..." She moved her legs but stilled in embarrassment when she felt the wet sheets underneath her. "Oh no...Did I...Did I wet myself?" She squeaked, mortified.

Eren grimaced. "No, Ms. Difa. You're going into labor."

She stared at him. "...Huh?"

"You're pregnant, and your baby is coming _right now._ " He stressed, watching as realization slowly dawned on her; her eyes widened, her face paled to a white sheet, and her breathing quickened to the point where she was hyperventilating. "Calm down!" He quickly added. "We can take care of this, okay? Just relax and do your best to concentrate on breathing, nice and slow."

Shakily nodding, Difa laid back down and breathed in and out, wide and horror filled eyes never leaving the ceiling. "How..? How could I be pregnant?" She whispered. "I never wanted a child..."

Eren glanced over at her sympathetically. If he had to guess, he would probably place her around seventeen years old. A lot of girls were married by that age and having their first kids, but for women of her profession, it just meant another mouth to feed. "...We'll talk about that later. Right now, the most important thing is to make sure you're safe and the baby is safe. Mikasa!" He turned to the still silent and ever watching girl who stood by the door. "Get some hot water, boiling preferably, and some towels!"

Mikasa nodded, leaving the room to gather the very items he requested.

While she was off doing that, he went back to his briefcase to take out a pair of scissors, to cut the umbilical cord later, and a piece of cloth, bundling it up into a thick rope. A birth was just about pushing his expertise as well as his equipment, but with any luck, they'll pull through this alive and whole. 

Moving back to the bed, Eren timed Difa's contractions by how often she winced and held her stomach, and gently spread her legs to check. Only 3cm. 

He frowned. She wasn't dilated enough compared to how fast the contractions were happening.

This...could get messy.

 

* * *

 

 

The early sun's pale rays shined through the small window in the room, highlighting the sweat drenched woman on the bed and the sleep deprived ten year old who was playing doctor. It had been three hours since Eren had arrived at the brothel and they were no where close to birthing the baby. Difa was so exhausted she was barely holding onto consciousness, and he himself wanted so badly to just fall asleep. 

He was exhausted. He hadn't slept in almost thirty-two hours. Partly because of his patient right now, but mostly because he had been working on a cheaper way to get syringes.

Syringes were a luxury for doctors, and only those in Sina could actually purchase them in bulk.  He had been working on a prototype right before he had been interrupted, and at this point, he may have to test it now.

The water Mikasa had brought had long since cooled, which meant it was time to boil it again or else they wouldn't have a reliant way to clean both mother and baby later.

They needed that baby to be out _now_.

"Mikasa..." Eren quietly voiced out, his sister perking up from her seat next to the table. "I need you to run back to the apartment. In the cool box, I have a syringe in there. Bring it here, will you?"

"What are you going to do with it?" She inquired with a whisper, her eyes darting to the barely conscious woman on the bed.

"I'm going to have to cut her open." He whispered grimly, and her eyes widened a fraction of an inch before she nodded. Faster than the eye can see, she disappeared from the room, the door gently shutting behind her. 

Eren also stood up and opened the door, making sure to be quiet as he did so. The last thing he wanted was to stress Difa more than she already was. He carried the pan of cold water with him and brought it to the kitchens to be reheated.

Madam Hiesel was still awake, though she looked to be waning in strength, and she gave him a stern frown when he entered the kitchens. "What is taking so long, young man?" She interrogated.

Placing the pan on top of the fireplace rack and watching as the flames heated the bottom, Eren tugged his mask down. "...The baby won't come out." He informed her apprehensively. "If it takes any longer, the baby could suffocate and Ms. Difa could die from exhaustion and onset infection." He took a deep breath. "I'm cutting her open."

"What?!" She shrieked, eyes wide with disbelief and horror. "You're cutting her open?! You may be talented, Mr. Jaeger, but you are only a child! This is a human life we are talking about! Nay, _two_ human lives!" She stressed. "How can we trust that you will be able to do this?! Women don't survive through such a harrowing ordeal!"

"I know that!" Eren snapped back, temper incredibly short from sleep deprivation and the current situation. "I'm not an idiot! I wouldn't resort to this if I could, but she's not dilating and the baby would get crushed if she tried to push!" He gritted his teeth at her condescending sneer. "I may be a kid but I know what I'm doing, so just put your faith in me!" 

Madam Hiesel had a pinched expression, but after several moments, relented with a heavy sigh. "All right...Just do everything you can. Please."

Eren nodded solemnly. He wasn't going to fail this.

After letting the Madam know to bring the water back to the room after it reached boiling point, Eren went back into the room and began pulling out the tools he needed by placing them on top of a distilled cloth. He took out the anesthetic: a bottle of lavender, wintergreen, and clove oil for topical use. He took out his scalpels; a small one and a large one, both with razor sharp edges. Lastly, he took out the needle and thread, for sewing her back up.

Everything was already sterilized as best as they could be, with alcohol and boiled water.

Eren could admit he was nervous about this. He had only been present for one birth and it was a natural one, meaning the baby had been pushed out. He knew what to do, his father had made sure his work sheets covered every kind of birth a doctor had to help with, but this was the first invasive surgery he would be doing on a live person. To take out a (hopefully) live baby. 

Holding the scalpel in his gloved hand, he watched it shake from the force of his tremors, but he forced himself to still. He had to have calm and steady hands, or else he could nick something major and everything would go wrong. All he needed now was the syringe that Mikasa was going to get for him.

The glass tube of the syringe can always be reused so long as it was sterilized properly, but the needle was the difficult part. Hollow needles were difficult to make within the Sina factories, and because they were so fragile, they could only be used once or twice before the metal began to bend and decay, therefore only the wealthy doctors of nobles were able to use them so carelessly. Usually it was because such thin and fragile metal, even steel, wouldn't be able to handle the force of piercing through skin, and contact with bodily fluids, such as iron in blood, could help erode it further.

By using an iron bamboo knife, Eren started experimenting on how to create his own needles. He used the knife to shave off old steel blocks, and then heated the thin sheets using a concentrated furnace at the apothecary. Once they were properly heated, he rolled them up into tubes, making sure to keep the middle hollow, and then heated them up again and pushed them through another tube.

He didn't know how many times he managed to burn himself or almost set something on fire, causing both Mikasa and Armin to try to convince him to stop. Not that they were successful.

Tonight was when he finally created a needle thin enough to fit into his old syringe tubes, but he hadn't had time to test it out yet. If this worked, he could cut costs on supplies and focus more of his funds on things that would bring in more money, and therefore Grandpa Arlert wouldn't have to work so hard for them. If this didn't work...

Well.

The door to the room opened and Eren looked up to see Mikasa, but much to his surprise, Armin was behind her, hugging his records book for Madam Hiesel's brothel. "Armin? What are you doing here?"

"Hi Eren." Armin waved, peeking out shyly at the woman on the bed. "I know Difa, so I...I thought I should come give her some support, and to make sure she can have some rest." He gestured to the records book. "I'll talk with Madam Hiesel about it."

Mikasa held out the small box that stored his syringe, still chilled from their cool box. "Here."

Eren nodded his thanks and immediately got to work, making sure the cloth over his mouth was secure and that his apron was fastened on. "All right. Mikasa, I'm gonna need you to hold Ms. Difa down by her upper body. This here," He opened the box to pull out his first ever created syringe, already filled with a clear liquid. "Will numb her waist down, but it won't knock her out. If you feel like she's struggling too much, just press that spot between her neck and shoulder."

"Understood." Mikasa nodded, putting on a pair of gloves herself.

Armin gulped and paled when Eren held up a scalpel, and immediately vacated out of the room. He passed by Madam Hiesel who came in with a steaming pan of water as well as a towel, and she raised a brow.

"Mr. Arlert." She nodded at the young boy, and placed the supplies next to the bed. Straightening back up, she placed a hand on her employee's head, gently sweeping some of her sweat drenched hair out of the way, and sighed. "Good luck, Difa, and good luck Mr. Jaeger."

Eren nodded, eyes narrowed with determination, and once she left the room, he got to work.

Pushing up Difa's skirt, he doused a rag with alcohol and gently wiped her entire abdomen with it, making sure her skin was as clean as possible.

Difa weakly looked up at him. "Eren..? Help me..." She whispered, her hand jerkily reaching up to tug at his apron. "Please help me..."

How could he not when she was calling out to him like that? "I'll do my very best." Eren assured, his brows furrowed. "I _will_ save you, so just relax. Trust me."

Nodding faintly, she collapsed back onto the bed and didn't protest when Mikasa held her down. The young girl made sure to be gentle but firm, that her grip wasn't bruising but the soon-to-be mother won't be able to move.

Prepping the new syringe, Eren gulped nervously and steeled his nerves. Tilting the woman over on her side, he found the best area near her lower spine and with a quick breath, stabbed forward. The needle slid into her skin seamlessly and he immediately plunged the regional anesthesia in her. This will numb her waist down, but since he didn't have enough anesthesia, he had to work quickly before the numbness faded.

Once all of the anesthesia emptied out into her body, Eren laid her back down on her back again and smeared a topical anesthetic on her lower abdomen, around the area where he was about to cut open. Switching out his gloves for a new sterilized pair, he placed another couple of rags underneath her and with a deep breath, picked up his scalpel. "Ms. Difa, don't watch, okay? Let me know if it starts hurting."

Because once it started hurting, he would have to have Mikasa knock her out.

Difa swallowed nervously and looked up at the ceiling. Under her breath, she began to recite prayers to the Walls and their signature goddesses, Maria, Rose, and Sina. "Please please please..."

Eren couldn't be more thankful for the large window next to the bed where the early morning sun illuminated his patient, letting him have a clear view of what he was about to cut. This wasn't someone he knew, this was now his patient, a person who needed his expertise. He wished his father was here instead, but everything fell on his shoulders and he couldn't disappoint.

Placing the scalpel against her skin, Eren pressed down, watching with a focused gaze as the epidermis split effortlessly under the sharpness of his blade. Blood oozed out of the incision, but he ignored it, pressing the scalpel deeper. Making an incision from the top of her right hipbone to her left, he sliced through skin, sinew, and muscle.

The pink and gray tissues inside her lower abdomen stood out next to the yellow of her skin, and picking up his tweezers, he used them as makeshift forceps and pushed the dissection wound open. 

Her amniotic sac had already burst, and he could see the infant moving around underneath the thin membrane of her uterus. He peeked up at his patient's face, noticing that while her face was twisted in a grimace, she wasn't screaming out in unimaginable pain, so he'd say his anesthesia was working well enough. Picking up his scalpel once more, he made an identical but smaller incision in her uterus, beginning from the right to the left. It parted like egg white, and underneath the see-through film of mucus and the coil that was the umbilical cord, was the infant. 

This was it.

Taking a deep breath, inhaling the calming scent of lavender and peppermint oil in his mask, Eren sliced the membrane away from the uterine wall, and placing his hands inside his patient's body, he picked up the infant and lifted it out with its placenta. It was small, much smaller than an average baby, but it had all ten fingers and toes.

Its high-pitched cries immediately filled the room, and Difa gasped, bringing up a hand to cover her mouth as tears streamed down her face. Mikasa was even smiling for the first time in weeks, though it was small.

Eren was smiling as well behind his mask, but he didn't have time to stop. Difa was still bleeding out and her uterus was out for the world to see, and infection could set in at anytime especially in a place as unsanitary as a brothel. The pressure of time weighed down on him, making him perspire harder.

Quickly taking a few rags, he dipped them into the now warm water and gently wiped the baby down, checking its sex for a split second. "It's a girl." He announced within a breath. 

"Oh..." Difa sniffled, biting her lip to keep herself from crying. "A girl...My baby girl..?"

"Yes." Mikasa smiled down at her, using one hand to pet her head. "Just a little longer, Ms. Difa. Stay relaxed."

Wrapping the vulnerable babe in multiple layers lest she got chilly, Eren moved back to his still waiting patient and began sewing her up, ignoring the squelches of her organs and her steady loss of blood.

Sewing up her uterus, he then cut off the end of the thread, knotting it in place. A thread like this meant the body's immune system would eventually dissolve it, leaving a scar but none of the equipment used to close it. It took several minutes, almost 20 minutes, because he didn't want to mess up and have her bleed out internally.

Pushing her lower and upper abdomen as close as possible, he sewed her skin up with a careful hand and then slathered on more numbing cream as well as an antibiotic before dressing her wound with the cleanest bandages he had. Tying the ends together, he yanked his apron to the floor and collapsed on a chair. "Done!" He gasped, sweat drenching his face and his shirt. 

"Good job, Eren." Mikasa congratulated him, taking her arms back from the young woman. "Is there anything I can do?"

Eren weakly gestured to the baby still wriggling in her bundle. "Bring her to Ms. Difa. Let her see her new baby." He weakly smiled, forcing himself to get back up even on shaky legs. 

Picking up the newly birthed baby, Mikasa watched her scrunch up her small face, amniotic fluid drying in white chalky powder on her skin, and blinked curiously. The baby let out a small cry, reminding the young girl where she was, and she brought her over to her mother.

Difa cracked open her eyes and reached out to receive her baby. "Mine..?" She whispered wondrously. "This is...my baby...She's beautiful..."

"Congratulations, Ms. Difa." Eren smiled, holding up a pair of scissors. "Would you like to cut off her umbilical cord?"

Her fingers trembled as it slid into the handle holes of the scissors, and she was barely able to cut the fleshly tube that had once connected her baby to her, but she did it. Giving the scissors back, she smiled down at her baby whose cries had calmed down once she had made skin contact with her mother. "My baby..." Difa whispered. "Should I feed her now?"

"If you prefer." Eren answered. "You can try breastfeeding her, or we can try to make her a formula. You can't drink _any_ alcohol if you're breastfeeding, or else it could affect the baby as well." He lectured, taking the soiled sheets underneath her. A mix of amniotic fluid and urine had stained the dull white sheets, and he knew they would have to be boiled several times. "You're going to be resting for the next week, and you'll be sore for the next month or so. I'll bring you medicines to help you and the baby, okay?"

Difa turned her tear filled eyes from her baby to the young boy who had helped her, freezing him in place with the _sheer gratefulness_ that seemed to exude from her. "Thank you...Thank you so much!" She sobbed, a bright smile illuminating through her tears. "I didn't even know I was pregnant, but now that she's in my arms, I already love her so much. I wouldn't...She...We both wouldn't have made it if you weren't here. Thank you so very much, Eren."

Blushing underneath his mask, Eren smiled warmly. "...You're welcome, Ms. Difa. I'm..." He paused, but he honestly couldn't lie. "I'm glad to help you."

More tears escaped the older girl and she reached out to bring him into a hug, tugging him down with her and the newborn. Eren scrunched up his face, but didn't move even though he was uncomfortable.

There was a warmth in his chest that he hadn't experienced in a long while, maybe since he had welcomed Mikasa into his family. Someone was thanking him for saving their life, for helping them and their child. He knew that if he hadn't been here, Difa and her baby would probably be dead by now. She would've gone into shock and her baby would've been crushed against her cervix.

But because he was here, and his father had forced him to learn medicine, never letting him have fun until he finished his work sheets and dissections, he was able to save this woman and her baby. She was so grateful that she was hugging him, a near stranger. Trusted him to save her, to treat her well, to make sure she made it out alive in the best possible outcome.

Even though he wasn't fighting Titans, he was still helping humanity, so...maybe being a doctor wasn't so bad. 

The door opened and Madam Hiesel peeked in, as well as every other girl who worked in the brothel. Once they saw the brand new baby in their sister's arms, they rushed up to congratulate her, filling the room with noise. "Oh Rose, there's a baby!" 

"Difa, are you okay?!"

"Oh my gosh, your stomach..!"

"There's so much blood...and ugh, it stinks."

"You guys..." Difa sighed and only hugged her baby closer to her.

"What are you going to name her?" Mikasa asked quietly, ducking to hide in her scarf.

Pausing, the new mother looked down at her baby. "She's a surprise, a miracle...Mikelle." She beamed and cuddled the newly named Mikelle. 

"That's a nice name." Eren smiled down at the baby.

He already adored her since he had helped her rather violent introduction into the world. May she never know the horror of the outside world, and that when she's older, she wouldn't have to live in constant fear like he and the rest of humanity. Mikelle, a miracle of humankind, a new generation that might live to see the Titans' downfall.

Eren knew she was another reason for his fight against the giant monsters who hunted their kind.

Armin peeked in behind the gaggle of women who crowded around the new mother and smiled. "Yeah, it's nice to have some good news." His eyes caught sight of something in the window and he looked up, but once he did, whatever it was had already disappeared. He could've sworn he saw a man...

Shrugging it away with a slight discomfort, Armin joined his two friends and the rest of the brothel as they ogled the new baby and began having an impromptu celebration.

 

* * *

 

 

He felt a chill go down his spine at seeing the new babe and immediately ducked away from the window, biting his nails. There was no way she had been pregnant, but there was undeniable proof right there, in all its wrinkly skin and horrible stench. He couldn't let this connect back with him, especially if that bitch decided to rattle off who had been her clients. "Fuck fuck fuck..." He whispered to himself. This could ruin his fucking reputation and then no one would hire him in Sina ever again. Him? Fathering a baby with some dirty whore? 

No.

That baby wasn't allowed to live. He could at least strangle it to death or something. He just had to find a time when it was alone, then it and its dumb whore of a mother will meet their end and he'd come out of this with nothing holding him down. 

He gotta hurry before Wald calls him back...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm I wonder who's that guy -thinking face-
> 
> As another note, this story will take a couple of chapters "outside of canon" for a while, just to really solidify the trio as capable characters, and then I'll be diverging from canon. Hopefully I'll be doing it well! 
> 
> Please leave a comment and thanks for reading as always!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while since I updated, sorry! Semester has started for me and it's kicking my ass ;w; I'm going to try to update once per week, maybe twice if I'm motivated
> 
> Also thanks so much for over 1000 hits and 83 kudos, like damn, that's absurd for such a new fic

**Two Weeks Later**

 

Eren stared at the small baby in his arms, watching how her little mouth twitched and how her eyes occasionally twitched underneath her eyelids. How her skin was as smooth and pale as cream, and as soft as fresh dough.

Mikelle gurgled, spit bubbling between her puckered lips, and he snickered. "You're so messy, Mikelle..." He whispered fondly, bringing up a rag to wipe her mouth. She whined and pawed up at him pathetically with her tiny little fists, and Eren swore he could feel his heart melt.

It had been two weeks since Mikelle was born, and the trio had become honorary babysitters. Difa was having a hard time recovering from her surgery, so all she could do was feed Mikelle before going back to sleep.

Eren tried to help, he really did, but supplies were limited as it was, and the medicine she needed cost _so much_ to make. She needed pain relieving creams and pills, she needed vitamins, she needed nutrition that bread and potato soup was never going to make up for. Most of all, she needed a clean and stress-free environment to heal in, and no matter how well Madam Hiesel runs her business, a brothel was the farthest thing from an ideal home. 

Since she was bed bound for the foreseeable future, Difa tried to earn her keep by doing all the sewing for the brothel, fixing up revealing skirts that were torn off by men and dirty sheets that ripped from clawing hands. She couldn't do the job she was employed for, and in a way she was happy about that, but if she didn't work she would be kicked out. 

And so Mikelle fell into their hands.

She was a far cry from how she entered the world; her blotchy red skin had smoothed out into a creamy color, and she looked more of a human than some weird tumor. For an unexpected baby, she was pretty healthy, though...that might not be for long since winter was approaching fast. They were already in November, and it had been two months since...

Eren clenched the babe closer to him and bit his lips shut, already feeling the burning behind his eyes that signaled tears.

It had been exactly two months since his home was violently taken away from him by the Titans. Two months since he, Mikasa, Armin, and Grandpa Arlert had been forced to flee deeper into the Walls. Two months since he had a real meal that didn't just consist of bread and watered down soup. Two months since he had a new set of clothes that weren't covered in stitches and patches. Two months since he was so ignorant of the world, of its terrors. Two months since he had seen his father and two months since...

Since his mother died.

Broken, twisted, and eaten. He could still hear the sound of her spine cracking, could still smell her fear amidst the fires and dust, and the petals that rained down in the air when the Titan bit down and severed her body in half.

Every night, the same image, the same scenario haunted him until he felt Mikasa and Armin snuggle up around him on their shared bed. It was like it was burned into his retinas, his brain, his _very soul._ How could he ever forget when it was the sole driving reason for his existence, to exterminate every filthy Titan that ever walked the earth. To make them cry out in pain, to watch them fall, to carve through their flesh and to _relish in their evaporating **blood-**_

Mikelle whimpered in his arms and Eren realized in a panic that he had been suffocating her in his shirt from how hard he hugged her. "Ah-! Mikelle, I'm sorry..." He let out a heavy sigh and gave her an apology kiss on the forehead. He had to stop and realize his surroundings, but so often he just slipped into his memories. His beautiful and kind mother didn't deserve to die like that, didn't deserve to die at all, and he was going to make sure that something like that would never happen again.

He wasn't as useless as he was back then anymore. He was getting stronger, little by little. His physical strength was still nowhere close to Mikasa's, he realized with a bitter scrunch of his face, but he knew how much force he needed to cut skin, muscle, _bone_. What kind of herbs can be mixed into as something as harmless as a mild laxative to the most painful paralytic poison he knew. He was sure there were other mixtures out there he had yet to try and wouldn't get his hands on any time soon, if ever, but that was okay. He had to see if they worked on a Titan first.

"Yeah..." Eren whispered with a wide smile on his face. And Titans were pretty close to human physiology, though he was sure their skin was much tougher since they required iron bamboo blades. He already knew their weak spots. The best way to make them flinch, to make them stagger, to make them howl in pain. Then he would slice their necks off in chunks, and wade in their blood.

If anyone was observing him right now, they would notice that his smile was just a _tad_ too wide, and his large eyes, usually a startling emerald color with specks of gold, turning into a poisonous green that almost glowed with something _monstrous_. 

Mikelle puckered her lips and let out little cries before turning her head to his chest, as if searching for something. Eren blinked, looked down, and felt his cheeks heat up when he realized what she was doing. "Um..." He choked out. "I don't have milk for you, sorry." He felt so bad but Maria, it was so embarrassing! He wasn't a girl!

She kept trying to look for a nipple to latch onto and instead mouthed his shirt. In a rush, he stood up from the steps of his building. "Why don't I bring you to your mom, hm?" He laughed awkwardly and walked down the alley. The baby in his arms giggled as if agreeing, and he let out a tired but fond sigh. Babies were so innocent and cute, he hoped that it would stay this way forever. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Thanks so much for your help, Armin!" One of the girls chirped, waving goodbye as the small blond boy left through the back door of the brothel. 

Armin waved back with a slightly embarrassed smile before ducking his head into his threadbare sweater and headed off through the cramped side alleys. His pockets were heavy with coin for once, and he was excited. With this coin, they could afford more food, new clothes, and even give his grandpa some time off. He had never thought he would end up working at brothels, but it kept food on the table, helped expand Eren's business, and kept them safe. 

Everyone in the Alley, nay, everyone in Trost and Wall Rose who was a hot blooded male would end up here at least once, Armin had learned from Madam Hiesel. The very economy fed into the system of prostitution here, and because it was so essential, there was a unanimous agreement between everyone, law abiding citizen and otherwise, that the brothels would never be targeted. Whether it was a gang, a drug dealer, a farmer, or even Survey Scouts, Garrison soldiers, and Military Police officers. If they had business in the Alley of Gaiety, it was never at the detriment of the red light district within it.

The Rosica gang, the very gang that had tried to rob them for a poison supply, ran a sort of checks system where they would take note of anyone coming in and out. They would recognize who was coming in, what sort of position they might hold based on their appearances, and then tell Armin. He would then write it down, note which brothel, which girl they spent the night with, and how much they paid. No one came in without the Rosicas knowing, and anyone who was flagged as a potentially dangerous person, Mikasa would tail them. Sometimes Eren joined in if he wasn't busy in his lab. 

At this point, Armin was swamped with so much paper that he would sometimes get too dizzy. He didn't have to do much, he really only needed to do some basic math for the ledgers and to write everything down neatly. Out of the three, his handwriting was the neatest, which he took great pride in.

Well, he had to have some pride _somewhere_. He wasn't as useful like Eren or as strong and intimidating like Mikasa, but while Eren was a genius when it came to knowing physiology, his weakness was that he wasn't really talented anywhere else. Mikasa had the strength of 10 men and was loyal even beyond death, but she had no tact when it came to anything except Eren and himself.

And so Armin took it upon himself to make sure they had all the money they were owed, that everyone was paid accordingly, and that no one was cheating. It was hard work, and no one trusted him in the beginning because he was just a scrawny little boy. Some still didn't trust him, but they recognized that he was smart, and that was really all he needed. Everyone who lived in the Alley knew the Shiganshina trio and their grandpa, and wouldn't dare lay a hand on them.

Not when Eren provided affordable healthcare (and the opposite), Mikasa helped clean up the scum and protect the girls, and he himself made sure the money flowed correctly.

Humming merrily for the first time in a month, Armin was about to turn the corner at the end of another alley but his ears heard something ahead and he tucked himself behind a building. Down the path he was about to go on, was a man with tan skin and dark brown hair with a smattering of facial hair, and he was grinning down at a young girl. Armin normally would ignore this, but this was the Alley of Gaiety, even at the edge of the territory.

And she looked only a few years older than him.

"C'mon, wanna feel good?" The man held out his hand with a dirty grin. "You look real hungry. I've got lotsa food and sweets, ya know! Even some of those delectable Sina cakes!"

"Oh..?" The girl genuinely looked interested and unaware of the man's real intentions. Armin wondered if she was an outsider to be so ignorant. "Sina cakes? What are those?"

The man's smile appeared strained for a moment. "It's these fluffy breads that are sweet with lotsa cream. C'mon," He flexed his hand as an invitation. "Let's go, cutie."

Pursing her lips, the girl took a step back and out of the invisible line that deemed this place the Alley. "Sorry mister, but I have to get home. Maybe next time!" And with a naive smile, turned around and began walking away.

Immediately, the man's face darkened into an angry sneer and reached out with a hand, ready to pull that girl back. Teeth chattering, Armin picked up a loose rock and threw it against a nearby wall, making sure it echoed. The man snapped his head up in his direction and Armin swallowed nervously in his position behind an old crate, hidden from view.

"Tch..." The man let out a frustrated sigh and headed down a different street, away from both the girl and though he was unaware of him, Armin. 

Armin let out a small sigh of relief but frowned thoughtfully. That man...He seemed familiar for some reason. He also headed into the Alley, so was he a regular here? 

Standing up from his crouch, he dusted his pants and headed to the "entrance" of the Alley. Passing by the few bars as well as the one apothecary that Eren liked, Armin waved at one of the surly looking fellows perched up on a stack of crates. "Excuse me!" He called out politely.

Looking down from his high position, the gang member spat out his toothpick and jumped down to ground level. "Armin!" Luke grinned down at the young boy from under his scruffy bandana. "What can I do ya for?"

"May I check the logs?" Armin asked quietly. "I just want to make sure of something." 

"Sure, sure." The gang member guided him over to one of the crates where inside it was an old book disguised as a cookbook. Opening it, every page was a description and a simple sketch of every person who had ever entered the Alley. "Here ya go. Brelin did all the sketches today, so they're a bit more accurate than usual. Oh," He perked up. "Can ya tell Mikasa to come down here sometime? We need her to lift some stuff."

"Thank you." Armin handed him a coin for his troubles. "I'll be sure to do that when I see her." Turning to the book, he flipped each page carefully. Where was the man he just saw? Dark hair, tan skin, slight mustache, kind of lanky but scruffy- There.

Armin squinted at the page. "Introduced himself as Lou, and had been coming frequently to the brothels here, specifically Madam Hiesel's, until recently..." He read out loud. Based on what he had seen earlier, this "Lou" fellow was a man who preferred young girls. This record was also months old, way before he had moved here with his friends and grandpa.

He frowned. Absolute scum then.

Closing the book, he placed it back inside the crate and waved to Luke. "Can you look out for the guy named Lou?" He whispered behind a hand. "I saw him trying to lure in a young girl earlier, around my age..."

Luke grimaced. "Yeah I'll be sure ta, but ya know..." He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "This _is_ the Alley...Plenty of unsavory stuff goes down here." He didn't say anything more, but the implications were clear.

Armin glared up at him, even as his hands trembled by his sides. How could he even say that? There were lines that not even the worst of monsters would cross, and that was one of them. "I...I'm still technically a child. So is Eren and Mikasa. If we let a-a _pedophile_ run amok here, how do you think we feel?" He stuttered, nervous even while angry. "Do you want something to happen to us? Are you saying _you_ want something bad to happen?"

Luke's eyes widened at the implications and bowed his head apologetically. "Right, you're right, sorry. I'll let the boys know to keep an eye on the guy. Uh...Don't tell Eren, yeah?" He clapped his hands together in a plead. "Kid would come and smash our kneecaps or somethin' if he heard."

"Thank you." Armin nodded stiffly and turned back into the Alley, heading home for now. He couldn't believe that Luke would just let some strange pedophile wander around, just because the Alley was full of sin. Animals killed one another for food and territory, even raped for dominance, but never children. None of his books had ever said that children were ever harmed like that in the animal kingdom, whether it was wolves, birds, or other more exotic creatures. Only humans had ever shown tendencies to pedophilia. He should tell Mikasa and Eren to watch out for that man as well.

Arriving back to their quaint apartment, Armin made sure to wipe the bottoms of his shoes on the worn mat before ascending up the stairs. He unlocked all the padlocks, locked them again after entering, and finally sat down on one of the chairs with a sigh. "I still have to go to Madam Hiesel's later..." He mused quietly. Digging into his pockets, he pulled out all the royals he had earned and began counting, adding them up to a nice amount. They had enough to pay for rent, food, and even new clothes now. "Maybe even enough to put some into savings." He smiled happily to himself. Then they could...

They could what?

Armin blinked at the coins on the table. What _would_ they do now? They had a home, albeit an unstable one, but they had a roof over their heads and a dry place to sleep at night. They had food to eat, though it was always bread and potatoes with a side of easy grown vegetables. They had an income; Eren was always making medicine now, Mikasa was sometimes hired to get rid of unruly customers at either the brothels or the bars, and he himself was an accountant of sorts. 

_"I'll join the Survey Corps and exterminate every Titan from this world!"_

Eren still wanted to join the Survey Corps...And where Eren went, Mikasa followed. And where they went...Armin would also follow.

His hands trembled on his lap and he could feel that cold striking fear in his body. He was so afraid of the Titans. Even though he had spent most of his time during the evacuation running, he could still hear the screams of other people being eaten. The tremors of the earth from every Titan's foot step, and the sounds of them groaning from their size. It was so horrible...

He hugged himself, alone in their barren apartment. But he still wanted to see the world. The outside that was full of mysteries and wonders that humanity had yet to explore. He wanted to see the lakes of fire, the white mountains that rose into the sky, and the ocean. He and Eren promised each other that they would see the ocean together. 

A hand landed on his head and Armin looked up. "Ah-!" He gasped, eyes wide.

His grandpa gave him a tired but genial smile, always with his signature straw hat on top of his head. "I can hear you thinking up a storm in there, Armin." He chuckled and ruffled his grandson's hair. "Anything you want to tell your beloved grandpa?"

"Ah..." Armin bit his lip and encircled his small arms around the adult. "W-Welcome home! Are you hungry? Tired? I can get some bread and some hot water for a bath..!" He babbled excitedly, but he couldn't help it. His grandpa was home for once!

Chuckling, grandpa Arlert hugged him back, even tugging him off the chair so he could take a seat, and placed him in his lap. "Oh, you don't have to worry so much for this old man, Armin. I still feel like I'm only 30!"

"You're 58..." Armin weakly argued, tucking his head under his grandpa's chin and inhaling the scents of water, wet grass, and the acrid smell of fish that clung to his clothes. "I was paid today, so I'm sure we can go down to the market and get something for us! You're out so often, I miss you..." He missed sitting around with his grandpa and a nice book in front of their small fireplace. He just missed his only remaining family member.

"Oh?" Grandpa Arlert peered down at him with a raised brow. "And what did you do to get that money?"

Armin froze. "Um...I just do some math..?" He said weakly.

"Hmmm...And what does Eren and Mikasa do?" Now both brows were raised. "Eren never lets me look into that other room, you know. I worry about you three when I have to be so far away, but..." He smiles wryly. "It seems you three have found a nice niche here, even in a place like this." Seeing his grandson's panicked face, he let out a hoarse laugh. "I'm old, not blind! I can tell what kind of place we're in, and what sort of unsavory company we live around."

The blond boy laughed sheepishly. "We, um...We just want to earn our keep. We don't want you to work so hard for us. It's..." His fist clenched into his grandpa's threadbare jacket. "It's been hard for everyone, and we don't want to be a burden. It's not like what we do is particularly dangerous..." Well, his job wasn't. "If we can have a steady income here, it means you won't have to be gone so often." He looked up with watery eyes, biting his lip. "You're old, grandpa...And- after Shiganshina- and Eren losing his mom, I..." He bowed his head, not wanting to show the shame of his tears. He didn't want to lose his grandpa.

Softening, the elder man brought his grandson closer into a tight embrace. "Shh, it's all right, my boy. It's okay to admit you don't want to lose me." He soothed, patting him on the back. "But...the truth of this world is that one day, everyone dies. Mikasa likes to say 'this is a cruel world,' and she isn't wrong. Armin..." He lightly pushed the young boy back so he could meet his eyes, somber and understanding versus horror and resignation. "One day, I will be gone, but you won't be alone. You will always have Eren and Mikasa with you, and they will take care of you just as much as you take care of them."

"You are always stronger together than alone."

Gazing up at his grandpa with wide eyes, Armin couldn't help it. The back of his eyes burned. He could feel his nose beginning to run, and the tears he so desperately wanted to hold back wouldn't be contained. With tears streaming down his face, he hugged his grandpa as hard as he could and wept. "I...I already know..." He whimpered, sniffling every once in a while.

Of course he knew. He knew everything. 'Armin is so smart,' people would say. 'Armin knows everything,' Eren would brag. He always wanted to know more, to know the world, but it also meant knowing all the pain that came with it. Like how nothing was immortal except maybe the Titans, and even they would die so long as they were cut down. Death chased them at every corner, and any moment could mean their last.

He snuggled against his grandpa's chest and hung on for dear life, because one day...he won't be able to anymore.

 

* * *

 

Knocking on the door and hearing a "come in," Eren opened it, careful of the precious cargo in his arm. "Ms. Difa, Mikelle's hungry..."

Looking up from her needlework, Difa gave him a tired but cheerful smile, perking up when she saw her fussy daughter. "Eren! Come in, come in." She set aside the garment she was mending and held out her arms expectantly.

Eren walked over to the bed and handed the baby to her, observing his patient all the while. Her skin finally held a healthier hue to it, compared to how pale and gray she was when he cut her open two weeks ago. She was sitting up without any problems, and the front of her dress held no hints of blood, so her stitches haven't torn. There was an empty bowl still bearing remnants of soup, so she had just eaten with a healthy appetite. Everything was good.

Adjusting her dress, Difa uncovered one breast and held Mikelle close, letting the baby latch on by instinct. Blushing, Eren looked away with an embarrassed pout. 

While her daughter drank her meal, the new mother looked up and giggled when she saw the young boy's bashful stance, what with him fidgeting with the strings on his collar. "Why are you so embarrassed, Eren?" Difa teased. "You're a doctor, aren't you? You were between my legs not a fortnight ago-"

"Sh-Shut up!" Eren cut her off, beyond humiliated. Maria, why did she have to tease him like this! "It was a life or death situation, so of course I-I had to see your body..." He trailed off awkwardly and crossed his arms defensively over his chest.

Raising a brow, Difa grinned slyly. "You know, it's okay if you prefer a stick than a glove..." She hinted rather suggestively. "We don't judge here in this Alley."

Eren blinked. "Huh..?" A stick? Glove?

"...Never mind." She sweatdropped. "Anyway, you don't have to be embarrassed about a pair of breasts." She gestured to her baby who was happily filling herself with milk. "They're for feeding babies, even though men and some women appreciate them during sex."

"Stop!" Eren whined, covering his ears. "I don't want to hear it!" He was 10! 

Difa burst out into laughter, which in turn startled Mikelle, who proceeded to let out a loud cry. "Aaaaah..!" 

Gasping, the young mother rocked her baby in her arms. "I'm sorry, Mikelle, shh...Mommy's sorry." She whispered, pressing kisses on her daughter's small and fragile head. Immediately, the baby began to quiet, leading off with quiet whimpers before settling with slight hiccups.

Eren watched, mesmerized. A baby was so vulnerable, but so long as it had its mother, everything was fine. A mother's love was so powerful...

The door creaked as it opened and he turned around to see Mikasa coming in, a new pile of clothes that desperately needed mending in her arms. "Ms. Difa, I have some more dresses for you..." The young girl announced quietly.

Groaning, Mikelle reluctantly pulled up her dress and placed her baby in the rickety bassinet next to her. "Yes, yes..." She muttered. "A lady of the night never rests..."

Placing the torn dresses on the foot of the bed, Mikasa tilted her head. "...Isn't there something else you can do?" She whispered, hiding her frown behind her scarf.

Difa gave her a sorrowful frown. "Like what? I'm not formally educated, I don't even know how to read or write..." She stared down at her hands. "The only other job I would be able to find would be a seamstress or waitress, but they don't pay as much, and I'd have to pay for room and board." She gestured to the walls around her. "Here, I have a warm place to sleep and a full belly so long as I let some men use my body." She smiled sadly. "I've made my peace with it."

Eren clenched his fists. "You could always join the military!" He added, his mouth scrunched up in a feeble scowl that came off more like a pout.

"I couldn't..." Difa looked down at the basin by her bed with soft eyes. "Even if I survived the training, it would mean leaving Mikelle alone. Eren, you always say you want to join the Survey Corps, but do you really know what that means?"

"It means I get to exterminate all the Titans out there!" He immediately answered vigorously, even going so far as to place a clenched fist on his breast.

Difa snorted derisively. "It also means there's always a huge probability that you're gonna die out there, and you'll leave all your friends and family behind." She countered. "I can't do that to Mikelle. The brothel is the best place I can be at, and Madam Hiesel treats us well. It could be worse."

Taken aback, Eren stared at her with wide eyes. His mother had said something like that as well, hadn't she? That she hadn't wanted to lose her only son...but he had already lost her.

"She's right, Eren." Mikasa spoke up, not even flinching when he snapped his head in her direction. "It's dangerous out there. Just stay here and I can protect you and Armin." She quietly begged. "Isn't it enough that we have a home again? That we have jobs that pay well, and we can live in peace?"

The more she spoke, the more he felt his nails bite into his palms, even going so far as drawing blood. A home? Here? **PEACE?!** "...You're wrong." He whispered, the skin on his face morphing from the force of his scowl. "You're wrong!" He roared and lifted his head, showing the poisonous greens that were his eyes, filled with so much rage and animosity. "You call our apartment a home?! It can barely fit two people, let alone four! All we're doing is surviving in this cesspool! No one has food, no one has land, humans are nothing but livestock! YOU WERE THERE!" He pointed his finger in her face. "YOU SAW HOW EASILY THEY BROKE THAT WALL! WHO SAYS IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN?!"

Mikelle began crying, fidgeting around in her bassinet, but no one paid her any attention.

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PEACE!" Eren screamed, his chest rising up and down violently with the sheer force of his anger. "IT'LL NEVER EXIST SO LONG AS TITANS CONTINUE TO EXIST! YOU CAN CONTINUE TO LIVE IN IGNORANCE LIKE COWARDS, but me..." He took a deep breath and bared his teeth to the world. "I'll be the hunter that'll exterminate them all." He swore.

Mikasa and Difa stared at him with wide eyes, stunned into a horrified silence. Another ear piercing cry rang out inside the small room and Difa immediately went to shush her daughter, all the while giving Eren wary looks.

Mikasa ducked her head and grimaced at her brother's violent outburst, but said nothing. What could she say? It wasn't like she didn't agree, but...She had no such lofty dreams like his. All she wanted was to stay by his side, preferably with Armin as well.

Chest heaving, Eren scrunched up his face and ran out of the room, not bothering to stop even when he passed by Armin who was on his way in. "Huh-? Eren?!" The blond called after him.

The young boy ran and ran, not looking at where he was headed, only that he was getting away. He couldn't stand staying there for another damn second. How could Mikasa ever believe the same thing? Was she blind when the Titans came and murdered his mother? She saw everything that he had seen, but she still didn't get it. No one understood! 

Stopping in a deserted alley, Eren leaned against the wall of a building and slowly slid down to the ground. "I'm not wrong..." He whispered to himself. He knew what he had said wasn't wrong, so why did Difa look at him as if he was some kind of monster? He wasn't. He was going to get rid of the monsters. That was his entire purpose, after all. Just like when he killed those two men who had kidnapped Mikasa, he did it to rid the world of filth. Humanity should be able to flourish without the threat of Titans, and he'll make sure they would be able to.

No matter how many necks he had to carve, no matter how many people he had to kill, so long as the innocent could live. Then there would be real peace, not this fake one they were living in. 

Taking a deep breath, Eren slowly let it out and tried to calm down. He looked up at the sky, watching as the clouds streaked with oranges and reds while the sun slowly set. It was only late afternoon but night was already creeping upon them. 

Taking another deep breath, he looked down at his feet with a pensive frown. Even though he knew he was right...Difa didn't deserve to be yelled at by him. Especially with Mikelle around, he realized guiltily. She had been crying but he was too absorbed in his own anger to notice. He must've scared her.

"Argh..." Ruffling his hair with both his hands, Eren stood up and dusted off his pants before going back the way he came from. He should at least apologize for losing his head like that...

 

* * *

 

 

Armin looked between the sight of his friend's retreating form and back toward the stiflingly silent room in the brothel. "...Did something happen?" He asked hesitantly, clutching the log book tighter.

Mikasa looked down and sighed. "...No. Eren is just being immature." She turned to the young mother who clutched her baby protectively. "I'm sorry, Ms. Difa. He...He gets like that."

Biting her lip, Difa let out a sigh. "No, I have no right to say what is and isn't wrong. I wasn't there at Shiganshina- Oh, sorry," She apologized when both kids flinched at the mention of their hometown. "My point still stands, though. The brothel isn't that bad, and maybe I'll have enough money to put Mikelle through school. I never had that when I was growing up..." She smiled down at her daughter who was now calm once more, her little eyes falling shut. "Life isn't so bad, you know..."

Mikasa smiled slightly and nodded. That was true. She knew that it could always get worse. Her eyes trailed down to the empty bowl on the bedside table and then to the window where the sunlight was gradually fading. "...I'll go get you dinner." Picking up the finished bowl, she walked out of the room and quietly closed the door behind her.

Armin went closer to the young mother and baby, giving Mikelle a gentle pat on her cheek. "I'm sorry as well for Eren's outburst. He..." He hesitated. "He has never been the most tactful person. He really shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"I already said it's fine." Difa chuckled and tucked Mikelle back into her bassinet. "I don't know Eren very well, but...he can yell at me whenever he wants. He saved my life and brought my baby girl into this world. A few words won't hurt me." 

Armin relaxed. "If you say so, Ms. Difa..."

"Just call me Difa!" The young mother insisted. "I'm not even that much older than you guys! I'm like...a big sister!"

"O-Okay, Difa..." Armin fumbled over his words, feeling beyond awkward calling a mother by her first name so casually. "I'll go help Mikasa bring some food to you. You need more nutrition!" Stumbling to the door, he met up with his friend and they both headed to the kitchen to ask Madam Hiesel for dinner.

While they did that, Difa hummed a random tune and picked up a dress to mend. The least she could do while she waited was to do some stitches, though she could admit they weren't as nice as Eren's. She had seen a stitched up wound before, and it was messy and scarred red forever, even years after it had healed. Her lower abdomen had a scar now yes, but it was uniform and neat, and it wasn't nearly as red as before due to all the healing creams she had put on it, also courtesy of Eren.

She really lucked out with these three kids. They were all so kind and helpful, but...they shouldn't belong to such a place like the Alley. Kids shouldn't be so at ease here like they were. Even sweet little Armin knew to keep his mouth shut and did his work with a calculating glint. Kids like them deserved to go higher up in the world. 

While she was lost in her thoughts, she didn't see nor hear the window creaking open. She didn't see the shadowy figure whose face was hidden by the sun's last rays and the darkness of her room, and she didn't notice the glint of metal in his hands until a hand clamped over her mouth.

Difa let out a surprised scream, the sound muffled by the hand, and then a pained gurgle when his knife slit her throat open. Arterial spray showered over the bed, staining the yellowed sheets with red, and the hot liquid even managed to reach the bassinet, a droplet landing on the babe's cheek.

The hand let go and she grasped her neck, desperate to stem the bleeding, but she could feel it rising up her throat, going down her throat, her windpipe, she couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe...

With a croak, she collapsed back onto the bed, limp and lifeless.

Smirking at his easy kill, he advanced toward the baby, knife still dripping with his victim's life essence. He'd admit the baby was cute, but it couldn't live. His reputation would be ruined, and then no one would hire him again. He'd probably be banned from the Sina gangs forever, all because of this damn stupid kid. 

Raising the knife, he was about to bring it down without mercy when her eyes opened and she let out a cry. "Shh!" He tried to shush her, roughly placing a hand over her mouth. Damn it, this is why he hated kids. 

Her cheeks quickly reddened from a lack of oxygen and he grinned, raising the knife again. Now was his chance!

Unbeknownst to him, the door swung open again.

When Mikasa opened the door, Armin just behind her, her mind blanked. Red. Red red red. Her eyes immediately honed onto Difa's slit throat, blood spurting from the wound like a fountain, to the man who held his knife just above Mikelle's bassinet.

And she snapped. 

Holding her arm back, she hurdled the plate of slop at the intruder as fast as a bullet, and dashed forward with her own knife, taken out from underneath her sleeve.

The man let out a yell of surprise and stumbled back covered in food juices, just barely missing the blade that was aimed at his jugular. "You bitch-!" He cursed, bringing up his own knife that served as a measly defense from the monster in human skin that was the girl.

Eyes narrowing into dangerous slits, Mikasa jumped forward with a push of her feet and _felt_ more than she saw her blade carve into his cheek. She silently sneered when she knew it wasn't deep enough to kill. It wouldn't even pierce through into his mouth, but a wound was a wound. 

Screaming as the blade slashed his face, the man stretched out his much longer leg and kicked the young girl back. "Oof-!" Mikasa let out a grunt as she felt her breath leave her body, but she steeled herself once more and lunged forward with the intent to kill. 

"Fuckfuckfuck..." The intruder decided to cut his losses and launched out the window, and Mikasa was about to follow when she heard Armin gasp behind her. 

"Difa..." Armin stared wide eyed at the corpse on the bed, knowing that she had been alive just minutes ago. He had seen her smile, heard her laugh, knew she was alive. Now she was...She was nothing. A cruel world...

A whimper broke the silence in the room and two pairs of eyes immediately honed in on the lone baby. Mikelle whimpered and wiggled around in her bassinet, unaware that she was now an orphan with her mother dead right beside her.

"...I'm going after him." Mikasa announced, perching herself on the windowsill, but she furrowed her brow when she realized the sun had set and darkness blanketed the whole Alley. Only the lights from windows illuminated the dark alleyway, and she realized with a curse that she hadn't paid enough attention to which direction the intruder had escaped. "Damn it...Damn it!" She hissed, slamming a fist down on the windowsill, uncaring when the wood splintered underneath the force. 

"...That man. I recognize him." Armin spoke up, his unblinking eyes never leaving the infant. 

Mikasa whirled around. "Who is he?" She asked quickly.

"His name is Lou...He frequented the brothels around here several times, and I caught him trying to proposition a girl our age...He likes them young." He whispered blankly. "...Difa is the youngest prostitute in this Alley...He must've been her client. His visits had become infrequent the past couple of months, but he visited often around 7-10 months ago. It's likely he is Mikelle's biological father."

Mikasa snarled. "So he decides to kill Difa and Mikelle? Because he doesn't want it to connect back to him?" The windowsill cracked underneath her grip. "Unforgivable..." Her eyes landed on the bed and she felt her anger give way to sorrow. "Difa..." She whispered, climbing back down into the room. Bundling up a rag of a dress, she placed it over the open throat, at least trying to stem the bleeding. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

Armin finally tore his eyes away from the bassinet and his lips quivered. "...What do we tell Eren?" He whispered, hugging himself. 

Tensing, Mikasa let out a heavy sigh. "...The truth." She replied. "We can't do anything but. He needs to prep her for her funeral. We...We need to tell Madam Hiesel about this. We need to take care of Mikelle. And..." She tucked her scarf more securely into her dress. "We need to make that man _pay_." She hissed, gripping her knife tightly in her hand.

"I think..." Armin pursed his lips. "I think I know how to find him again."

Mikasa turned to him. "How?"

The door creaked open again and they both turned around to see Eren enter the room, already rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly with his head bowed. "Um, I'm sorry for yelling earlier, Ms. Difa. You didn't deserve that-" He lifted his eyes from the ground and froze when he saw the blood that had seeped into the bed sheets, the bloodied dress stemming the wound of an already dead body, and the whimpering baby in the bassinet. 

When his brain finally caught up to his eyes, he took a shaky step back, his hand shooting out to grip the doorway for balance. "Wh-What..." He gasped out, his horror filled eyes never leaving the corpse on the bed. " _What the hell happened here?_ "

Armin took a wary step forward. "Eren...She-" His breath hitched and tears began to roll down his cheeks. "A-A man came through the window while we were out and s-s-slit her throat..." He forced out with a choked breath. "We came in just as he tried to k-kill Mikelle too. Mikasa tried to kill him but he got away...I'm sorry, Eren."

Eren listened without a word, and slowly ambled up to the bed. He stared down at Difa, whose eyes were half lidded with her pupils blown out. Blood trickled out from the corners of her mouth from when she had choked on the liquid, and the rest had flowed out through the large trauma on her throat that had sliced through her vocal cords, her major veins, and her trachea. She died from rapid blood loss but not before she asphyxiated from the blood pouring up her throat and down into her lungs. 

He reached out to stroke her cheek. She was still warm...As if she was still alive. But he knew better. He always knew better.

Eren then turned to the bassinet and absentmindedly wiped the blood off of Mikelle's cheek before picking her up in his arms. Her whimpers slowly died to small hiccups, and she snuggled closer into his warmth. She was an orphan now. Difa was dead. Difa had been murdered. _By an animal that needed to be put down._ "Where is this man?" He whispered minutes later.

Armin almost jumped, but pursed his lips. "He's injured, so he won't go far." He grasped his chin and slowly calculated the odds in his head. "He would want to lick his wounds before either attempting to k-kill Mikelle again, or escaping out of Trost. In fact...He might even come to us for treatment since everyone knows that you're the doctor around here."

Doctor...That's right. Eren was a doctor. The injured came to him for treatment, and the demented came to him for the opposite. He was intimately aware of the human body and its strengths, its weaknesses, and what made it _break._

"Was he the same man..?" Armin whispered to himself pensively.

"What do you mean by that, Armin?" Mikasa asked warily.

"...When Mikelle was born, I saw a shadow in the window, but it moved too quickly for me to see." He slowly explained, his eyes growing wider the more the dots connected. "But it was shaped like a man and from the angle where he was standing, he had a perfect view of Difa being cut open as well as Mikelle being lifted out." He peered at the window. "But...From where he was, I don't think he saw Eren's face."

"...So what do you propose, Armin?" Eren asked blankly, his hand patting Mikelle's small back on autopilot. "Should we wait for him to come to us, or should we track him down?"

"M-Me?" Armin squeaked and pointed at himself. "Why me?"

"I trust you." Mikasa replied calmly. "Eren and I...We will _kill_ him, but we need to find a way to get to him first. You're our brains."

"Give us something, Armin, and we'll do it." Eren added after, his voice lowering into an intimidating growl. "Your plans have never failed. I trust you, and we need to avenge Ms. Difa."

Armin stared at his friends with wide eyes and slowly nodded, his chest feeling oddly warm in this horrible situation. "If-If you say so...Well," He fiddled with his sleeves. "Lou has been observed to have a...sexual interest in young girls. The wound Mikasa gave him would only need a bandage at most, and I doubt he would want to go get professional help for it. Meaning..."

"Meaning..?" Mikasa echoed.

"Meaning..." Armin gulped nervously. "We can bait him. With a girl."

Eren looked up at Mikasa, but Armin actually directed his gaze at the young doctor. "Eren...Can you do it?"

Blinking, Eren pointed at himself. "Me?" He asked incredulously. "Mikasa's a girl, and she's pretty enough for some sick pedophile to take the bait."

"Yes," Armin agreed with a frown. "But Lou knows what she looks like. How could he not when she tried to stab him through his face? He would recognize her instantly and flee. He probably knows my face as well since I was standing in the doorway..." He shuffled his feet guiltily. "And...I did nothing to help. You're the only one he doesn't know, and even if he did see you during Mikelle's birth, you had a cloth over your face, and your hair covered your signature green eyes."

Eren slowly brought one hand up to lightly touch his upper cheek, just below his eye. "So...Because he doesn't know what I look like, I should lure him in? There's only one problem with that plan and it's that I'm not a girl." He pointed out quietly, idly rocking the baby in his arm. 

Mikasa glanced over at him and tugged at his hair. "Your hair is getting long..." She mused, and stepped in front of him to get a better look. He stared back at her warily. "It's long enough, and we can add a ribbon to make you look more feminine. Your eyes help a lot."

Eren scrunched up his face. "What?" His eyes..?

Armin nodded in agreement. "They're quite beautiful, so I'm sure Lou will be interested."

"You can borrow one of my dresses." Mikasa added.

"...You're both serious about this." Eren stated flatly, watching them both nod. He frowned but glanced down at the baby in his arms and then with a pang in his chest, to the corpse of his dead patient and friend. They didn't deserve this. The least he could do was... "All right." He relented. "When?"

Armin crossed his arms. "In two or three days would be the ideal time." He concluded. "Enough time for him to get his wound bandaged and back into action, but too soon with Mikasa prowling around for him. I know the perfect place, too."

Eren looked down. "...For Ms. Difa and Mikelle." He whispered.

Mikasa and Armin nodded solemnly. 

Glancing at the door, Armin let out a shaky sigh. "...I'll let Madam Hiesel know about this." He whispered, and dragged his feet out the door.

Mikasa looked over at the bed once more and closed her eyes. "Eren, I'll take Mikelle for now. You should...You should prepare Ms. Difa."

"Yeah..." Eren whispered hoarsely and handed over the baby to his sister. "Right."

He was a doctor, and that also meant prepping the deceased for cremation.

It was...his job.

Tears began flowing down his cheeks, staining the sheets and dripping onto Difa's cooling body, but he didn't wipe them away, and Mikasa didn't comment on it. They both could hear the pained howls of Madam Hiesel echoing down the hallway, followed by other screeches of horror. 

They had all lost a friend today, and Mikelle had lost her mother.

 

* * *

 

 

Heading down a deserted alley in the early morning two days later, Lou let out another frustrated curse. "I was so fucking close..." He hissed through his clenched teeth. Just a second more and the baby would've been dead and he wouldn't have this damn wound on his face. At least it was shallow enough to bandage, though it was probably gonna scar. "Fuck this shit..." He groaned loudly and messed up his hair. "I need to find another bitch to relieve some damn stress..." If she was young enough, then there ain't no way she was gonna get pregnant like the last one.

Shuffling down the road, another set of footsteps caught his attention and he turned to his left.

A young broad was standing in the middle of the alley, idly messing with the freshly picked flowers in her straw woven basket. Her short brown hair with a hairband on top framed her heart shaped face, still a little round with child innocence. Her white dress flowed down her slim figure and her chest was still flat from youth, but what really caught his attention were her eyes.

A beautiful hue of green- no, blue?- some gold too. They reminded him of those gems he would sometimes see in Sina, the ones that sparkled in the sunlight. Emeralds or something. But this girl had eyes that didn't just sparkle, they _glowed_. 

She looked up at him and tilted her head innocently, her beautiful green blue gold eyes wide and blinking, and he knew.

Oh he had to have that.

Licking his lips, Lou approached the young girl. "Hey there." He greeted with a sly smile. "What's a girl like you doing around these parts? It's dangerous..."

She bit her lip and bowed her head shyly. "U-Um..." He could barely hear her voice what with how soft it was. "Flowers..."

Lou peered down, faking interest. "They're real pretty, but not as pretty as you." He flirted, ending it with a wink. Just a bit more and he could tug her into a small crevice to have his way with her.

Fidgeting with her basket, the young girl looked up at him with those breathtaking eyes of hers and he could feel himself grow harder in his pants. He couldn't wait to see them wide open and filled with tears later-

"...-you." She whispered.

"Hm?" Lou leaned in closer and cupped a hand over his ear. "What did you say?"

Emerald gems narrowed into poisonous greens. "Behind you." _He_ whispered, this time loud and clear.

Taken aback by the change in demeanor, Lou stepped back. "What the-"

Something's shadow darkened upon him and he turned around only to feel his blood freeze in his veins.

From her perch, she jumped, holding a large piece of wood in her hands as if it were as light as a toothpick. She wielded it like a hammer, her eyes dark with a demon's lust for death and her red scarf billowing behind her like wings.

Like a bird of prey, Mikasa swooped down with her makeshift weapon and with a sickening crack, Lou knew no more. 

Eren stared down at the unconscious man, noting that he probably had a concussion, and sneered down at him. "Animals like you deserve to be _exterminated_. Mikasa," He barked. "We're bringing him to the basement."

Mikasa nodded and hefted the man up effortlessly on her shoulder. 

The hunt was over and the preparations began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the little excerpt about pedophilia in the animal kingdom, bonobo chimps have been observed to involve young chimps in sexual relations, but it has been proven that it's more to bond as a pack than for reproduction or pleasure. I have no idea if apes and other primates exist within the Walls, so we'll just say there are wolves, deer, birds of prey, some small reptiles like snakes and lizards, and farm animals like cows, pigs, sheep, and chicken. The climate within the Walls state that the northern side is constantly snowing, which means the overall climate is too cold for tropical animals, and so no one within the Walls would know anything about other animals and their habits.
> 
> Also if you didn't figure it out, Lou is actually a real character within the anime only. He appears during Annie's OVA as a half crazed thief, so I thought, may as well kill him off sooner. Though I don't know if he was a pedophile or not since the OVA didn't include any such themes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thank you so much for 100 kudos and over 1200 hits!
> 
> Warning: contains a lot of what the tags implied

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Face twitching, Lou slowly came back to consciousness. There was a persistent throbbing to the left of his head and he could barely open his eyes, leaving him groaning in pain. What the hell had happened to him..? The last thing he remembered were those green eyes...

"Are you awake, sir?"

Slowly blinking his eyes, he turned his head to see- emerald gems. The little girl from before! She looked down at him with a worried expression, and her hands were hidden behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet. 

"Wh-What happened?" Lou croaked out, groaning out in pain.

"Nothing you didn't deserve." She answered blithely.

He slowly turned his head and narrowed his eyes at her. "The hell does that mean?" He asked, suspicious now. He was about to get up but he couldn't, and when he tilted his head down, he saw with growing horror that his hands and legs were tied down with thick rope. "Wha-?! What the fuck!"

Now that he really looked around, he realized he was strapped to an old table covered with a white cloth. Candles surrounded him, allowing him to see in the very dark room. Crates were stacked in the corner, and several herbs hung from the ceiling, their pungent scents triggering his nausea.

What really got to him was the table next to the girl. The surface was completely covered in different stainless steel knives, drills, needles, and even syringes. 

"Wh-What is this..?" Lou breathed out in fear.

The little girl smiled and stepped closer into the light. Reaching up to her dress straps, she took it off, showing she was wearing a shirt and pants underneath. She then took off the bow from her hair and picked up a knife, testing its sharpness with her finger. "This is your punishment." She- _He_ stated. 

And then it all came flooding back.

The little girl with mesmerizing green eyes waiting with a basket of wildflowers. The way her voice changed from high to low, showing that she was actually a he. Then another girl jumping down from the roof to smash a piece of wood against his head. The same girl who had caught him killing that whore and had stopped him from killing the baby. 

Fuck.

"You know, I don't actually like hurting people..." The boy began, watching as a bead of blood oozed from the fine cut he made on his thumb. "The only things I want to kill are Titans."

"Wait waitwaitwait-" Lou tried to struggle but found it was useless. The ropes were on too tight, even biting into his skin. Every movement he made, the rope scraped new lacerations to the point where blood began to stain them.

"I actually decided to help people, you know?" The boy continued, his emerald eyes glowing almost red from the candle lighting. "After Shiganshina fell, so many people need help and I have the ability to give it. The young, the old, the sick...They all come to me because there isn't a more qualified doctor in Rose now." He held his blade over the candle, watching mesmerized as the metal grew hot. "A lot of people think it's strange that a 10 year old knows how to treat people, but in a place like this, any help is appreciated. Whether it's a woman abusing herbal inhalants, an old barkeep with a rotting liver, and even..." His eyes grew large with rage. " _An innocent prostitute going into labor_."

Lou knew he was screwed.

"N-Now hold on," He began fearfully, trying to scoot away as much as he could to no avail. The ropes were too tight, as if tied by something stronger than an average human. "What do you want, money? Fame? I-I can hook you up! Y-Y-You're a doctor, right?! There's a new drug on the market, codeine, and it's only available in Stohess right now! I can get you a sample and then you can make big money making it yourself! C'mon," He smiled nervously, sweat pouring down his hairline. "No harm done, right? She was just a no-name whore, a dime a dozen here!"

The cherubic faced boy stared at him as still as a statue, not a breath or even a blink. Then, all of a sudden, his face twisted into an angry scowl and he lifted his arm-

"AHHHHH!!!" Lou screamed, gazing wide-eyed and panicked at the scalpel protruding from his upper thigh. Blood gushed out like a fountain, staining his pants, the cloth on the table, and even splattering on the boy himself. The warm red substance slowly tread down his still childish face, highlighting the poisonous glow of his eyes.

"No harm done?" The boy whispered, teeth bared to the world. "No harm done?! You fucking animal!" He howled, twisting the knife even further, and Lou slammed his back against the table with a bang as he screamed. "Difa was an innocent woman! She was just trying to survive in this cruel world! It was your disgusting dick that got her pregnant, and you couldn't even afford to give her the tea she needed to make sure she wouldn't carry your vile seed!"

"STOP STOP STOP PLEASE!" Lou wailed, thrashing about in his restraints. "IT HURTS!"

"DID YOU STOP WHEN DIFA WAS CHOKING?!" The boy screamed, glaring down at his helpless prisoner. "DID YOU STOP WHEN YOU SLICED HER NECK AND SHE ASPHYXIATED ON HER OWN BLOOD?!" Yanking the scalpel out, he thrust it down on the other thigh, relishing in the man's pain. "DID YOU STOP WHEN YOU WERE ABOUT TO KILL A DEFENSELESS AND INNOCENT BABY?! HUH?!"

"F-FUCK YOU!" Lou screeched, sweat, tears, and snot congregating together on his face. "JUST KILL ME ALREADY GET IT OVER WITH PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE THIS PAIN JUST KILL ME-"

"Oh, you're not getting out of this so easily..." The boy breathed out, looking more animal than human. "Filth like you deserve to be _put down_." 

Lou watched through his tears as his interrogator placed the scalpel down on the table, only to pick up the thin needles. He sobbed in loud wet noises, choking on his saliva when he breathed too hard. He couldn't move his legs anymore, couldn't feel much of anything except pain pain pain. "What...are you..."

"My name is Eren." Eren introduced himself with a crazed smile, holding up a needle. "I'm a doctor."

He heated up the tip in a candle, watching as the metal glowed as if being forged. "My dad taught me a lot of things so I can be just as good as him. Did you know that there are several pressure points in the body, and if I press this needle right here..."

He slowly inserted the tool right above one of the wounds he created, feeling it slide through the skin, tissue, and muscle. Without his consent, Lou's leg relaxed. "Then I can make you feel as though you're floating on a cloud." Eren finished, picking up another needle. "I've never tried it on a live person before...Hope you don't mind being my first ever patient."

Lou only closed his eyes and braced himself for the pain. "Fuck...You...Eren..." He rasped out.

The last thing he thought of with a clear mind, was that he hoped he would die quickly.

 

* * *

  

The screams that erupted from the basement told Mikasa that Eren had begun his "treatment," and it wouldn't be good to go back down there anytime soon. She felt a twinge of discomfort, even a hint of apprehension, knowing that her brother in all but blood was actually going through with this. This was a cruel world, she knew that, but she always believe that it was cruel because a person could lose everything. Their home, their livelihood, their family. 

But the pain was swift, like having a limb cut off. This? This was pure torture. 

It may sound hypocritical coming from her, who always took down her opponents no matter their age or size. She was quick and ruthless when it came to beating people down, and never an ounce of mercy when it came to killing. In order to live, some people had to die. That was a truth she knew.

Eren however, took it slow. He would cut, slash, stab, and burn. In the end, his victims would die, but that could take minutes, hours, even days. 

She wouldn't lie. She was scared of her brother's potential to inflict pain. Or rather, she was scared _for_ her brother and how far he would take this, how this would affect him in the long run. Lou was absolute scum who didn't deserve to live, yes, but did he deserve having his nails pulled and each muscle fiber severed? Not even the worst people deserved that.

But she wouldn't go against Eren, not when he needed a live person to experiment with. He knew how to treat standard injuries and illnesses, but what better way to learn how to treat uncommon injuries than inflicting them himself. What better way to learn how to use unorthodox methods than to see what worked and what didn't. What better way to learn how to combat diseases than watching how they ravaged a live body.

In the end, Mikasa would support her brother no matter what, but she would also be there to rein him in from the edge. He may know the difference between a good and bad person, but he saw it as two very distinct sides. White and black. Good and evil. There was no gray in his world yet, with the exception of him selling his poisons. She would make sure that Eren would remember that even if a person deserved death, they didn't deserve torture. Not to this extent.

And...

Mikasa glanced down at Armin who had huddled into a ball at the top of the stairwell, his shoulders tensing with every scream. Armin. Sweet, innocent, and kind Armin who only knew of the cruelty of the world through his books and other people, never himself. She knew Difa had been the first dead person he had seen, disregarding when their hometown fell, and her being a good friend to them meant he had taken it very badly. 

"Armin?" She whispered, taking a seat next to him. He didn't answer, but she knew he heard. "Are you okay?" 

"...Yes." He lied, pushing his face further into his knees. "I'm fine."

Clearly he wasn't fine at all. "...It's okay to cry." Mikasa reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know Ms. Difa was a good friend to you, and you her."

"She was your friend too..." Armin murmured, his voice muffled by the fabric of his pants. "And Eren's...That's why he's doing this, right..? For Difa and Mikelle."

"Yes." Mikasa answered simply, because she couldn't answer it in any other way. "You've never seen him like this before, have you?" Even though they had been friends longer than she had known them.

His head bowed. "...Y-Yeah. I mean, sometimes he was cruel to Frid and the others, but that was because they were cruel to us. It made sense. But this..?" He lifted his head to show glossy blue eyes, pain and loss and fear swirling together. "I never knew Eren could be so..."

"Ruthless?" She finished for him, and he nodded.

"I know that ever since we moved here, you and him were doing...'unspeakable' things." Armin mumbled, his hands tightening in his pants when he heard another noise from the basement, this time a low and pain filled groan. "How sometimes, people would just disappear and you would show up with specks of blood on your sleeves. How Eren always stinks of spearmint and antiseptics because he soaks his clothes in them after washing away the blood. Even when the Rosicas broke into our house that first time, you and him were so...calm about it." He bit his lip and closed his eyes, remembering how Mikasa was about to stomp down onto the gangster's head with just her foot. "You were prepared to kill Luke without any regrets..."

"Because they were a threat to us." Mikasa answered quietly. "And if not to us, then to the people who help us. To live is to win, to die is to lose. If you don't fight, you can't win. I don't like to...kill, but I'm good at it."

"I see..." Armin answered glumly, wincing when the next noise was a high pitched squeal, followed by sobbing. "You're both so used to this. I should also toughen up...or else I'll end up like Difa..."

Mikasa shook her head. "No, that's not true. Eren and I are here to protect you, and no one here will mess with us. There's no need for you to fight, too." She didn't want him to sully his hands like them. To be soaked up to their elbows in blood. Armin was kind, too pure to live in a place like this.

She didn't notice Armin's disposition wither even further. "Oh..." He uttered, subdued. "...W-When will Eren be done?"

"When the screaming stops."

And that wouldn't happen for a long while.

 

* * *

**Midnight, Elsewhere**

 

He shot up out of his bed with a gasp, chest heaving violently with each breath. He had broken into a cold sweat sometime during his night terror, and his simple button up and pants stuck to his skin uncomfortably. The moon shone through the window in his room, highlighting the quiet of the night and the serenity of the base.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Levi grasped his head with one hand and grimaced. "How shitty does it have to get..." 

Throwing the covers off, he slipped on a pair of simple shoes and left his room to head down to the kitchen. He needed some fucking tea.

Headquarters was quiet at this time of night, especially now when the mess started to settle down. What mess? The mess that was losing the whole of Wall fucking Maria to Titans. To think that the very day they come back from a shitty expedition led by their shitty then-commander, Keith Shadis, the Wall would be breached just a few hours later. Hundreds of people were eaten in just one day, and in the weeks following when the Titans moved out of Shiganshina and into the other 3 districts meant they had lost thousands. 

It was fucking insane and Levi hated it all. He hated all this senseless death and he hated the Titans so much more for it.

When he was in Trost yesterday, it was full to the brim with refugees from Shiganshina. The stench was absolutely disgusting, but what was probably more disgusting was how the Military Police treated them. Like vermin that was better off dead than alive. May as well just throw them back out there.

It brought uncomfortable memories from his days underground and Levi made sure to distract himself by rinsing his cup thoroughly before he poured hot water in along with a few weeds the Interior passed for tea leaves.

Taking a seat after making sure the chair was clean to his standards, Levi drank his freshly made tea in a stressed manner.

Shiganshina, while relatively poor, was a better town than most of the Interior if only because their poverty meant they were more honest and sincere. He honestly appreciated how harsh their comments were, said to their faces rather than behind their backs. It wasn't the same the farther inside he went, where high class ladies hid their disdain behind their fans and the gentlemen serenaded honeyed but barbed words at them.

With Erwin as the new commander though, Levi knew the Corps was better off. Shadis was a piss poor leader, and last he heard, the man was now going to work as an instructor, training new military enlistees. Whatever worked for that asshole and his rapidly thinning hair.

Taking another sip of his tea in the pin-drop silent cafeteria, Levi let out a quiet sigh. 

The nightmares were getting worse. No longer was it just about Farlan and Isabel, no, it was now his comrades and innocent townsfolk. He didn't just see Titans on expeditions, he saw them in his dreams. Those horrible and loud footsteps that could be felt leagues away. Their shitty and deep groans, begging to eat humans for no reason.

Fuck, he hated them, but the guilt weighed down on him far more than any fiery revenge he held.

Every time he went out there in the great unknown, more and more of his comrades would die at the hands of those lumbering jackasses. His strength and speed had quickly made him popular in the Corps even with his admittedly shitty attitude, and everyone counted on him out there. With every death, it was another "sorry" weighing down on his soul, and it meant he would swear another oath to wipe out the Titans so their deaths wouldn't be in vain. He had lost count of how many times he swore that to a dying comrade.

And now 20% of their territory was gone and most of their people with it. Fuck, he knew it wasn't his fault but still...

He lifted up his cup to take another sip but paused when he realized it was long empty, not even a drop of tea left. Sighing, he stood up to wash it in the sink. There was no sleep for him tonight, not when he dreamed of innocent children being eaten due to his ineptitude. 

When he got back to his room, he sat at the desk and began writing reports. He was being promoted to a Corporal now that Erwin was elevated to the position of Commander. It wasn't like he knew shit about being a leader, but...people depended on him. He had gone from "the gutter rat" to someone they respected, and how could he do anything less than try to live up to their expectations? 

The tip of his quill scratched against paper for hours, barely even noticing the sun coming in. Learning how to read and write was...tough. All right, it was fucking bullshit. Living for over 20 years underground meant he only knew the bare basics at best. His penmanship was still crap, but so long as Erwin could decipher it, he really didn't care. He wasn't here to push papers, he was here to kill Titans. To follow Erwin's insane plans until the very end. 

His quill paused and he quickly placed it back into the stand before it dripped all over. "But where does it end..." He murmured.

Now that Erwin was the commander, he could finally implement his formation, using different colored flares. Whatever fucking works would be better than nothing, like when they had operated under Shadis. The gigantic blond had said his goal was to find out the truths of the world, no matter what. But even years after Levi had left the Underground, he was still discovering new things within the Walls. 

Quality teas though he preferred black, new ways to clean, and even the people were different.

The Underground didn't have smiling people unless they were smiling in victory over a fight or drug deal. It didn't have women happily married and bearing children peacefully in a town that would support them. And it certainly didn't have kids who knew how to make quality medicines to donate to his "heroes."

Levi glanced at the corner of his desk where an innocent jar sat, still half-full.

He had appropriated it from Erwin that very night to use, finding the ache in his leg too much to ignore. The muscle relieving properties were amazing, and he didn't think he had ever used any medicine that worked so quickly and effectively. He hoarded it jealously, not letting anyone else use it. Not even Hange Zoe, who had apparently learned first aid from their father and applied it in the field. Their medicines were nowhere near as effective as this one, which was made by a fucking brat.

Levi frowned slightly, turning in his chair to look out the window at the clear pale blue sky.

A fucking brat who was either dead or starving as a refugee right now. He had been a native of Shiganshina when he gave them those jars of medicine. Probably the only ones he had on hand, Levi speculated. His clothes were simple and well-worn, meaning he either didn't have the money to expand his closet or he didn't feel the need to. He was either a refugee right now or his remains had been spat out into a Titan Pellet, forever frozen in its preservatives.

A kid like that didn't deserve such a horrible fate, but that was life...

If only he wasn't dreaming his death so often, him and the little girl who had come to take him away. Both of them, innocent children, being gobbled up between a Titan's teeth. Their little bones shattering, their fragile smooth skin torn apart. He didn't even remember their faces, only that they had been young and in the boy's case, kind to almost foolish degrees.

Levi rubbed his temples with an agitated sigh. When did life become so fucking brutal.

A knock interrupted his thoughts and he turned to glare at the door. "What?" He barked.

"A-Apologies for the rude awakening, sir," A soldier stammered from the other side of the door. "But Commander Erwin is requesting your presence, as well as all the elites in meeting room 2."

Levi furrowed his brow. A meeting? This early? "...Fine."

"Sir!" Their footsteps echoed down the stone hall, which meant he had to be on his way.

Withholding a sigh, Levi stood up from his desk, stripped his bed of its sheets (he had sweated all over them), and wiped himself down with a wet rag before putting on a fresh uniform. He eyed the scars that marred his body, particularly the ones gained from constant use of ODM gear. The straps had to be tight or else he'd break his spine when flying through the air, and it left marks on every soldier. He could probably argue that he had used them far longer than any other soldier in service right now in the Corps, if he cared enough to. 

But enough of this, he had a meeting to get to and a fresh cup of tea to drink.

Pulling his boots on, Levi tied his cravat on securely before striding out of his room, not acknowledging the occasional soldier he passed by. The weather was ridiculously cheerful today when Humanity was struggling to feed itself, and it was pissing him off.

But it didn't piss him off as much as this.

"You're joking, right..?" Levi breathed, staring with horrified eyes at the notice that was placed in front of him. Every other person in the meeting room had an identical copy, and they all had the same expression as he did. Completely and utterly disgusted.

"I'm afraid not." Erwin answered grimly, lacing his hands on the table. "And before you say anything, no, I had no prior notice of this."

"This..." Levi slammed his hands on the table, his chair thrown back from how quickly he shot out of his seat. "This is a fucking joke, right?!" He snarled, anger coursing through his veins. "Who ordered this?!"

"The Crown did." Erwin closed his eyes, his aristocratic face twisting into a frown. "None of the commanders had any say, and we don't have any power to go against this."

"This is absurd..." Mike muttered, almost throwing the paper away with disdain. "How would they get anyone to follow this, especially the refugees?"

"They'll probably be held at gunpoint." Nanaba grimaced. "No doubt the Military Police will be the ones organizing this."

Levi turned his gaze to and from his comrades, finally stopping on his superior. "Erwin, you can't be fucking serious." He hissed, eyes narrowed into slits. "No one would survive!"

"Which I believe is their goal, as foul as it may seem." Erwin clenched his jaw. "Let it be known now that no active soldier from within the Corps is allowed to participate in this mission. Only the Garrison and Police Brigade may go, but it is entirely voluntary on their part."

Straightening his shoulders, Erwin stared at them with a stone cold gaze. "In one week's time, all eligible refugees from Wall Maria that are above the age of 15 and not within the military, aren't pregnant, or don't have young children, will be sent to retake their land."

 

* * *

 

 

Eren tugged his gloves off and washed his hands under the sink. Even with gloves on, he felt dirty. Blood was always so hard to get out of clothes, which was why he saved up to afford plastic gloves and an apron. It saved time and effort in the long run, even though they had been so outrageously expensive.

Lou was unconscious on the table, wounds stitched and bandaged to avoid him bleeding out. When all the candles had died out, Eren knew it was time to stop. He'll stay down there to rest up before Eren resumed his testing. He had been surprisingly quiet and lax after the first couple of stab wounds, mostly due to the pressure point needles. 

He had lied when he said his father taught him about it. It was something he had wanted to try for a long time, but couldn't because dead bodies wouldn't react and he hadn't wanted to hurt anyone in case he messed up. He wanted to offer the treatment to Difa who was in considerable pain after her surgery, but...

It was too late for that, so Lou had to feel it in her place.

Eren found it absolutely fascinating that a filthy animal like him could be reduced into a sniveling piece of meat. How easy it was to break him down. He wasn't a human, rather he was filth wearing a human guise. Did he feel guilty for hurting him? Absolutely not.

"I'll rid this world of filth..." Eren whispered, washing his scalpels of coagulated blood and other dried bodily fluids.

His first priority were to exterminate Titans, to make sure they would never eat another person ever again like his mother. But his second priority were people who needed medical help, because he realized he alone had the skills to help them. And his third priority was to make sure filth like Lou wouldn't hurt anyone else. 

Difa's funeral had only a few people attend, mostly Madam Hiesel's staff, and them three. Armin had held Mikelle in his arms, the babe still ignorant to the fact that she was an orphan now. It still wasn't decided what would happen to her, if it would be better to keep her here in this festering environment or to send her off to the orphanage that was already too crowded.

Eren had wanted to raise her themselves, but they were going to join the military soon. It wouldn't be fair for her. 

Sighing, he placed the sanitized blades away in a case and left the basement, his stomach growling to let him know he had been down there for way longer than he intended. Oops.

Opening the door to the apartment, he gave Armin, Mikasa, and grandpa Arlert a tired wave before taking a piece of bread off the counter to eat, as well as a waterskin. "Hi..."

"Are you done?" Mikasa asked quietly, watching as he took a seat next to her at the rickety dining table they had.

"Not yet." Eren answered, taking a large bite out of his bread and chewing. "There's some things I want to try. Things that could really help us later on."

Armin finally lifted up his head from staring down at the table, and gave him a curious if wary gaze. "What do you mean..?"

"The human body has several pressure points on it, and pressing on those exact points could help it relax." Eren explained with a mouth full of bread in full display. Mikasa slapped a hand over his mouth, and he gave her a tired glare before proceeding to chew with his mouth closed. "If we're going to enlist as soldiers, we'll probably be tired every day, so if I work on needlework, it'll make it a lot easier on our bodies. I'm just trying to think ahead a little bit."

"That's a good idea." Mikasa voiced a moment later, exchanging a look with Armin. "Just...don't drag it out."

"Mhm." Eren took a large swig of his water, washing down his meal. "I'll be done in a few days. Don't worry, it'll be quiet too." He did take out Lou's vocal cords so he couldn't scream even if he wanted to. It was getting annoying to hear and his ears were still ringing.

"You kids seem busy." Grandpa Arlert spoke up, all three of them turning to look at him. "I'm glad. You...all have a way to support yourselves, right?"

"Yup." Eren nodded. He made medicines and treated the sick.

"Yes." Mikasa tugged at her scarf. She helped clean the Alley of the unsavory.

"Mm." Armin nodded timidly. He did bookkeeping for Madam Hiesel and a few other businesses.

Grandpa Arlert smiled, the action lifting up his graying brown mustache. "Good. That's very good...I'm proud of you three for making due with the situation at hand. I know this isn't the ideal place to live, but it's better than nothing." He sighed and leaned over the table with his elbows. "I hope you all will continue to do well without me."

Armin furrowed his brow. "Without...you..?" He slowly asked, apprehensive.

Reaching into his jacket, Grandpa Arlert took out a crumpled up paper and smoothed it out on the table. All three children leaned in to read and when they understood the message, their hearts ran cold.

"'A notice to all refugees from the Crown, his majesty King Fritz...'" Armin read with wide eyes. "'We will begin the operation to take back Wall Maria. This operation will require any and all able hands to fight back to reclaim their homes. If you are over 15 years old, not in the military, not pregnant, or are unaccompanied by young children under the age of 7, it is mandatory for you to participate. You will be armed and prepared, and rations will be provided. For the glory of mankind...'"

Eren stared down at the notice with wide eyes. What..? How could the crown do this? Humanity's continuation was their top priority, wasn't it? Yet they're sending out people to go against the Titans untrained?! Anger began to overtake him, and he slammed his hands on the table. "This is crazy!" He yelled, his voice bouncing around the thin walls of their apartment. "They're just sending people out there to die!"

"How cruel..." Mikasa murmured, clenching her jaw. "What do they think this will accomplish?"

Armin slowly looked up from the paper and to his grandpa, who was well above the age of 15, not in the military, and the children under his guardianship was well over 7. And he began to tear up. "...To solve the problem of food shortage, they-they will..." His voice hitched with every other breath, tears beginning to roll down his face. "Send out the refugees under the guise of retaking land so that the rest of the Interior could eat..."

Realization dawned on the other two, and they looked over at grandpa Arlert with disbelief and horror. "No..." Eren whispered. "Grandpa Arlert, you can't..!"

Grandpa Arlert only gave them a tired smile. "I have to. The Military Police know my face, and they will look for me to participate. I'm still quite young and spry, you know!" He let out a laugh, but it didn't make any of them feel better. "But it is as Armin said...People don't have food. I'm just an old farmer and fisherman who hasn't done well..."

"That's not true!" Armin argued, scooting out of his chair to climb up on his grandpa's lap. "You're a great farmer and fisherman! You took me in and raised me even though it meant it would be more expensive for you! You're-You're..." He collapsed into tears. "I don't want to lose you so soon..."

The older man wrapped his arms around his grandson, rocking him gently as if he were still a baby. "It was going to happen sooner or later," He murmured. "And at least I will go in a blaze of glory, trying to retake our home from the Titans."

The apartment fell into a heavy silence, the tension weighing down on their small shoulders. Eren stared down at his lap and clenched his fists. Just when things began to improve, they were shoved back down into despair. Difa, and now grandpa Arlert...

How many more people will be taken from him..?

"Promise me this." Grandpa Arlert spoke up, and they all slowly looked up at him. "That no matter what you have to do to survive, you will continue to keep your humanity with you." He pleaded with a sad smile. "This place will change you, but don't lose yourself in vice. Eren...Let that man die."

"Ah-!" Eren gasped, his back straight as a rod. "How did you-"

"I heard his screams." Grandpa Arlert replied dryly. "And it's not hard to see the pink water from laundry day every week. Don't go too far. Try to save than to destroy."

Eren hunched his shoulders and pouted, his ears burning red. He thought he had concealed his actions from him well enough, but to think he knew from the very beginning.

"Mikasa, remember that your strength should be used to protect." Grandpa Arlert advised the young girl. "That not everyone is a threat to Eren and Armin. It's okay to be gentle sometimes."

"Mm." Mikasa nodded bashfully. "I'll try..."

"And Armin..." Grandpa Arlert looked down at his grandson who clung to him like his life depended on it. "I know you are aware of this world's cruelty through your books, but there is so much more to learn. The price of knowledge isn't worth the price of your humanity. Remember yourself when things are dark, and you will find the answer."

Sniffling, Armin nodded against his chest. "Y-Yes..." He choked out. "Wh-When is the operation taking place..?"

"In one week." Grandpa Arlert whispered.

They all fell silent, and in unison, both Eren and Mikasa stood up from their seats to attach themselves to the older man's sides. Their tears soaked into his jacket and even as he smiled, he began to tear up as well.

The world was cruel.

 

* * *

 

 

A week passed by much too quickly, and they all trudged out to the gate leading to Wall Maria. Several hundreds of people were gathered there as well, all of them standing around with a cloud of despair over them. Some tried to hide it with their bravado, shouting how they were going to kill the Titans. The Military Police distributed weapons in the form of ODM swords, and when those ran out, began handing out farm tools like spades and rakes.

It was obvious that the majority was not going to survive. 

"Grandpa..." Armin whimpered, holding onto the older man's hand as tightly as he could, as if thinking if he held on long enough, his grandpa wouldn't have to go out there.

Grandpa Arlert smiled down at him, resigned, and took off his straw hat and placed it on Armin's head. "Keep that warm for me, my boy. I'll always be here." His hand came up to tap the young boy's chest right above his heart.

Armin's lips quivered but forced himself to nod, not trusting himself to speak anymore.

"Grandpa Arlert..." Eren whispered, brows turned up in sorrow and frustration.

Mikasa stayed quiet, already hiding in her scarf while holding onto Eren's hand tightly. 

"You kids do your best to survive, and to live." Grandpa Arlert patted their heads as well. "Do this old man a favor and keep Armin and yourselves safe."

Nodding vigorously, Eren gave him a clenched fist salute, the highest honor he knew of.

"ALL REFUGEES FROM WALL MARIA! THE GATE WILL OPEN IN FIVE MINUTES! READY YOURSELVES TO FIGHT FOR THE GLORY OF MANKIND!"

Their small hands reached out to grab a hold of their grandpa's jacket, but when the time came, he slowly slipped away with a wizened smile.

Never to be seen again.

Back in their apartment that night, the skies dark and cloudy with a storm coming, Armin took off the straw hat and clutched it tightly to his chest, tears streaming down his face. Frowning sadly, Eren and Mikasa hugged him, linking their hands around him. The blond sobbed in their arms, no longer trying to hold it back. He was safe in his friends' arms and he hated and cherished it. Why was he so weak? He couldn't fight against the Titans, he couldn't do much other than use his brain for bookkeeping, and he couldn't even fight for his grandpa's life.

The loss hurt so much...

"Is-Is this how you felt, Eren..?" Armin choked out, hunching his shoulders. "Why does it have to be this way..."

Eren clenched his jaw and nodded slightly. "Yeah, when mom..." His eyes began to sting and he blinked them away. "It doesn't have to be this way."

Mikasa looked up at him. "What do you mean..?"

"We'll join the military." Eren announced determinedly. "We'll graduate and we'll fight. I'll exterminate the Titans so mankind won't have to be trapped like this anymore. No more sacrifices."

Wiping his face with a sleeve, Armin nodded. "Y-Yeah, let's do it..."

Mikasa stared at them before smiling slightly. "If you're going, then I'm going."

"You don't have to..." Eren began to argue but he knew it was for naught. He wanted them by his side, but out of the battle.

"I'm stronger than you." Mikasa pointed out. "I'll be able to look out for you and Armin."

"I..." Sniffling, Armin held his straw hat protectively. "I'll try to find some way to help you guys too...But I don't...I'm not very strong." He murmured.

Eren frowned and poked him on the forehead, ignoring his squeak. "You're strong here, and that's way more important. Anyone can get stronger, but not everyone can be smarter." 

"That applies to you too, Eren." Mikasa frowned. "Don't let your urges overrun your brain. You're smart if only if you weren't so brash."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Eren growled.

Watching as they argued again, Armin let out a watery laugh. He may have lost someone precious to him, but he still had these two, and it was enough to keep going. 

Someone hurriedly knocked on their door and they all turned to stare at it, Eren and Mikasa taking out their wrist blades. "Eren?! You there?!" Luke's familiar voice rang out from behind the door.

Relaxing, Eren went to open the door. "Yeah, I'm here. What is it?" He opened it, showing the gangsters serious face. He frowned. What was it that was so urgent that he almost bulldozed their door down?

"There's a man that's been asking around for you." Luke informed him. "We've been watching him for the last couple of days but the guy's been growing desperate so we thought to let you know."

Eren blinked. "What man?"

"He has long brown hair, the same shade as yours actually, and round glasses. He's got this kind of ugly mustache too, not really enough hair to call it a proper 'stache." Luke described, Eren's eyes growing wider. "And he was in a suit, though he looks like he hasn't washed in days, maybe weeks."

Eren slowly turned to look at his friends, who stared back at him with similar wide eyes. Could it be?

Turning back to the gangster, Eren furrowed his brow. "Bring him here. Gently!" He added quickly. 

"You sure? What if he's dangerous-"

"Did you forget who you're talking to?" Eren frowned, Mikasa appearing behind him like a wraith. "We got this. Just get him here as soon as possible!"

Luke threw his hands in the air. "You got it, boss. We'll get him here within the hour." And with that, he left down the stairs and out the house.

Eren closed the door before erupting into a flurry of activity. "Is it really dad?!" He breathed excitedly, taking a bag and throwing his clothes and who knew what else inside. "It's been two months, but he finally found us!"

"Eren...What are you doing?" Armin asked, his voice still warbly from crying.

"Packing!" He answered quickly. "Dad'll be able to take care of us! He's a better doctor than me and knows way more stuff, and we can find a better place to live until it's time for us to enlist!"

"Eren, you're assuming too much." Mikasa snatched the bag out of his hand and shook its contents back out onto their shared bed. "We don't know if it really is Dr. Jaeger. Besides, you heard Luke. He hasn't washed in days or weeks. Perhaps Dr. Jaeger was living in one of the other refugee camps before coming here."

"Mm..." Armin nodded in agreement. "At the description, it sounds like we're better off right now than him. It isn't so bad here, let's just wait and see."

Clenching his fists, Eren forced himself to nod. "Right...Sorry." He had just been so excited. His father was alive! It had been so long that he had almost given up. He may have lost his mother, but at least his father was still alive and it sounded like he had been searching for him. He didn't just forget or something. 

They sat around anxiously for the next hour, with Eren making them all some tea to help calm Armin, and himself. Taking a sip of his drink, he glanced over at Armin who held his cup gingerly. It didn't feel fair that he gained back his parent while his best friend lost his grandpa. If this man was even his father. 

A knock on the door shook them out of their reverie, and Eren quickly bounded for the door. "Coming!"

"Eren?!" A desperate man yelled out from behind it, and Eren felt a smile spread on his face. It really was him!

Opening the door, he looked up to his father and was shocked by what he saw. His normally well-maintained appearance was haggard at best, with his brown suit sullied in various places with dirt and who knew what else. His hair was in disarray, a tangled mess on his head, and his glasses sat crooked on his nose. His eyes were wide with hope and half-crazed desperation, and he held a bag protectively in his arms.

This was his father, but...

"Dad..?" Eren whispered, concerned and overwhelmed. "Is that really you? Are you okay? Here, do you want some tea? You look like you need something calming-"

His father reached out and snatched his wrist. "There's no time, Eren. Please, come with me!" He urged, already pulling him out the door. "We need to get going _now_!"

"Dr. Jaeger..!" Mikasa voiced out, about to follow them, but the long lost doctor only shook his head. 

"Mikasa, stay here!" Grisha shouted, eyes wide behind his glasses. "Eren will be back later, okay?! Eren, we're going!"

"Wha- Dad!" Eren yelped as he was tugged down the stairs and out the house, into the dark streets of the Alley and then Trost proper. "Where are we going?!"

His father didn't answer him, to desperate to get to wherever the destination in mind was. Eren didn't protest either, too overjoyed to be reunited with his father even though he wasn't thinking straight at the moment. His father knew what was best.

"Jaeger!"

They both stopped at the edge of town near a forest and turned to see a man with permanently horrified eyes walking up to them, dressed in a military instructor's uniform. Eren's eyes widened when he realized he was staring at Keith Shadis, former commander of the Survey Corps. The same man who had shouted in Shiganshina how he was a failure. 

Shadis panted, stopping in front of the two of them. "You're both alive! Is Carla..?"

Eren clenched his hands and looked down at the ground. "No...She...She was eaten by a filthy Titan." He gritted out. "With its stupid blonde hair and smiling face..." His father stiffened next to him but he didn't notice, too embroiled in the nightmare that was two months ago. "Why didn't you guys do anything?! You were the Corps!"

Shadis gritted his teeth and looked away. "There was nothing to be done. By the time the news reached us, Shiganshina was already gone." He shook his head. "In any case, Dr. Jaeger." He turned to face the older doctor. "What are you planning to do?!"

Grisha let out a shaky breath before tugging his son closer to him. "I'm going to avenge Carla." He announced roughly, shocking both his son and his former savior. "And Eren will be the one to do it. He alone has the power."

"Should you be putting such a burden on him?" Shadis argued, though he made no move to stop either of them. "This child might not be special at all..."

Grisha squared his shoulders. "It's precisely because he is my son that he is special. I beg of you, Keith, don't get involved." Giving the man one last nod, he tugged Eren into the dense forest, leaving the former commander alone to stare out to where they disappeared to.

"Special, huh..." Shadis whispered before closing his eyes. "All right then."

Minutes later, while the night sky was dark and stormy, a lightning bolt struck the forest before disappearing. Furrowing his brow, he went in to investigate, hoping that the lightning didn't hit the two Jaegers. Crossing through the brambles and thick trees, he finally found a clearing.

Eren was on the ground, unconscious, but with no Grisha in sight. "Dr. Jaeger..?" Shadis called out hesitantly, but no one answered. It was as if the man had never existed. 

His brow wrinkling, Shadis let out a deep sigh and picked up the unconscious youngster in his arms. "C'mon Eren..." He whispered, turning around to head back into town. He didn't see the pair of glasses the boy held in his hand.

Nor the syringe tucked inside his jacket, with a few drops of clear liquid left inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I wanna stick with Miche or Mike, because Miche is the name used in the games, but Mike is what they probably intended for his name to be, except they pronounce it like "meekei" and it's so confusing. Oh well -shrugs-
> 
> Next chapter will contain heavy spoilers up to chapter 92, so please be advised! This entire fic is based on the already existing 108 chapters that are out, and I will be pulling facts and information from all over to spin the new narrative.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late update, school has been hectic. Hopefully after monday, I'll be more free to write sigh. Anyway, thank you very much for all the new kudos and bookmarks! This fic has over 50 bookmarks now, wow! 
> 
> If you're here for the eventual Levi x Eren, I actually wrote a oneshot a while ago titled "2000 ways to get back to you" ! And if you just love Eren, I wrote a Eren x Reader one shot titled "I will fight for you, I will live for you". If interested, you can click on my name and find them there! 
> 
> I'll also be updating the tags for this fic. I realize some of them might be a bit misleading like the implied/referenced prostitution (people might think the trio are the prostitutes in this fic and that's definitely not what I mean)

_"Eren..." His father sobbed openly with crazed eyes in the forest while slowly marching toward him. "I'm glad you're safe...So glad..."_

_"Dad..?" Eren whispered, eyes wide, bewildered and even...afraid of how his father was acting. "W-What are you doing? We're going home together, aren't we?" He asked almost timidly. "W-Where have you been all this time? It's been two months!" Two months of just surviving in the refugee shelters, of living next to brothels and bars. He was tired and just wanted some sort of certainty again. He wanted his father. He wanted his mother back._

_Grisha let out a heart wrenching sound at the mention of home, his haggard face twisting with anguish. "We are, Eren..." He choked out. "I'll be with you from now on. You will avenge your mother."_

_Furrowing his thick brows, Eren took a step back without thinking. "Huh..? O-Of course I will! I'm gonna join the Survey Corps and hunt down the Titans!"_

_Swallowing his tears even as more dripped down his face, Grisha reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of intricately thin metal shielding a glass tube. Something that Eren was very familiar with. A syringe. "The Titan that ate Carla...She- It had blonde hair to its shoulders, right? With a wide grin and lots of tiny teeth?" At his son's hesitant nod, Grisha shuddered. "Promise me, Eren. Promise me that when you find that blonde smiling Titan...you'll eat her."_

_"Wha-?" Eren let out a confused noise that turned into a startled one when his father quickly reached out for his arm. "What do you mean?!"_

_"PROMISE ME, EREN!" His father howled, face aghast with horror and desperation. "EAT HER WHEN YOU FIND HER! YOU ALONE ARE THE KEY!"_

_"STOP, YOU'RE SCARING ME!" Eren screamed and tried to pull his arm back but to no avail. His father was unusually strong- too strong to be human- and the grip on his arm was like that of steel. "DAD, PLEASE! LET'S JUST TALK-"_

_"THERE'S NO MORE TIME, EREN!" Grisha sobbed and angled the needle down closer to his skin. "I love you, Eren, don't you ever forget that! Me and your mother love you very much, and you are the key that will save humanity! If you want to save Mikasa, Armin, and everyone else, YOU MUST LEARN TO USE THIS POWER! EAT THE BLONDE SMILING TITAN WHEN YOU FIND HER! GO BACK HOME TO OUR BASEMENT WITH THE KEY! ALL THE ANSWERS LIE THERE!"_

_"YOU WILL SAVE US ALL!"_

_"EAT HER! GO HOME TO THE BASEMENT!"_

_"Eren!" His mother wailed, tears spilling down her blood soaked face as her unresponsive body tried to struggle in the grasp of the Smiling Titan. "EREN! LIVE FOR ME!" Her voice bounced around painfully in the cavern of his skull, piercing his brain and embedding the memory forever. No matter where, when, and why, he could still hear her cries for him. Could still hear her spine snapping in the Titan's grasp._

_He could still see the blood that flew into the sky once she was eaten. Eaten..._

_"EAT HER...EREN..."_

_"EREN..."_

_"EREN!"_

"Eren!"

Snapping his eyes open with a gasp, Eren shot up, or at least tried to.

Instead, he lurched forward for a moment before his body failed him and he collapsed back against the lumpy mattress that he faintly recognized as his shared bed back in their apartment. He let out a pained cry immediately after and held his head in his hands, trying to stave off the pounding that came from the sudden blood rush. His head...His head felt like it was being _split open_. As if Mikasa had smashed a wooden beam right at his temporal lobes.

"Ugh...Wha..." He rasped out, registering just how dry his throat was, and how his entire body _ached_. Every muscle felt like it had been torn out and wrung through before being sutured back on. Even his bones felt weird somehow, but he couldn't really pinpoint what it was. It was frankly astonishing that he could even grip his head right now, which was killing him. What the hell had happened to him..? He didn't remember doing anything weird...Did Luke slip him some liquor or something as a joke?

"Eren..!" 

Thin but strong arms encircled around him and held him securely to the bed. "Eren, you're okay..." The familiar voice of his sister resonated from his chest and Eren slowly cracked his eyes open this time. Mikasa had latched onto him, almost choking him, and from the wet feeling on the front of his shirt, she was crying. Why..?

"Mikasa..?" Eren whispered, his throat feeling like sandpaper and his tongue like a block of wood, and slowly bringing a hand to place it on top of her mop of black hair. "What's wrong?"

Her head shot up, shocking him with the sight of extremely dark circles beneath her red-rimmed eyes. Had she been crying for a while? Did she not sleep? "Eren..." Mikasa choked out, tears spilling down her face. "You're finally awake. I'm so glad..."

Eren slowly blinked. "...'Finally'?" He repeated but coughed, and held his throat. "W-Water..." 

A cup was immediately shoved into his face and he took it- with both hands because his arms were shaking too much- and drank as much liquid as he could. It was just lukewarm water, but it felt like a cool, rejuvenating spring, bringing mercy to his extremely parched throat.

"Eren..." 

He looked up to see Armin appearing in the doorway, also sporting some rather dark circles and red rimmed eyes. "You...You've been asleep for a week now." Armin whispered shakily, stumbling over to the bed to take a hold of his hand. "We thought you weren't going to make it..!"

"Wait-! A week?!" Eren yelped in surprise, scrambling to sit up, though his body protested. "What do you mean, I've been asleep for a week?!"

Sniffling, Mikasa reluctantly pulled away to give him some room, but still latched onto his shirt like she was afraid that if she let go, he would just disappear. "You...You disappeared for the rest of the night with Dr. Jaeger." She wiped her face with a sleeve to get rid of any residual tears. "At around midnight, Luke said a strange man carried you back to the Alley. He took you from the man and brought you here and...you've been asleep until now." 

"You've had a very high fever." Armin continued quietly, bowing his head to hide his face in Eren's shoulder. "Even when we took ice out from the icebox, it didn't help. They all just started steaming off of you, that's how hot you were. It broke this morning though, so we stayed with you and hoped you would wake up." He smiled, the action shaky from sheer relief. "I'm so glad you're okay..!"

Eren stared at them in shock. A fever hot enough where _ice_ melted off him upon contact? He should be dead...But why did he have a fever so high? His health was fine, though he was a little underweight. He shouldn't have suddenly come down with a fever hot enough to melt ice. 

Wait-

"My dad was here?!" Eren blurted out, looking around wildly for his father. "Did he come when I was sleeping?! Where is he?! I gotta talk with him!" And ask him where he had been for the past two months after Shiganshina's Fall, and if he had any plans. Eren accepted being a doctor but what he really wanted was to join the military and sign up for the Survey Corps. It was the only way to kill all the Titans, especially the one who ate his mother-

_"Eat her..."_

Eren winced and held a hand to his head where a persistent throbbing suddenly emerged without any warning. What..? What was that?

"Eren..."

At the sound of his best friend's scared tone, Eren looked up at Armin who stared back at him in concern and even...fear? "Eren, what do you remember?" Armin slowly asked. Mikasa stared at him as well, brows pulled up in worry.

Eren blinked. "Uh..." What he remembered? The last thing was... "Saying goodbye to...to Grandpa Arlert." He whispered, tilting his head down in shame. "He disappeared out of the Wall and then...we came back here. I must have fallen asleep after or something and then the fever took me. Maybe it was a sudden infection...Why? Am I remembering wrong?"

Mikasa and Armin shared a long look, one that communicated things he wasn't aware of, before Armin slowly turned back to him. "...No. You didn't fall asleep after that, Eren." He spoke softly, peering up at his friend's face for any signs of remembrance. "Luke came by and said a man was looking for you, one that matched the description of Dr. Jaeger. Dr. Jaeger showed up an hour or so later when night had fallen, and he was in a real hurry to take you somewhere."

The young doctor furrowed his brows. What..? "Then what happened?" He asked frantically.

"Well..." Armin glanced over at Mikasa, perturbed. "We were hoping _you_ could tell us that. All we know is that you disappeared with your father and then Luke showed up with you unconscious and running a deadly fever. You...really don't remember anything that happened a week ago?"

Eren slowly looked down at his hands, horrified. "No..." He breathed out, heart beating anxiously inside his chest. "I don't...What the hell had happened..? Wait!" His head shot up suddenly, startling both his companions. "Then where's my dad?! A strange man carried me back? Who?" 

Mikasa tugged at the end of her scarf, a habit of hers that showed she was distressed. "Luke only said he looks like a man that 'hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in his life.'" She quoted in a whisper. "I asked him and the others in the gang to look for Dr. Jaeger, but no one has found him in Trost or any of the small villages between here and Calaneth. It's like he just...disappeared into thin air."

"How could this happen..?" Eren hyperventilated, clutching his head with tight fingers. Why? Why why why? What the hell had happened that he didn't remember a single thing happening from when his father showed up til now? He didn't even remember what his father had looked like that day, where they had gone together, who that strange man was that had apparently carried him back to the Alley, or even anything his father might've said to him-

_"Eat her..."_

"Shut up." Eren blurted out before freezing. He just said that out loud. To a voice in his head. 

Mikasa gave him a concerned frown. "Eren? Are you sure you're all right now?" She brought up a hand to his forehead, testing it against the temperature of her own. "You feel fine now..."

"Uh yeah, I'm fine, promise." He quickly reassured her with a flaky smile, her flat face communicating to him that she didn't buy it. He wasn't about to tell them that some voice in his head was telling him to eat someone, or that he was hearing a voice at all. "Eat her"? Who's her? It didn't mean Mikasa, did it? Maybe he was just...hallucinating. Having such a high fever for a week meant his brain was as good as cooked, and it could've damaged something. He had to...to take it easy. Recover. Try to remember just what his father had done in those missing memories of his.

"Um, I made some porridge if you're feeling up to it..." Armin spoke up hesitantly, already stepping back out into the living room. "You should eat something. You always taught me that it's not healthy to abstain from sustenance."

Eren nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah..." At the sound of food, his stomach let out a growl so loud that he almost fell back against the bed. Yeah, he was just so hungry that he was hallucinating. It happened to some people if they're deprived of sufficient nutrients. He just had to eat, get better, and keep at it until enlistment. 

"Eren..." Mikasa murmured, giving him a very concerned frown, the spot between her brows wrinkling. "Are you sure..?"

"Stop it." Eren lightly swatted her away. "I feel fine now. I'm not lightheaded, dizzy, sweating, or hot." And it was true. Weirdly enough, whatever symptoms he had been burdened with when he woke up had faded away, leaving him to feel like he had just taken a long nap and not that he had been in a coma with an intense fever.

Something shifted in the back of his mind though, almost like he was forgetting something. He pushed it back further away and ignored it with a stubborn frown. "Anyway, how's Mikelle? Has anyone been feeding her?"

"Yes, we've been using the leftover powders you made but we ran out today..."

 

* * *

 

**A Few Days Later**

 

It was a rush of activity after Eren finally woke up and got some food in his stomach. He felt like he could eat a whole cow if he could afford it, that was how hungry he was.

After forcing himself to eat slowly lest he rip his weakened esophagus, he limped to the water closet and relieved himself with a satisfied sigh. He hoped he didn't let loose when he was in his coma, but it was a fact that he probably did and he could feel his face burn with embarrassment. It was normal but ugh, to think of his sister and best friend wiping his butt was...Nope. He was erasing that away from his mind.

After emptying his bowels, he went to his lab and started mixing powders to prevent fever. Never again would he be knocked into a coma by a fever ever again. Mikasa tried to stop him, to tell him to get back into bed to recover, but he shrugged her off and tried to reason with her that it was good he was moving around. He didn't want to be atrophied for when they would enter the military. 

Then the Rosicas showed up, telling him that he was behind on his end of the deal, and while they were understanding, they really needed their stock. Madam Hiesel had come by earlier in the week to ask for a double order of birth control tea leaves, and one of her girls seemed to have caught something. Lou's body in the basement had already been disposed of courtesy of Mikasa handing it off to Luke, so there went all his future data and stress relief. One of the bar owners wanted a better hangover cure, the old lady at the end of the block begged for more herbal inhalants, his landlord was asking for more lung medication-

Eren wanted to scream and hide in his bed until everyone stopped bothering him.

Unfortunately, his mother raised a better son than that, and...he did always like helping people, especially when they were so grateful for it.

So he took a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and got to mixing.

It took several days to catch up to all his orders. Firstly he had to go check on the sick girl, she was the top priority at the moment, and he may as well deliver the tea leaves while he was there. The girl had contracted a STI which was unfortunately common in her line of work, but at least it was one that was curable. 

"It's going to take at least two weeks of constant medication." Eren announced to the two women in a closed room at the brothel, grimacing when the rancid smell of her privates actually wafted through his spearmint scented mask. He wished he would never see another vagina again for the rest of his life. "I can give you a salve as well as a tea to fix this."

"Thank you, Eren..." The prostitute thanked him, forcing a smile even though she was completely red with mortification.

"How much is this going to cost?" Madam Hiesel asked crisply, a frown already pulling at her wrinkly skin.

"The ingredients aren't cheap." Eren answered reluctantly. "I don't want to make it harder for you all, but..."

"How. Much."

"...Probably around 500 royals." He grumbled out, wincing when he heard them gasp. "You'll have to ask Armin for the exact price, but the only person who's got the ingredient I need is all the way in Nedlay and the import rate is low down here."

"I...There's no way I can pay that much!" The young woman teared up, and for a moment, Eren could almost envision she was Difa and he flinched. "I only make around 30 royals a week! By the time I save up..."

"...It'll be too late to cure you." Eren finished glumly, the sound of her breaking down into tears sending a guilty pang in his chest. "You wouldn't be able to, um...do your job if you let this continue."

"What if we offer up half for now and we write the rest as a debt?" Madam Hiesel offered quickly. "She can slowly pay it off-"

Eren shook his head. "I can't. Importing the ingredient is already expensive, but if the medicine isn't applied on a set schedule, it won't be as effective and the infection could survive. Then it'll be a waste of money _and_ time." 

The young woman cried into her hands. "What will I do..? This is my only job!" She sobbed, fat tears rolling down her face. "I've been working for six years and I've never gotten something as bad as this!"

"We're blacklisting that client who did this to you." The madam of the house swore, patting her employee on the back. "You're one of my best girls and there's no way I can lose you." She swiveled to give Eren a hard stare. "Dr. Jaeger, what else will you take as payment?"

Eren took a step back. "Money is all I _can_ take." He argued, furrowing his thick brows. "I get that it's hard for you guys, but we-" We being him, Mikasa, and Armin. "-need to eat, too! I'm sorry!"

Scowling, the elder woman took him by his arm and dragged him out of the room, leaving the prostitute to stare after them in confusion. Eren struggled in her grasp. "Hey! Let go!" 

Bringing him to the kitchen where no one was around, she let go and crossed her arms. "I have another way of paying you." She announced.

Rubbing his arm where her steel grip had wrinkled his shirt, Eren gave her a hesitant blink. "Uh...like what?"

"I know what you have been doing in that basement of yours."

He literally felt the blood drain from his face. "W-Wha..? What do you mean? There's-There's nothing down there-"

"I could guess what happened to Difa's killer." Madam Hiesel interrupted, silencing him. "He had been Difa's client since she joined us at fourteen years old. Ms. Ackerman was the one who asked for extra fabrics to make your hairband. Am I wrong, Dr. Jaeger?" She lifted a fine brow. "Or should I call you _Ms. Jaeger_?"

Oh.

Eren closed his mouth with a click and frowned. So she knew what happened, or at least guessed closed enough that it may as well be spot on. She had figured out that Lou was the one who killed Difa, and his disappearance was due to them. If only Armin was here to do this deal. Eren was never good with words. "...So what? We were only doing what was right." He eventually answered warily.

Holding her head high, Madam Hiesel looked down at him with a light smirk, showing that under the wrinkles, she had been a beautiful woman in her prime. "I will offer you the worst of the clients as well as basic lessons in exchange for that medicine."

Taken aback, Eren could only blink. "Huh?"

"Lou isn't the first client to want to harm my girls and he won't be the last." The Madam explained, a cold glint in her expression. "The clients are important to the business, but it won't matter if they end up harming my employees. The girls can only make money if their bodies are treated well. So. I will let you... _take_ the garbage away. I hear organ transplants are quite lucrative." 

Eren was smart enough to understand what she was implying. She was letting him take her worst clients for his experiments. While he would never think about just taking a random guy off the streets, she was telling him that there were more men like Lou that she didn't need in her clientele. Men who mistreated people and had no care about the people around them so long as their own carnal appetites were sated.

Animals that he could exterminate so innocent people could live in peace.

"...All right." Eren relented. "But what do you mean by 'lessons'?" What the hell could she teach him that he would need?

Madam Hiesel smirked down at him, amused. "You need a way to lure these men. What better way than with an innocent girl with bewitching eyes such as yours, _Ms. Jaeger_?"

"Wha-?!" Eren sputtered, cheeks blotched with red. "It was just one time! Mikasa can..." He trailed away with a frown. No. He didn't want to put Mikasa in that kind of danger. He knew that she could take care of herself, and was more than strong enough to throw off a man. But she was still a girl, and more importantly than that, she was his sister. He shouldn't be putting her in any kind of danger like that.

"Ms. Mikasa is strong enough, yes." The Madam agreed, snapping him out of his thoughts. "And she is quite pretty with her exotic features. I have only ever seen one Asian in my career..." Her lips thinned into a frown, a look of mourning passing her features. "She had been ruined beyond belief, to the point where death was a blessing to her."

Eren sucked in a breath. "I'm not letting Mikasa go near any scum again!" He exclaimed, ignoring her questioning gaze at the mention of "again." "She's not doing it!"

"Then Mr. Arlert will be the bait?" She asked mockingly. "His young and shy disposition would lure in even the most moral men. I'm sure they would find his supple body quite-"

"No, not Armin either!" He refuted, anger coursing through his veins at the thought of his best friend being subjected to the darker vices of their neighborhood. Armin was already doing more than enough as a bookkeeper in this dirty place.

Madam Hiesel smiled wryly. "Then there is only one option, _Ms. Jaeger_. I would rather keep this discreet, and you clubbing these men unconscious in the streets would warrant attention from the wrong people, say, the Military Police."

Clenching his fists, Eren gave her a dirty glare when he realized she had just lured him. "...What are these lessons?" He gritted out between his teeth. If someone had to do this, then it would be him. He wasn't going to let Mikasa or Armin get close to those animals, even if he had to wear a dress again.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm asking you to sacrifice your 'fierce masculinity' to spread your legs." She quoted sarcastically. "I'm only teaching you the basics. I will teach you how to speak like a girl, how to stand like a girl, and most importantly, _move_ like a girl. Think of it as...training." She soothed with a sly smile. "You always do say you will enlist into the military. This will help you."

Eren gave her a furrowed stare, now more curious than angry. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well..."

 

* * *

**One Week Later**

 

"Eren?" Armin blinked, a stack of books in his arms. "Are you okay? You're not coming down with a fever again, are you?"

"I...I'm okay..." Eren forced out, resting his head on their kitchen table. "Just tired..."

"If you say so..." His best friend seemed to want to press the issue, but at the last moment, decided otherwise. "I'm going out to do some bookkeeping. Do you need anything?"

"Yeah..." Eren lifted his head and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper from his pocket from his worn pants. "Can you run down to the apothecary and ask them for around 2kg of this. It should've arrived already. Also calculate the cost with labor."

Taking it, Armin peered at it curiously and gaped. "Wha-?! Eren, isn't this super expensive? How are we going to afford this?"

"Don't worry about it." Eren dodged the subject. "We have more than enough. Just let me know when it arrives." He wasn't going to tell Armin that he had another body in the basement already. It had been a week since Madam Hiesel struck that deal with him and he almost regretted it. Almost.

The new body was already missing a kidney as well as parts of its liver. The kidney sold well and its new owner was happily recovering in Krolva, tended to by a different doctor. The liver parts were being treated carefully with the same conditions of a living body, and maybe he could figure out how it was the only organ to be able to regenerate itself. He was profiting off this arguably more than the Madam herself, so he couldn't really complain. He was able to keep food on the table, keep his protection, and was even training his body to be more flexible. 

He could probably teach Mikasa and Armin those stretches too...

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice Armin hadn't left, and was instead clenching his hands. He snapped out of it when a stack of books were slammed next to him on the table, making a loud bang echo in their small apartment. "Wha-" He yelped.

"Eren, I'm not stupid!" Armin cried out, silencing him.

Eren blinked. "Wh-When did I say that you were-"

"You didn't say anything, but you're implying it! You're implying it right now!" Armin accused him, tears misting his eyes. "Do you think I don't know what you do in the basement?! Do you think I don't know what you did to Lou three weeks ago?! I'm not stupid!"

"Of course you're not stupid!" Eren argued, standing up from his chair. "But I know you don't like it! That's why I don't tell you!"

Armin sucked in a breath. "I appreciate your concern but I can judge for myself!" He refuted passionately. "I know I'm the weak link here, that I'm not as strong as Mikasa and I'm not as talented as you, but I am part of this group! You can tell me these things, okay?!" He took several deep breaths, looking away. "Aren't we family too..?" He whispered almost uncertain.

Eren clenched his jaw and bowed his head. "You're not weak!" He yelled, Armin swiveling back to look at him. "You're the strongest of us three! You use your smarts to get around doing dirty things like me and Mikasa, and I don't want you to ever have to stain your hands like us! Mikasa and I..." He sighed sharply. "We have blood on our hands, dirty blood, but blood nonetheless. You're...You're still pure, Armin. I don't want you to be like us. I don't want you to discover the extent of your tolerance for gore. I never want you to be in danger if I can help it."

"I..." Armin began.

"No," Eren cut him off with a jerk of his head. "I'll tell you what I do from now on but please, I would never want you to lift your blade against another human unless you absolutely need to. Mikasa and I- no, _I_ will take care of it all. Anyone who wants to hurt you is a filthy animal that deserves to be put down anyway. Most of all..." He lifted his head and green met blue. "I promised Grandpa Arlert to look out for you."

And no one was ever going to take away his family ever again. Now that he had the means of fighting back these kinds of monsters, Armin was going to stay pure and Mikasa will only have to fight, not kill. He will do all the killing from now on. His hands had been stained from birth because he was a doctor's son. His legacy was always going to contain blood and death.

"...That's what I'm afraid of." Armin whispered, tears streaming down his face as he collapsed onto a spare chair. "What if one day, you're not there?"

"I will be." Eren promised.

"You can't assure that." Armin murmured pessimistically. "I...I'll have to fight one day, too."

"Then I'll make sure that day isn't today, or tomorrow, or any day for as long as I can." Eren swore strongly. "You _are_ family, Armin. Just leave all the blood and drugs to me."

"But..." Armin bit his lip and looked away.

Eren furrowed his brow. "But?"

Taking a shuddering breath, Armin looked up at him, his baby blue eyes shining with fear of him, no, fear _for_ him. "What if one day...You kill someone who is innocent?" He whispered.

Eren stilled, eyes wide.

Him? Killing an innocent person..? That...That wasn't possible. Every one of the animals he had killed were guilty of something. Kidnapping, murder, abuse. No matter what kind of person they were, they still committed their sins and tried to get away with it. Eren made sure they all paid in blood and more. He was cleaning up the streets. He was helping people. Prostitutes being abused, pedophiles trying to rape children, criminals. There was no chance he would ever kill someone innocent.

"That would never happen, Armin." Eren smiled softly. "The filthy things I kill only look like humans. They're a different kind of monster than Titans, but they deserve to be exterminated just the same."

Armin opened his mouth, ready to argue, but in the end as always, backed down and sullenly nodded. "Just let me know things from now on, okay..?" 

Eren nodded. "I can do that." Taking a deep breath, he walked to his lab and began getting ready to make the mixture the prostitute needed. If the apothecary got the shipment today, then he could make the mixture by tomorrow night and give it to the young woman. 

Opening the icebox, he pushed a few bottles out of the way to grab the one he needed when he paused. At the very back of the fridge, there was an empty syringe. No, not empty, it had a few drops of liquid left inside. Gingerly picking it up, he stared at it.

It was a different model of syringe than the one he used. 

Furrowing his brow, he ducked his head out the door where Armin was about to leave. "Armin!" He held up the mysterious instrument in one hand. "Do you know anything about this syringe?"

Turning around, Armin blinked before his eyes widened. "Oh yeah! That night when Luke carried you back, we found that inside your jacket as well as a pair of round glasses. I put it in the icebox just in case because you always tell me liquids like that need to be cooled. I was so worried you wouldn't wake up from your fever and when you did, I was just so relieved. I guess I forgot about it, sorry!"

Eren blinked. It was in his jacket..? "There was a pair of glasses?"

Armin nodded. "Yeah! It should be in the bedroom in the bedside drawer. Now that I think about it, they kind of look like the same style as Dr. Jaeger's..." His eyes caught the setting sunlight through one of the windows and he gasped. "Oh, I'm going to be late! Sorry Eren, I'll talk to you later!" And with that, he quickly dashed out of the door with his books, even forgetting to redo all the locks.

Eren absentmindedly walked over to take care of them before stepping back to his lab. His father's glasses had been with him too..? 

He held up the syringe in his hand and frowned. What was this liquid? It was clear, but that didn't tell him much. It could be water, alcohol, anesthetic, anything. The only way he could find out was to examine it using a lens scope that he had "borrowed" from one of the apothecaries.

Dragging a chair over, he took a slab of clean glass and with as much care as he could, gently dripped just one drop out of the syringe. The liquid didn't evaporate out in an oxygen rich environment, so it seemed like he didn't have to rush.

Placing the piece of glass under the scope, he peered down at it through the eyehole and immediately paled. What the hell?

Spinal fluid..?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are appreciated! They motivate me to keep writing!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys wanna know something?..  
> ...  
> I totally forgot about the key LOLOL I MENTION GRISHA'S GLASSES AND THE SYRINGE BUT FOR SOME REASON THE KEY COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND. ARGUABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT OBJECT IN THE ANIME. Good job me.

Eren peered down at the seemingly innocent liquid, just a few drops left in the syringe. How...How did he know it was spinal fluid? He should've needed to conduct further tests to authenticate that claim. Sure, spinal fluid contained very little protein in it, but that didn't differentiate it from other non-protein liquids.

But _something inside him_ told him it was spinal fluid.

"What the hell is going on..?" He whispered to himself, stumbling off of his chair and colliding with the hard floor. He scooted back, back back back until he hit the wall, and he held his head in his hands. The ever familiar flutter in his chest, the tightening of his throat, and the trembling in his hands told him all he needed to know. He was panicking. 

It had been nagging at him since he had woken up from his week long coma, but he had always pushed it to the back of his head. Until now. Why _did_ he fall into a week long coma? Why would he suddenly develop a fever so hot that ice would melt off his skin? How come he wasn't dead if that was the case? His brain should've been beyond cooked past the point of saving. He should...

He should be dead. But he wasn't.

Eren took a shuddering breath, forcing himself to breathe deeply and slowly. Armin and Mikasa had mentioned that his father had been here, but why didn't he remember that?! What happened that he couldn't remember seeing his long lost father who finally found him and then had taken him somewhere? Where did they go? What did they do? Who was the strange man who handed him off to Luke? Why hadn't it been his father? 

Where?

When?

Why why why...

_"Eat her..."_

He stilled and fell silent, eyes flying wide open. Why _was_ a voice speaking to him in his head? It wasn't often, and it didn't seem like it was a person actively talking to him, but it happened enough that it was imprinted into his memory or something. What was even more horrifying than that, however, was the fact that the voice in his head was telling him to eat someone. A "her." Who? Why?!

"Ugh!" Eren pulled at his hair, feeling a few strands come loose from his scalp. Everything was so confusing! He didn't want to be weird, he just wanted to help people and save Humanity from the Titans!

He hated this. Hated the fact that he was too young to enlist right now, too small to be strong like Mikasa, too dumb to be as clever as Armin, too experienced in his profession that people kept clamoring for his medicines, but most of all, he hated that he was living _here_ right now while his father was missing again and his mother was still dead-!

Frustration clawed at his chest like an animal and he flung his arm out with a fist, smashing a few glass beakers on the shelf next to him. They shattered in a ringing cacophony, a million glass shards drifting to the wooden floor boards. "Damn it..." Eren gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut, but that was a mistake.

Immediately, flashes of that fateful day flitted across his mind; the splinters in his hands from trying to lift his house off his mother, the vibration of the ground as heavy footsteps came closer, the helplessness and uselessness he felt when his mother was lifted and eaten by that blonde smiling Titan-

_"Eat her..."_

Eren gasped and stared ahead at nothing. "Eat.. _.her_..?" He repeated, the blood draining from his face. Eat...the blonde smiling Titan? "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" He yelled out, half wishing that the voice in his head was a separate entity that he could reach out and strangle for being so damn vague!

"Eren?"

A familiar head of ebony hair appeared in the doorway, peeking in from the crack in the door. "Are you okay? I heard shouting..." Mikasa asked, warily looking around the makeshift lab for some sort of intruder. Her eyes caught sight of the shattered glass and she gasped. "Eren!" Rushing next to him, she was about to brush away the shards when Eren stopped her.

"Don't! They're not clean of contaminants." He warned. "I'll sweep it later."

"But-"

"Grab me a broom, okay?" He interrupted her and slowly stood up, making sure not to step on any of the glass with his shoes. Mikasa pursed her lips but did as she was told, disappearing out the doorway again.

Furrowing his brow, Eren let out a sharp sigh and moved to the table again, the bright sunlight from the window illuminating the many bottles and medical instruments laid out next to the lens scope. The tiny drop of spinal fluid was gone, evaporated before he could do any further tests, and he grimaced. Spinal fluid didn't normally evaporate.

Now with her out of the room, he just had to figure out just _who's_ spinal fluid this was, though that was next to impossible. He didn't want to worry Mikasa any more than he already did. Not only would she be constantly babying him, but she'd treat him like some fragile idiot who couldn't do anything by himself. 

A haze flitted across his vision and he blinked, focusing on the strange mist. "What the hell..?" He muttered, looking around for its origin. Was there burning water somewhere? Or did he leave the window open just enough that smoke from one of the shops was billowing in?

He caught sight of the stream of mist and followed it, just as he gasped and felt all the blood drain from his face. 

His...His arm was _steaming_.

Stumbling back yet again and tripping over his own feet, Eren hyperventilated, quick breaths in and out of his small body, and hesitantly brought his other hand up to hold his arm. He tilted it so he could get a better view, and through his building panic, he saw that the steam was coming from a fresh cut, a small piece of glass embedded in the skin.

"Wha- What the hell?" His voice disappeared with how high he screeched. Humans weren't supposed to steam like this. _Humans didn't produce steam at all_. 

He couldn't look away from the sight, petrified by the sheer abnormality of the situation. He watched with his breath held as his cut slowly steamed, sealing itself as if it was knitting back together, thread by thread. It continued until his newly healed skin touched the surface of the glass shard, stopped by the foreign object that was embedded in his body. 

Slowly and almost afraid, Eren reached out with shaking fingers and removed the glass shard, his fingertips just barely able to grasp the tiny thin fragment. He barely felt it too, just a small nick, not even painful enough to be a paper cut. As soon as the obstacle was removed, his skin healed into a flawless surface once more, leaving no traces of there ever being a wound. 

Dropping the glass, Eren slowly took a seat before his legs gave out on him. "Okay...Deep breaths, Eren." He told himself in a daze. "Deep...breaths..." His face scrunched up. "Oh who am I kidding. What the hell!" He shouted in a whisper. "How did I...How did I do that..?" 

He hugged himself and curled up into a ball, stuffing his face into his arms. One of which just _healed_ in front of his very eyes. It defied everything he knew, his very reality- no, the _world's_ very reality. Humans didn't heal like this. If they did, Difa would still be alive and caring for Mikelle. His mother would've been able to walk again after freeing herself from the house's foundation.

This. Was. Wrong.

"Humans don't heal like this... _I've_ never healed like this before, and I know I've gotten hurt plenty of times." He muttered to himself. "Humans heal when blood clots until new tissue grows in. It's a slow process depending on the size of the wound, the bigger the slower." He recited the very things his father had taught him over the course of his life. "The inside of the tissue heals first, leaving the top layer of the skin to seal up last...The wound generates heat due to the rush of blood, but not enough to steam..!"

His eyes flew wide open and the world stilled in place.

Steam.

Regeneration at a quick pace, an _inhuman_ pace. 

Lifting up his hands, he stared down at his palms. They were small and calloused in certain spots due to holding scalpels all his life. The skin was slightly rough from a lifetime of picking herbs and doing chores, but they were mostly smooth and soft, with pinkish orange tones. Five fingers each, ten in total. Completely normal human hands.

But humans weren't the only ones who had hands like these.

"N-No..." Eren choked out, fear gripping his chest and freezing him in place. His hands trembled in front of him, but even though he wanted to do something, anything, he couldn't do anything except shake in his chair. 

The only other species to ever regenerate while producing steam...

Were Titans.

His eyes darted to the table where a few scalpels were laid, the stainless steel glinting in the sunlight. Launching himself out of his chair, he grabbed one of them and held up a finger. There was a slight tremor in the hand holding the medical instrument, and he belatedly realized he was scared. Scared of what he would find out. 

Maybe...Maybe he hallucinated the steam. Maybe he was still tired and left a burner going underneath a beaker which is where the steam came from. He...He never got a cut. Yeah.

"It'll be fine..." Eren breathed out, angling the edge of the blade and pressing down onto the tip of his pointer finger. It sliced through his skin so finely that he didn't feel any pain, but as soon as he lifted it back up, a bead of blood began to gather underneath, highlighting the cut with fresh red.

He held his breath, and waited.

A couple seconds later- he counted five and a half- a fine vapor began to drift up from the wound, and he didn't dare to blink as he watched his skin knit back together into a seamless surface. Bringing up his other hand, he traced the spot where the cut used to be, finding it unmarred as if he had never cut it. 

"I...healed." Eren shakily confirmed to himself. He healed. Not like a human, but like a Titan. A filthy Titan. He wasn't...He wasn't human at all. When did he become like this? Was it the voice that changed him? 

When...When did he stop being human?

The door opened again behind him, Mikasa coming in with the broom and dustpan. "Eren, I'll clean it, okay? I don't want you to hurt yourself-" She stopped when she saw her brother's blank expression, and she furrowed her brow in worry. "Eren?"

Eren didn't move except for a slight turn of his head. "...Mikasa." He croaked out. "Wh-What happened the night Luke brought me back?"

"Again?" Mikasa frowned. "This is the third time you've asked-"

"Just tell me!" He snapped, almost hysterical with his wide crazed eyes and his body- his _mind_ fracturing at the thought of being some sort of-sort of- He didn't even want to _think_ it. "Please!"

Taken aback by his insistence, Mikasa tugged at her scarf, a clear sign that she was troubled. "...After we said goodbye to Grandpa Arlert-" She paused, sorrow flashing in her gray eyes. "We came back here and comforted Armin. Luke knocked a little later and said a man was looking for you, a man fitting Dr. Jaeger's appearance. You told Luke to bring him here and an hour later, your dad appeared. He was...really insistent in bringing you somewhere, and told us not to follow. We waited for you two to come back, but it was almost morning when Luke carried you here. He said a strange man in a Survey Corps uniform carried you out of the nearby forest right outside of Trost, and decided to take you back just in case. That's all I and Armin know."

Eren sat as still as a statue while he listened to the story again. Nothing changed, everything was the same. There were no details that were different, the story was consistent. So from before he saw his father to when Luke came back with him, something happened. Something must've happened that changed him like this. 

Who? When? Where? Why?

_How?_

Unable to resist the urge, he slammed his head against the table and didn't move. "Eren!" He heard Mikasa yell out in alarm but he didn't care right now. He had to be crazy. His brain must've cooked itself and now he was half brain dead somehow. He _had_ to have been seeing things.

"Eren!" A hand clamped down on his shoulder and shook him roughly. "Eren, are you okay?! What happened?" Mikasa asked worriedly, picking him up effortlessly and turning him around so he would face her.

"I..." Eren started but the words died on his tongue. What could he say? There was absolutely nothing that could explain this except for his missing memories. Maybe if he could figure out just who's spinal fluid was in that mysterious syringe, he could slowly piece together just what had happened-

Wait. 

He spun around to stare at the syringe.

Doctors in Wall Rose rarely used syringes and if they did, they used a certain model. The reason he didn't recognize this type of syringe was because they were only used in Wall Sina. They were a higher quality of glass and plunger, making the injection smoother. 

His father had been in Wall Sina when Shiganshina was lost. 

His father who found him and took him somewhere last week, which he didn't remember.

His father who was missing again.

"Is it...his?" Eren breathed out in shock, unable to comprehend what conclusions his half-cooked brain was coming to. He just...This was too much, he just couldn't understand-!

Balling up a fist, he punched himself in the face. The impact was like cold water to his system, distracting him from his panicked thoughts. The pain hit him a second later when his cheek began to throb and he winced. In the back of his mind, he wondered if the bruise he just gave himself would also disappear before the end of the night.

"Eren!" Mikasa shrieked, her hands shooting down to clamp his wrists in a tight grip to prevent him from moving. "What are you doing?! Stop hurting yourself!" 

"S-Sorry..." Eren apologized halfheartedly, not even bothering to fight against her for once. "I'm just...stuck with a new medicine mix."

His sister furrowed her brow. "You're lying." She stated strongly. "The tips of your ears are red. Why else would you be asking about the incident if you weren't worried about it? Is it your missing memories that are bothering you? Please," She begged him. "I just want to help you."

Eren stared at her before he felt himself soften. Damn his ears and their weird quirk. "Yeah, it's my memories...If only I could remember what dad did to me, then I wouldn't be left here so confused." He mumbled out.

She blinked. "'Did to you'?"

Crap, he wasn't supposed to say that. "I-I mean where he took me, and what he said to me..." He stuttered out. It wasn't a lie, he did want to know those too, but...it seemed weird that he would come back with a syringe and his father's glasses, but not with the man himself. "It must've been important if he left so soon, and to let some stranger carry me back."

Mikasa frowned and her eyes darted away. "...What could've happened that he wouldn't come back with you?" She asked. "Isn't it a little strange? That Dr. Jaeger would find you, take you away in a hurry, and then you return without him...Something must've happened."

Eren grimaced. "Yeah..." He let out a rough sigh and looked around his cramped lab, specifically at the glass shards on the floor. "I'll clean up here and...take a breather or something. I have to meet Madam Hiesel later as well." 

"All right..." Mikasa agreed, taking a step out of the room before pausing. "Just...let me or Armin know if you need anything, okay? You're not alone in this." She swore with a strong gaze. "We're here for you like you are for us."

Chewing his bottom lip, Eren gave her a small but soft smile. "I know." He always knew, even when she was smothering him or when Armin worried over every little thing, that they were only doing this because they cared. Now that Grandpa Arlert was gone and likely won't come back alive (if at all), they really only had each other. Sure, Luke and the Rosicas looked out for them and the whole Alley was nice, but that was because they wanted things from them. His medicine, Mikasa's strength, Armin's bookkeeping. 

The only thing they ever wanted from each other was just themselves. It didn't matter if Mikasa was weak inside, or Armin was too shy to really show off his intelligence, or that he himself was too rash to really be a calm and composed doctor. All they wanted- _needed_ was one another because they weren't just friends. 

They were family.

And if it turned out that he really was a monster now...He knew what he needed to do.

Mikasa gave him a small smile as well before heading to the kitchen area of their apartment to cook their meager dinners. Letting out a long sigh, Eren put on some gloves as well as some protective coverings and began to sweep up the glass shards of his ruined beakers and bottles. Now that he wasn't so angry, he really regretted breaking so many. They were expensive and he would need to replace them soon.

After safely disposing the garbage, he went back to the lab's table and placed the mysterious syringe into the icebox. He didn't want to waste what little he had to the environment. He needed as much as he could possibly save to figure out just why he had a syringe of evaporating spinal fluid in his jacket. "Who's is this..?" He whispered to himself, his eyes growing wider when another question hit him. "Who was injected..?"

He took the syringe out of the icebox and placed it underneath the lens scope. The view focused on the needle point and he cursed. The zoomed-in view of the needle showed signs of use, meaning it was used to inject someone. So for some reason, he had a Sina exclusive syringe filled with spinal fluid in his jacket. A syringe that was most likely his father's. It couldn't be _his_ spinal fluid, could it? It would've hurt immensely when extracting enough to fill a whole syringe tube.

Eren scowled, frustrated that the answer wouldn't be so easily found, and decided to just...focus on something else. Something that could be done immediately, like looking at the rest of the things found on his body that night.

Leaving the room and noting that Mikasa was making potato and leek soup, he went into their bedroom and tugged open the bedside drawer. Just like Armin said, there was a pair of glasses inside, and Eren realized in wonder that it really was his father's pair. It had all the light scratches on the frame and even the same thickness. "This is definitely dad's..." He whispered, wishing that the knowledge came with a sense of happiness, but really all he could feel was dread and confusion.

Why did his father not come back with him? What could've prevented him from doing so? And...Eren furrowed his brow. Why _did_ he have his glasses? His father's vision was bad so he wouldn't go walking around without them.

Eren looked back into the drawer and blinked when he noticed a glint of gold. Reaching in, he took out a slim golden key on a dark leather strap, a makeshift necklace. His eyes widened. "This is..!" He gasped. This was the basement key that his father wore! The very same one he showed him right before he left for his journey into Sina, that very day!

He looked down at both the key, the pair of glasses, and turned his head toward the direction of the lab where the mysterious syringe laid. Why...Why did he have all these objects without their owner around? Just what the hell had happened?! 

Was it...connected to why he could heal now? 

Quickly pushing up his sleeves, he looked around on his arms before realizing it was fruitless. If he could heal now, he wouldn't find any sort of needle marking on his skin. 

Eren gripped his head and pulled at his hair, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "What is going on..." He whimpered. Was he not human anymore? Was that why he had such a high fever and was in a coma for a week? Could...Could he have been injected? By his father?

Did his father run away in guilt after turning his son into a monster?

Swallowing, Eren took out a small blade he kept hidden on his person and made another, more careless incision on his arm. Red blood dripped down in rivulets, dotting the old wooden floor of their apartment. The pain didn't even matter.

And he stared almost apathetically as five seconds later, his wound began to steam along with the blood still on his person. He noted distantly that the blood on the floor didn't disappear...How monstrous.

He...If he really was some kind of monster, then he couldn't do this here. He had to find a secluded place where he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, a place where Mikasa and Armin wouldn't find him in.

Straightening up once more, he pushed his sleeves down, hiding the remnants of steam coming from his almost fully healed cut, and headed for the door.

Looking up from the pot of soup, Mikasa frowned when she noticed him pick up his medical bag. "Eren? Where are you going? Dinner is almost done."

"A quick checkup with Ana at Madam Hiesel's." Eren quickly blurted out, already rushing out the door. "Don't wait up for me, okay?!"

"Wait!" Mikasa called out but the door had already slammed shut again. "Your ears are red..." She whispered to the empty apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

As Eren rushed off through the tight streets of the Alley, he headed toward the forest in Rose outside of Trost, using the outskirts of the city to maneuver in. Trost was slowly coming back to life now that the large numbers of refugees had suddenly decreased to a more manageable number, and commerce was bustling again in the main marketplaces, places that he didn't want to be in.

Not when there were so many huma- people around that he could hurt.

As he hurried away with his bag in his arms, he didn't notice a pair of sky blue eyes following him, nor the innocent voice calling out his name. He didn't even notice the quiet footsteps following him, the blood pounding in his ears drowning out any other sound.

When Eren made it to the gate, he darted through using a merchant's wagon as a way to hide from the guards, and then quickly made his way into the nearest forest. The thick leaves blocked out what little sunlight was left on this winter day, and the cold night was beginning to settle in.

On days like these, he remembered sitting around their fireplace with a cup of hot ginger and lemongrass tea. His father swore by this blend to help warm up their bodies, and the medicinal effects helped fight against cavities and oral infections. His mother would just giggle and say she enjoyed the flavor.

And now, he might not even be able to savor the little peace he had with his two friends, because he didn't know if he was still human or not.

After several minutes of running, he came to a stop in a secluded clearing. The only noise he could hear was the sound of his own harsh panting, and not a single animal was nearby from what he could tell. He was completely and absolutely alone.

Placing his bag on the floor, he quickly dug out a scalpel and took off his jacket and shirt. He shivered when a cold wind blew through the branches, goosebumps rising from his skin, but he continued on. "Experiment...three," He reported to himself in a shaky breath. Three because the first and second cuts back in the apartment could count as evidence. "I will proceed to make a four centimeter incision on my arm, cutting three centimeters deep into my radial artery. If-If earlier experiment results could be relied on, regeneration should kick in around five and a half seconds. However, those were only epidermal wounds. It could be that cutting deeper into muscle and a major artery could take longer to heal..." If it would even heal.

He really hoped he wouldn't, even though that would leave him with a deep knife wound that could potentially bleed him dry.

Taking a deep breath, he put on a facade, the one he wore where his patients were only bodies of flesh, and not living people with hopes and dreams and feelings. No fear, no hesitation. Only a calm concentration.

His hands, which had been trembling ever since he left the apartment, stilled. With a flick of his fingers, he held up his scalpel, the metal glinting in the waning sunlight, and brought it down onto his arm. He needed to know.

Was he a monster or a human?!

"Wait, Eren!"

A very familiar voice called out to him and he swerved his gaze, horrified to see his most precious friend and the very last person he wanted to be here. 

Armin rushed out from behind a thick tree, hands stretched out with every intention to stop him. "Eren!" He screamed, eyes wide with fear.

"Armin, don't come closer-!" Eren shouted, the scalpel already digging into his skin and effortlessly slicing through. No, not Armin. He may be a monster but he didn't want to hurt him-!

The very last thing he remembered was a deafening boom, a flash of light, and then...

Nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I refuse to believe that from the age of 10 when Eren got his titan powers til the age of 15 where he finally turned into a titan, that he had never once gotten an injury and didn't see the steam coming off of his wounds


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late update >_< my friends encouraged me to try inktober so I've been drawing every day, and then all my midterms happened, so I've been exhausted to the bone. I also started writing a new AOT fic that's a modern AU with Levi and Eren, and writing this chapter was pretty hard. I can't believe I haven't updated in over a month, I'm so sorry. Hopefully this update is what you guys have been waiting for!

Armin could say that he had lived a good life, short as it may be.

He was born healthy, his parents had loved him or so his grandpa said. His grandpa had taken care of him, teaching him how to read, how to see the world. Both the good and bad. He hadn't had much opportunity to eat foods richer than bread and potato but at least he had things to eat. His clothes, though worn and simple, were well taken care of and kept him warm.

He had somehow gained his best friend by being saved by him, and then another friend that he introduced to him a few years later. They did everything together: playing, learning, fighting, and now eating, sleeping, and working. He trusted them with his life.

But for the first time, he could say that that trust wavered.

A drip fell down to the ground, then another, and another, until the storm had truly rolled in. Rain began to fall in a torrent, soaking his clothes and the land around him. Thunder rumbled in the distance, signifying that lightning was quickly following its journey.

"Hh..." Armin shook in fear, his legs trembling so hard that his knees were knocking together painfully, and he resisted the instinctual urge to stain his pants in the face of death. He didn't dare to move, didn't dare to breathe, didn't _dare_ to move his wide eyes away from the hulking figure in front of him.

Armin couldn't see it clearly, steam camouflaged its entire being along with the curtain of rain, but he could see the dark outline of its body through his soaked bangs.

_And it was enormous._

The ground underneath it was black from the lightning that had suddenly struck down, a bright light that had blinded him and continued to dot his vision. The loud explosion that entailed after almost seemed like it had...birthed it. As if some sort of power had been activated. 

Armin heard a loud huff from within the cloud of steam, akin to some sort of large beast, perhaps one of the wild boars native to the forests, and he hesitantly took a step back. The growl that followed after made him stop and regret his decision.

His heart was beating so quickly that it became a sharp pain in his chest. Coupled with his quick and short breaths and the beads of sweat dripping down his face, Armin was absolutely frightened. Was he...about to be killed? Or eaten? Why had this happened? He was only out here to follow after Eren-

Eren!

His eyes widened even further if that was possible, and he quickly darted his gaze around without moving to search for his friend. His friend who had gone missing as soon as the lightning had struck and the steam clouded the clearing. Was...was Eren alive in there? Was he okay?! 

A wind rustled the trees around him and he glanced away for a moment, only to realize the steam had cleared away with the gust. He slowly turned back and felt his heart drop into his stomach. 

Teeth.

So many teeth.

They were a stark white against the leathery tan skin they were attached to, with no lips in sight.  Its dark brown hair hung from its scalp in long thick strands, covering its angular face like a mop. The skin spread down to two large, very muscular arms, barely containing the power that they were capable of. Its chest was unexpectedly cut off, not by any sort of blade, but by its own skin. There was no lower torso or even legs attached to this being, but neither was there any blood, almost as if it was created like that. Two green orbs glowed ominously against its ghoulish features, focusing straight on Armin's tiny form.

Armin couldn't help but tremble in place, tears beginning to spill down his cheeks and joining the beads of sweat on his face. "Hh...hh..." He whimpered, desperately trying to hold back the urge to cry out for fear he would somehow startle it into action.

_It was a Titan._

Why was a Titan here..?! Armin screamed internally. How?! Was Eren even alive?! Or...Or was he crushed underneath the weight of the man-eating giant in front of him?

Another loud exhale left the Titan, letting out a billow of disgustingly hot steam right in Armin's face. The young boy grimaced at the sensation and his breath hitched in his throat. What could he do, what could he do?! He was desperate for someone to save him, the Survey Corps, Garrison, Military Police, grandpa-!

One of its hands moved and Armin immediately focused on it, swallowing nervously. The closer it came to him, the more the urge to flee continued to rise, but he couldn't just run! He was just a small boy and even though this Titan clearly couldn't run after him, it had enough muscles in its arms to drag itself around. The chances of him surviving was slim to none and that realization made him want to sob in hopeless despair.

The large hand was now just a little ways from him and Armin clenched his eyes tight. He could feel the heat radiate off of its skin through the cold of the rain, like being right against a roaring fire, almost burning him. Its hot breath blew in his face again, tussling his wet hair.

Time slowed and all Armin could hear was his own thundering heartbeat, the sound of rain and thunder fading away in the presence of his overwhelming panic. If this was going to be how he died...

He snapped his eyes open and yelled out loud. "HAAAA!!!" 

Then he wanted his death to have some sort of meaning.

 

* * *

 

Warm...

He was warm...

Swaddled in something soft and welcoming, sat next to a pleasant light. He was so close to falling asleep. His head felt fuzzy, but the good kind, the kind that came about from a nice day surrounded by the people who loved him. The kind that let him know he was safe and wanted, that he belonged.

He leaned in closer and nuzzled against that which held him. A soft chuckle reverberated against his cheek, and the warmth wrapped closer around him. “Sleepy, Eren?” 

“Mm...” Eren barely answered, his voice just louder than a whisper and his eyes were closed in bliss. “Just a little longer, mom...” He whined.

Carla smiled fondly down at her son, bringing up one hand to brush his messy locks. “Of course. Rest for as long as you like. Mommy is here.”

That’s right...

His mother was here, alive and warm. He almost forgot what she was like. The scent of soap and cooking herbs that persisted in her clothes. The softness of her hands whenever she would bring him into a hug so much like this one. Her voice, full of love and laughter and _life_.

He remembered that time when Frid and the other bullies once got the better of him and left him with several bruises, and his mother firmly lectured him to be better, that fighting wasn't the answer to every problem. Then she brought up the hem of her apron and gently rubbed his face of dirt, giving him a kiss at the very end. Even though he had been annoyed that she was rubbing salt into the wound of his defeat, he still felt that familiar warmth of affection for her.

He also remembered when he had fallen sick and she fretted over him so much, bringing down his fever with soups and special herbs. She had never been as knowledgeable as him or his father when it came to medicine, but being the wife of a doctor and the mother of a budding one, she had learnt a thing or two. Even though her attempts were clumsy from inexperience, she knew what to do, all coupled with the love of a mother who only wanted her son well.

He had never been the fastest, strongest, smartest, or even the most obedient of sons, but she loved him all the same because he was _her_ son.

Eren loved his mother so much...

Another hand perched atop of his head and a new presence pressed against him. ”Well done, Eren.” His father’s voice as well as his arms wrapped around him. “I am so proud of you, how smart you are. You are an amazing doctor.”

”My little Dr. Jaeger...” Carla giggled quietly. “I’m so proud of you.”

Their words wrapped around him in a cocoon of affection and warmth, shielding him from the horrors of the outside. Nothing would harm him while he stayed inside. Eren smiled blissfully in their embraces and felt himself begin to drift into a deep slumber.

What he wouldn’t give for every day to be like this. A day where his mother would shower him with affection instead of chiding lectures on his behavior, a day where his father was home and could tell him how impressed he was. Where Eren could show off with a puff of his chest just how much he had learned, and to see that glimmer of pride in his father's eyes. He just wanted his family back.

"Eren, me too..."

Another pair of arms wrapped around him, just as small as his own but so much stronger. Eren cracked his eyes open to thin slits and saw a blurry image of black hair. "Eren..." Mikasa murmured, nuzzling against him and throwing her scarf around both their necks. "Brother..."

And his sister too. Even though they weren't related by blood, and she could be so annoying with her coddling and over-protectiveness, she still supported him in her own way. He had saved her once, and she just wanted to save him as well. He loved her too.

Eren closed his eyes again and snuggled against his small family. His father, his mother, his adopted sister...

He lightly furrowed his brow, halfheartedly trying to swim through the fog in his brain. Something...Was something missing? It was so hard to think, he was so warm and comfy that he didn't want to use his brain, but there was this small flutter in the back of his mind. Like something was off about all this, but why would anything be off? He had his father here for once, his mother, even Mikasa and-

"...-re..."

?

"Did someone say something?..." Eren whispered, eyes beginning to flutter open. His family didn't say anything, and after a few more seconds ticking by, Eren slowly realized that they hadn't moved either. Had they fallen asleep on him? He couldn't fault them since he wanted to fall asleep too, all huddled together-

The squirming in his mind grew stronger, and now Eren wondered if he was forgetting something...

"...-ren!..."

"Huh?" Eren breathed, forcing his eyes. Was someone calling for him?

The warm light from the windows shone on him and his little family, blinding him for a moment. He blinked away the spots in his vision and sluggishly turned his head to look around. His mother was smiling, as well as his father and Mikasa. They were full of love and fondness, directed just at him, and his heart twinged uncomfortably. He blinked again and finally, it clicked.

No one was moving.

His father was sat as still as a statue. His mother's arms were still around him, yet instead of the reassuring hug it was supposed to be, they were now a repressive weight pushing down on his small frame. Mikasa, too, didn't move, her petite body anchoring his legs to the floor. 

Eren could feel the first thought of panic enter his mind, and he began to feebly struggle in his prison. "What...What's going on..?" He hyperventilated, short breaths in and out with no time to calm down. No matter how much he moved, no one else did. "Guys..? Dad? Mikasa? Mom?!" He shouted, each name being called out with more and more desperation, and yet nothing resulted from them.

It was if they were frozen in time.

"What's going on?!" Eren cried, tears welling up in his eyes as he fought to breathe despite their unrelenting grip. Why? Why was this happening?! This couldn't be real! This had to be some sort of nightmare! 

"...Eren..!..."

He gasped, his body stilling while his head swerved around. Who was calling out for him? He look at his father, his mother, and his sister. None of them moved, none of their mouths even twitched. It...It couldn't have been them. It had to have been someone else. Eren slowly blinked. Someone who was...missing...

"EREN!"

Eren swiveled his head to the window where the shout originated from, and caught sight of a small boy with light blond hair clutching onto the windowsill, tears streaming down from his sky blue eyes. "Eren..!" Armin screamed, his voice muffled by the thick glass. "Eren! Help!" 

"Armin..!" Eren breathed out. That was what had been missing, why everything seemed so wrong. _Armin_ had been missing from his family gathering. How could he have forgotten about his best friend?! The best friend who he had saved, who had stuck by him through thick and thin. He felt terrible for forgetting about him when they'd been friends for over three years. Wait, why was he screaming for help?-

Just as Eren thought that, a large hand appeared behind the form of his friend, blocking out the sun's rays and enveloping the entire house in shadow. It reached down, slowly due to its size and bulk, but it was clear what it was aiming for. Armin in turn began to bang on the window harder, his little fists too weak to even crack the glass.

"Eren!" Armin sobbed for him, fat wet tears overtaking his face. "Eren!!'

Eren couldn't move his eyes off of the large hand that was reaching for his friend. A Titan. **A filthy Titan**. "Get..." He breathed out, beginning to struggle in his family's frozen grip once more. "Get away from him!" He screamed. How dare one of those fucking filthy pieces of shit come near his family again?! Wasn't it already enough that they took his mother from him-

He froze, his eyes darting up to the motionless visage of his mother. Her face still had her beautiful smile, highlighting her golden eyes that were warm with love for the people she cared about. It wasn't twisted into a horrid expression of fear and hysteria as the blonde smiling Titan grabbed her. Her dress and apron was in its perfectly humble condition, complete with the stain that had come from one of his bloody noses. It wasn't torn from wooden beams and dripping with her own blood from her twisted and broken spine that ripped through her skin.

She shouldn't be here.

Eren wished and wished so hard, but he already knew. He had known from the beginning, but he just didn't acknowledge it until Armin showed up. Tears welled up in his eyes.

This wasn't real.

His mother was still dead. His father was still missing.

And the last thing he remembered was realizing that he was a monster.

He was one of those filthy monsters that had kicked down the Wall, and had let in all the others that then ate his townsfolk. He was like them, able to heal at an impossible rate that produced steam. He wasn't human anymore, was he. Had he ever been? Other kids his age had always commented on how creepy he was, and adults would mention just how unnerving a child like him was. A young boy who never flinched at the sight of blood or dead bodies. Not right in the head, they would whisper. Not human.

Taking a shuddering breath, Eren stood up. He was met with no resistance, for the forms of his family had disappeared as if they had never existed. Turning to the window where his friend continued to cry out for him, the large Titan's palm just barely grazing the top of his head, Eren began walking to him. There was no hurry in his step, and his heart beat calmly in his chest.

But there was one thing that differentiated him from those mindless beasts out there.

Narrowing his eyes, Eren pushed open the window, took Armin by his wrist, and dragged him inside his house. His friend hit the floor with a yelp, and turned to watch with wide eyes as Eren launched himself out the window to meet the monster.

"HAAAAH!" Eren screamed, his small fist meeting a hand that dwarfed his entire body. As soon as his hand came into contact with its, the hazy dream that he had been experiencing began to disappear in soft orbs of light, leaving him and the beast in darkness.

He had people he had to protect, no matter what.

Armin, Mikasa, the Alley...and every innocent human inside the Walls.

For them, he would gladly be the monster that defended them.

 

* * *

 

"EREN!" Armin screamed, charging at the half formed Titan in front of him. If he was going to die, then he would at least make sure his friend was okay!

The Titan looked down at him, his eyes as large as Armin's entire body, and its lipless mouth opened. Armin didn't stop running, even when his heart stuttered in fear at the sight of the darkness that was its mouth and throat. 

His life had held no meaning before he met Eren. He may have had the dream of exploring the outside world, but it was only that: A faraway dream. It wasn't something he ever thought would come true, and wasn't something he truly worked for. Kids bullied him and adults ignored him, and he never said it out loud, but he always felt like a speck of dust just floating by in life. At the very least, he just wanted to live well with his grandpa, the one person who truly saw him and tried to provide for him.

Then Eren came barging in with a flash of fists and angry shouts, and changed his life.

For the first time in Armin's short existence, someone else had acknowledged him. Eren's luminous emerald eyes met his own sky blues, with no judgement or scorn behind them. He saved him from those three bullies, and then took him away to someplace safe and quiet. When Armin admitted that he wanted to learn about the world beyond the Walls, he was wholeheartedly expecting his savior to look at him like a freak. Because no one else seemed to want to go outside, perfectly content to live inside.

But Eren...All he did was give him a welcoming grin, and promised him that they would see the world together.

Armin never told him, but those words meant more to him than anything. Someone other than his grandpa believed him, had even swore to go outside with him. Who would be so crazy and suicidal as to do such a thing for someone they just met? Eren Jaeger, that's who.

And it was Eren and Mikasa who had really helped provide for him after the breach. His grandpa tried, but it was Eren who afforded them protection and money in the Alley due to his concoctions, and Mikasa who guarded them jealously like a dragon. He and his grandpa were dead weights to them. Now with his grandpa gone, Armin truly was the weakest link. Eren and Mikasa both had said he was too innocent and they wanted to protect that, but...

What good was innocence when his friends were dirtying their hands in blood to keep him safe? 

His dream of exploring the outside world seemed so far now that their current living situation seemed so bleak, but the possibility was still there. And it was with Eren, that Armin ever thought that his dream was possible to achieve.

Just for giving him that hope, Armin would give him his life.

"EREN!" Armin screamed again, his voice calling out at the same time as a strike of lightning somewhere higher in the forest, and he slammed against the Titan, using his two small hands to scratch at its nostrils. The Titan flinched back, its sensitive nose wriggling from the attack, and it growled. Using that small window of opportunity, Armin ducked around it and tried to search through the thick curtain of rain for the small body of his friend. Where was he? Where was Eren?!

"EREN?!" Armin yelled, tripping over his own two feet and sending himself into the muddy ground. He looked around, confused. It was dark, but not so dark that he wouldn't be able to make out Eren's beige shirt or his tan skin. Where...Where was he? 

A growl broke through his thoughts and Armin froze in his spot. His window of opportunity had closed.

Inching his head around, Armin gulped as the Titan shifted its upper torso to face him. Its teeth separated once more to show the ominous sight of its throat, and its tongue, long and reptilian-like, slithered out. Its strong brow furrowed, the black rings around its eyes accentuating the very fire that lived inside it. Its eyes were lit up like beacons in the dreary downpour, and it reached out for him once more.

Armin clenched his eyes shut and huddled into a ball. This was it. This was how he was going to die. Useless in finding his friend and unable to fulfill his dream. Eaten by a mysterious Titan that appeared out of nowhere as soon as Eren stabbed himself-

Huh..?

His eyes flew open and forced himself to look at the monster, face to face. Its dark brown hair...

Those glowing green eyes...

The hand that he thought was going to grab him...had stopped just above his head, leaving him with ample room to escape. The Titan made no move to capture him, or to even eat him since its mouth was so close. It only held its large hand above Armin, its fingers held tightly together to form some sort of awning. Armin stopped shivering, belatedly recognizing that he was soaked to the bone, and the longer the Titan stayed still, the more he had to force himself to acknowledge the only conclusion he could come up with.

It was protecting him from the rain.

"Hh..." Armin's breath hitched, and he forced himself to breathe through his nose, in and out. In and out. The panic slowly drained out of him the longer nothing happened and the drier he became, partly from being sheltered and partly from the intense heat that radiated from the Titan's palm.

Armin bit his lip, but with nothing to lose, he hesitantly opened his mouth. "...E...Eren..?" He whispered, eyes darting around the Titan's large face for any sign of recognition. There was no way his friend was...this Titan, right? But...his body was nowhere to be found. There was no logical reason for this Titan to be here, and the only odd occurrence that he remembered was Eren injuring himself.

Then the flash of lightning happened, and in Eren's place...was this Titan.

The Titan didn't answer him, but that didn't mean he was out of danger just yet. Armin licked his lips, nervously wetting them, and he slowly straightened his knees. The top of his head hit the palm of the Titan's, and he flinched, awaiting for some sort of sign that it was hostile and actually did want to devour him. A split second later however, he had to bend back down, holding his head in pain. He could smell the scent of burnt hair and the stinging of his scalp told him he had been burnt just from that little bit of contact. Was that really how hot Titans were? 

For a moment, Armin had a dark and humorous thought of touching it with his hand, but then the Titan moved closer and his heart stuttered to a stop. It reached with its other hand to him and cupped around him, but it didn't touch him. It just...formed some sort of perimeter, like a barricade.

Armin opened his mouth, to try once more to call out for his friend, when thunder rumbled loudly in the dark cloudy sky. A second later, a flash of light lit up the forest, and lightning struck just close enough that Armin could feel every hair on his body stand up. In an instant, the large hands that surrounded him came closer and encased him in its heat. Armin winced and cried out in pain as the heat stung him through his thin clothes and his uncovered face, hot enough that his soaked clothes were beginning to dry. It hurt, it hurt so bad.

A few seconds later, those hands fell away, and Armin fell to the ground in desperate gasps, welcoming the cold rain on his searing skin. Had...Had the Titan purposely shielded him? 

The Titan let out another rumbling breath, and after several tense seconds, its head collapsed against the ground as if it had run out of energy, the ground vibrating intensely from the impact. Armin looked up at it through his wet mop of hair and painfully shuffled away inch by agonizing inch, wanting some distance away even if...even if this monster wasn't just a monster. He did read that Titans needed sunlight to move. and perhaps it had finally stopped for the day, a relief for him.

Every part of his body hurt; his skin stung, his eyes burned with exhaustion, and sections of his clothes were even singed like he had been lit on fire. His vision was beginning to blur, darkness creeping in from the corners, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to keep going much longer, but he wasn't safe yet. He still had a chance to live and to see if Eren really had somehow-

'Huh?!' Armin mentally gasped when he saw steam begin to evaporate from it. Why was it steaming? Did it hurt itself from the impact? Or was it...

Dead..?

Steam rose into the air, the wispy mist untouched by the rain. A sound that Armin was rather familiar with met his ears. It brought memories of pained screams, low groans from barely conscious people, and even the image of a friend now lost. It was the sound of ripping flesh.

From under the thick mop of hair that covered the Titan's head and down his neck and shoulders, a large amount of steam suddenly burst forth from the nape of its neck, the place that Armin knew was its weak spot, and from it, a small figure rose up in the darkness, gasping and heaving for breath. The mysterious shadow coughed, wet and painful hacking sounds that racked its small body, and some thin strings of-of flesh ripped. Like a puppet with its strings cut, the small figure fell away from the body of the Titan and tumbled down onto the muddy ground, landing with a wet smack.

Armin was barely conscious now, his meager strength sapped from him by all the fear and adrenaline that had coursed through him, but he forced himself to move. His arms shook weakly like a newborn deer's, but he dragged himself closer to the motionless form on the ground. It was steaming like the Titan, but its body wasn't disappearing unlike the half dissipated mountain of flesh next to them. He had to know. 

The ground was slick under his hands and his fingers could barely find a sturdy hold to drag him forward but slowly and surely he did, and after what seemed like several hours, he finally made it to the lump. It had long since stopped steaming, and even though it had yet to move, Armin knew. Through his hazy half-lidded vision, his ears filled with cotton, he knew. 

A flash of lightning lit up the entire forest, illuminating every tree, every piece of grass, and every feature of the body in front of him, and he finally let himself fall unconscious.

Eren's sleeping face, completely unmarred of blood and breathing soundly, was the last thing he saw before he succumbed to nothing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You're sure you saw some kids go this way?" He asked tiredly, holding his rain coat protectively over himself as the rain pelted down on them relentlessly. The storm had rolled in around early evening and was now in full force; people were instructed to board up their homes for fear of flooding, and roads had been temporarily closed to avoid any muddy accidents. All that was left was for them to do one last watch and then they can finally retire to shelter at the barracks.

"P-Pretty sure, yeah." His fellow soldier stumbled out behind him, holding an oil lamp to light their way. "I know I saw at least one go this way, with blond hair. Must've been chasing his friend. I-I know we're short on hand right now but I don't want two kids to be lost in this storm, so..."

"Yeah yeah..." He grumbled, trudging up the steep curve up and into the forest outside of Trost. "We better hurry up and find 'em or else. With how much lightning has been strikin' around here, it's not safe for them."

"Yeah..." 

With only one source of light between them, they were a bright spot in a pitch black forest. They didn't encounter even one animal on their search, what with mother nature's storm raging all around them. Thunder rumbled overhead, urging them to hurry, and they picked up their pace. For once, it made sense to him as to why soldiers had to wear knee high boots. They made great shields from the thick muddy sludge that was the forest ground.

Pushing through a large bush, they found themselves in a clearing, hinted by the fact that there was an unobstructed view of the dark clouds hanging overhead in the sky. He gestured for his fellow soldier to hand over the oil lamp, and after receiving it, he held it up toward the clearing. He didn't think there really were any kids this far up into the forest, and his companion might've just hallucinated it all. If these kids didn't exist, he thought darkly, he was gonna ream his co-worker for wasting his time and energy that could've been put toward maintaining the Wall's defenses-

The light from the lamp illuminated a brown lump on the ground and he furrowed his brow. Taking a step into the clearing, he carefully walked closer, holding his lamp closer. The light spread further, showing not just one, but _two_ lumps. They were covered in mud and absolutely soaked, but the light showed pale skins and a head of blond and brown hair.

There really were two kids out here in this horrible storm.

"Holy shit...Hey, there's two kids here!" He yelled for his fellow soldier, already kneeling down to shake them awake. "Hey, you okay? Wake up, wake up!" He shouted, worry increasing when neither of the children answered him. The skin he met was ice cold, and dread formed in his gut. Were they...dead?

The splashing sound of footsteps came closer until his companion stopped next to him and knelt down to take the oil lamp.

Now that his hands were free, he flipped over one of the kids. A young face looked back at them, one with thick eye brows and soft cheeks. If this kid was awake, he knew he would be loud and his green eyes shining with emotion. His breath hitched in his throat. "Eren...?" His gaze darted to the other child with blond hair and flipped him onto his back as well, showing a cherubic face covered in what seemed to be burns. "Armin...?" He breathed out in shock. Why were these two here? 

"Hannes?" His fellow soldier called out to him. "You know these kids?"

"...Yeah." Hannes answered after a moment, still stunned. "They're from Shiganshina. I-I was friends with their families..." His brow furrowed. Why were they here..? 

At that moment, Armin lightly coughed and shivered, unconsciously curling himself around the nearest source of warmth which was Eren. The action prompted him to move, and Hannes immediately picked up both his kids, making sure he had them in his arms safely. "C'mon, we're headin' back to Trost!" He yelled, overwhelming concern filling his thoughts when he felt their ice cold skin against his chilled but much warmer skin. They were like two blocks of ice in his arms and if they spent a minute longer out here, they could die from hypothermia. Eren had been the one to lecture him a few years ago about it when he tried to stave off the winter cold with alcohol.

Hannes would laugh at the irony if the current situation wasn't so dire.

"Uh, wait," His fellow soldier stammered. "There's a bag here. Should I bring it..?"

Hannes glanced back at him and saw the discarded bag was full of medical supplies. "Yeah, it's probably Eren's. Give it here, just put it on top of him." He held out his arms so that the bag would stay snug against Eren and Armin's curled up forms. Hannes fought the urge to cry when he realized how light they were. They barely weighed anything. It had only been three months and they were almost starving, but at least they were alive.

Not for long though if they stayed out in the cold rain any longer.

As fast as they could, they rushed down the slippery slope through the forest and back to Trost. The journey was filled with both men almost losing their footing, the unrelenting downpour disfiguring their vision, but the eventually made it back and not a moment too soon.

Hannes could feel Armin shiver more in his arm and though he was worried, he was more worried about Eren. Eren had told him that shivering meant that the body was cold, but it was trying to warm itself up. If the person wasn't shivering in a cold environment, it would mean they were too weak to regulate their own internal heat or something like that. Eren had yet to move a single inch and Hannes was desperate at this point.

"Emergency, comin' through!" He yelled as he ran through the gate, passing by his squad that had stayed behind to watch the Wall. They backed away in surprise but made no move to stop him, and Hannes could only think of one place to bring them. The barracks at the military headquarters. It was a bit far, in the middle of the city in fact, but it was warm, had food, and was a place he had access to.

Hannes clenched his jaw. He had to help his kids, no matter what. He wasn't going to fail again.

He didn't even notice that his fellow soldier had fallen behind, his speed no way near as fast as his own. Soon enough, he made it to headquarters and barely flashed the symbol on his uniform before barging in to an empty barrack. Already the temperatures inside were much warmer than outside, and he quickly stripped off his wet clothes down to just an undershirt and his pants before doing the same for the kids. It wasn't healthy for them to stay in wet clothes.

Armin shivered in his unconscious state once he was naked, and Hannes made sure to bundle him up in a blanket before doing the same to Eren. His worry was through the roof when even now, Eren still hadn't moved. "Eren...please be okay." Hannes whispered. Moving to the small firepit inside the room, he threw some spare firewood into the oven and lit a match. Taking a spare piece of paper, he lit it on fire, and threw both it and the match into the firepit. Slowly but surely, the dry wood caught the flames and a small fire illuminated the small room. 

Hannes held his cold hands near the fire and sighed. "Good, now for the kids..." He turned back and picked up the two bundles. Holding them protectively, he took a seat close to the fireplace with them and felt rather than saw the heat work its magic. Armin shivered violently inside his cocoon, but Hannes was more worried for Eren. He watched the usually brash boy stay as still as a statue inside his arms, not even a twitch of movement. "Please..." Hannes prayed desperately. Not Eren. Eren had to survive. He wasn't going to fail him again.

A few minutes ticked by, tense and full of uncertainty. Hannes was about to fall asleep when he felt the bundle in his arm twitch. His eyes snapped open and he held his breath, his eyes slowly moving down to look. It was barely anything, but Eren was beginning to tremble. His brows were slightly furrowed and he let out small shaky breaths. 

Hannes felt himself lighten with relief. His boys were both going to live.

Holding them closer, he let the tears fall.

 

* * *

 

 

"Tch..." He made an irritated noise as the soaked soldier charged through the Trost headquarters like a wild animal, right through the canteen, and ran past them. A door slammed close a few seconds later, the sound echoing around the high ceiling rooms. "Garrison's got a shit ton of nerve to go barging around here. This place isn't just for them."

"Oh lighten up, Levi." His companion teased him, a nearby torchlight reflecting off their thick glasses. "They're having a tough time right now just like us."

Levi eyed the now wet and mud tracked floors with thinly veiled disgust. "Doesn't excuse the fucking mess that guy made." He was half tempted to take out a rag, but there was no way he was cleaning a place that wasn't under his jurisdiction. These fuckers didn't deserve it, no matter how much this place needed a thorough cleaning.

Hange shrugged and stood up from their table, turning toward a hallway designated for Survey Corps scouts. "I suppose. I still have some research I need to compile for Erwin, so I'm going to go to my quarters. Today's little experiment right outside the Wall took a little longer than I expected..."

"Which is why we're stuck here for the night instead of being back at our own headquarters." Levi muttered, crossing his arms. The tea here was even subpar, which was saying something considering how Trost was a hub of trade. 

Hange left back to their room and Levi was the only one left in the now barren canteen, trying to force himself to drink the drivel that they passed for tea. It was late for even the midnight shift to be around looking for a snack. After a few more sips, he had to accept defeat and stood up to wash it out. Putting the cup back in a cabinet, Levi was about to head to his temporary quarters as well when something caught his eye.

Surrounded by the muddy tracks left by that rude Garrison soldier, was a small jar. Likely fell out of his bag or something, Levi suspected. Walking closer while avoiding the disgusting dirt that contaminated the already dirty floor, Levi knelt down and with a rag, picked up the jar. It was only a little dusty, probably from its impact with the floor, and so Levi wiped it with the rag. He didn't know why he was doing this. Etiquette would tell him to track down that soldier to hand this back, but...

Something was nagging him.

Narrowing his eyes, Levi walked closer to a source of light and held up the jar. It was small enough that he could wrap his entire hand around it and hide it within his fingers. Its surface was smooth but dull, having been used several times. Uncapping the top, Levi saw that it was filled with some sort of cream. A very familiar scent wafted from it and before he could stop himself, he dabbed his finger inside and swiped it onto his hand. The warm tingle that followed after helped him realize with a startle why it bother him.

This was the same medicine and jar that belonged to that kid from Shiganshina.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can tell, I'm throwing canon out the window lmao I promise that major canon events will still happen, just...differently.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit I did it again with not updating for 2+ weeks >_< Sorry! I've been alternating updating this and my other AOT AU fic, one week per, but honestly that system isn't really working lol In any case, I should have more time this weekend to write, so hopefully the next update won't take so long.

 

Rain poured down relentlessly from the dark sky, and the constant pitter-patter of water on their apartment roof sounded out like a drum in her ears. Aside from the storm, it was quiet, almost eerily so. The pot on the stove had long since gone cold, as did the fire that was used to cook it. Three bowls of soup sat in front of her on the tiny dining table, all untouched and cold now.

Mikasa stared down at her own serving with an empty expression, her eyes constantly darting to the window and the door, then back down again. She was as still as a statue, barely moving with the exception of her eyes. 

A distant rumble of thunder could be heard, reminding her just how bad the storm was outside and no one else was here taking shelter with her, and her hands clenched on her lap.

Where were they?

It was way past dinnertime. Eren said he was going to do a checkup with someone, not that she actually believed him, but Armin should've been back at least. He was always punctual and looked forward to their mealtimes together, especially these past few weeks with his grandpa leaving and Eren falling into a deathly fever coma right after. She should be able to count on Armin being here for dinner.

But neither of them were here, and she was left behind with only the sound of thunder in the distance to keep her company.

Biting back a scowl, Mikasa abruptly stood up from her chair and headed toward the door, but not before grabbing a cloak with her. It wouldn't do to get sick, but then again, Eren would take care of her...

Her frown deepened. If she could find Eren first.

Leaving the apartment, Mikasa pulled her hood up and headed toward the first place she could think of: Madam Hiesel's. Her shoes splashed through several puddles, but none of the dirty street water ever touched the hem of her long brown skirt. Not a single soul was out on the street right now, the storm being too impressive for anyone to fight against, but that didn't mean businesses weren't open. 

Arriving at the brothel a few minutes later, she shuffled through the front door and immediately took off her cloak, letting it drip near the entrance. The front waiting area was bare of any men or sisters, and not even the Madam herself was tending the bar. A shuffling sound caught her attention and she walked further in, not bothering to announce her presence. She wasn't a customer in the traditional sense, but she held respect here. 

Opening one of the employees only room, Mikasa was greeted by the madam and several of the sisters sitting around, one of which was currently feeding Mikelle. "Ms. Ackerman, what a surprise." Madam Hiesel greeted her amicably, one fine eyebrow raised. "Is there something you need? Or are you here to see Mikelle?"

Mikasa stepped closer to the babe where the prostitute feeding her gave her a small but friendly smile. Mikelle was growing just fine, Mikasa noted silently. She was beginning to grow a tuft of hair, the strands a warm brown that shined red in candlelight. All the formulas Eren had been providing helped to fatten her up from the small infant she used to be, resulting in plump cheeks and soft skin. She sleepily blinked, showing pale blue irises that could darken into a different color when she was older.

Mikasa reached out and gently held the baby's hand as a greeting, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek as well. "No," She finally answered, watching with a flicker of amusement at how Mikelle tried to reach for her long black hair. "...Did Eren come here? Or Armin?"

The madam raised her other brow as well. "No. Mr. Arlert left during sunset hours, and Dr. Jaeger hasn't been here since yesterday...Is there a problem?"

Mikasa stilled, several thoughts running through her head.

Both of them were gone? And neither of them had come home...

Steeling herself, Mikasa headed back the way she came. "Thank you for the information." She said just before closing the door behind her, picking up her cloak on the way out. With haste, she dashed toward one of the bars where she knew Luke and the other Rosicas liked to hang. One of them had to know. One of them would've seen either of her brothers wandering about. Because if they didn't...

Worry gnawed at her insides, and she threw open the half-rotted door that was the entrance to the bar, almost shattering the wood upon impact. The loud noise attracted every single person's attention inside, their faces mired with anger and itching for a fight, but once they saw just who was standing there, most of them averted their attentions and kept their heads down with their drinks. One man even began to shake in his seat, clutching his bottle like a lifeline.

They all knew who she was and what she was capable of.

Eyeing the patrons, Mikasa found her target at a large table in the back and honed in on him, appearing behind him in seconds. "Luke." She called out in a grave tone, scaring the gangster half to death and causing him to choke on his beer.

Coughing to clear his throat out, Luke turned around with squinted eyes, slowly inching away from her and the deathly aura that wrapped around her. "Y-Yes? What's up?" He croaked.

"Have you or anyone else seen Eren or Armin recently?" She demanded.

Furrowing his brow, he turned back and looked at the other Rosicas hanging around their table, with each of them shaking their heads no. "Huh...None of us have seen 'em today," Luke murmured, knocking back his drink in one go. He let out a satisfied sigh after. "But I don't think you gotta be so worried. Armin's real smart and Eren is Eren. He'd sooner smash people's kneecaps than be in danger."

Mikasa looked down with a conflicted frown, hiding it within her scarf. "... _No one_ saw them today?" She asked again.

They all looked at each other and shrugged helplessly. "Uh..." One of them piped up, having just come back from the loo. "I did see Eren rush outside the Alley today if that helps. Armin was at the apothecary then at one of the brothels."

Mikasa clenched her hands tightly, eyes wide with horror. Eren left the Alley? For what? He didn't usually venture out unless they were low on food or they needed new clothes since it was already Winter. Where would he go? "...Are there any Rosicas in Trost proper right now?" She asked, almost desperate now to find her brothers. "Anyone who could find where they are?"

Luke pursed his lips uncomfortably, averting his gaze. "Nah, the storm's makin' it difficult for anyone to go outside. Only reason any of us could make it here to the bar was 'cause this Alley's too narrow to really feel the storm." He jerked his thumb toward the entrance. "Out there in Trost, the streets would be floodin' like rivers, and people have died before in past storms durin' this time of year 'cause it's too cold and shit."

"So no one will search for Eren and Armin?" Mikasa whispered, eyes narrowing into a glare that promised retribution. "Do none of you care about their safety? What if they're out there!" Hand shooting out, she hoisted Luke up by his collar.

The gangster immediately held his hands up, and the others slowly inched away in their chairs. "Whoa, h-hey, let's not go blamin' now." Luke nervously laughed. "I'm sure they're fine, especially if they're together. If ya can't find Armin here in the Alley, then he'd prolly be with Eren. You'll see, they'll show up come mornin' when the storm's over!"

Deflating from her anger, Mikasa sighed wearily. "...I hope so...Sorry for intruding on your fun. I'll see you all tomorrow." Without waiting for a reply, she turned on her heel and trudged back out into the storm. Luke sagged in his seat in relief and weakly held up a finger. "Bartender...Keep 'em rollin'. I need it." He muttered the last part. "Those kids are so damn scary."

Reluctantly walking back to the apartment, Mikasa took off her drenched cloak and laid it over the mantle to dry. She was half hoping that when she came back, at least Armin would be back, but judging by the unlit candles and silence within the living space, she was still alone.

And it hurt.

Biting back her urge to cry, she took a seat near the window and curled up into a ball, huddling into her knees. It felt...horrible, to be alone again. Not once had she been alone in her life. Her parents had been with her every single day, and then it had been Eren's family. Even now, she lived with Eren and Armin. But...

She lifted her head just in time to see a strike of lightning in the far distance, the entire sky turning white for a second before darkening back to its cloudy gray once more. The silence was almost deafening, and her only company was the sound of her own heartbeat. It was unbearable to be away from them, from him. She needed to know they were safe and sound, and the best way they could be was with her at their side. How could she be, though? She didn't know where to look, and nature itself forbade her from even taking that step, unless she wanted to lose her life.

"They'll show up in the morning..." Mikasa whispered to herself, worry and fear and desperation clawing up from within her. "They _have_ to..."

But when the sun began to shine, and the clouds parted away, no one came.

 

* * *

**Two Days Later**

 

Where was he? 

Who was he?

Or rather...

 _What_ was he?

Eren twitched his fingers, and felt fabric. In fact, he could feel fabric all over, wrapped around him so tightly and warmly that he could barely move. His fingers grazed against his thigh and felt skin. He was bare, but he was cocooned. Taking a deep breath, he smelled the scent of burning wood, the telltale scent of a fire, but he could also smell a lingering stale scent, like sweat or old clothes. 

Reluctantly cracking his eyes open, Eren immediately shut them again when all he could see was blinding light. His corneas stung and tears gathered in the corners, one of them sliding down the side of his face when he clenched them in pain. Blinking away the tears, he slowly opened his eyes again, doing his best to adjust. "Mm..." He groaned lightly.

He whole body was sore, but...in a good way. Then he remembered just _why_ it was sore, and he shuddered, trying to withhold his tears. He knew something had changed, something fundamental about himself.

Even though he wasn't aware of it at the time, he could remember snippets of something. Of looking down at Armin, but also looking at something red and hazy. It was hot and hard to breathe, and he couldn't really move either, but he could, if any of that made sense. He could but he couldn't. Rational thought had been hard, and that dream...

His heart lurched painfully as the memory flashed through his mind and the tears he tried so hard to hold back crawled down his face. Biting his lip, he tried hard to hold in the sound of his sobs. That dream of his mother hugging him, his father, Mikasa, and even Armin showing up. It was peaceful and warm, and they were all alive. He wanted nothing more than for that dream to come true, to turn back time so his mother was still alive and they could reunite with his father, but...

Judging by Armin's reaction to him- what little he could remember anyway- and the large hulking figure he remembered in his dream...

Eren knew, without a doubt, he was a monster now, and that dream would never come true.

He was confused at how all of this happened so quickly and out of nowhere, he was frustrated enough that he wanted to stab himself again, and he could feel both of them battling it out in his head. He wasn't really human, if he had ever been, but he also knew he wasn't like the other monsters out there that were now roaming in what used to be his home. He was never going to be like them. He would never eat a human. He would never harm an innocent. 

He swore, as a doctor, that he would help people. That didn't change with this new information.

Whatever he was, whether he was human or monster, or some...horrible hybrid of both, he was going to protect his friends and the humans within the Walls.

To do that, he would be the monster that other monsters feared.

Eren trembled, a watery chuckle escaping him, before it evolved into a breathy laughter. It wasn't a happy sound, nor was it sad. He didn't know what to feel. Rather, it was ironic he would become exactly what he hated. 

But if he could use this horrible, disgusting, _revolting_ power inside him. The power to find freedom, the freedom to go outside the Walls, free to explore, free to be with his friends without fear of dying from Titans, free to find the ocean...

Then it would be worth it in the end, wouldn't it..?

He just...wanted to know if he could still be here, with his two friends. With other humans.

Maybe he should use his mysterious power somehow and live outside, hunting down the Titans one by one until it was safe for humans.

Rolling on his side, he felt the mattress underneath him creak, and he finally opened his eyes fully. The first thing he saw was red. A bubbly red that marred the delicate peachy tone, framed with yellow straw. As soon as he realized what, or rather who, he was looking at, Eren's eyes widened and he sharply sucked in a breath.

Armin laid next to him on the bed, still sound asleep and also bundled up in a blanket. His breathing was normal, if a little slow, but he had a healthy pink in his cheeks which meant his blood flow was normal. What was alarming, however, were the patches of several second degree burns on one cheek. The affected area was a violent red, only protected with a few layers of gauze. A layer of clear fluid covered the wound's edges, showing that it was healing, though very slowly.

Fighting out of his blanket, Eren looked around the room, finding his bag on a nearby chair. He reached out for it, but tumbled off the bed and caught himself entangled on the floor instead. "Argh..." He scowled, using his hands and knees to get out instead. Rummaging through his bag regardless of his nude state, he furrowed his brow in confusion. He was missing one of his containers of pain relieving cream. Did someone take it?

Wait, where was he?

Taking a moment, Eren looked around the room warily, shoulders hunching while one hand reached for a scalpel. It was pretty bare, but it housed two bunk beds as well as a small fireplace in the corner. The last of the flames were dying out, but the room was still nice and warm. The walls were a faded white, and everything was neat. Yet, this was an unfamiliar place and it put him on guard. Who brought them here?

A light cough stole his attention, and Eren remembered, _Armin was currently injured_. Putting the missing cream out of his mind, he took out a jar of antibiotics and a container of clean water, as well as a pair of gloves and a rag. Putting on the gloves, he dampened the rag with water and shuffled back onto the bed toward his dear friend.

Armin was beginning to twitch, maybe about to wake up, and Eren lightly tapped his face, the uninjured one. "Armin?" He whispered worriedly. "Armin? Wake up."

"Mm..." The other boy barely moved, so content and warm in his blanket cocoon.

Frowning, Eren took off a glove and felt his forehead. It was fine, if a little cool. Then he placed his fingers on his neck. The beat was slow but steady. Nothing seemed wrong with Armin except his burns, so why wasn't he waking up? And where did those burns come from?

Eren paused and a dreadful thought creeped into his head. Had he...When he became the monster...

Clenching his jaw, he shook his head. Treatment first, questions later. Taking off the shoddily placed gauze (who the hell did his dressing? It sucked), Eren, as gently as he possibly could, dabbed the cool and wet rag on the burn. Second degree burns like these needed to be cooled, or else the prolonged inflammation of the area could hurt its own recovery. 

Armin flinched as soon as contact was made, and even in his sleep he tried to squirm away. Eren felt a stab of guilt but he carried on. He continued to dab the area with water, moistening the rag every minute to retain its chilled temperature. The water he had on hand wasn't even cool enough to really help, but it would at least clean the burn.

Placing the towel evenly over the burn, Eren blew on it to keep it cool.

After ten agonizing minutes, he finally took off the towel and peered at the burn. It was still red with a few blisters, but it seemed to have helped calm it down a little. Uncapping the jar, he took his gloved hand and scooped up a moderate amount of antibiotic cream. Made with aloe vera, lavender, echinacea, beeswax, and many other extracted properties, it would help relieve pain, treat burns, and protect skin. 

Reaching down, Eren gently spread the medicine on, making sure to not aggravate the blisters. Armin scrunched up his face and made little noises of protest, but it seemed the cream was soothing, as soon he fell back into a deep sleep. 

Placing a new square of gauze on (correctly, unlike whoever dressed him before), Eren taped it in place and then placed his ear next to Armin's chest. He listened deeply with a frown, finding the sound of his lungs a little worrying. There was a slight rattle, and a barely noticeable whistling sound with each exhale. Each breath was also rather shallow. Eren furrowed his brow. Hypothermia?

Suddenly, his ears picked up the sound of wood creaking. Holding the scalpel under the blanket, he snapped his head toward the door and felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Eren- You're awake?!" Hannes breathed out in a shock, holding a tray in his hands.

"Mr. Hannes?" Eren blurted out, eyes wide. He felt his chest tighten at seeing the man again, both joy and consternation. Joy that he was alive and well, and judging by the tray of food in his hands, was taking care of them. Consternation because...

Because.

Aware of the awkward silence, Hannes coughed lightly and closed the door behind him with a swing of his foot. "I, uh...I got ya both some breakfast if you're up for it." He smiled, the action weighed down with guilt and shame.

Eren didn't say anything, only watching blankly as the man that was basically his uncle walked closer to take a seat on a free chair. He placed the tray on his lap and held up one of the bowls. "Here, you got it?"

Eren stared down at it. It seemed to be some sort of soup. There weren't many ingredients that he could see swimming around, some odd chunk of potato and the rare piece of leek, but it was warm and his stomach growled at the sight of it. Hesitantly reaching out, his hands paused, trembling slightly before he took hold of the bowl. His hands brushed against Hannes's larger ones, and the man jerked his back as if he had been burned.

"...Thanks." Eren whispered, not knowing why he felt so shy and uncomfortable. He knew the man, knew what he had done, and yet.

Hannes gave him a faint smile, holding his own bowl. "Eat up. You need the energy."

Eren nodded and began eating, taking slow sips in between chewing. "Um...What happened?" 

Pausing, Hannes gave him a look of concern. "I was hopin' you or Armin could explain. Speakin' of, how is Armin?" He leaned over a little to glimpse at the still sleeping blond. "He hasn't woken up much, and when he does he keeps mumblin' like he doesn't have a clear head."

"Um..." Eren felt his shoulders stiffen and he looked down at his half-eaten soup. What could he say? He didn't really know what happened either. His memories weren't clear after he transformed. "Uh, I was out collecting some herbs, and Armin followed along without telling me...Then, um," He fumbled with his words awkwardly. "I think we got caught in the storm." He remembered feeling wet, and Armin was exhibiting symptoms of hypothermia, so it made sense, right? He wondered why he himself didn't have hypothermia-

Oh. Right. He was a monster.

Monsters don't get sick.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Eren grimaced and gave back his bowl. Hannes gave him a questioning look but shrugged, taking it. "Yeah, that's what I think happened as well." The man nodded. "One of my buddies on patrol said he saw some kids running into the forest and wanted to check. It's a good thing too, else you and Armin could've died up there from the wet and cold." He paused, opening and closing his mouth over and over.

A tense silence settled between them, filled with lingering questions and regret. Clenching his jaw, Hannes opened his mouth. "...Listen, Eren, I..." He paused, trying to find the right words. Putting the tray on the small bedside drawer, Hannes scooted his chair closer and held his head down. "I'm sorry, Eren." He uttered remorsefully. "I'm...so sorry."

Eren didn't speak, but his eyes had went wide at the apology, at the sheer guilt and shame that dripped off of his words.

"I'm..." Letting out a shuddering breath, Hannes held his head in between his hands and hunched over in his chair. "I'm a failure, a coward, the worst filth on this planet." He sobbed, his eyes clenched tight as tears dripped down his face. "I know I failed you, you and your mom. I was a coward who couldn't even face one Titan to save the people he loved. I don't deserve to call myself a soldier..."

Sniffling, he lifted his head, showing the pathetic sight of his tears and even snot running down from his nose. "I'm so sorry, Eren. It's okay if you don't forgive me, but I promise..." He wiped his face with a sleeve, replacing his expression of shame with one full of determination. "I won't ever fail you again. You, Armin, and Mikasa. Please believe me."

Searching his face for proof of any lies, Eren clenched his hands in the blanket, hard enough he could feel the seams ripping underneath the force of his nails. "I..." He began, his entire body shaking. "I'm...still really angry at you. I know!" He quickly yelled out when he saw the man open his mouth. "I know, I was too weak. I would've just been eaten alongside mom if you hadn't been there, but..." Trembling, he took sharp breaths. "You had gear. You had training. You were supposed to be able to kill it."

_"Eat her..."_

Shut up! Eren yelled in his mind, clenching his eyes shut. "But...I don't blame you, you know?" His lower lip wobbled. "It's not like anyone else would've done better. Mom..." He bit his lip, withholding his sobs. "Mom w-wouldn't have survived much longer even if we did save her. Her legs were crushed. I...I just wish it hadn't happened like that!" He beat down on the bed with his fist, hatred and frustration clawing at his insides. "That damn Titan..."

He would eat her.

Forcing himself to relax, Eren let out a tired sigh. He was so tired. "...You don't even know how hard it's been for us since."

"I think I can take a guess..." Hannes said softly, reaching out to poke the boy in his ribs. Hesitating, he slowly lifted his arms, slow enough for Eren to dodge if he wanted to, and gently wrapped them around him. "I'm so glad you're alive, Eren."

Closing his eyes, Eren let a few tears escape as he leaned into the hug. "Me too...I'm glad you survived." When was the last time an adult had hugged him like this? Three months felt like a lifetime ago. Even though he hated this man for being a coward, he didn't blame him. He had been a coward too, in a way. He hadn't wanted to face the reality of being powerless, and so he laid the blame on the closest person. 

But now, he knew that everyone was scared, in their own ways. The Titans were Humanity's source of nightmares. Everyone, big and small, old and young, were afraid.

He was afraid, too.

They stayed together like that, two people full of relief that the other was alive, when a shuffle caught their attention. Scrunching up his face, Armin slowly opened his eyes. "Mm..." He groaned lightly.

Gasping, Eren tore himself out of the embrace and padded over to his friend. "Armin!" He cried out in relief. "You're awake!"

"Eren..?" Armin breathed out, his voice just barely above a whisper. Groaning again, he snuggled deeper into his blanket. "I'm cold...and my body hurts..."

Eren reached out and patted his friend's head, noting absentmindedly that a few strands had been burnt somehow. "You had hypothermia." He informed him softly. "Mr. Hannes brought us some hot soup, you think you can keep it down? It'll help you warm up."

"Mm..." A growl emanated from within the cocoon, right where Armin's stomach would be. "Okay..."

Brightening, Eren gestured for the bowl. Hannes handed it over, making sure none of the contents spilled out, and Eren took the spoon. Scooping some up, he made sure to blow it a little. "Here, sit up a bit and open wide."

Armin did as he was told, very slowly though, and was fed. He swallowed each spoonful dutifully, but each time he moved his cheeks, he flinched from the pain. Eren noticed and sighed. "Sorry, I can't do much for burn pains right now. We'll get you bundled up in more clothes and you'll feel better in no time."

Yawning, Armin nodded sleepily. "Okay..." Taking a hand out from inside his blanket, he gestured for Eren to come closer. Blinking, Eren leaned down, close enough for Armin to whisper in his ear. "Eren...I don't blame you."

Eren stilled. He didn't...blame him? He should. It was his fault for endangering Armin, his fault they had been left out in the rain long enough for hypothermia to set in. His fault for the burns. "But..." He tried to argue, but Armin gave him a sweet smile and closed his eyes again, going back to sleep.

Closing his mouth with a click, Eren felt a weight lift off from his shoulders and he smiled down at his friend. 

Observing the two boys, Hannes waited for Armin to be asleep again before getting up. "Why don't I grab your clothes?" He offered, moving to the fireplace where two bundles of clothes sat near the mantle. "I washed and dried them for you two."

Eren nodded. It was good to bundle up as much as possible, especially for Armin. Now that the storm had passed, snow would begin to fall any day now, and he had to stock up on warming teas and medicine. Luckily Armin already bought them all cloaks, even an extra one for Mikasa since she liked dresses so much-

His eyes widened. Mikasa! She was probably worried sick by now. "Uh, Mr. Hannes?" He heard the man reply back with a yes. "What day is it?" He asked faintly.

"It's December 14th." Hannes answered, handing him his clothes before moving to dress Armin. "You two have been asleep for two days."

"Two...days?" Eren repeated dazedly. Scratch that, Mikasa was probably on a manhunt. "So...Where are we?"

Tucking Armin back into bed again, Hannes raised a brow at him and smirked. "You haven't realized yet? You're in the barracks at the Military Headquarters here in Trost."

Perking up, Eren looked around in wonder now. He was in the military base? Surrounded by soldiers? Maybe he could watch them train, or see how they operate, or even convince them to let him enlist early. Noticing his newfound energy, Hannes let out a laugh and held out his hand. "Why don't I give you a tour? I'm sure no one'll mind, and you'll get to stretch your legs."

Eren nodded enthusiastically. "Sure! I wanna see!" He paused and looked back down at Armin. He was a little worried to leave his friend alone when he was so vulnerable, but there was no other place that was safer than the military base. It should be fine.

Taking Hannes's hand, they left their room. Eren looked around inquisitively, taking in their surroundings and committing them to memory. The building was mostly stone, with stone floors, stone walls, and stone ceilings. It was a little intimidating if it weren't for the tall windows that lined the corridor. Hannes pointed out what each facility was as they passed them. There was the general storage, weapons storage, maintenance, a fitness room, cafeteria, and even a lounge. 

Passing by the infirmary, Eren perked up and peeked through the open door. There weren't many patients, but he noticed with a worried frown that there wasn't a real doctor present, only nurses. They scuttled around with an almost dull countenance, just doing their jobs because it was their jobs and not because they really wanted to help. "Mr. Hannes?" He called out to the man. "How are the medical facilities here?"

Hannes sighed and rested his hands on his hips. "I'll be real with ya, they're not great. All the doctors are in the Interior, and will only come out here for emergencies. Otherwise, we have these _lovely_ nurses," He said with a sarcastic undertone. "They do their job well, but I'm sure you can tell they're not trained much beyond first aid."

Eren could tell, watching a nurse wrap a soldier's broken arm with a splint but not bothering to give him any painkillers. "...Incompetent." He muttered with a scowl.

Sighing, Hannes lightly pushed him toward the courtyard. "I know you're probably better than them, but you don't got a license. Hell, you're not even supposed to be here! I didn't even get this authorized with Squad Leader Ian, so keep your head down and just ignore it for now."

Grumbling, Eren let him push him out into the courtyard and to an unoccupied corner where there was a lone bench. Outside was a hub of activity, with many soldiers from both the Military Police and the Garrison either milling around or power walking to their destinations at various offices and depots. What really caught his eye were all the ODM gear they wore, and he bit his lip. One day, he wanted his own gear too. He wanted to proudly fly in the air with the wings of freedom on his back.

They took a seat away from the large puddles that were left over from the storm, and just took a minute to relax and enjoy the outside air. "So, what's your first impression of the base?" Hannes asked lightly.

Eren gave him a bright smile. "It's really cool! Everyone looks so serious and focused. You guys have a lot of resources here, huh, except maybe a good doctor. Hey," He perked up when a thought hit him. "Do you think if I ask for permission I can come volunteer at the infirmary? Or, or, maybe I can enlist early for training?"

Hannes let out an incredulous laugh and ruffled his hair. "One thing at a time, Eren! Remember, you don't got a license. They won't let you work at the infirmary unless you've got proof of your skills."

"I can prove my skills by actually treating the patients," Eren pointed out. "Unlike the nurses who simply do shoddy first aid."

"It's not up to me." Hannes shrugged helplessly. "Besides, if you sign up for the infirmary, they'll keep you there forever. There hasn't been a real medic squad in any of the regiments in ages, aside from the Survey Corps, but they're more of a science doctor than a doctor doctor, ya know? Anyway, never mind all that," He turned in his seat to face him. "Tell me how everything's been. Where have you been living? Is Mikasa still with you? She's not here with you and Armin. Have you been eating enough?" He poked him in the ribs. "You're too skinny for your age."

"Hey!" Eren swatted his hand away with a pout. "I'm eating as much as I can! It's hard when food is expensive and limited..." He grimaced and looked down at his lap. "We...We're living somewhere in Trost right now. We make due doing errands and me selling medicine." He wasn't going to mention that they did errands for gangs and he sold medicine for prostitutes. 

Hannes nodded pensively with a deep frown. "Do you guys need any help? Money's tight right now, but I know me and Sierra would help out as much as we can. Maybe a little extra food, or clothes. Hell, you guys can come live with us!"

Seeing Eren's wide eyes, he nodded. "I'm being serious here! We don't have much room but I think of you guys like my own kids, and..." He looked away. "I know Carla would want me to help her son. I owe you and your family a huge debt."

Eren tilted his head down, trying to hide his glossy eyes. Hannes would go so far as to house them and feed them? He thought of them as his own kids, huh... "Thanks, Mr. Hannes," He paused.

But he knew it wouldn't work out. Three kids would be a huge strain on their finances, and he wouldn't be able to do any of his under-the-table operations to get money, either. They would all end up resenting each other, and...he didn't want to hate the man in front of him anymore. "But it's okay. We're doing just fine where we are right now."

Hannes furrowed his brow. "Are you sure? It wouldn't be too much trouble. I, uh..." He rubbed the back of his head. "I have more money these days since I've given up drinking."

Eyes widening, Eren looked up at him in shock. "You? Giving up alcohol? _You?_ "

The soldier rolled his eyes. "Yes, me! Shocking, I know. I just...I can't just spend my days drinking away when there's things to be done and people to help. I can't." He clenched his fists. "I can't be like the me from three months ago, even though I wish those days would come back."

Quieting, Eren nodded. "I understand..." He said, subdued. "But still, it's all right. Ms. Sierra already has her hands full with you, and we're almost adults!" He pointed his thumb to himself with a grin. "We can take care of ourselves." 

They had a lot of influence in the Alley, and by extension, the rest of Trost. Armin made connections for them through the brothels and the Rosicas, consequently gaining intel on several individuals. Mikasa helped keep the filth away, and was a great protector for the girls there. And him? He made sure the right people got their cures, and the wrong people their poisons. He learned through live experimentation to help people. He was gaining flexibility and balance from his lessons with Madam Hiesel. All of this would make their entry into the military smoother, and kept them safe, healthy, and strong.

He couldn't give that up.

Dark brown boots stopped in front of him. "Hey." A deep and sharp voice called out to him, and Eren looked up to see cool silver eyes.

It was a soldier, and with a jump of excitement, he realized the badge on his jacket denoted him as a Survey Corps scout. The man wasn't very tall, in fact, Eren would've thought he was closer to his age if he didn't have such a mature aura around him. His black hair framed the tops of his cheeks, but the rest was gone for an even undercut. His uniform was standard from what he knew, except for the white neck scarf he had.

Eren then realized the man was waiting for a response, and sat up straight in his seat. "Uh, yes sir?" He even threw in a salute, clenching his right hand over his heart like he was taught in school.

The man raised a thin brow. "Hoh? A brat like you knows how to show some respect." 

Eren immediately frowned at being called a brat, and was about to open his mouth when the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a very familiar looking jar. "This is yours, right?" The man asked.

"Y-Yeah..." Eren breathed out in shock, reaching out to take it. So this was where his pain relieving cream went. How did this man get a hold of it?

"Huh..?" Hannes furrowed his brow in confusion before realization hit him. "You're-!"

The man sent him a sharp glare, silencing him with just one look, before averting his attention back to the youth in front of him. "...What's your name?" He asked coolly, moving the medicine away before the youth could take it. 

Eren blinked. "Um, my name is Eren Jaeger...sir."

"Eren..." The man tested the name and after a moment, reached out with his hand. Flinching, Eren instinctively closed his eyes, expecting to be hit or something, but then he felt the hand ruffle his hair.

Eren peeked up at him with one eye. "Huh..?" 

The soldier looked down at him with a solemn frown, but somewhere in his stone cold expression, there was a hint of...relief? "...Stay alive, kid. You made me wait two days already." 

Tilting his head, Eren blinked up at him curiously. "Two days? What do you mean?"

The man sighed, irritated. "You dropped this medicine in the canteen two days ago at night, so I've been stuck waiting around in this dump for you to show up. You weren't even in the hospital wing. You better be trying to stay alive."

Eren sat up straight. "Uh, of course! I have to get into the military and kill all the Titans!" He exclaimed determinedly, even though there was a sliver of doubt in the back of his mind. What if they found out he was a monster? Would they still allow him to stay? Would they understand he was fighting for Humanity? For all the innocent people? 

In the end, he supposed it didn't matter. He would do it anyway. "Um, you can keep the medicine if you'd like. What's your name, sir?" He asked shyly.

"Levi." The man said in a clipped tone. "And a tiny brat like you should stay as far away from Titans as possible."

"No!" Eren objected vehemently, Hannes sputtering in the background. "I have to kill them! They..." His mother. His home. His town. He clenched his hands into fists. "I'm going to wipe out every single piece of filth out there!"

The man- Levi- raised a brow. "Interesting resolve there. Tell me that again when you're finally out of diapers and in training."

"I will!" Eren swore immediately. "And I'm almost an adult!"

"Uh, Eren..." Hannes hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. "I thought you were gonna be a doctor from now on. You said you wanted to volunteer at the infirmary earlier."

"Yeah, but I can be a doctor _and_ a soldier." Eren reasoned strongly. "Isn't it better to have someone who actually knows how to treat a broken limb out in the field? Or someone who knows how to do stitches, help bruises, and internal bleeding?"

Levi snorted. "Wait til that damn Four-Eyes hears about this..." He muttered before raising his voice. "You say a brat like you is a doctor? So this is medicine _you_ made, and not your father?"

Eren nodded. "That's right, I made them all." He said defensively. He knew that people didn't trust someone as young as him to be a competent doctor, but he also knew he was more competent than a lot of doctors out there. Humanity needed a doctor that would actually help them. The military needed a doctor, period.

He could be that.

Wait. "My father?" He blinked. "What do you mean? Are you one of my dad's old patients? I don't remember you though..."

Levi narrowed his eyes. "You don't remember me." He stated almost disbelievingly. "You, the brat who went up to us without a care in the world to shove your medicine in our faces, citing you're a 'doctor's son.'" He held up the medicine. "I had to steal Erwin's supply since he hoarded it like an asshole."

Erwin?...As in that Survey Corps scout from three months ago? He had a few other scouts by his side, like an even taller blond man and a short black haired- "Oh!" Eren's eyes widened with realization. "You're his friend! From that day!" 

"So your pea brain can remember." Levi remarked, almost amused. "If this," He held up the jar of medicine. "Is really something you made, and you're really as competent a doctor as you say you are, then you better start making more."

Eren blinked cluelessly. "Huh?"

Levi gave him a flat stare. "Do you need money? I guess I'd rather pay for quality medicine than receive the shitty free stuff here. How much?"

"Huh?!" Eren repeated but with even more confusion. "What are you talking about?"

The vertically challenged man rolled his eyes. "All right kid, here's the deal. You make me medicine..." He drawled slowly as if he was talking to a toddler. "And I pay you."

Eren blinked, and blinked. "...Oh. Oooh!" He gasped in delight. A Survey Corps soldier was asking him for help. He wanted his medicine. His medicine was going to help someone who was fighting against the Titans. His medicine meant someone was going to be able to kill more Titans. "Of course! I would be happy to provide you with quality care!" He saluted proudly, back straight and arms tense.

Levi snorted lightly. "Enthusiastic. Good. Where do I find you?"

"Now hold on a minute." Hannes interrupted. "Sorry, sir, but me and Eren's gotta have a little talk." Placing his hand on the youth's shoulders, he directed him a little a ways, leaving Levi to stare after them with an unimpressed stare.

"Hey, Mr. Hannes!" Eren protested, smacking his hands away. "What's the deal?"

"Do you even know who that guy is?" Hannes hissed to him, glancing back toward the other soldier. Being a sent a rather dark glare, he quickly ducked back. "In any case, you shouldn't just go handing out your medicine or even your care like that to some stranger."

"He's not a stranger, though." Eren pointed out. "He's Mr. Levi and he's a Scout. He's probably killed like, a hundred Titans! I wanna help him out as much as I can! Plus, he's paying me."

"I..." Hannes pursed his lips as he thought it over. "You've got a point..."

"I'm earning money, and a soldier who's dedicating his life to killing Titans will get good medicine. It's win-win!" Eren grinned triumphantly, and without waiting, he dashed back toward the Scout, leaving the Garrison soldier sputtering at his fast departure.

Stopping in front of the man who wasn't even that much taller than him, Eren saluted with a big grin. "I'll be happy to help, Mr. Levi! I hope my medicine helps you in killing Titans!"

Levi nodded, even giving him a salute back, filling Eren with elation. "It's a deal then, Eren." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi finally meet!!
> 
> Now that this chapter is done, time to start my essay that's due in 10 hours lol
> 
> Let me know what you think, comments are appreciated and loved!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -emerges from a mountain of essays, frantically uploads chapter, is then dragged back into the void of finals-

 

It was close to evening hours before Armin woke again.

By then, Hannes had finished giving Eren a tour, ushering him away from Levi. Before he could though, Eren offered to meet here at the Trost Military Headquarters bi-weekly to give the soldier his promised medicine. Levi had nodded, adding that he better be on time because he hated tardiness. Eren grinned and saluted before Hannes picked him up under his armpits and literally lifted him away. Now back in the barracks they had occupied for themselves, Hannes opted to get them dinner, leaving Eren to wait for his friend to awake.

When he heard the blond softly groan, Eren perked up from his chair next to the bed and leaned in closer. "Armin?" He called out hesitantly.

Lips scrunching, Armin slowly opened his eyes. "Eren..?" 

Letting out a breath of relief, Eren gently tackled his friend into a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay!" He withheld the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks. He had cried enough for a lifetime.

Armin slowly blinked but leaned into the hug, wincing when his bandaged cheek pressed against his friend's shoulder. "I'm always okay when you're there..." He sleepily mumbled. A loud growl emanated from his stomach and his cheeks flushed. "U-Um, is there food? Wait-" Slowly sitting up, Armin looked around, sleepiness replaced with a sense of wariness. "Where are we?"

"We're somewhere safe." Eren answered, sitting back down on his chair. He bit his lip, observing his friend. His eyes were clear and his sentences were coherent. His bandages weren't soaked with blood or even any discharge, which meant his burns were healing well. Armin was, by all cases, fine. Fine enough to maybe answer his question. "What..." Eren nervously licked his lips. "What do you last remember?"

"Remember..?" Armin repeated, even going so far as to tilt his head to show how clueless he was. 

Eren watched him with the eyes of a hawk, looking for any changes in his expression. When his brain finally caught up, Armin's eyes widened and he looked straight down at Eren's left arm. The arm that he had stabbed through with a scalpel. He moved to open his mouth-

"Got ya dinner!" Hannes interrupted with a bang of the door, holding two trays in his hands. "It ain't much, but it's hot and fresh, so- Armin!" His tired face lit up, his foot closing the door behind him. "You're up!"

"Mr. Hannes?" Armin breathed out in shock, before looking around the room, to the man, to Eren, again and again so quickly that Eren almost thought he was going to snap his neck "Wha- Where are we?" His voice rose to an even higher pitch. "How-How did we get here?!"

"Armin, calm down!" Eren tried to soothe him, placing his hands on his shoulders and not-so-gently pushing him back against the headboard. "Mr. Hannes found us. Remember? We were out picking herbs up in the mountain and we got caught in the storm..." He lied, his eyes _pleading_ for his friend to hold up the story. "Mr. Hannes found us and brought us here to Trost Headquarters."

Armin stared up at him, specifically at his ears, his brows furrowing for a moment, before something clicked and he nodded. "R-Right. So that's what happened..." Looking up at the adult, he gave him a hesitant but happy smile. "It's nice to see you again, Mr. Hannes. Thank you for saving us. We-" He glanced over at Eren for a split second, waiting for any telltale signs of anger to spark. "We owe you our lives."

"Aw shucks..." Hannes gave them a ghost of a smile, putting their trays down on a small fold-out table. "I'd do anything to make sure you kids make it." His smile faltered. It was clear he was thinking back to three months ago, when all of this started.

"Ah..." Armin bowed his head, his small hands awkwardly fiddling with his thin blanket. 

The room was filled with a sudden silence that quickly grew uncomfortable for all of them. None of them could forget what they saw that day, three months ago.

Eren clenched his hands in his lap. Had it really only been three months? It felt like it had been years ago with how much had happened since then, but thinking about that day made the festering wound in his heart spill open with fresh hurt and anger. He would never let a single Titan live, so long as he held breath in his body. Who cares if he could become one? It just meant he could fight them on equal terms. He had a better chance of killing them. He would hunt them down and-

_'Eat her...'_

Eren rolled his eyes, tired of the voice constantly trying to tell him what to do. In all honesty, it didn't matter who or why the voice told him to do this. That specific Titan- with blonde hair and rows of tiny teeth set into a wide grin- _will_ die by his hands.

"Eat up, Armin." Hannes nudged one of the trays toward the bedridden child. "You need your strength. You had hypothermia, y'know? Luckily, I remember back from winter training and Eren here that you needed someplace dry and warm. Here, drink the soup first to ease your stomach."

Armin smiled, wincing when it stretched and aggravated the burn on his cheek, and accepted the bowl. "Thank you."

As the children began to dig into their meals, Hannes dragged another chair over and sat back with his own small piece of bread, taking a bite. He observed them with a remorseful frown, watching as they ate with a fervor he now commonly saw in the streets of Trost. Eating as if they didn't know when their next meal would be, that there was no luxury to complain about the bland taste of the soup or the stale hardness of the bread that came with it. Eating only to survive.

"So..." Hannes began a few minutes later. "I've been meaning to ask. Armin," The blond in question raised his head toward him. "Why do you have burns on you? Where'd they come from?" He asked concernedly. "Did somethin' happen? Was it...Did someone do it on purpose?"

The two children froze, with Eren's eyes darting up to look at Armin. His whole body was held stiff, with blood pounding loudly in his ears. What would Armin say? Eren wondered tensely. Would he mention _it_? Would he speak truthfully, that there was currently a monster in the room with them..?

Armin's baby blues glanced over at him for a moment. Something passed by in his eyes, something Eren couldn't really understand, before Armin shakily smiled at their would-be guardian. "I-I saw a flash of lightning-"

Eren could feel his heart plummet down into his stomach. He had to get out of here before Armin revealed the truth!-

"I think the storm rolled in so quickly, and-and we were so high up in the mountain that lightning must've struck nearby." Armin continued nervously, not missing Eren's panicked expression turn into one of surprise. "I must've been too close, and I got burned by some sort of aftershock. We-We must've fallen unconscious after..."

Hannes rubbed his chin. "I see...You're both real lucky then. I've never heard of anyone being struck by lightning, but I'd imagine it must be dangerous."

Armin laughed sheepishly. "Y-Yeah..."

Eren stared at him, jaw slack. He...He lied. Armin had already shown signs of knowing what had really happened, something that Eren himself didn't really know due to his spotty memory, _and he lied_. He kept his best friend- a monster- safe inside human territory.

After they finished eating, Armin and Hannes chatted for a while, trying to catch up on the last three months. Like Eren, Armin didn't go into detail about how they survived, only that the work wasn't anything dangerous and they made enough to live relatively comfortably. He even told the man that they were planning on enlisting in the military as soon as they were of age.

Hannes wasn't happy to hear it, but he knew he couldn't hold them back. It wouldn't be fair to them, he told them with a bitter smile, to not at least let them have a chance at finding a purpose in life. He also told them that if they wanted, they could join the Military Police for better living conditions, and even a chance at gaining status. It was what commoners usually did, if they made it into the Top 10. If not, they could also join the Garrison and then ask for a transfer after five years of service.

Eren immediately vetoed the idea, saying he had to go into the Survey Corps. Armin took a moment, but nodded in agreement, saying he too will join the Survey Corps. It was the only chance for them to explore the world. Left unsaid, It was also Eren's chance at finding that Titan and taking revenge on the mass of monsters.

Otherwise, Eren kept rather quiet during the evening. He finished his dinner without a word, letting the conversation wash over him. When was the last time they had been able to just sit down and talk like this? About hopes, dreams, future aspirations? There was no such thing in the Alley. 

Speaking of the Alley-

"Armin, how do you feel?" Eren spoke up suddenly, interrupting the current conversation. 

Armin looked startled, but turned his gaze down to his body, slowly flexing and stretching his limbs. "I think I'm okay. I should be able to walk..."

Eren nodded and stood up. "We should get going then. We've been gone for two days, and Mikasa's probably terrorizing the neighborhood for us."

Armin paled. "Oh no, Mikasa! We-We left without telling her! She must be worried sick about us." Flipping off the blanket, Armin placed his bare feet down and stood up. A second later, however, he found himself in Eren's arms, just a few inches away from the floor. "...Oh..." He weakly voiced out. "I guess I'm not that okay..."

Frowning, Eren hoisted him back up on the bed. "You can't lie to your doctor." He lectured. "Sleeping two days after recovering from hypothermia would leave you weak." Turning around, he knelt onto the floor and held his arms out backwards. "Climb on."

"A-Are you sure?" Armin fretted, but when Eren's fingers wiggled invitingly, he wrapped his arms around his friend's neck and leaned down on him. Eren hooked his arms under his legs and hefted him up with a quick breath.

"...You sure you kids are good enough to head home?" Hannes spoke up, crossing his arms with a worried frown. "It's no trouble to house you two here for a little while longer, y'know. You can tell me where your home is so I can get Mikasa for you."

While it was tempting, it was better if Hannes didn't know where they lived. If he did, he'd ask more questions, and would probably even forcibly relocate them. "It's all right." Eren reassured him with a small grin. "I'm strong, and this is great training for when I enlist!"

"At least let me escort you out." Hannes pressed, standing up from his chair with a groan. "It's late, and Trost isn't really safe now."

Armin grimaced from Eren's back. "S-Sure..."

Eren held back a curse. "Armin." He hissed, quiet enough that the older man couldn't hear them while he led them out of the base. "We can't lead him back to our apartment."

"I know..." Armin whispered back, eyes sharp even as his body faltered in strength. "I'll give you the signal when we get to the town square. Even though he's a soldier stationed here, he's likely more familiar with the outskirts than the inner city due to maintaining the Wall. We know the streets better."

Eren wordlessly nodded, and the three of them made their way into Trost. The Military Headquarters, while close to the center of Trost, was situated closer to the inner Wall leading into Rose territory. There was one main boulevard that led from the south gate to the north gate, and it was the one they traveled down. Since the sun had already set, the marketplace was closed, leaving empty stalls and tents to line the sides of the paved road. 

Meaning no one would stop them when they ran.

"It's a good thing the storm passed when it did," Hannes talked amicably. "It's gonna start snowing any day now with this chilly wind. Hopefully not too much, we don't wanna spend too much effort on shoveling snow."

The two children made general noises of agreement, and Eren slowly inched further to the side. He grunted and adjusted his grip on Armin's leg, making sure he was still secure on his back. Even though he wasn't as strong as Mikasa, he was at least strong enough to carry his friend without any problems. 

His steps faltered for a moment.

Unless it was the monster inside him that made him stronger.

Stopping near the town square's fountain, Hannes took a deep breath of the chilly night air. "Ahh...Nothing like some fresh air." He smiled, his back to the two kids.

Armin nudged Eren with his foot. "Go!" He whispered.

Broken out of his thoughts, Eren immediately darted down a side street. "Bye, Mr. Hannes! See you some other time!" He yelled behind him, not stopping for a second with Armin directing him where to go like a horse.

"Wha-?! Eren! Armin!" Hannes yelled after them, heavy footsteps and the sound of shuffling hollow metal following them. "Where're ya running to?!"

"Sorry, Mr. Hannes!" Armin apologized loudly, his arms held tightly around his steed's neck. "We need to go before Mikasa kills us!"

"Or someone else..." Eren muttered beneath him, taking a sharp turn into a nondescript alleyway. 

It took a few minutes, but they eventually lost their uncle figure, and Eren slowed down to a walk. He panted from the run, a sheen of sweat glistening off his brow and making his somewhat long bangs stick to his face. He should get a haircut, but being mistaken for a girl came with perks now, and he couldn't give it up.

He felt Armin fidget on his back. "I feel bad for doing that..." Armin whispered glumly.

"Yeah..." Eren frowned, adjusting his grip again. "But we can't let him find out where we live. He'd only worry and make us live with him, and we'd just be a burden."

"Mm..." Armin hummed in agreement. "Him and Ms. Sierra can't possibly support three extra mouths. It's better this way..." He murmured with a sigh.

Turning the corner, Eren perked up when he finally saw the telltale signs of the Alley. There were more bars in this area, and the oil lamps that lined the street were still lit unlike the rest of Trost. A regular drunk looked up from his spot on the ground and even gave them a halfhearted wave, almost welcoming them back.

Eren hadn't even taken one step into the Alley before Luke was upon him. The gangster was pale, and his eyes darted left and right with sweat pouring down from his hairline. "Eren! Armin! Oh shit, I'm so glad you're back!"

"Luke!" Armin blinked, looking up from behind Eren's head. "What's the matter?"

Luke gripped his hair in his hands, even pulling a few brown strands out. "What's the matter? _Mikasa_ is the matter!" He hissed, before turning his head around, half expecting the mention of the name would cause the owner to appear. "She's been inconsolable for the past two days. Stalking the streets like some kind of-of serial murderer ghost! Because you two were missing!"

A clanking noise from a nearby back street caused him to jump, and he ducked down closer to the height of his two acquaintances. "We were gonna go out and look for you after the storm ended, but a retired Military pig was causing trouble at the Madam's." He gulped. "Mikasa took care of him...It's gonna be one of us next."

Eren heaved a loud sigh. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Damn it all. "Right, sorry. Where is she now?"

"Back at your apartment." Luke whispered, straightening back up to his normal height. "Make sure she's okay before you unleash her on us all again, okay? And please, for the love of the Walls, don't just disappear like that again!" He pleaded before dodging into the nearest bar.

Armin chuckled weakly. "Well...We should get home before Mikasa does any more damage..."

Eren grumbled under his breath and made his way to the apartment. He understood why Mikasa was so worried, that she treasured him and Armin above everything else, but still. Did she have to be such a beastly terror to people? Did she have so little faith in him that she thought he was dead just because he was away for two days? She needed something to do other than look out for him. He could take care of himself.

Arriving back at the apartment, Eren carefully maneuvered up the stairs, avoiding their landlord who was cowering in the corner on the first floor, and bent down to let Armin off. Armin climbed off of him and pulled out his keyring, about to begin unlocking all the locks that barricaded their front door.

Before he could even insert the first key, however, something monstrous banged against the door, making all the metals rattle loudly. They took an instinctual step back, with Eren automatically putting Armin behind him. A second later, the door was almost torn open, showing Mikasa. 

Her long ebony hair, usually straight and silky, was a tangled mess. Her clothes, a modest white dress and pale burgundy sweater, were rumpled and creased, as if she hadn't bothered to change out of them. What shocked them most of all, however, were the dark circles underneath her wide and desperate eyes and the gaunt look of her cheeks.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried out, tackling him onto the ground. Eren let out a pained oof as his back made contact with the hard wooden floors, and couldn't move an inch underneath her. "Eren...Armin..." She slowly looked up to her other friend, tears freely dripping down her face. "You're both safe..."

Armin smiled sheepishly. "S-Sorry for worrying you..."

"Mikasa, get off!" Eren complained, trying to push her off of him. He faltered when he was actually able to nudge her off a little. Even though she was still pinning him down, there was no way he would usually be able to move her. She was like a brick wall. Had she...lost weight? "Mikasa...When was the last time you ate?"

Mikasa ducked her head into her scarf, letting her long and messy hair hide her face. "...Two days ago." She replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Mikasa!" Eren glared at her incredulously. "You know that's dangerous, especially for our age! C'mon," He stood up and headed into the apartment, pulling her after him. "On your feet. I'm sure there's some food we stockpiled. You gotta eat-"

"You were gone!" Mikasa yelled, lifting her head to show her glistening dark eyes that were filled with grief and frustration. Eren was frozen in his spot at the sight. "You were gone, and I had no idea where you were! You could've been held hostage, poisoned, disemboweled, killed!" Her voice reached a shrieking volume. "And I...I couldn't do anything!" She clenched her fists into his shirt. "I didn't know where to find you! I couldn't go out in the storm to look for you! You and Armin!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Eren tried to appease her, his hands covering hers. "C'mon, you're going to rip my shirt-"

"You still don't get it!" She sobbed, her legs unable to hold her up and she slowly slid to the floor. "I didn't know what happened to you...What if you had d-died?" She looked up at him, her lips trembling. "My life has no meaning without you...I," Her hands moved from his shirt to his arms, gripping them tightly like a lifeline. "I _can't_ live without you."

"Mikasa..." Eren smiled helplessly and knelt down to wipe away her tears. Her devotion for him was nice, but the intensity was...disturbing. So what if he had saved her? He didn't do that so she would owe her life to him. She was her own person. She shouldn't depend on another person as a reason to live, otherwise she would be no different than a slave. And he wanted no slaves, only freedom for everyone.

Still, she was his sister, and he loved her too. "C'mon, it's all right. I'm here now, aren't I? Mr. Hannes actually found us and let us stay at the Military base. I'm alive, Armin's alive, we survived." He soothed with a small grin. "We can take care of ourselves. Besides, you shouldn't be crying for a monster-" He paused, but not soon enough. Shit.

"What?" Mikasa sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "You're not a monster, Eren. We all do bad things here, but we know when to stop." She pacified.

Eren shifted his gaze away. "Um...Yeah." He muttered.

"Eren."

They both turned to the third person in their apartment. Armin stared at Eren, his eyes serious and his face blank. "...Your ears are red." He pointed out.

Gasping, Eren held a hand to his ear, and just as he said, he could feel the blood rushing to the tips. The only physical sign that he was lying. "I, uh..."

Armin stepped closer, holding out the medical bag Eren always kept on him. "I think...I think it's time you explain." He insisted with a nervous frown.

Mikasa looked between them, a question on her expression. "...'Explain'? Explain what?"

Eren turned away, showing them his back. He looked down at himself, brows furrowed. Should he? They deserved to know, right? They were his friends. Not even, they were family. No one else mattered to him as much as Mikasa and Armin. He would do anything to protect them, even dye his hands in blood for them.

But...

If he told them...would they shun him? Think of him as a monster? He was, wasn't he. He wasn't human anymore, if he had ever been. He didn't really know what he looked like as a monster, but he bet he was as hideous and disgusting as the other Titans wandering outside. If Armin and Mikasa saw his real form, they would probably run in fear for their lives. He would be hunted down by the Survey Corps, no different than any other Titan. Then maybe Mr. Levi or Mr. Erwin would kill him, and he would be forgotten, just another tally under their kill count.

Eren clenched his teeth. Why did he think it was okay to continue masquerading as a human...

As the silence continued, Armin couldn't take it anymore. "Eren, please!" He yelled, gaining the attention of his two friends. "I know what I saw, and-and I don't hate you! I'm not scared of you! Please..." His voice lowered into a whisper, but no less powerful. "We're friends, aren't we? You're..." He sniffled. "You're all I have left. Please trust us."

Eyes widening, Eren turned around to stare at his best friend. He wasn't...afraid? 

Looking between the two of them, Mikasa frowned. "What exactly is going on?" She demanded, nerves frayed.

Clenching his fists, Eren decided. Taking a scalpel from his bag, he held out his arm and placed the blade just above the skin. "Watch." 

Before Mikasa could stop him, he dragged the sharp edge against his flesh and left a cut, deep enough that blood immediately began to ooze down his wrist and onto the floor. "Eren!" Mikasa gasped in horror, one hand digging into his medical bag for bandages. "Why did you-"

Eren held up a finger, counting to five. As soon as it hit five and a half seconds, steam began to emanate from his wound, and two pairs of eyes snapped to track it. As the steam rose up into the air, his cut began to knit back together, until there was no trace whatsoever except for the blood that dripped off his person.

Complete and utter silence fell around the apartment.

Heart pounding in his chest out of sheer anxiety and apprehension, Eren opened his mouth, paused, and swallowed. "...This." He whispered, so quietly that even his own ears strained to hear himself. "This is what Armin is talking about." Taking a deep breath to quell his nerves, Eren let his arms fall to his sides. "I...I'm not human anymore."

Mikasa was frozen in her spot, her eyes still trained on where his cut used to be. "...What do you mean?" She whispered. "When did-? I don't...I don't remember you ever healing like this."

"Neither do I," Armin added. "...Until two days ago."

Mikasa snapped her gaze to him, but Eren nodded. "Yeah..." Sighing, he took a seat at their tiny kitchen table, gesturing for them to do the same. Once they did, though slowly, he opened his mouth and everything just. Poured out. "I don't know when exactly, but I'm guessing after dad took me away, I got this ability. He...He left me with a key to the basement, his glasses, and an almost empty syringe which I've been keeping in the icebox. When I saw the leftover serum inside it, I _knew_ it was human spinal fluid."

Armin furrowed his brow. "Spinal fluid..?" He repeated, alarmed.

Eren nodded mutely. "I hadn't even tested it before the knowledge already popped up in my head. Usually, I'd have to check the amount of protein in the liquid before even cataloging it as spinal fluid, but the instant I saw it, my mind just told me what it was. Then, I got a cut when I smashed a few beakers, and it..." He sighed and shrugged. "It healed before my eyes. Steam and everything. Just like..."

"Just like a Titan." Armin finished quietly.

Eren clenched his jaw but nodded.

Mikasa held her hands near her chest. "What are you saying, Eren..?" She asked apprehensively. "Are you..? Are you trying to say you're a-"

"Monster?" Eren cut her off with a deep frown. "That's exactly what I'm saying. Somehow, without any memory of it, I became a..." He shuddered, self-loathing bubbling up inside him in the form of tears. "A monster."

He kept his head down, not wanting to see the looks of revulsion on either of his friend's faces. He didn't know if he could take it, to see their faces twist up in disgust and fear just at the sight of him, of what he could potentially do to them. His monster could come out any moment and smash them to pieces, or even devour them like his kind usually did to humans. 

If...If they wanted him to leave, and to never see him again, he would do so. He would do anything to protect them, even if that meant protecting them from himself.

"No!" The outburst surprised him and he looked up only to be tackled once again. Mikasa looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. "You're my brother! You're not a monster!" She cried. "So you can heal now, that doesn't make you a monster! It just means you'll survive. I'm..." A shaky smile spread on her face, full of relief. "I'm so happy."

Choking back his tears, Eren shook his head. "You don't...You don't understand! If it was just the healing, I'd maybe accept it, but..." He shuddered and clenched his eyes shut. Flashes of red, hot and dark, came to mind. Strong threads tying him down, making him unable to move. Seeing things with a clarity no human should have, while also unable to see at all. He had become something else, in those few moments up in the mountain.

"...So what?"

Stilling, they both looked up at Armin. Armin, who stared at Eren with a strong gaze, cementing him to his spot. "What defines a human?" The blond challenged. "Is it just physiology? Is it a mind set? If that's the case, then some humans are monsters too. We've all heard rumors about how corrupt the Military Police are. Just because..." He swallowed before straightening his shoulders determinedly. "Just because you became a Titan, that doesn't make you the same as the ones outside the Walls. You're still Eren!"

Mikase went slack with shock. "Wait...What-What does he mean? Eren?"

"I don't know!" Eren cried out, holding his head in his hands and curling up into a ball in his chair. "I...I went out to experiment on myself-"

Mikasa gasped in horror.

"And when I stabbed my arm, Armin interrupted, but it was too late. Then lightning flashed, and..." Eren shuddered. "All I can remember is that it was hot and dark, but I remember seeing Armin _in my hands_. I...I became a _Titan_." A filthy beast that could only devour. He never wanted this. He just wanted to be a helpful doctor in the Survey Corps that would eradicate Titans.

Yet he became one himself. It would've been ironic if he wasn't having an existential crisis.

"...So you don't recall much." Armin summarized with a frown. "I'll try to explain as best I can."

Eren slowly looked up at him, tense and almost afraid of what he would say. Would he say that the monster tried to kill him? Tried to eat him?

"After you stabbed yourself, a bolt of lightning crashed onto the ground. When the light cleared, you were gone and...a large Titan was in front of me, still steaming." Armin began to recount his experience, hands clenching and relaxing in his lap. "It was different from Titans in our school books and...what we saw in Shiganshina. Titans are usually rather pudgy with irregular proportions, like short arms or too long legs. You..." He took a deep breath. "You were perfectly proportionate."

"Was I." Eren muttered, staring down at his hands blankly.

Armin slowly nodded. "You were missing your lower torso, but you weren't bleeding either. The parts that did appear were well-defined and muscular without an ounce of fat. Your hair was longer, covering your face, and you didn't have lips or eyebrows."

Eren slightly furrowed his brow. "Exposed teeth?"

"Yes, and your jaw extended further too. It took a while, I was um, pretty scared." Armin confessed, embarrassed. "But I finally realized it was you when I look at your eyes. Even as a Titan, your eyes were as green and bright as ever..." He smiled softly. "And I knew you meant me no harm."

Eren bit his lip. "If I meant you no harm, then how did you get those burns." He asked flatly, pointing to the blond's gauze covered cheek. "We learned in school that Titans steam at a very high temperature that could result in second degree burns _at the least_. I..." He clenched his teeth. "I hurt you, didn't I?"

"...Yes." Armin answered in a whisper, and Eren wilted. "But not on purpose!" He revealed with a shaky smile. "Lightning struck again, and you covered me in your hands to protect me. It was just a little too close and it burned me, but-but it's okay!" He quickly reassured him, scooting his chair closer to hold Eren's hand with his own. "See? I knew you meant me no harm. You wouldn't hurt me, and I'm sure you would never hurt a person!"

"I..." Eren felt himself falter at his friend's encouraging words. Was he really not a monster?

Mikasa nodded in agreement. "Eren, you're...you're a good person. Please believe in yourself, and if not, then believe _us_."

"You haven't even seen my monster form." Eren muttered bitterly.

"But I know _you_." Mikasa countered with a frown. "Doesn't that count?"

Eren slumped in his chair. Did it count? He could hurt them at anytime if he lost control. He didn't even know how he transformed like that, and Armin said he didn't have a lower torso. What if that's all his monster form could be? Not versatile enough to hunt Titans, but enough strength to snatch a human to eat. 

"Eren." Armin called out to him. "...Weren't we going to go outside? Outside the Walls?" He smiled brightly. "Together, remember? We would go see the ocean."

"The ocean..?" Mikasa blinked, confused, but Eren stilled.

"The ocean..." Eren whispered, eyes wide. That was right. He was going to get out of this cage to see the world, to find freedom. How was he going to do that if he sat around moping about his humanity? So what if he could turn into a monster. So long as he was helping people, then that was all that mattered. And if he ever became a problem...

He clenched his hands.

The Survey Corps would take care of him.

Looking up at his two friends, Eren slowly nodded. "Yeah. We're going to see the outside, no matter what. This power..." He looked down at a clenched fist. "It has to be good for something. I'll make sure that it'll only kill other monsters." 

He was the monster that hunted monsters.

"Eren..." Mikasa frowned worriedly. "You'll be putting your life in danger. Even if you can heal quickly now, you...you can still die." She shook her head. "I won't let that happen! What if it hurts you?!"

"We're joining the military anyway!" Eren yelled determinedly. "We'll already be risking our lives. With this," He held up an unblemished arm. "Humanity might have an edge. We still don't know much about Titans, but...I'm a new case. I have to document everything I do so that one day, I'll be useful to Humanity! I _have_ to be!" 

Mikasa didn't look happy, but Armin nodded in agreement. "R-Right. With Eren's new power...Humanity could stand a chance now." A wide smile spread on his face, one full of hope. "Eren! Your new power could be what we need to finally make the world safer from Titans! Do you know how you'll train it?"

Eren blanked. "...Uh. I-I hadn't really thought that far." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

Grasping his chin, Armin hummed thoughtfully. "Is there a specific trigger to it?"

"Um..." Eren crossed his arms and frowned, trying to think back to what had happened. "Maybe it can only happen near night time? Or when it's about to rain? Lightning struck down, so that could be a trigger. I remember I stabbed down...And you showed up...I think," He blinked. "I think the last thing I was thinking was that I didn't want to hurt you, that I had to protect you from myself."

Armin stared at him, touched. "Eren..." He looked down at his lap and hummed, deep in thought.

A silence fell over them again, but it was a more comfortable one, where secrets were finally out in the open. Eren felt like he could breathe easy, knowing his friends weren't going to shun him for being a monster. He hadn't realized just how worried he had been about their reactions until he felt the weight lift off from his shoulders.

Mikasa was still sat close to him, and he remembered she hadn't eaten anything. Nudging her, they headed to the kitchen area to grab a piece of stale bread. He made her eat it with a sip of water each bite, to help digestion. Eating something hard wasn't good for a weakened esophagus and stomach, and this was the best they had. Winter always meant less food.

Mikasa only sat through the examination and nodded obediently, eating when prompted. She even smiled in content when he began brushing her hair out, carefully working through the tangles. "...I'm glad you're back." She whispered.

Eren paused for a moment, before continuing to brush her hair. "...Me too." 

 

 

* * *

 

**846: January 2nd**

 

Life more or less returned to normal, or at least what they were used to. Mikasa returned back to her usually demure self now that Eren was back, and the entire Alley breathed a silent sigh of relief. Eren went back to making medicines, like Ana's, and would more or less take care of Mikelle during his free time.

The baby was much bigger now, and she had an adorable tuft of reddish-brown hair. She had a lot of caretakers, but her favorite was Eren. Whenever the young doctor held her, she would gurgle happily and reach out for his face, occasionally grabbing his hair which was her favorite play toy. Eren could only wince in pain and let her do as she wished. She was definitely being spoiled by him, but...It was the least he could do, to make sure she grew up healthy and happy.

Sometimes, he would take her to a small grassy spot right outside the city. There was a small marker there, just a piece of wood with a name carved on it. Eren wanted Mikelle to know her mother, even though they couldn't communicate. Being able to spend time with the baby was the highlight of his days. Watching her grow, playing with her, not a single hint of fear on her cherubic face. She made him feel like he was just a normal boy.

Armin though, spent a few weeks in contemplative silence. He still did his usual duties with a polite disposition, but when he wasn't, he was always thinking and pacing. Eren knew what it was about, of course, but until Armin spoke up, Eren wasn't going to bother him. He too was curious about how everything worked, but he wasn't the real genius in their trio, and he wanted to give him the time to really think.

New Year's Eve came and passed with little celebration on their part, maybe a few more herbs and vegetables in their soup than usual from Eren's little garden. The gifts they gave each other were what was expected: Eren received a well-cooked meal from Mikasa and new beakers from Armin. Armin received a small switch blade from Mikasa and a poison and antidote kit from Eren. Mikasa received a simple but warm dress from Armin and a pressed flower clip from Eren that if ingested, would induce mild paralysis.

They were all more or less used to living in the Alley now, though Eren still considered it as temporary lodging.

"I got it!" Armin spoke up one day while they all ate lunch together in their apartment, Eren feeding Mikelle in between his own bites.

"Hm?" Mikasa looked up from her soup and bread, tilting her head. "Got what?"

 "What would make Eren transform!" Armin answered excitedly, the person in question looking up from feeding the baby. "Eren, tell me again what you were thinking on that day. I'm pretty sure I have the answer, but another recount of the experience won't hurt."

"Uh, sure..." Eren blinked, placing the now empty baby bottle on the table. Picking up Mikelle, he laid her head on his shoulder and gently burped her. "I made a deep incision on my arm. As soon as blood spurted out, lightning hit me, and then...I guess I turned into the Titan."

"Right," Armin nodded, listening attentively. "But you were thinking you didn't want to hurt me, right?"

Eren nodded. "Yeah. It was the only thing I could focus on. No matter what I am, I don't want to hurt you, any of you."

Armin brightened at his words. "I think that's it. You remember when we used to read those old fairy tales in the banned books g-grandpa gave me?" His smile faltered for a moment when he thought of his old guardian. "Whenever the evil villains in the fairy tales wanted to summon something, they would use blood as a sacrifice."

"This isn't a fairy tale, it's my damned reality." Eren snapped, his arms tightening minutely around Mikelle. Why was Armin trying to make his horrible situation sound out like some dumb kid's bedtime story?

"No no, hear me out!" Armin quickly held up his hands. "The idea has merit, doesn't it? You cut yourself, spilled blood, and it 'summoned' your Titan form."

Mikasa hummed. "But he hurt himself before, remember? And there was no Titan."

"Yes," Armin nodded. "But he wasn't thinking of transforming. See, Eren said when he cut himself that day, he was thinking very hard about not hurting me. I think..." He licked his lips nervously. "I think you need to spill blood _and_ think of what you're going to do. Like an objective."

Eren furrowed his brow. "You mean...I should cut myself while thinking something like killing Titans?"

"S-Sure..." Armin laughed awkwardly. "That's the only plausible conclusion I've come to thus far, unless the time of day really does affect you. The only way to figure it out, however-"

"Is to experiment." Eren finished solemnly.

"Wait!" Mikasa desperately reached out and grabbed the both of them by their shirts. "But Eren will get hurt! What if it works but he loses control? We don't have the training or supplies to help him then."

Armin faltered. "I...I suppose the best thing to do is to run. Run until Eren is too exhausted to stay in that form. We, um, we still have that iron bamboo knife, right?" He saw Eren slowly nod. "We can use that to cut him out, or wait until his Titan form disappears. I...I think I remember Eren getting out by himself, though."

Blinking, Eren closed his eyes and thought back to that day. Even though his memories were hazy, he could somewhat understand what he meant. "Yeah...I remember being really hot and then cold. Did I...Did I get out by myself?"

Armin nodded. "We really won't know anything more unless we try this out."

Despite Mikasa's protests, Eren knew he was right. There really wasn't any way to figure this out unless he tried again, this time on purpose rather than on accident. "All right. Let's go." He decided, standing up from his chair and tightening Mikelle's wrap carrier on his front. "I'm going to drop off Mikelle at Madam Hiesel's and I'll go out to the forest later to try this out."

" _We'll_ go together." Mikasa immediately replied, scowling at him. "You're not leaving me behind, not again."

"Mikasa-" Eren began to argue, but when her eyes gained a certain glint that said she'd just follow anyway, he let out an annoyed sigh and rolled his eyes. "Do what you want, not like I can stop you..." He muttered. "I'll meet you guys at the entrance of the Alley. Pack weapons."

"Dress warm." Armin advised while looking out the window. "The snow only recently stopped."

Eren nodded, making sure to put on a coat before leaving the apartment. Stepping outside, he found that it wasn't that much colder than the apartment since they couldn't afford to constantly burn wood. The temperatures were bearable, however, and he trekked his way to the brothel while making sure his coat covered his front to protect the baby.

"Mmm..." Mikelle nuzzled into his chest to escape from the cold, and he smiled softly down at her.

"It's okay, Mikelle." He soothed, rubbing one hand on her small back. With one hand, he could end her life. She was so fragile and precious that he had to protect her. "You'll be warm soon. I'm sure Ana or one of the others will watch over you in the kitchen where it's warm and away from the customers."

Arriving at the brothel, he handed the baby over to an available sister, and paid Madam Hiesel a quick visit. Their lessons were few and far in between, but it was all about stretching. Girls had a different rhythm to their walk and run apparently, and held a different posture. He wasn't very good at them, but she assured him that when in doubt, he could just bat his eyes.

Eren didn't really understand except that men apparently really liked demure girls with pretty eyes. He was only doing this to help clean up the filth of Humanity and to prepare for military training. If it helped, it helped.

Meeting up with Armin and Mikasa at the entrance of the Alley, they quickly headed out of Trost and into Rose territory, making sure not to slip on the snow covered ground. Armin decided that the same clearing in the mountain forest from last time would suffice, and if anyone saw the strike of lightning, it could be passed off as an altitude thing.

"All right..." Armin breathed out, standing behind Mikasa who held their one and only iron bamboo knife in her hand, ready to act if need be. The two stood near the treeline, almost behind a thick trunk with snow piling nearby. "Eren, whenever you're ready! Remember, you have to think of what you're doing while you create a wound!"

"R-Right!" Eren nervously yelled back, several meters away in open space just in case. Holding the scalpel to his hand, he let out a shaky sigh and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. Don't be a coward. If he could handle this power, he could hunt Titans down with ease. Just keep a clear head.

'I want to think clearly as a Titan. I want to think clearly as a Titan. I want to think clearly as a Titan...' He chanted in his head. Snapping his eyes open, he brought the scalpel down on his arm, creating an incision that was small but deep enough to draw blood.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa covered her face as lightning emerged out of nowhere inside the clearing, its bright golden light blinding her and all the forest's inhabitants for a few moments. When the light died down, she slowly lowered her hands and gasped at the sight. "Is that...Eren?" She breathed out.

"Yeah..." Armin answered, awed.

In front of them was indeed a Titan, bending down on one knee. All the snow around him had melted into water, creating an almost perfect circle underneath him. There was no mistaking its- _his_ bulk and size. As Armin had said, this Titan was special in that he had perfect proportions.  The tips of his fingers reached mid-thigh, and his legs were long but shapely. Muscle covered every inch of his body, not an ounce of fat could be seen on it. He was naked and only had a smooth plane of muscle at his groin. On each hand and foot were short but sharp nails, perfect for gripping and tearing. 

A hiss of steam from his mouth attracted their attention, and Mikasa gasped again when she saw two large orbs of green blazing in his face. Eren stared down at them, his long and thick brown hair covering his head like a mop. His two ears poked out. They were much longer than a human's and ended in a point. It did nothing to distract from his impressive jaw though, and the fact that he had no lips showed off his perfect white teeth. Because there was no skin covering his teeth, he could open his jaw much further than a regular human could.

Perfect for biting.

Steam slowly left his slightly open jaw, and Eren did nothing but stare down at them. Ignoring her pounding heart, Mikasa took a steady step forward. "Eren?" She hesitantly called out.

"He has legs this time..." Armin observed, astonished. He had a sketchpad open and was quickly trying to draw their friend's new form. His hand was quickly staining black from the charcoal but he didn't notice. "Perfect proportions...Sharp nails that could probably grip and tear...Teeth that could bite down..." He murmured under his breath. "He's probably around 15 meters tall..."

"Eren?" Mikasa called out again, taking another step closer to the giant in front of her. Two bright emerald eyes swerved down to look at her, and the Titan began to move.

Or tried to anyway.

Each movement was jerky and uncoordinated, like a puppet with its strings crossed. Eren tried to lift up his hand, but could barely attempt it before slamming his hand back down on the ground. The ground vibrated underneath them, not enough to be a concern, but enough that they knew if he put more power into it, it could be destructive.

"Eren!" Armin called out from next to her. "Can you speak? Maybe a sign that you understand us?"

A gurgle emitted from the Titan's throat, low and almost like a growl. Eren tried working his jaw, and in the process showed off his long and sharp tongue. "Kgr...Rrgh..." He huffed, and jerkily shook his head.

Armin perked up at the clear intelligence behind his actions. "Okay, he's lucid this time, but I guess he can't speak. Maybe his vocal cords aren't made for it in this form?" He postulated with a hum. "He can't really move, but maybe that's due to inexperience...If he transformed again and again, he could gain more control-"

"Armin." Mikasa frowned disapprovingly. "Think of Eren right now, okay? He's..." She turned back to the Titan who tilted his head with a questioning grunt.

Until he transformed, Mikasa honestly didn't really believe Eren. She would never think of him as a monster, no matter what he did in their basement. He was just a little naive in the strangest way, thinking of the world in black and white. He was harmless to good people. But now, staring down the Titan form of her brother...

She thought he was magnificent.

He was big, and strong, a human who could control a Titan's body. Maybe if he had been capable of this in Shiganshina, Mrs. Jeager would be...

Mikasa shook her head. No, it wasn't good to think of what ifs now. The only thing that mattered to her was that Eren was alive and well, and Armin as well. Mr. Hannes too.

She wasn't an idiot, though. Eren having a power like this was remarkable, but it made him a target. If anyone found out about this, they would blab to the military and they would take him away. They would take him away from her. 

And she would never allow that.

A nauseating ripping sound caught her attention, and her eyes focused on the Titan which had suddenly stopped moving. Eren's Titan head was bent down, showing the nape of the neck where steam was emitting from it. "Eren!" She cried out, running out toward the Titan and dodging Armin's attempt to stop her.

"Wait, Mikasa!" Armin yelled after her, and she heard his footsteps follow after hers. 

Running closer to the Titan, Mikasa covered her face from the steam using her scarf, and held up her iron bamboo knife. "Eren?!"

More steam shot out from the nape and the flesh tore open, showing Eren's smaller human form emerge. He was entangled in several muscle strands, all of them latching onto him like a spider web trying to trap its prey. They were attached to his arms, his legs, his torso, his neck. Mikasa gasped in horror when she saw some were actually attached to his face, right above and below his eyes.

Jumping up and using the Titan body as a ledge, she covered her hands using the sleeves of her coat and was about to cut him out, but she hesitated. What if...What if she hurt him? She didn't know what he could feel in this form. What if he could feel pain? What if this _killed_ him?

She couldn't risk that...

So embroiled in her hesitation that she almost missed his desperate gasp. "Eren!" She called out worriedly.

 

* * *

 

Hot. So hot.

He gasped for breath inside his flesh prison. He couldn't move no matter how hard he tried. It was like his arms and legs were suspended with tight flat ropes, disabling his movements. Blinking, he saw dark red, but he blinked again, and saw his two friends, so small and full of fear of him-

No, fear _for_ him. Fear and awe. 

" _Eren!_ " His ears perked up- and what a strange sensation that was, feeling his ears physically wiggle- at the sound of Armin's voice. He could barely hear him as if he was underwater, but he could understand just enough. " _Can you speak? Maybe a sign that you understand us?_ "

He opened his mouth, but his vocal cords wouldn't work. A growl emanated from. All around him? Inside him? Somewhere from him. No, he couldn't speak, but at least he could think clearly.

'I'm...a Titan right now?' He wondered in his mind, and tried to look down at himself. He was naked and well-built like an adult man's, and his skin was the same leathery tan like a Titan's. From his friends' small forms, he was much, _much_ bigger than them right now.

It was exhilarating, but also horrifying. Was this what Titans saw? Small fleshy beings that could be crushed under their feet? If he moved wrong, he could injure one of them, or _worse_.

He blinked, his view of the outside focusing on Mikasa who had a conflicted frown on her face. What was wrong? Was she afraid of him? He wouldn't blame her. He was a monster now. 

He blinked again, but it was so hard...It was getting hard to breathe in here, and his whole body felt heavy with exhaustion. He had to. Get out. Get out get out get out.

'OUT!' He screamed in his mind.

The flesh underneath him moved, and he moved with them, moving up up up until the familiar sound of flesh ripping apart rang in his ears and he could gasp his first breath of fresh winter air.

"Hah...Hrgh..." He choked on his own saliva and pulled _back_. More flesh ripped, ripped away from his arms, his neck, his face. 

Finally, his vision turned back to normal. No longer was he seeing the dark steaming red of his insides and the clear crisp colors of the outside. He wasn't hearing the squelching of his flesh and the sharp wind of the forest. 

He was Eren again.

"-ren?! Eren!"

Someone was screaming his name.

Slowly opening his eyes, he squinted past the steam and saw Mikasa, her eyes wide open with fear and distress. "Eren?! Can you hear me?!" She cried out. "Are you okay?!"

"Mm..." He tried to answer her but he was just. So tired...

Blond entered his vision as well. "He must be exhausted..." Armin's familiar voice entered his cotton filled ears. "We should...back to..."

Eren let out a small groan. He was so sleepy just from what, ten minutes..?

He needed to get stronger.

 

 

* * *

**March 12th**

 

It took months of sporadic transforming to finally get a grip on his Titan form. They didn't have time to test it often, maybe once a week if they were lucky. When Eren finally got himself fully under control, Armin immediately gave him a set of tasks to do, like raise his right hand, his left, his right foot, etc. A lot of motor control exercises to test out his reflexes. During an early spring storm, they took advantage of the thunder and lightning to test out his strength.

They found out that if Eren really put his power into his arms and legs, he could charge through several thick trees, wrenching them clear out of the ground.

The clearing they tested in became a bit larger, and they had more wood to burn for food, heat, and baths. Now that it was getting warmer, however, they couldn't do this often. The military usually lulled in activity during the winter except for the Survey Corps, and the warmer weather meant more patrols. More patrols meant a larger chance of their activities being discovered, and they couldn't chance that. Plus, they had jobs to attend to, like Mikasa cleaning up the Alley, Armin's bookkeeping, and Eren making medicine.

They all spent as much time as they could with Mikelle, but she was mostly taken care of by either Armin or Eren. Mikasa was on the move too much, and in the chilly temperatures of winter, it wasn't ideal to take a baby along. Armin took care of her the most often since all he did was sit around to count money. Sometimes, it wasn't safe for a baby to be with Eren since the fumes and scents from his herbs could damage her lungs. 

Luckily though, these days he was making more medicine than poisons, mostly because of Mr. Levi.

Eren smiled down at the latest batch of pain relieving creams and his new painkiller pills. It was always easier to make creams than pills due to his ingredients being crushed into a pulpy mess, but on more than one occasion, Mr. Levi had mentioned that it was easier to carry small and dry supplies. 

He did actually meet the man outside of the Trost military base bi-weekly to exchange goods. Sometimes the soldier would be in a hurry, and would barely spare a word before speeding off on his horse. On days like that, he would need more medicine than usual, and Eren tried to provide enough.

Most of the time, they would have little chats. They would usually go something like this:

"So, doing all right?" Levi inquired. "You got enough food?"

"Mhm." Eren answered vaguely. "Can you train me?"

"Maybe in ten years when you're no longer a toddler."

"Wha- Hey!"

One time, Mr. Levi had told him that most of the medicine he buys isn't actually for him, but for his comrades. A lot of them didn't make it back, but when they did, there were a lot that were injured. He didn't say any more, but Eren could connect the dots himself, and his respect for his buyer went up several notches. Mr. Levi didn't need most of the medicine he was buying, meaning he was skilled enough to finish expeditions _unscathed_. 

Eren wondered if maybe one day, he would be as skilled as him.

Until then though, he would continue to help support Mr. Levi and the Survey Corps in his own small way.

Running down the main boulevard of Trost, Eren panted when he finally made it to the base. His stamina was getting better, but he was in a hurry today and had no time to take a breather. 

Looking around the main entrance of the military headquarters, he perked up when he saw the familiar short stature of his- buyer? Acquaintance? Friend? "Mr. Levi!" He called out with a grin. The older man looked up from his slouch against the wall, and gave him a small wave. Not needing another signal, Eren rushed up to him and held out a cloth bag, full of creams and pills. "Here. I made some extra like you asked, and I actually changed the liquid painkiller into a pill form since you said they were easier to carry."

"Oh?" Levi raised a brow, impressed. "Not bad, brat. Sorry if it's inconvenient."

Eren smiled bashfully and held his hands behind his back. "It's no problem. I'm glad to help."

Levi huffed and handed over a small bag of coins. "So you always say, but me asking for this much medicine must be a strain on you and your family." He casually remarked, eyes narrowing when he saw the young boy stiffen. "Maybe I should be asking your father instead. Where is he?"

"Um..." Eren withheld a curse. What could he say? If he said his parents were gone, then Mr. Levi would probably prod him for information. Then he'd find out what sort of side business they were doing in the Alley, the illegal one. 

Wait-

"He's, um, off on patrol." Eren fibbed with a shrug. Mr. Hannes did say he thought of them as his own kids. 

Levi narrowed his eyes. "...I thought you said your father was a doctor." 

Eren froze. Shit. Um. "He-He thought of himself as one! All he did was do some bandaging for people. I make the real medicine." He quickly lied. A bead of sweat rolled down from his forehead, and he subtly swallowed. Don't show weakness. 

"And where did you learn how to make medicine?" Levi asked, crossing his arms. "I never did ask, did I."

"M-My...mom?" Eren weakly replied.

"And can I meet her?"

Eren felt his mood plummet. "...No." He whispered, head bowed to hide the anguish that was surely on his face. "She's...She's gone now. At Shiganshina."

Levi stilled. "Oh..." He murmured. "I didn't know."

Eren shook his head. "It...It's fine, I wouldn't expect you to know. So, um, yeah." He muttered wearily. He heard a deep sigh and dared to peek up at the older man through his long bangs. Levi held a deeply exhausted expression on his face, his shoulders slumped for once.

"You know..." Levi began quietly. "Sometimes, I wish we hadn't come back so soon on that day. If we came back later, one of us could've killed the Colossal, or stopped the Armored. At least the casualties wouldn't have been so high...Your mom might've made it."

Eren wished that, too. He wished with all his heart to turn back time, to take his mother out of their house so she wouldn't have gotten crushed.

"But there's no point in regretting the past." Levi continued, kneeling down slightly to place a hand on top of Eren's head. Eren blinked at the contact and looked up at him inquisitively. "No one can change the past. What's done is done. What we can do now, however, is do our best, to choose the choice with the least regrets." He explained with a softer disposition. "That way, no matter the outcome, you'll know you did what you could."

Eren's eyes widened. 

To choose the choice...with the least regrets..?

"Yeah..." Eren breathed out, a smile slowly spreading on his face. "Yeah, I understand." He could never regret becoming friends with Armin. Never regret saving Mikasa and bringing her into his family. Could never regret finally accepting his role as a doctor. His role as the monster that killed monsters.

No regrets.

Eren nodded to himself and pumped his fist. "Right!"

Levi raised a brow. "Huh? What's gotten into you? You need to take a dump or something?"

"Nope!" Eren grinned up at him enthusiastically. "I just know I've made some choices that I'll never regret! You're really cool, Mr. Levi. Thank you!" Without warning, he surged forward and embraced the man for all of one second before stepping back. "I've gotta go now, I'll see you in two weeks!" With a bright grin, Eren rushed back to the Alley.

That lecture Mr. Levi had given him was one of the most, if not the most important thing he had ever heard. To live with no regrets. 

He would try to abide by that.

 

* * *

 

He watched from a nearby rooftop as the young doctor entered a certain infamous Alley, and he frowned. "He lives _here_..?" Levi muttered, face pinched in worry.

Eren had worried him earlier. When Levi mentioned his parents, his ears suddenly became red, and all of a sudden he started spitting out lies. It was likely the brat was an orphan. It wouldn't be surprising, there were a lot of orphans now after Shiganshina.

But when the brat had suddenly smiled at him earlier, Levi felt his breath hitch. The sheer brightness of his smile reminded him of the sun, warm and inviting. It had been a long time since he had seen a smile like that. 

Too long.

More people needed to smile like him. It made the young boy look so naive and idiotic, but honestly, the world needed more people like that. Bright and full of hope. It was people like him that enforced Levi's reason to kill as many Titans as possible.

It was his smile that Levi wanted to protect.

But to think a brat like that would be living here of all places. Levi had been here once or twice to keep some of his contacts in the Aboveground, but those few visits already told him all he needed to know. This Alley was a den of sin. Sex, alcohol, gangs, and illegal drugs.

No place for a child to live.

Glancing up at the sky and estimating the time, Levi reluctantly launched his hooks from his ODM gear and sped back to HQ. Next time, he'll confront the brat and make sure he was safe.

 

 

* * *

**March 29th**

 

 

Eren hummed, crushing some peppermint leaves in his mortar and pestle. He had another order for herbal inhalants, and with spring in full bloom, people with allergies were asking for cures. He just recommended red wine, if they could find some at a good price.

If they really paid, he was willing to extract bromelain from onions, but it was time consuming to isolate it-

He blinked. How did he know that? What was bromelain? "An antihistamine..." He answered himself, shaking his head right after.

Sometimes, he would know something he shouldn't. Things he had never learned before would pop up in his head, things that no one else had learned or discovered yet. It was like back when his father used to do house calls and said a woman had tuberculosis. Except no one had ever heard of tuberculosis, they just called it Cold Breath.

Even now, his father was still missing. Disappeared without a trace, except for his glasses, the basement key, and the syringe. He had taken to wearing the basement key on his person now as a necklace, maybe as a sign that his father still had high hopes for him. Why else would he give him the basement key if he didn't want him to open it?

He would have to somehow get to Shiganshina first, though, so he can-

_'Eat her...'_

Flinching, Eren held his head. "Shut up..." He hissed, clenching one eye shut as the left side of his head throbbed in pain. That damn voice still told him to "eat her." By her, he assumed the blonde Titan with that demonic smile. There was no doubt in his mind he was going to kill her. Would he eat her though? As a Titan, he could-

His eyes widened and he froze. The sounds outside faded away, until all he could hear was a high pitched silence.

Eat.

Her?

Him?

Did he.

Eat him?

_His father?_

Stumbling back from his worktable, his back hit the wall and he slid down to the floor, grasping his head with his hands. His breath shortened into gasps, the sound echoing in the small lab. "Did I..." Eren trembled, tears spilling down his face at the thought. He was a Titan now, or at the very least was able to transform into one. He only got this power recently. After he met his father and he disappeared after. A man had carried him back, a man that wasn't his father.

His father who left behind a syringe of evaporating human spinal fluid, the key to the basement that Eren was never allowed in, and the glasses that he never took off.

Was...Was his father missing because...there was no body to be found?

"Hah...haha..." Eren shakily breathed, mouth spread in a twisted smile. Was that what happened? Why a voice was now in his head telling him to eat her? Why he was suddenly turned into a monster? Why, out of nowhere, he would sometimes know information that no one else knew of?

A small chuckle escaped him, one that escalated into an empty laugh. "I...really am a monster..." Eren grinned before he choked out a sob. "Dad..."

He cried into his arms and huddled into himself. He didn't know how long he sat there for, numb to everything except his own mind. It played fake memories, of his large Titan form reaching for his father to devour him. His father, so helpless and _human_ , unable to fight against the monster that was his son. The crunch of bones and the gush of blood in his lipless mouth.

His mother and now his father...

A knock drew his attention. Sniffling, Eren wiped his face with a sleeve and shakily stood up. Someone was knocking on his front door.

"Eren?!" Luke's voice echoed from behind the door. "You there?! Um, there's a problem!"

He really wasn't in the mood to deal with any filth today. "What." Eren barked out roughly.

"There's...There's someone here to see you!" Luke answered nervously. "I really think you should open the door!"

"Tell them to go away!" Eren snapped, fingering the knife he hid in his sleeve. Whoever it was, he didn't want to deal with them. He wanted...He wanted some peace and quiet, to gather himself so he can be stronger. As Mr. Levi told him, there was no way to change the past, but he just wanted one damn moment to himself for once so he can mourn!-

"Brat." A familiar low voice called out to him from behind the door, and Eren froze. "Open the door."

Slowly turning to the front door, Eren hesitantly undid all the locks and cracked it open. "Mr. Levi..?" He breathed out.

It really was Mr. Levi. He was clothed in the full uniform of the Survey Corps, cloak and everything. The usually stoic and strong older man stood slightly hunched over, with one hand on the wall to support him.

What really stood out, however, were the numerous blood stains on him, his dented ODM gear, and the nasty gash on his abdomen. Something had cut through his shirt and into his stomach, too shallow to have hit any of his major organs, but deep enough that blood oozed freely from the shoddily wrapped bandages.

"You gonna let me in or not?" Levi rasped out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won't be updating until after Dec. 26 due to essays and finals, but oof I've been taking so long to write anyway ;w; sorry, I hope you enjoyed this very long chapter as an apology from me
> 
> Comments are loved and appreciated <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALIVEEEEE! Finals didn't kill me though they tried real hard. Thank you to you all for the well wishes, you guys are so nice ;A; <3 I wanted to get this chapter out sooner but a nearby power surge has been screwing up my electricity so I've been afraid to type anything in case all of a sudden I lose power and then I lose all progress.
> 
> Why do I always update at weird hours oof.

The tension was suffocating, but the silence even more so.

Eren didn't say anything, and neither did Levi.

Luke looked back and forth between them and did what anyone would do in his position: He slowly back away and left down the stairs with cold sweat pouring down his hairline, leaving them alone. 

Eren gazed up at his unexpected guest and his jaw tightened minutely before he cracked the door wider and gestured for him to come in.

Giving him a small nod of gratitude, Levi walked inside. Even though he was injured, he straightened his back, and his steps were smooth if one didn't mention the underlying tension he held throughout his entire body. His eyes, tired but aware, glanced around the sparse apartment, noting the mismatching furniture, the various plants growing around in corners and shelves, and the two doors that he suspected led to the bedrooms.

"Nice place," Levi remarked offhandedly.

Closing the door and redoing all the locks, Eren glanced back at him before shifting his gaze to the floor, feeling apprehensive of his visit. "...Thank you," He mumbled. "Um. Take a seat wherever and lean back to avoid aggravating the wound. I'll go get the kit." Without looking at the man, he sped past to his lab and gingerly closed the door behind him.

When Eren felt the door close properly, he slid down to the floor and took quick breaths, trying to withhold his panic.

How did Mr. Levi know where he lived?! He had made sure to be careful. He always traveled by alleyways so that no one could track him back here, and yet the man that was now sitting in his tiny kitchen area was proof he hadn't been careful enough. Clearly he hadn't been careful enough.

It was so _stupid_ of him to underestimate a Survey Corps soldier. 

Eren clenched his hands in his trousers, trying to wipe away the sweat that gathered on his palms.

What would Mr. Levi say? Would he ask why a kid like him was living in the Alley? Would he report him? Get him kicked out? Have him reassigned to the landfills like the majority of Marian refugees? Armin hadn't been able to get official Trost residency rights for them, so they were still considered Shiganshina residents.

If...If he was kicked out, he would lose his apartment, all the medical equipment and resources he was able to scavenge from the ground up, and the protection that living in the Alley afforded him.

He would have to work like cattle every day to feed the ignorant pigs inside the Interior. 

Oh Goddesses, what was he supposed to tell Mikasa and Armin? Mr. Levi had found this place all because he couldn't help but reach out to the soldier who was quickly becoming his idol, and now was most likely gonna be their reason for being in trouble-

"Any day now, brat." Levi's voice rang out from behind the door, full of sarcasm and slightly strained. "It's not like I'm bleeding out or anything, take your time."

Eren quickly clasped his hands over his mouth, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment and shame. "U-Um," He cleared his voice awkwardly. "Sorry! One second!" 

Think about the consequences later. Right now, he had a patient who needed urgent care and instead of actually caring for him, he was sat inside his lab like a coward.

Standing up from his crouch, Eren slapped his cheeks awake and rushed around to gather what he needed, pointedly ignoring the spot where his tears from earlier had stained the floor.

Picking up his medical bag, he took a deep breath and left the lab.

Levi was sat on one of the dining chairs since there was nowhere else to sit. His ODM gear had been removed and were placed next to his feet, and he had taken off his forest green Survey Corps cloak as well, having folded it into a neat square of fabric.

As Eren had instructed him to do, Levi had leaned back in his seat with his legs stretched out to avoid aggravating the large gash he had on his abdomen. His clothes also showed signs of a fast-paced journey, with the entire front of his shirt ruined with blood and dirt. 

The older man's thin brows were furrowed slightly deeper than usual, and his eyes continued to dart around to observe his surroundings, especially at the sheer multitude of plants that took up more than half the apartment. Eren noted absentmindedly that the man's jaw occasionally tightened, likely from pain.

His footsteps caught the soldier's attention and Levi slid his gaze to him. "About time. I thought you were taking a dump with how long you were in there."

Eren looked down, embarrassed. "Sorry..." He replied meekly. "Um, can you take off your shirt? I need access to the wound." Putting down his bag on the table, he glanced at the shoddily wrapped bandages. "Also, who wrapped that?" He asked, nose scrunching up with a judgmental frown.

Deft fingers made quick work on the buttons, or rather the remaining ones that held his shirt together on his frame. " _I_ did," Levi answered with a roll of his eyes. "Sorry it doesn't live up to your high standards, _doctor_ , but I had to be quick."

Cheeks puffing up at the dig, Eren tied his apron on and slid his gloves over his hands. "How did you get this wound?" He asked curiously. "Judging by the blood seeping out, it's not a clean cut."

Levi sighed, shrugging off his shirt with a barely noticeable twitch of pain. "We went out on an expedition through Calaneth. We were establishing a supply base when some Titans showed up. A new recruit flew too close to a Titan, and I was close enough, so I pushed him out of the way, but that only replaced him with me in that situation."

Eren, captivated by the soldier's recounts, gasped and leaned in closer. "You got caught?" He breathed out in awe and horror. "How'd you get away?"

Levi gave him an unimpressed frown and gestured to his bandages. With a sheepish blush, Eren resumed readying his medical instruments. "...I said I flew _toward_ a Titan's hand, not into its grasp," Levi stated. "I twisted myself mid-air with a burst of gas, but it had long fingernails that were sharp as hell. As a result..." He looked down at his wound and sighed. "I got clipped. Rookie mistake."

Awed but full of worry, Eren gingerly peeled the gauze away while constantly glancing up at his patient's face for any sign of discomfort. The blood had soaked enough into the first layer to adhere itself into the laceration. That had to be surgically removed. "...You're amazing, Mr. Levi," He whispered. "I didn't think you could even _be_ injured."

Levi raised a brow. "Why would you think that? Of course I can be injured."

"I just..." Eren looked away. "I've never seen you hurt, that's all. You always seem so invincible and strong."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm human too," Levi said dryly.

But I'm not, Eren thought to himself with a twinge of guilt.

He concentrated on his work, picking up a pair of scissors. Snipping away the rest of the gauze, he cleared the wound of any obstacles and used an old but clean rag to apply pressure. Levi grunted above him but let him continue. It took a few minutes, but eventually the bleeding stopped enough that Eren felt it was safe to continue.

Placing the soaked rag down, Eren replaced it for tweezers. Picking up a ball of cotton, he uncorked a bottle of disinfectant alcohol and dipped a generous amount on it. "I would rather use soap and water, but because you got this from a _filthy_ Titan," Eren almost spat out the word. "I can't be sure what kind of debris might've seeped into the wound. I'm sorry, but this will hurt."

Levi tensed himself appropriately, and Eren actually had to take a second to admire the man's solid musculature.

His muscles were well defined, and his abdomen didn't have an inch of fat anywhere, showing off his obliques and abdominis. There were little scars and nicks that covered the expanse of his skin, some that Eren recognized as knife wounds and wire cuts.

What really fascinated him, however, were the imprints.

They lined the top of his chest and shoulders in uniform marks, and Eren assumed they extended to his back and his thighs. A perfect copy of where his ODM straps had embedded into his skin from daily wear.

He wondered if he would have those marks as well one day.

Focusing on the wound, Eren cleaned the cut as quickly as he could while being as thorough as possible, from the edge of the skin to the subcutaneous layer. It still bled but from what he could see, it only just scratched the top of his abdominis muscles, which meant there was a very low probability of internal organ rupture.

His ears picked up the sharp hiss that left his patient, and he tried to pick up the pace. "Tell me stuff," He suggested. "It'll distract you from the pain."

"Cheeky brat," Levi muttered through clenched teeth. "What do you want to hear, then?"

"Um..." Eren rummaged through his head, and then an extremely important question popped into his mind. "How did you know how to find me here? I never told you where I live..."

The soldier let out a breath. "...I followed you last time."

"I didn't see you-"

"I took the rooftops. ODM gear, remember?"

Eren mentally cursed himself. "Oh. Right. Um...You said the expedition went through Calaneth, right?" His brow furrowed, confused. "Why did you come all the way _here_ to get treated? Doesn't every military headquarters have their own medical wing?" Not that they were any good from the one he saw.

Levi only regarded him with a heavy gaze. 

Frowning, Eren sighed and put down the tweezers and threw the blood soaked cotton ball into the medical trash bin, meant to be incinerated later. He then arranged some of the other chairs to create a makeshift cot and coaxed his patient to lay down flat. 

Levi narrowed his eyes but did as he was asked, wincing when the movement pulled at the edges of his wound.

Unscrewing a jar of anesthetic salve, Eren slathered a generous amount on the surrounding skin and picked up his needle and thread. "Don't tense too much," Eren warned. "I don't want to make these stitches too tight."

Levi nodded and watched attentively, eyes trained on the needle as it entered his skin in one smooth prick and out on the other side of the laceration. In and out, in and out. The needle weaved through his skin as if the young doctor was mending a torn garment and not a human body. It was done quickly but proficiently, leaving a uniform line of dark stitches on his otherwise pale abdomen. He didn't feel any pain either, only the odd sensation of something inserting itself inside the top layer of his skin and then out, over and over again.

A ten year old just sutured him better than any other doctor he'd seen.

"...Because I had to see for myself," Levi finally spoke up.

Eren lifted his head with a clueless blink of his eyes. "Huh?"

"You asked me why I came all the way south to Trost when I could've sought treatment in Calaneth," Levi clarified, disbelief ebbing away. "It's because I wanted to see if you really are speaking the truth when you say you're a doctor. I can't doubt you when I just witnessed you sewing me up." He suddenly frowned. "...Listen, I don't normally bother with kids-"

"I'm not a kid!" Eren cut him off angrily, snipping off the end of the thread with more force than necessary. "I'm almost old enough for enlistment!"

"Regardless," Levi continued with a glare, and with a grumble, Eren continued suturing up the gash. "I'm worried, okay? Don't think I can't tell a street kid from a regular kid. The fact that you're even treating me right now shows you're not what you seem."

Biting his lower lip, Eren forced himself to stay quiet and continued administering treatment.

"You're clearly more than capable of doing the job yourself, and no kid has your kind of expertise without being in a situation that requires it." Levi let out another grunt through clenched teeth at the chilling sensation of antibiotic cream on his inflamed stitches. "I'm curious, that's for damn sure, but I'm not gonna blame you if you don't answer. Just..." He hesitated.

Turning his head, Levi locked gazes with his doctor. "Just know if you need anything, you can ask me."

Stunned, Eren dropped a roll of gauze. "Mr. Levi..." He breathed out. "Why would you..?"

"The least I can do is hear you out." The older man's expression softened and Eren's eyes widened. "...You've saved more lives than you realize, you know. I don't buy your medicine for myself, but for my comrades. I've heard from Erwin that our mortality rate has actually decreased a little, just because we now have some extra supplies. Some soldiers were able to make it home alive. All thanks to you."

Breath caught in his throat, Eren found that he couldn't look away. Here was a hardened soldier, skilled and experienced in ways that he wasn't, and he was _thanking_ him. For selling him some homemade medicine. He had been indirectly responsible for saving some lives out on the front line against the Titans.

His medicine had helped people.

 _He_ had helped people.

His vision blurred and he lifted a hand to wipe his eyes, but stopped when he remembered he was still wearing gloves and they weren't sanitary anymore. "I..." Eren began, breath hitching from the overwhelming feeling in his chest. It felt warm and light, threatening to overflow with his tears. "I...I didn't do much," He mumbled bashfully. "It was you who wanted to buy them..."

Levi snorted and with little difficulty, sat up from laying down. "True, but it was _you_ who came to _us_ that day, offering your medicine without wanting any money. Either way, a couple soldiers still have their lives."

Sniffling his tears back, Eren gave him a watery smile. "I'm-I'm glad I could help, then. I'd do _anything_ to help you guys." His eyes brightened. "Hey, when I join the Survey Corps, can I be on the same squad as you?"

Levi lifted a brow, amused. "Let's see if you even make it through training first, brat." He poked Eren in his stomach, eyes darkening for a split second when he was met not with a squish like he expected from a growing child, but lean muscle and sharp bone. "We'll talk about team placements when you've graduated."

Noticing the young doctor's pout, the soldier huffed. "...Tell you what. If you make it in the top ten and you're still sure about joining the Corps, I'll personally ask you for my squad."

Eren gasped in excitement. "Really?! You promise?!" 

Levi nodded indulgently, silently pleased about his sunny countenance. "Only if you make it in the top ten, though. I only take the best."

Eren grinned. "As expected of Mr. Levi." Changing his gloves for a pair of clean ones, he carefully bandaged the older man, spinning the gauze around his torso and ending it in a tight knot. "Any discomfort? Pain?"

Patting his wrapped stomach, Levi shook his head. "It's fine."

Smiling brightly, Eren started cleaning up, first by throwing away all the disposable waste, then he took off his gloves to be washed in vinegar and hot water. All medical tools that were used were put aside to be sterilized, and finally, he wiped the table clean with disinfectant, leaving the kitchen area with a sterile smell.

Levi watched all this with a thoughtful hum. "You really do take care of everything like a professional," He remarked. " So, your parents..."

"...They're gone. Both of them," Eren divulged quietly. Whether or not his father was really dead was up for debate, but...there was no point wondering about it. With him having disappeared without a trace, he was no different than being gone. 

His mother, eaten and killed by a Titan. His father, gone and most likely eaten by a Titan as well. _His_ Titan.

It always came back to Titans.

"And you're okay with living here?" Levi asked quietly. "Surrounded by bars, brothels, and who knows what else?"

Biting his lower lip, Eren shrugged halfheartedly while he busied himself around the small kitchen. "It's better than being at the landfills. At least here, I can keep being a doctor. We don't have Grandpa Arlert here anymore, but we make do, you know?"

"'Grandpa Arlert'?" Levi's brow furrowed. "You have an adult with you? I thought your family name is Jaeger."

Striking flint with a knife, Eren started a fire underneath the stove. The sticks burned well, promising to spread the fire to the larger logs of wood. "Jaeger is my family name, yeah. Grandpa Arlert is-... _was_ , Armin's grandpa. Grandpa Arlert, Armin, Mikasa, and I all came from Shiganshina together, and we stick together."

Levi tensed in his seat. "And you're _all_ kids? Living _here_?"

Puffing up his cheeks, Eren turned to glare at him. "I'm almost eleven years old!"

The soldier rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Kids. All three of you live here by yourselves? Where is this Grandpa Arlert?"

Eren quieted and turned back to the stove, placing an old kettle on top. "...He was culled," He whispered, clenching his fists at his sides. "That stupid announcement back in the fall...They-The government called for refugees to go back out into Maria to take back our land, but Armin-" His mouth twisted into a loathing frown. "Armin said they were only doing this to get rid of the extra mouths to feed. Because there isn't enough food for everyone, even before-" His lips wobbled for a moment. "Before the breach. We're young enough that we avoided the draft, but Grandpa Arlert..."

Levi closed his eyes. "...I see," He whispered. "Sorry for asking."

Eren halfheartedly shrugged.

A silence fell over the small apartment, only broken by the whistle from the kettle. Using a small step stool, he took out two cups and carefully prepared tea. He kept one cup for himself and handed the other to his patient.

Accepting the cup, Levi held it by the rim and took a whiff. "What is this?" He inquired. It wasn't the black tea he was used to, but he wasn't adverse to it.

"Chamomile, ginger, and peppermint blend with green tea," Eren explained, taking a seat next to him on a spare chair. "It'll help fight off infection and it'll boost your immune system to work harder against bacterial growth. I'll also give you an antibiotic cream which you should use twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening, maybe more often if you perspire. The best thing to do is to not stress the wound and to keep it dry."

Levi slid his gaze to him. "...Immune...system?" He carefully repeated the unknown term. " Bacterial growth? Antibiotic?"

"Uh-" Eren stuttered, eyes wide. Right. No one really knew what an immune system was, did they. He just...knew. More knowledge that didn't exist, that no one else had discovered yet. And yet he _knew_. "It's...your body's defense, basically." He explained lamely, keeping his eyes trained on the tea in his hands. "Bacteria creates infection. Antibiotics help fight against infection."

Narrowing his eyes at the halfhearted explanation, Levi turned back to his tea and gave it an experimental sip. A somewhat bitter aroma that blended with a sweet floral and minty hint, ending with a slightly spicy kick. "...Not bad," He murmured appreciatively. 

Finishing his tea, Eren glanced over at his companion and finally realized his shirt was beyond ruined. "Uh, do you need clothes? I can get you a clean shirt," He offered.

Levi nodded his thanks.

Eren stood up, leaving the apartment after promising he'll be back in a quick minute. Running down the Alley, he made a quick trip to the brothel and "borrowed" a spare men's shirt from the clean laundry pile. They kept male clothing here just in case some of their customers needed a change after a wild night. Picking one that should fit the vertically challenged man, Eren dashed back to the apartment, not noticing a pair of dark gray eyes follow his trail down the cramped street.

"Here, I hope it fits," Eren announced after opening the door, making sure to close it afterward. Handing the garment over to the man, Eren busied himself with watering his various plants. "I made sure it was clean and soft to avoid aggravating your healing skin."

Levi gave him a thankful nod and checked the shirt. It was a simple gray long sleeved shirt with no buttons, but it was clean and serviceable, which was all he cared about. "Eren," He spoke up, gaining the attention of the young doctor. "Did you hear about the results of the government culling?"

Eren paused. "No..." He answered, wary of what he might say. "Results?" 

The soldier leaned back in his chair, shirt still in his hands, and took a deep breath. "...You know it's been four months since. No one outside the military was told what the results were. Only a thousand came back." 

He stared up at the man, heart pounding in his chest. "...How many?" He whispered, inching closer in apprehension.

Levi met his gaze, eyes muted and distant. "Around 250,000 people."

Eren dropped the watering can. It made a hollow clang when it met the hard wood floors.

His eyes were wide and unseeing. 250,000 people..?

250,000 people. 250,000 people. **250,000 people**.

He couldn't even count that high.

How many men, women, and children who were just a little too old to dodge the draft? How many healthy, spry, and sick? How many innocent men who just wanted their livelihoods back, innocent women who wanted their families safe, and kids who hadn't really lived yet? How was it possible that their government could just...throw people out like yesterday's trash, straight into the mouths of Titans? They had basically served their meals up on a silver platter.

Grandpa Arlert...

If his mother had lived, would she have been forced to go as well? 

The first tear went unnoticed, but by the fourth, Eren realized he was crying. Hot tears streamed down his face and the droplets stained the hard wood floor. He hiccuped and tried to wipe them away, but they just kept flowing out. He didn't want to cry, but he just couldn't help it. Horror transformed to grief, and finally. Anger. He was _so angry_. 

They were all just cattle sent to die.

Before he knew it, two arms wrapped themselves around him and pulled him into a firm chest. Trying to stifle his sobs, Eren buried his face into the soldier's neck and his smaller hands grasped around his shoulders. "It's...It's not fair!" He bawled. "Why? Why are we trapped like this? What did we do to deserve to live like this?!"

Levi had no answers for him, but he lifted a hand to pat the young doctor on the head. "You've been crying a lot recently, haven't you," He murmured.

Eren sniffled and only hung on tighter. He hated crying, but he had so many reasons to cry. He lost his home, he lost his mother, he lost Grandpa Arlert, he lost his father. He lost his humanity. His father made him different, molded him into a doctor and then a monster. Gave him instructions. He had to get back to the basement. He had to eat her. He had to find answers.

He had to be free.

He wanted so _desperately_ to be free. Free from senseless death, free from the Walls, free from the Titans. 

He heard Levi let out a sigh a few minutes later, and he slowly realized he had just cried all over his patient. Reluctantly pulling back, Eren wiped away his tears. "Sorry..." He mumbled. "For crying so much..."

"There's no shame in crying," Levi countered calmly. "But crying won't solve anything."

Eren nodded mutely. "I know." He took a deep shuddering breath. "...Thanks. For telling me, I mean. I doubt that I would've found out otherwise."

Levi nodded, and Eren couldn't help but appreciate the man even more. Strong, sharp, but kind. Even though he called him brat all the time, he didn't treat Eren as a kid. He told him the truth without softening the blow. He was strong and would do anything for his comrades. Even if that meant he would get injured in the process. 

He even offered comfort to a monster like Eren.

Sniffling, Eren reached out and gave the man a hug- a proper hug- and tried to convey his gratitude. Mr. Levi meant a lot to him now. He hoped he could one day repay him.

Levi let out a small noise of surprise but didn't push him away. Eren lifted his head and beamed up at him, eyes still a little watery. "Thanks, Mr. Levi."

Softening, the man gave him a quirk of his lips.

Behind them, the locks on the front door rattled as they were unlocked and a second later the door began to creak open, showing a head of black hair. "Eren? I saw you run home earlier. I know you don't want to celebrate your birthday tomorrow, but I caught a goose-" Mikasa stopped, dead goose in hand, and her blank eyes trained on the unknown man's exposed back in their apartment.

Eren peeked out over Levi's shoulder. "Oh, Mikasa," He greeted as normally as he could. "I told you it's fine. I don't need anything, but I guess we shouldn't let the goose go to waste-" He paused when he realized his sister hadn't moved an inch. "Mikasa?"

Mikasa didn't reply, and she didn't blink either. There was a man in their apartment. A man she didn't know. A man who was halfway undressed.

A man who had Eren in his arms.

Eren, whose eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Ergo, this man must have made Eren _cry_.

Mikasa's blank gaze transformed into a dark glare and she let out a growl. "Let Eren go!" She shouted, dropping the goose on the floor and running forward with her wrist knife flicked out. 

Feeling a generous amount of killing intent directed straight at him, Levi turned around with a frown. "The hell is your problem?"

He didn't receive a verbal answer, but he was quick to push Eren away as the knife came closer to his face.

Snatching the young girl's wrist, Levi narrowed his eyes when he found he had to use more strength than he expected to stop her. Yanking her forward, he pushed her to the floor and held her down on her stomach with her hands behind her back, making her drop the knife. "Hey, you shouldn't go around attacking people."

"Wha-?!" Eren gaped, quickly getting back on his feet. "Mikasa! Stop!"

Mikasa struggled to escape under the steel grip but to no avail. "Let go! You hurt Eren, didn't you?!" She yelled, turning her head enough to glare up at the man. "Molester! Rapist!"

Levi lifted a brow, confused and a tad incredulous. "What?"

"Huh?!" Eren yelped. " _Rapist?!_ "

"Eren has been crying. You made him cry, didn't you, you shirtless midget." Mikasa bared her teeth, trying to jerk her hands free. "I don't know who you are, but I'll kill you for hurting him!"

Eren held his face in his hands and screamed into his palms.

"Midget?" Levi scowled down at her. "Funny coming from you, _little girl_. I didn't do anything to the brat."

"I don't believe you!" Mikasa shouted. "You were trying to force yourself on him, weren't you?! I'll kill you-"

"Mikasa!" Eren shouted out, and the young girl froze on the floor. "Stop it already! Mr. Levi didn't hurt me. And I wasn't crying!" He quickly added. He turned to the soldier with pleading eyes. "Mr. Levi, please let her go. I know she's a little, uh, intense, but she means well."

Narrowing his eyes, Levi slowly loosened his grasp and straightened up, but not before swiping the discarded knife away from her. "I'll be taking this. Don't need you to try again."

The young girl immediately darted toward Eren and took a protective stance in front of him. "Who are you and what were you doing to Eren?" She hissed threateningly.

"Mikasa..!" Eren groaned, face red with embarrassment. "He's a patient! Can't you tell by the bandages? Oh!" He gasped and pushed her aside to run up to the man, hands already hovering over his wrapped torso. "You didn't tear your stitches, did you? There's no blood, but..."

Levi sighed. "I'm fine. You did a good job on them." Picking up the forgotten shirt, he finally pulled it on and made sure it covered his bandages. Giving the boy one last pat on the head, he turned to the girl who stared at the two of them with wide eyes. "You've got good strength but if you can't tell friend from foe, then you're no different than a wild animal." He chided with a disapproving frown. "You'll end up killing someone innocent and then what will you do?"

Mikasa inhaled sharply at the unexpected advice but scowled. "I will do _anything_ to protect Eren." She declared resolutely. 

Eren reluctantly softened. "Mikasa, I'm not helpless! You could've hurt Mr Levi-" The man in question made a derisive snort. "-When all he wanted was medical care. Care that I could provide. We're, um, friends," He turned to look up hopefully at the man. "Right?"

Levi raised a brow but nodded slightly.

Brightening, Eren turned back to his sister. "See? It's fine. He's not going to get us in trouble, either!"

Mikasa looked pained at his explanation. "...You're too trusting." She murmured, her gaze sliding to the dented ODM gear underneath the kitchen table. Knowing he was a soldier, she reluctantly backed off. "But I trust you."

Eren let out a sigh of relief and even his shoulders slumped. 

"Eren, Mikasa, I was able to get fresh bread from- AH!"

All three of them turned to the open doorway where Armin was cowering away from the dead goose that was still on the floor. "W-Why is there a dead goose in our apartment?!" He yelped, and then he looked up and saw the soldier, and yelped once more. "And-And who is that?!"

The sound of Eren's hand meeting his face could be heard throughout the building, followed by a groan.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin sat at the dining table, nervously fiddling his hands while he took several glances at their guest.

Eren had strong armed Mikasa to the kitchen area to avoid any more altercations, and they both made dinner, with the young girl preparing the goose the way she remembered her father doing. Adding a few easily grown greens like garlic, spring onion, and potatoes, along with the fresh bread Armin had brought back, the meal smelled heavenly.

If only the atmosphere could match it.

"You should eat more of the greens, Mr. Levi," Eren recommended with a chipper smile, using his fork to push some of the aforementioned vegetables onto the soldier's plate. "Garlic helps fight against infection."

Levi simply nodded, ignoring the dark glare full of animosity sent his way from the girl sitting across from him.

Eren beamed and ate his share as well, savoring the taste of meat for the first time in months. He hadn't had anything other than potatoes, bread, and soup since last summer. He knew it was because of food shortages, but it was nice to be able to have something else once in a while.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at the unwelcome guest at their dining table, her plate still untouched. "Why are you still here?" She asked sharply.

Levi slowly looked up from his meal and gave her a cool stare. "Because Eren asked me to stay for dinner," He rebuked, unfazed by her glower.

"Erm, Eren..." Armin tentatively called out, the young doctor turning to face him with an innocent blink. "Who is this man?" He whispered, glancing at the soldier warily. "How do you know him?"

"He's a soldier I met when we were at Trost Headquarters," Eren answered just as quietly, oblivious to the glaring contest that was happening at the same table. "He wanted medicine, and I wanted to support the Survey Corps somehow, so we have an ongoing transaction. Now, he's a friend."

Armin blinked in surprise. "He's a scout?" He glanced down at the floor where, in the corner now, a set of dented ODM gear was sat along with a green cloak. "That would explain his gear...Does he, um...know what we do here?"

"Nope." Eren took a generous bite of fowl. "He just knows I'm a doctor."

"It's probably best to keep it that way." Armin murmured. "Who knows what would happen if he knew about, well, you."

Eren stilled, his chipper mood immediately plummeting into a dark cloud of anxiety and unease.

He...He didn't want to lose Mr. Levi. Not as a friend, nor as a future comrade. The man was important to him, not only as a role model, but as someone who believed in the same things he did. That the Titans needed to be eradicated and that humanity needed freedom. 

He was so immensely grateful to Mikasa and Armin for accepting him and staying by his side, but if Mr. Levi found out and rejected him, or worse, tried to kill him for being a Titan...

Eren might just let him.

"Hey."

Both Eren and Armin jumped in their seats, startled, and slowly turned to look at the only adult in the room. Levi gave them both a reprimanding frown. "Don't let your food go to waste, brat. You too, bowl cut."

"Y-yes sir!" Armin squeaked, picking up his fork.

Eren clumsily saluted and resumed eating with vigor, stuffing his cheeks full of potatoes and goose to chase away his dark thoughts. If he had anything to say about it, Mr. Levi would never find out.

Once dinner was concluded, Levi glanced out the small window at the dark sky, and announced he was leaving. "I left without telling anyone where I went," He explained, strapping on his ODM gear.

Eren watched, fascinated. First, he pulled the straps tight against his torso, then he belted on the main housing snugly against the small of his back. After securing it, he hooked on the rectangular sheaths that contained his ultrahard steel blades as well as his gas canisters, and finally he holstered his controller handles under his arms and next to his ribs.

Also equally fascinated, Armin leaned in closer. "Wow...It's so complicated," He remarked in awe. "Um, Mr. Levi. Is the gear reliable?"

"If you take care of it," Levi answered simply, tucking his ruined clothes under an arm.

"How difficult is it to use?" Eren asked quickly after.

"Very."

"How much gas are you allotted per canister?" Armin shot off. "And how far can it last you?"

Pausing in front of the door, Levi turned and gave them both a raised brow, tired but amused. "You'll learn all this when you go into training, if what the brat said earlier is true."

Armin reluctantly nodded, eyes trained on the gear with a yearning to learn more, and bade the man farewell before going over to help Mikasa with the dishes.

Eren, however, stayed and squirmed nervously in place. "Um...Remember to keep the stitches dry, and to use the antibiotic cream I gave you." He babbled. "Don't stress your abdominal muscles too much. If you rip your stitches, find a doctor, or better yet, come to me and I'll fix it. If there's any clear liquid seeping out or a little blood, that's normal, but if there's any yellow or green, come to me _immediately_ , okay?"

Levi raised both brows, amused. "Will do."

"And don't eat heavy foods too often, your body will take too much energy digesting that instead of focusing on healing your wound. Don't drink too much tea, caffeine isn't good to ingest because it'll increase your heart rate which could cause your wound to bleed out. And-"

"I got it, brat," Levi interrupted, opening the door with a noisy creak. "This isn't my first injury and it won't be my last. I know how to take care of myself."

Eren deflated. "S-Sorry, I just..." He mumbled, looking down at his feet dejectedly.

He heard a sigh, and then felt a hand on top of his head. Blinking, Eren looked up. Levi slightly bent his knees and ruffled his hair. "Thank you, Eren. You did well," He complimented, the corners of his lips twitching into a barely noticeable smile. "...Happy Birthday."

Cheeks heating up from the praise, Eren beamed up at him.

Mr. Levi was very important to him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Withholding a wince, Levi urged his horse to slow down as the Survey Corps headquarters finally came into view. 

The castle was old but well taken care of, even out in such a remote location. It was more than large enough to house the entire Corps and their steeds, which led to a more morbid tone than one would expect. The pale gray bricks glowed a silvery white in the moonlight, with specks of orange and red torches lining the entrances and hallways. Windows lined the sides of the buildings, giving each room a good view of the surrounding grass plains, mountain ranges, and forests. Though they tried to maintain the exterior, greenery crept up from the foundations.

It wasn't much, but it was the closest Levi had to a home.

Arriving at the stables which were full of other horses, his horse trotted to his pen by himself, and Levi hoisted himself off. Landing on his feet, he grunted when the impact jarred his new stitches. "Tch..." He frowned. He didn't know how long it would take for the wound to finally close up, but he had faith in Eren's abilities.

Quietly opening a door, conscious of the hour and his sleeping comrades, he slowly made his way to his quarters. Passing by the mess hall, he stole a peek through the open doors and scowled at the few leftover bowls and plates still on the tables. He normally wouldn't accept such unhygienic conditions from his fellow soldiers, but he understood why.

It was always bad after an expedition.

Glancing toward his original goal, he let out a tired sigh and trudged into the mess hall, collecting all the dirty dishes and making sure to wipe everything clean. He couldn't stand filth.

It was another half hour gone before Levi finally made it back to his room. He was more than ready to wipe himself down and go to bed, but he had a report to write.

As he opened his door, he caught sight of a dark shadow sitting in his chair and he tensed, his hand drifting to one of his holstered hand controllers. Who the hell had the balls to trespass into his room?-

"Oh! Levi!" The mysterious person perked up and turned on his oil lamp. The flame flickered on, reflecting off of a pair of glasses, and Levi reluctantly relaxed. Oh. _Of course_.

"Hange," He greeted with a scowl. "The hell are you doing, sitting around in the dark? Get your dirty ass out of my chair."

"Now wait just a second!" They protested with a small grin, much more subdued than their usual self, and launched themselves onto their feet. "I didn't see you at the debriefing so I came here to wait! And boy did I wait, several hours in fact. Where'd you go?" Their smile fell. "How is your wound? I see you're not bleeding out anymore _and_ you're wearing a new shirt."

Rolling his eyes, Levi began unstrapping his gear, placing them gingerly on the floor next to his desk. The tech department was gonna have a riot with them tomorrow morning. "I went to a doctor," He replied, using a clean handkerchief to wipe his now unoccupied chair before finally taking a seat.

Hange blinked in surprise. "You did? Why? I could've patched you up...Oh!" Their eyes lit up and a grin overtook their face. "Did you go to our mysterious benefactor?! The one you won't share because you're a possessive bastard-"

"Shut that gaping hole you call a mouth, four-eyes." Levi scowled, already picking up his quill to write his report. "I got it patched up. That's all that matters."

The scientist frowned thoughtfully and crossed their arms. "You know, if you're worried that we'll exploit them, we won't," They calmly reassured. "I think some of us just wanna meet this miracle doctor that's been kind enough to sell such high quality medicine to us, and it's so cheap! They charge almost nothing compared to the Stohess hospital or even the Garrison hospital." They clasped their hands together with a dreamy smile. "I would love to pick their brain and see how they created such potent pain relieving pills. Medicine isn't my forte but even I can see it takes a high degree of mastery over chemistry to create such a drug."

Levi furrowed his brow. It did? He thought that Eren simply pressed his herbs into a powder to be molded into pills. He didn't think it took much more effort, but to hear that a "master" had to do it..."What a mysterious brat," He murmured to himself.

"Hm?" Hange perked up from their muttered ranting. "Did you say something?"

Levi didn't answer them. Finishing up his report, he stood up and left his room once more to head toward Erwin's office. His ears picked up the sound of boots behind him and he withheld a sigh. Of course four-eyes would come with. At least he knew Erwin was still awake. Bastard never slept.

Taking a flight of stairs, Levi knocked twice on the double doors. "Come in," He heard his Commander's deep voice calling him in and he opened the door.

The blond man looked up from his various papers. His eyebrows were the first thing to catch his attention, as always, but the exhaustion that lined his face was a rare yet familiar sight. "Levi." Erwin greeted him. "Welcome back."

Levi hummed a low greeting and held up his report. "Here's my report."

"My thanks." The commander accepted the papers and placed it to the side along with the various other reports he had to read for tonight. "I suppose you didn't include where you went afterward?"

"Commander Erwinnnn!" Hange cut in with a grin, closing the door behind them. "Guess who Levi went to!"

Pausing, Erwin scrutinized him. Levi met his gaze evenly, not giving anything away. After a few moments, Erwin minutely relaxed and smiled, amused. "I see. You went to our mysterious doctor. I hope his help was beneficial."

"'His'?" Hange immediately picked up on the gender pronoun. "So our mysterious doctor is a man. Ooo, I'm so curious!"

Scowling, Levi sent a glare at the Commander. Erwin smirked at the chiding frown he received. "Hange, I think it's time you retired to bed. It's late and we had a long day."

"Ahh, true..." The scientist reluctantly agreed with a sigh. "I wanted to study the few samples we were able to get today. But, I can see you don't want me around for your secret talk, so I'll see myself out. Good night, Commander. Good night, Levi!" With a wave, they left, the door slamming close a second later, ensuring that they were alone.

"So," Erwin began, lacing his hands in front of him. "Did I guess correctly? How is our doctor's son?"

"Fine," Levi answered, taking a seat on a spare chair and crossing his legs. He made sure to be more careful than usual due to his stitches. "...He sewed me up today."

A thick brow slightly lifted at the news. "Did he now? I don't suppose he would be opposed to meeting with me, will he?"

Levi glanced at him sharply. "And why the hell do you need to do that?" He asked warily. Whatever Erwin's scheming in his head, he didn't want him anywhere near Eren. Not when the boy was a civilian who could barely protect himself, especially from the machinations of his Commander.

"Can I not thank him myself?" Erwin fired back smoothly. "His father's medicine has truly helped us, ever since Shiganshina even."

" _His_ medicine," Levi automatically corrected, mentally cursing himself afterward at slipping such important information. They were bound to find out, but still. He should've been more careful. "...He makes them all."

Now both thick brows were raised. "Impressive," Erwin murmured. "...Has he mentioned enlisting?"

Levi huffed. "He's pretty adamant on joining the Survey Corps. I suppose if he's sticking to that, we'll see him in four years." Eren would be turning eleven tomorrow, and enlistment was for twelve and up. Training took three years, which meant the brat would be fifteen before he would join them.

Perhaps the day will come where Levi would let him into his squad, but not until Eren proved he had the skills to survive against the never ending onslaught of Titans. He would never risk the young doctor's life if he could help it.

He had to make sure Eren was alive to smile like the sunny brat he was.

"I look forward to that day." Erwin smiled secretively. "Perhaps he will be the hope we need."

Levi regarded him for a few moments before nodding. "I don't know what you're planning...but I trust you." 

He trusted that Erwin did not waste potential, and that was exactly what Eren was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize now after writing this chapter that I have been really vague with the timeline so far whoops.
> 
> So, the breach happens sometime in late September. From there, they spend around two months before the cull happens in November, and it's another few weeks of Eren in his fever coma -> catching up on his work -> realization of his status as a shifter -> Hannes finding him and Eren striking a deal with Levi, all in mid December. Now it's the end of March of 846. Hopefully this clears up any time confusion lol
> 
> Next chapter will finally have them enlisting into training!
> 
> Happy holidays and happy new year!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone!! I took a bit of a break to update my other AOT fic and then threw myself into drawing for a bit. I've literally been trying to churn this chapter out for a week and I'm at that point where I just want this done and over with so I can start on the next chapter lol I promise though, I worked hard on this chapter so I hope you enjoy it!

 

**August 6th**

 

Eren wasn't sure if he was screaming or crying.

Gritting his teeth, a yell tore out from his throat when the pain intensified. "Agh!"

It was like his body was on fire. Every part of him was in pain, a deep ache accompanied with an occasional sharp sting. It spread from his legs and all over his body, overriding his nerves with too many sensations at once. Tears streamed down his red puffy cheeks, and his hair stuck uncomfortably to his forehead as well as the back of his neck. It was hot and stifling and all around miserable.

If this is what it felt to have his muscle fibers cut apart one by one, then he almost felt bad for Lou. 

Almost.

"Keep it up, Ms. Jaeger!" Madam Hiesel encouraged, though all Eren could hear was the dark satisfaction and deep seated amusement that accompanied her words.

Trying not to grind his teeth into dust, Eren forced his legs to spread further apart which resulted in the distance between his pelvis and the ground to lessen, inch by agonizing inch. The simple dress he was forced to wear bunched up around his hips, showing his bare legs, and he could barely breathe from the tight corset around his waist. "Why...is this...necessary?" He panted out, muffling his shriek when his foot slipped and he extended his leg much further than he should've. "Ow! Ow ow ow ow..."

"Complaining is unbecoming of a lady," The madam sniffed disdainfully. Placing her hands on his small shoulders, she held him in place and slowly pushed him down.

He screamed.

She smiled. "You are just barely young enough to do these stretches, Ms. Jaeger. Any older and doing this sort of practice will be _much_ more painful, I assure you."

Gasping in vain, Eren shut his eyes tight. "But...why..?!" He wheezed.

Walls, it was so painful. He had to will his body to not instantly heal, or else they would be seeing steam evaporate off him. This wasn't the first time he had been pushed to stretch, they did it every lesson, but it was the first time he would be attempting to go all the way down and it was miserable every second.

"Flexibility is a highly valued skill to have in your possession," Madam Hiesel lectured, ignoring his cries. "Having control over one's body is important, not just for a lady but for any active person in general. By having control over your body, you do not waste any precious energy in doing simple tasks. Balance is key."

"Easy...for you to...say..!" Eren grunted, bending his head and letting his hair drape over his anguished face. "This has to be...some sort of...torture..."

"A necessary torture for all ladies," She answered smoothly. "I went through my own trial when I was just a year or so younger than you are now. You can scream all you want, but you will see this for the boon it is. What I am making you go through will be _nothing_ compared to military training."

Eren gritted his teeth and reluctantly endured the torture.

She was right. He knew military training wasn't going to be a walk in the park. He had seen the scars on Mr. Levi's body, how the straps had embedded themselves into his skin to the point where it left perfect imprints. Things like that didn't happen unless the wearer wore them every day for several months and longer, and they were permanent. He had seen soldiers use the gear to fly from rooftop to rooftop, and one wrong angle would've caused them to collide against a hard surface at high speeds. Every part of the body had to be in perfect control, especially in the air, he suspected. 

He just had to keep this up, and then-

"AAHH!!" Eren screamed and hunched his shoulders in agony.

The madam had placed her hands on his hips and pushed down, causing him to finally meet the floor. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, oh Walls, it hurt!

Tears streamed down his face and he could taste blood in his mouth. His legs were on fire, especially the muscles that connected his inner thighs to his pelvis. He'd be lucky if he hadn't torn anything. This was worse than any pain he had felt in his life, worse than any time Mikasa had thrown him, worse than when he resorted to using his teeth to draw blood for his Titan transformation.

Gasping for breath, Eren bit his bottom lip, hard enough that he felt warm blood, and concentrated on not healing.

Armin had figured out that unless Eren willed it or didn't have the strength to, he would heal no matter what, and healing was always accompanied by steam. The bigger the wound, the more steam produced. With internal injuries, like torn muscles, his skin would be hotter as a result, and though it was more subtle, there was still enough steam coming off him that if anyone paid attention, he'd be in trouble.

"Good, good!" Madam Hiesel praised, even going so far as to clap her hands in a pleased manner, before gingerly stepping around his trembling form on the floor. "You'll want to use your medicine to help with the inevitable swelling, though I'm sure you know how to treat such a minor injury. Make sure to keep stretching every day, even if it hurts. Pain is beauty, my dear." She cooed mockingly, taking a seat in a worn chair with a grace that contrasted her age. "And a woman must always be beautiful."

Eren could barely focus on anything except the everlasting pain that didn't seem to stop. "I don't...want to be a woman..." He croaked out. His arms shook, trying to hold up his weight in a feeble attempt to divert pressure away from his pelvis. "It hurts..."

"Imagine that pain and multiply it," The older woman countered with a bitter smile. "Then you may be able to imagine the pain a woman feels when a man forces himself upon her. Whether she is a virgin or a well-experienced woman, the pain and humiliation stays with her for the rest of her life. I am counting on you to weed those men out of my customers, Ms. Jaeger. We have a common goal, you see? Men will never see a lady of the night as someone worthy of respect, but most of them will at least honor a transaction. The ones who don't, pose a threat to my girls and consequently to you."

"Me..?" Eren winced, trying to stand on shaky legs. Hopefully his hem of his dress was thick enough to hide the minuscule amount of steam coming off his skin. "How are they a threat to _me_? The reason why I agreed to this arrangement was because I don't want anyone else here ending up like Difa." No human unless they were trained to kill Titans would be able to get the drop on him.

Madam Hiesel gestured to a chair next to hers and Eren slowly hobbled over, lips twitching into a grimace every other second from pain shooting up his legs. "That is true, yes, and I support your actions, hence our lessons." She conceded, her smile filling with sorrow for a moment. "Even almost a year later, I still expect to see Difa bustling around the halls here. She kept a rare sense of innocence to her...She is missed dearly."

Eren looked away. He hadn't known her well, but those few weeks before that filth got to her, they had bonded over Mikelle's birth and care. Difa was a nice young woman who hadn't been that much older than him, but she died because of another person's greed and selfishness. He missed her sometimes.

"But life goes on, and business never ends," The madam continued with a melancholy sigh. "The reason I say those men are a threat to you, is because we have something precious here that you consider important, yes?"

Blinking, Eren looked down at his sweat stained dress. He had something important here? What could be so important that a disgusting man would threaten it-?

His eyes widened when the realization clicked.

Seeing his reaction, Madam Hiesel smiled cynically. "Yes, I'm talking about little Mikelle. There is no room at the Trost orphanage, nor are there any parents looking to adopt a prostitute's child. Ana and the other girls take care of her here, and this brothel is for all intents and purposes her home, but really, she doesn't belong to us. Little Mikelle is under _your_ protection. She depends on the powders you bring and the medicine you provide here. You even helped birthed her. You, Ms. Ackerman, and Mr. Arlert, are her real guardians."

"However," She continued without pause. "You three are still children in your own rights, and because Mikelle is the daughter of one of _my_ girls, that means we have an obligation to look after her. I do not expect you, any of you three, to claim her for your own. I will warn you though," Her tone became darker. "That this is a sick town, and a sick society. The Titans may be monsters, but I would argue that some humans here behind the Walls are the true monsters. Mikelle is barely a year old, and is vulnerable. We are _all_ vulnerable to our clientele in this Alley."

Leaning back in her chair, her expression smoothed back into a pleasant smile, one that had been practiced for decades. "I hope I can count on you to weed out the filth, if not for me, then for Mikelle."

"I would've whether or not you offered this," Eren immediately answered, his expression set in grim determination. "I've always hated the animals that dared to call themselves human."

The madam smiled mirthlessly. "I'm sure we _all_ know by now. In any case, that will be the end of our lesson for today, Ms. Jaeger."

"Why are you calling me 'Ms. Jaeger' anyway?" Eren frowned, using a spare towel to wipe away his sweat. "It's not like I'm actually going to be a girl, I just have to look like one."

"So that you'll answer to the title naturally. Looking feminine would be useless if you'll use masculine titles." Madam Hiesel sighed and rolled her eyes. "At least try to understand. A man will not follow you down a dark alley if you shout for them and stomp your feet like an impudent boy. He will follow if you are pleasant with shy smiles. It is a temptation that certain men cannot resist, no matter what age the girl is."

"That's disgusting." Eren wrinkled his nose. "Shouldn't men have more self control?"

"That is the question of the century," She responded dryly. "In any case, shoo Ms. Jaeger. Lesson's over. I need to open up for the night, so take little Mikelle with you." She stood up from her seat and walked toward the door. "I don't have much more to teach you really. You only need to practice being more feminine." She smiled, a small curve of her wizened lips, but it was more genuine than her earlier ones. "You'll understand how useful it will be soon."

And with that, she left the small and bare room.

Once the door closed behind her, Eren slumped in his seat and didn't fight his regeneration process. His legs felt warmer, before a barely noticeable cloud of steam began to evaporate off his skin. "Useful to be a girl, huh..." He mumbled.

He could understand a little. Girls were always underestimated and targeted by men, so pretending to be a girl would mean disgusting men would follow him and inevitably end up under his knife. He had never looked down on girls- how could he when he lived with Mikasa who outperformed him in everything physical?- but as a boy, it was hard to see the unbalanced treatment.

Things that the madam pointed out like how girls weren't as encouraged to receive an education, how there are more seamstresses than tailors, and how women are persuaded to marry at a certain age. Men could find an apprenticeship in anything, but women had a lot more limited options.

This wasn't the case when it came to the military, though. Mr. Levi told him everyone was treated rather equally. So long as they could fight and take orders, anyone was welcome.

Eren picked at his faded green dress. He didn't feel embarrassed wearing a dress, either. Sure, the material wasn't particularly soft, but clothing was clothing. He had never cared about what people wore, so long as they wore _something_. Plus, the breeze was nice on his legs.

Once the steam stopped, he hopped off his chair and experimentally stretched his legs. They were still a little sore, but it was loads better than before, and he retained his flexibility as well. "Nifty," He muttered. The power was useful and he had grown used to his quick regeneration, but it still unnerved him.

Changing back into a clean shirt and pants, he threw the dress into the laundry pile and walked over to the next room. Several thumps outside told him that the girls were preparing to open for business, which meant he should leave soon.

Opening the door, his tired countenance immediately brightened when he saw her. "Mikelle." He cooed, walking closer to the baby.

Mikelle was almost a year old now, and had learned to turn over and had recently begun crawling around. Her hair had grown to cover her whole head now, and it was full of luscious little curls. The red color had darkened into a warm brown, but when they were out during the day, the sun highlighted the original hue.

Noticing movement from beyond her crib, Mikelle let out a cry of happiness and reached out to him with her small chubby hands. "Aa! Aaa!"

Picking her up underneath her arms, Eren laid kisses on her cherubic cheeks. "C'mon, you'll be staying with me today. We'll have lots of fun!" He grinned. She gave him a gummy smile in return and he swore he fell even more in love with her. She was so small and precious, and he knew she loved him too. She always crawled in his direction, and his hair was her favorite toy. 

Hugging her close, he closed his eyes and inhaled the calming scent of baby powder and fresh sheets. She was proof that the world was beautiful, that there will always be innocent people who needed his protection. Whether it was from Titans or monstrous humans, he would protect her no matter what.

It seemed he took too long, however, when he felt the familiar tugging of his hair that signaled that she wanted to play. "Ow, please don't tug, Mikelle." He winced. Holding her securely to his front, he wrapped a cloth around them both and made sure she was wrapped safely inside. He then picked up his bag and walked out through the backdoor so he wouldn't bump into any early customers, and made his way down the cramped street.

"Let's see..." Eren hummed to himself, one hand resting on Mikelle's small back. "I'll need to go digging for more soil. The pots at home need more nutrients. Need to finish two orders of fever relievers and finish up making anti-itch creams." He looked down at the baby who was drooling on his shirt and smiled fondly. "Summer means bugs, did you know that, Mikelle? I hope you haven't gotten any bug bites. Some can transmit deadly diseases."

She didn't answer him. Instead, she stuffed one of her hands in her mouth.

Snorting softly, Eren looked up only to see Luke stop him. "Yo, Eren!" The gangster greeted him, tugging him to the side. "I see ya got Mikelle with ya today. Any chance you're done with that thing I asked for..?" He asked hopefully.

Giving him an unimpressed stare, Eren opened his bag and handed over a small glass vial filled with milky liquid. "Here. Use one to three drops. Effects begin around an hour after swallowing, the more drops the quicker, but it won't change the intensity, so use it wisely."

"Yes!" Luke hissed out, taking the bottle and replacing it with a few golden coins. "Here's the payment, and I'll return the bottle once it's empty like usual."

Eren pocketed the money. "Who are you using this for?" He asked curiously. "Anyone I should know about?"

"Ehh..." Luke looked to the side. "Nothing bad, honestly. There's been a guy who's been causing trouble at the saloon. Hasn't broken out into a fight yet, but it's only a matter of time. With this though," He held up the newly purchased vial. "It'll get him to go away for a couple days hopefully, and he'll think twice about comin' back. It's just diarrhea?"

"Yup, and stomach cramps." Eren nodded. "Made from yellow stain mushroom extract. Anything he eats will go right out of his system."

"Gotcha." Luke grinned. "I'll make sure to drip some into his beer later. Thanks man, I'll see you around." He was about to walk away when Eren stopped him.

"Wait! I actually have a question." Eren tugged on the man's sleeve. "I didn't remember to ask but why did you lead Mr. Levi to me?"

Luke appeared confused. "Who?"

"You know, the soldier? The one from the Survey Corps?"

The gangster's face paled. "O-Oh, that guy...Um, he kind of just showed up at the checkpoint- you know, where we check who comes in and out of the alley- and he asked where a 'doctor brat' lived. Course, there's no other doctor here but you, so I wasn't gonna just let him waltz in, but..." He shivered, even though it was the middle of summer. "That glare he sent, like. Shit. I thought I was gonna get stabbed."

Eren frowned. "Mr. Levi wouldn't do that," He argued.

"To _you,_ " Luke shot back. "I'm tellin' you man, he was ready to come for me any second even though his guts were practically hanging out. He name dropped you afterward, and you've always praised the Scouts, so I said screw it and took him to your place. Course, if anything happened, i'm sure you or Mikasa would've been able to handle it."

Eren winced and looked away. "Uh, yeah..." Not really. There was no way he could win against Mr. Levi. Even Mikasa, who on some days he was convinced was more beast than human, couldn't beat him. If Mr. Levi wasn't as nice as he was, Eren was sure he wouldn't be living here with his "business" intact. 

"He's been comin' around pretty often," Luke remarked. "Once a month or so, but still. You guys close friends or somethin'?" He grew concerned. "He's...He's not doin' anything to you kids, is he? Guy's gotta be like, what, eighteen at the very least?"

Eren blinked. "What do you mean?"

He actually didn't know how old Mr. Levi was. He was definitely an adult, sure, but he looked rather young. He didn't have any wrinkles or anything that gave away his age, though his eyes were seasoned enough from surviving time and time again against the Titans. Next time he came over, he should ask.

"Like..." Luke shuffled uncomfortably. "Er, never mind, forget I asked. I know what you do in that basement and what kind of people you've been draggin' there, so there's no way that Levi guy would be the same..." He muttered, hand rubbing his stubble.

Eren glared up at him. "Mr. Levi would never be as filthy as those animals!" He shouted indignantly. "He's as clean as clean can be!"

Mikelle whimpered from his yelling and began to cry. Shocked out of his anger, Eren quickly wrapped his arms around her and bounced in place. "Shh shh, it's okay," He soothed, giving one last glare to the gangster before sidestepping around him and continuing back to the apartment. 

The continuous rocking motion that came from his walking seemed to help, and Mikelle slowly quieted down and snuggled against his chest. "Sorry about that," Eren whispered as softly as he could, even though the street around him was loud and filled with miscreants. 

Drunks, addicts, prostitutes, gangsters. Lawbreakers and the morally inept.

Even with an innocent baby strapped to his chest, Eren wondered when he had grown to be so comfortable here.

 

 

* * *

  **September 24th**

 

 

"Make sure to clean those corners, Eren," Levi instructed with a gloved finger. He also had cloth wrapped over his hair and mouth. "I don't want to see any dust or dirt."

"Yes sir!" Eren answered back, diligently rushing to the corner that he instructed.

"Um, Mr. Levi..." Armin began shyly, holding a broom in his hands. "There's really no need for you to come just to supervise us cleaning. We can handle it ourselves..."

"Yeah." Mikasa glared at the man from her spot at the table, wiping the surface diligently. "You're not wanted here, so beat it," She bit out.

Levi raised an unimpressed brow. "I don't trust three brats to be able to clean an apartment in this part of town." To emphasize his point, he reached under the table and slid his gloved hand on the surface, narrowing his eyes when dust and wooden chips fell out. "See? Disgusting."

Mikasa growled in distaste and raised her arm, ready to throw her cleaning cloth at him. Panicking, Armin quickly grabbed her and laughed sheepishly. "R-Right, we'll, um, we'll do better," He assured the unperturbed man.

The soldier had come for his monthly visit to their apartment. Even though they used to meet outside of Trost Headquarters, Eren had been too spooked by the fact that Mr. Hannes was around, and now that Mr. Levi knew where he lived, it was just all around more convenient for him to come here. Mr. Levi had become something like a supervisor to them, making sure their apartment was clean to his standards and that they were doing well with food. 

Eren was, of course, ecstatic that his hero and friend cared so much to visit often. The man was insanely busy these days with expeditions and training that they couldn't do bi-weekly meetings anymore, only monthly. Eren made sure to make more medicine though, and always insisted on giving the older man a checkup, even though he refused most of the time. Mikasa still wasn't happy about Mr. Levi who didn't seem to care, but Armin respected him a lot for indulging his many questions.

Even though the soldier was kind of awkward with them, with his surly tone and dry humor, Eren could tell he liked them. Why else would he be insisting they clean and do laundry under his supervision?

"Eren!" Levi barked out. "I don't see your hands moving. That corner better be free of dust and dirt, I don't care if it's because of your damn plants."

Snapping out of his thoughts, Eren looked at the spot with determination. "Yes sir, I won't disappoint you!" 

"Considering how many plants and shrubs you have in here, you may as well just live in a forest..." the man muttered.

Every available inch of the apartment was occupied by some sort of plotted plant, all of them boasting medicinal properties. In the corners, above the kitchen area on shelves, in garden boxes that hung next to their windows, everywhere. It had taken months of hard work to accrue such a collection, but it's gotten to the point where Eren didn't need to buy from the apothecary anymore unless he had to specially order plants that he couldn't grow himself. It meant that they could save even more money which Armin then used to help them. They were able to buy new clothes, food, medical instruments- even weapons from one of Luke's contacts in Stohess.

However, because there was so much greenery, it meant there was a lot of soil that could occasionally loosen out of the pots, and it ticked Mr. Levi off to see any such thing indoors.

All four of them did their part in cleaning the apartment, though Mikasa still glared at their "unwelcomed" guest, and soon enough the apartment was as spotless as it could be.

Looking around, Levi slowly nodded his approval. "Good. This is how it should be every day. Now, change out of your cleaning clothes and make sure to wipe yourselves down as well. Wouldn't make sense to clean your environment but leave yourselves dirty."

Grumbling, the kids did as told, and they all finally took a seat at the dining table to relax from such a taxing ordeal. Even though he was tired, Eren took out his medical bag and gestured toward the older man. "Checkup?" he asked hopefully.

Sighing, Levi slowly unbuttoned his shirt. "I should probably be worried with how often I strip for you..." he muttered to himself. "People might get the wrong idea."

Not hearing the man, Eren examined him. His stitches from March had already healed up long ago and was now just a faint silver scar that stretched from one side to the other, between his upper and lower abdomen. He had accrued a few other wounds since, just small cuts and grazes, and all of them were varying shades of pink, showing that they were healing well. 

Nevertheless, he slipped on his sterilized gloves and poked and prodded at some of the wounds, particularly one that was a bright red. "This is recent..." he observed. "It's not infected, though. We'll put some antibiotic ointment on it, okay?"

"To kill these 'bacteria', right?" Levi raised a brow. "You still haven't actually explained what that is."

Armin perked up in his seat. "'Bacteria are small organisms that live on almost everything. They live and feed off of their surroundings, and some can cause things like infections due to the proliferation of cells.'" He recited brightly. "Because they're so small, we can't see them with the naked eye and we need to use microscopes to even glimpse at them!"

Eren nodded approvingly. "That's right, Armin. Good job!" 

Armin smiled in response. "I remember reading about it with you."

Eren had recently tried to teach Armin the practical side of being a doctor, with some varying success, but his friend, as always, excelled in the theory and textual learning. He absorbed every piece of information Eren had ever told him, such as germ theory and human physiology. 

Eren had wanted to show him up close, but decided against it. Armin wasn't ready to see a cut up body. "Remember," he continued. "Not all bacteria are bad. Stomachs have a lot of natural bacteria in them that help us digest food."

Armin nodded diligently and wrote it into his notebook.

Levi stared at them. "...Right," he answered a few moments later, clearly not understanding.

Eren didn't blame him. It wasn't common knowledge after all, not even at Stohess University of Medicine. His father wrote all his textbooks and homework, and it was because of him that Eren wondered just where he got this knowledge from. Why did one simple doctor in Shiganshina know about bacteria while renowned doctors in the Interior barely knew how to sterilize their equipment?

His father clearly wasn't just a simple doctor.

"Eren, if you're done, make this man leave," Mikasa spoke up, huddling her scarf close to her face. "He shouldn't be so indecent in front of us."

Levi snorted, but buttoned up his shirt once more. "You'll have to get used to indecency once you enlist." He sneered, remembering his early days in the military. "Imagine living with twenty other people in the same building and having to share your food, gear, and shower areas." 

"Actually, speaking of enlisting..." Eren began slowly, his hands falling to his sides. "Um, I won't be able to make any more medicine when we enlist," He revealed nervously, looking down at the soldier's trim torso to avoid his eyes. "Since we're training, I won't have the time, and I don't think I would be able to get permission to bring my plants. Is-Is that okay?" He looked up, worried. "You guys need this medicine, right?"

Softening, Levi placed a hand on his head and ruffled his hair. "Worry about yourself first," He scolded. "We know what we signed up for. Your medicine helps us a lot, but we have our own medical wings and the Garrison hospital. They're not as good..." He conceded with a sigh. "But we'll manage."

Pursing his lips, Eren took off his gloves and entangled his small hands with the man's much larger one. The skin was rough, and the hand was strong and solid compared to his small and slim hands. "I'll be with you in three years," He swore determinedly. "I'll join you guys and be your doctor! I'll kill all the Titans with you!"

Levi smiled, a small one that reflected the kindness Eren knew he had inside his steely exterior. "Don't rush, brat. Try to enjoy your life a little," He murmured. "Keep smiling, okay? For your two friends here, and for me. Outside these Walls, there's a lot of bad things. I don't want you to rush to your deaths."

"But..." Armin spoke up, and they all turned to him. "The Outside is something I- _we_ would do anything to see," He expressed sincerely. "Neverending sand, lakes of fire and ice...and the ocean. It's all out there to see, to experience. I want to see them..!" He squared his small shoulders. "I _will_ see them, no matter what!"

"Where Eren goes, I go," Mikasa added after. "So long as he is happy and alive, I will do anything for him. Even join the military with him and Armin."

"Mikasa..." Eren breathed out in discomfort. "Don't join just because of me. You should join only if you want to."

"But that is what I want," Mikasa pointed out. "Both of you are joining, so it only makes sense if I join as well. I need to protect you both."

"Yeah, but-"

Levi observed the three children bicker in front of him, barely on the cusp of becoming adolescents. The shadows in their eyes showed that they had seen true horror, but they were still so innocent in some aspects. They were young and small, not that he should be talking since Eren and Mikasa were about to match him in height soon. He wanted to preserve this moment, of three friends who were closer than family, living together and helping one another.

He didn't want to see them in three years as broken bodies.

"Then train," Levi spoke up, gaining their attention. "Train as hard as you can. Push yourselves beyond the breaking point. Work until your hands bleed and your legs collapse. I want to see all three of you in top form in 850, you got that?" He commanded. 

Eren beamed, his green gem-like eyes sparkling with trust and admiration. "Yes sir!" He saluted, and after a moment, Armin and Mikasa mimicked him.

Levi never wanted that smile to disappear.

 

 

* * *

**October 9th**

 

 

Reading through the chicken scratch that was the Rosica reports, Armin frowned when he noticed a discrepancy. "Eren?" He called out. "We might have a problem..."

The level of education in the Alley barely fulfilled basic reading and writing, so Armin had volunteered to read through and categorize everything, including the reports about who came in and out. He had more work than ever, but it was something he was good at so he didn't mind. Especially when he caught minute details such as this.

Eren poked his head out from his lab, apron stained with various plant juices. "What is it?"

"There's been increasing reports of a man causing trouble at one of the brothels," Armin reported with an unsure frown. "He's already been thrown out once by Mikasa, but some of the girls he pays for have said they've seen him stalking them while they're out in town."

The doctor's eyes narrowed in anger. "Filth. We got a name? Description? Has he done anything else?"

Armin pulled out another paper. "Name is Riec Weber. Around forty years old, maybe. Balding blond hair and a rotund build," He listed off. "When he's not here, he likes to hang around Trost marketplace. He visits three different girls when he's here, all of them between the ages of 16-20. The madam at this place says they're usually left bleeding after he leaves..." He trailed off uncomfortably. "Do you want to, um. Take care of this?"

Eren blinked. "You mean...You're okay with me doing this?"

Armin looked away, fiddling with his hands. "I won't say I'm okay with it..." He answered quietly. "I don't like what you do in the basement, but...I also can't say that these people should go unpunished. You need test subjects and-and there are good people out there who need medication and other things, like organs. What you do is unethical for a doctor, but the good that comes out of it outweighs the bad."

"Armin..." Guilty, Eren took off his gloves and apron and went over to hug his friend. "I'm sorry. I know it won't mean much, I know you don't like what I do down there, but one person's suffering is worth a whole group's survival, you know? We don't want or need people like this Weber guy around, not when he hurts others."

Armin smiled weakly and hugged him back, inhaling the scent of mint and lemon balm that permeated his clothes. "R-Right..."

Moving back, Eren grinned. "I'll take care of this and I'll make sure to be quiet this time, too, okay?" He closed the door to the bedroom, coming out minutes later as a girl in a simple dress and shawl and picked up a flower basket before leaving the apartment with a merry wave.

Armin stared at the closed door. "...You've always had such strange morals, Eren. Save the innocent and kill the guilty, as if people can never change," He whispered. "Aren't you guilty too in a way?... Aren't we all?"

Making sure his hairband was in place, Eren walked through back streets and small yards between cramped houses. "Stalks the girls while they're out in the marketplace, huh..." He muttered to himself. He kept his shoulders down, raised his chest, and made sure both hands held onto his flower basket. His hair was long enough to reach his shoulders now, and adding on a pale cream shawl and faded green dress made the perfect image of an innocent young girl.

Walking closer to the marketplace that extended from the south gate to the square in the middle of the district, Eren slowly encountered more and more people going out and about their days. Normal people who didn't live in squalor, wore clean clothing, and had somewhat happy expressions on their faces. It was a far cry from what he usually saw in the Alley, where people could smile but they were shadowed from their living conditions.

It had been just over a year since Wall Maria fell, and there were still food shortages for refugees and the poor, but for the most part, it seemed like everything was recovering well.

Thinking of Wall Maria, though, always brought up the thought of his mother, sending a pang in his chest. "Mom..." He whispered.

He missed her. He will always miss her. Whether it's been five years or fifty, he would miss his mother for the rest of his life. But he couldn't bring back the dead. Not his mother, not Mikasa's parents, not Difa. The only thing he could do was to destroy the ones who killed them, and to make sure no one else would suffer like that ever again. He killed those human traffickers, and he killed Lou.

The Titans were next on his list, once he was finished with this guy.

Entering the marketplace, Eren was suddenly surrounded by noise on all sides. Merchants yelling out their prices to attract customers, customers hustling for better prices, and children running around to play. There was even the occasional Military Police officer breaking up fights, though Eren noted with a derisive frown that they did so halfheartedly.

"Fresh fish caught this morning! You won't find anything fresher and tastier!"

"We've got brioche, rolls, and loaves, straight from the oven! Get them now before they're cold!"

"Knives, spoons, forks, and plates, all from Sina's Metalwork town! Guaranteed to never rust or dull!"

"Glass bottles and vials blown right here in Trost! Comes in beautiful colors that would look great on your shelves!"

Eren smiled as he looked around. Seeing people going about their business and doing their best to live their lives, it was nice. If there was one thing humans were good at, it was persevering.

Gathering his skirt, he was about to hurry up when a shopkeeper called out to him from his stall.

"Hey there, little miss!" He greeted jovially. "Can I interest you in some glass bottles? They'll look great with your flowers!" He pointed to the flower basket.

Blinking, Eren took a nervous breath and smiled shyly. "M-Maybe later, um, if you have any beakers or droppers?" He made sure to speak in a quiet tone, and raised his voice a little higher. If his voice gave him away, the shopkeeper didn't notice.

"Oh sure, we've got those too, though no one buys them. Tell you what, I'll sell three beakers for ten royals, and five droppers for twenty, that good with you?"

That was a steal.

"Oh, thank you sir!" Eren bowed his head as thanks. "Can I pick them up later? They're-They're for my father, but I need to get some flowers first."

The shopkeeper smiled. "Sure, I'll set them aside for such a cute young miss! Come back if you need any other glasswork!"

Waving with a smile, Eren continued on his way. Once he turned his back to the stall, he let out a breath he didn't even notice he was holding. It seemed people really did believe he was a girl, and he got a good discount as well. He would never have gotten tools like that for so cheap if he came as his regular self. Guess being a girl did come with perks like the Madam said.

Taking the time to explore the marketplace, Eren kept an eye out for any middle aged, balding men.

There were certainly plenty of middle aged men, most of whom were running their stores. However, none of them were blond and balding with a mustache. He'll have to keep looking, maybe closer to the square?

Moving out of the way to avoid being knocked over by several running kids, Eren bumped into a solid brick wall with an "oof." Taking a step back, he looked up...and up. "I-I'm sorry..." He voiced meekly, genuinely apprehensive of the tall man he had walked into.

The man looked down from under his straw blond fringe. Eren noted that though he was blond and had some facial hair, he was definitely not his target. "It's all right, but you should watch where you're going next time," He spoke with a deep voice. "You could get hurt."

He looked somewhat familiar, but Eren couldn't place where or when they could've met. However, based on the fact that he had the Survey Corps logo on his jacket showed that he was trustworthy. Maybe he was one of Mr. Levi's friends? "R-Right, thank you, Mr. Soldier." He smiled sweetly. That was how the madam instructed him to smile. A shy curl of the lips while showing off his eyes would lower anyone's guard, she had said. His greatest weapon were his eyes.

The man hummed in response. After a few moments and noticing the man had yet to move, Eren grew nervous. "Is there something you need..?"

He didn't say anything, but leaned down. Eren flinched back reflexively and one of his hands began to crawl toward the scalpel he kept hidden underneath the flowers in his basket, ready to defend himself. The man placed his face close to his, close enough that Eren could hear his breathing, and he...sniffed him?

Eren blinked and stood still, the soldier still sniffing around his hair with his large nose similar to how a dog would. "Um, sir, are you...smelling me?" He asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

After a very long sniff through his impressive nostrils, the soldier leaned back and smirked. "Hm."

Eren stared at him. 

"Mike!"

Another blond soldier ran up to them, arms full of groceries. They were much shorter though still taller than Mr. Levi, and had their hair cropped in a similar way. Though they had a frown on their face, Eren could tell that they had kind blue eyes and a caring disposition. He couldn't quite tell their gender, though. "You shouldn't go around sniffing young girls. You look like a pedophile." They scolded before turning to Eren with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about him, miss, he has a habit of smelling people he just met. I hope he didn't bother you."

"It's okay..?" Eren answered in a stupor. What were the chances he'd end up bumping into not one, but  _two_ Scouts while he was out? They weren't usually seen in town unless they were heading out on an expedition. He glanced around nervously. Mr. Levi wasn't going to show up next, was he?

"Nanaba," The tall man, Mike, greeted their fellow soldier. "Did you get everything we need?"

Nanaba nodded and held up their paper bag full of supplies. "I did, but Gelgar's still at the liquor store and he's not budging. Something about one of his favorite brands finally brewing again." They sighed. "We may have to stage an intervention."

Mike let out a sigh that implied he was familiar with the situation. "Right." He turned to Eren and gave him a small smile. "Remember to watch where you're going next time, okay?"

Eren bowed. "R-right, um, have a good day." Without waiting, he hurried down the boulevard and made sure to mingle in the crowds. He didn't want to wait to see if Mr. Levi was here as well.

Mike watched the young girl leave with a thoughtful frown. "...I smelled blood on her," He remarked.

Nanaba blinked. A look of anger replaced their confusion, and they smacked the man on the arm. "You idiot, she's probably having her first monthly. She looked old enough. C'mon, we have to get Gelgar and get back to HQ." They turned and walked back the way they came from. 

Mike made to follow them, but glanced back at the last second. "Hm..."

Scuttling past a fruit stand, Eren let out a relieved sigh and brushed his skirt of any dirt or wrinkles.

That had been way too close for his comfort. Was everyone in the Survey Corps as strange as the Scouts he had met? Mr. Levi was a clean freak, that Mike guy sniffed people according to that Nanaba person, and their other friend Gelgar apparently had a drinking problem who needed to be restrained from more alcohol. "Adults are weird..." He muttered to himself.

"Oh, I agree!"

Jumping at the unexpected voice, Eren turned around.

The man who had replied to his statement smiled down at him, and the both of them went unnoticed by all the shoppers. "We adults are certainly strange, young lady. Do you want to know more?" He asked jovially with an underlying eagerness.

Blond hair and balding.

Mustache that covered his mouth like an unkempt bush.

Brown shirt with grease stains that barely covered his beer gut.

Currently trying to talk to a lone girl with promises of answers.

Widening his eyes to show innocent sparkling green, Eren tilted his head cutely. Shoulders held down, chest held high, hands gripping his flower basket. "Like what, mister?" He asked in a quiet but high voice. 

Feasting on his curiosity, the man's expression brightened sickeningly and gestured toward an alley that headed away from the marketplace. "I'll tell you all the adult secrets if you come with me here," He promised. "You look like a fine young lady with plenty of questions and I'm a gentleman with all the answers."

Eren pasted on a shy smile and followed him into the alleyway. "Okay. My name is Erina, what's your's, mister..?" He trailed off, anticipation mixing in with his overall feeling of disgust. What a filthy pig.

"You can call me Mr. Riec," His target answered obliviously. "It's very nice to meet you, Erina. My, what a cute name for such a cute girl, haha!"

From behind him, Eren's eyes narrowed into slits.

The further they walked from the marketplace, the more Eren realized where they were heading. They were heading back to the Alley of Gaiety. He regarded the man with a sneer toward his back. He must know that patrols were lax in this part of town, so he thought he could lure a young girl here to do whatever he wanted.

Unlucky for him, this worked out perfectly for Eren.

"So," The target began with a lulling tone once he stopped in a small corner tucked away by a set of stone stairs and an old building. It was guaranteed to be a secluded spot without threat of being discovered. No one else was around for several blocks, just the two of them. "What secrets would you like to hear first, Erina?" He licked his lips. "How about this one?"

With his hands at his belt, he turned around only to stop when he felt a sharp prick at his neck. "Wha-" Without any grace, he flopped to the ground, sending dust flying everywhere. 

Eren stood behind him, hand still in position. "Filthy pig," He spat, scowling down at the man- the animal that dared tried to touch him. "Riec Weber, right?"

The man didn't answer him, but his eyes swirled in his direction, showing anger and disbelief and- ah, there it was. The fear. 

Sparkling green eyes turned poisonous. "Didn't you know that kids have their own secrets too?" Eren asked, not expecting a verbal reply. The filthy animal in front of him wouldn't be able to move a muscle let alone answer him, not until he took the needle wedged from between the 4th and 5th cervical vertebra. 

Eren smiled.

It wasn't a human smile.

 

* * *

 

In a dark basement, lit only by oil lamps scattered strategically around the operating table, Eren carefully inserted the empty syringe into the inner elbow after sanitizing the area. The needle he was using was larger than the ones he used for injections, a 16 gauge compared to a 23 gauge, as this one had to handle large amounts of liquid pouring through it.

Once it had breached approximately half an inch and into the median cubital vein, he pulled the plunger and watched, focused on the way warm red began to fill the glass barrel, occasionally spurting in sync with the body's heart beat. When it filled almost completely, he exchanged the barrel for an empty one, until he had four tubes lined up perfectly on the stand next to him. Slipping the needle out in one smooth motion, he quickly placed gauze on top of the opening and applied pressure until the bleeding stopped enough for him to bandage it close.

He was going to keep this body alive for a few days, maybe a few weeks. It'll receive nutrients through a feeding tube as well as an intravenous saline solution bag. For now, it will remain in a medical coma until he decided otherwise. It all depended on what kind of results he would get from the blood.

Humans had different blood types, categorized into eight different letters while also depending on their Rhesus protein factor that may or may not be present on the surface of the cells. Transfusing one type of blood into a person whose blood didn't match would result in a horrific reaction and almost guaranteed death.

Replacing his gloves for a new sterilized pair, Eren picked up a new syringe and prepped his own inner elbow for insertion. But what he knew didn't count for himself, now did it. He didn't know what his blood would do, to himself, to other people. He didn't even know what it contained anymore. Would it contain a new type of plasma? Perhaps his blood was poisonous now? Did that include his saliva and other bodily fluids?

The human in him was afraid of the answers, but the doctor in him was beyond curious.

He watched curiously as he drew his own blood. It was still the same color as a human's, though it was hard to tell when he didn't have much light, and it was warm, too. Inhumanly warm, in fact. His body temperature was now at a staggering 39.2C while a normal human would be at 37C, with no lasting damage as far as he could tell, but maybe the monster in him was constantly healing the damage caused by his permanent fever? He wouldn't know until he did more tests.

The blood didn't steam inside the barrel, either. It seemed contact with oxygen causes some sort of reaction that results in the evaporation of the liquid, same with the spinal fluid mixture he still had inside the icebox. He made a mental note to see if the evaporated liquid will leave any traces behind, perhaps some albumin or glucose. It can't _all_ evaporate into nothing.

With four more vials of blood labeled with his name, Eren took out the syringe. He didn't bother dressing his wound, wouldn't waste the energy or precious supply of gauze, especially when five seconds later, the entry point closed up to leave unmarred skin.

Glancing back at the body, Eren hummed. "I don't think I can salvage your liver or your lungs, but your pancreas and eyes might be useful." He bowed at the waist, though the action was more mocking than respectful. "Thank you for your contribution."

The body didn't answer, wouldn't, couldn't, it didn't matter. It was filth that he can recycle for the betterment of Humanity. No one would miss it, either. The man had no family, no friends. Armin's reports had said no one could stand the guy, and because he could never keep a job, he took it out on the prostitutes he paid for. Now he'll never hurt another person again.

Unmasking himself, he threw his apron, gloves, face cloth, and hair cloth into the bin where he'll sterilize everything later. Placing the vials of blood in a basket, he carried it upstairs to the apartment, unlocked the door, and let himself into his lab. There was enough sunlight streaming through the window- which had been cleaned until it shined, done under the supervision of Mr. Levi- that Eren felt it was a good time to test the blood before they clotted.

If his blood even clotted, anyway.

With a notebook and quill on one side of the table, he placed his microscope in front of him as well as various syringes. Picking up the vial of filthy blood, he inserted the needle through the seal and drew a few milliliters. He then took the needle back out, and picking up a clean slide, he carefully dripped the blood and then closed it with another slide. This way, no airborne contaminants would change the chemical balance.

Placing the slide under the microscope, he adjusted the knobs as best he could. "Ugh..." Eren scowled at the weak magnification. He really needed a better microscope. The one he had was just barely doing the job, but if he wanted more precise observations, he'd need to make a special order from Sina, and there was no way he could obtain that at his age and without a license from Stohess University of Medicine. "Damn it, why can't I just get what I want?" He grumbled before focusing back on the blood sample.

He noted down the amount of albumin, the white blood cell count, and the platelet count. The filth had a higher WBC count and lower platelet count, usually seen in people who drank and smoke too much. Along with a deficiency in various vitamins, it was a rather average blood sample. He had to make sure, however, which meant he had to do several slides to check. 

By the time Eren was finally able to move on and begin testing on his own blood, Mikasa and Armin had both come back and were preparing dinner.

"Oh c'mon!" He complained loudly when his blood evaporated before he could close the slides together. This was the fourth time it had happened. If he closed it too slow, it'll evaporate, but if he closed it too fast, the blood would splash off _and then evaporate._

Someone knocked on the door. "Eren?" Mikasa called out. "Dinner's ready. We're having spinach and pan fried potato."

His stomach grumbled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten even after having his blood drawn, but he was too focused right now to care. "I'll eat later!"

"But-"

"Later, Mikasa!" He snapped. " _Please_ , I'm doing delicate work here!"

He could feel her displeasure through the door. "...Fine. You have thirty minutes or else I'm coming in and dragging you out by your ears if I have to." Her footsteps faded further away, where he was sure Armin was so they can eat dinner without him.

Eren didn't give it any more attention, and focused on getting his blood sealed. Sticking his tongue out from behind his face cloth even though it was unhygienic- he couldn't help it really- He dripped his blood onto the slide and as quickly and as carefully as he possibly could with his breath held, sealed it with another slide.

Sweat dripped from his forehead, causing his long hair to stick to his face, but he didn't dare to blink. He had to make sure his blood wasn't going to evaporate. Any second now. One...Two...Three...Four...Five...

Nothing happened.

Letting out a huge sigh of relief, Eren felt all the tension leave him. "Finally..." Placing the slide under the microscope, he twisted the knobs for maximum magnification and prepared himself to write down what he was going to discover. Whether his blood was still the same as a human's, or it was something completely different. He couldn't predict what he'd find.

Peering down the lens, his breath hitched.

His blood...was still very much human. RBCs, WBCs, platelets, hormones, the works.

However...

"What the hell..?" He furrowed his brow and squinted, not sure if he could believe his eyes. He had a high platelet count, much higher than a normal human's. That was shocking, but it wasn't the most shocking thing.

His RBCs had an unknown protein attached to them. He wasn't even sure he could classify it as a protein either, he had to do extensive testing with a better microscope for that. Still, this was unusual. He wasn't sure this was something that other humans could have, and he could be a special case due to him being a monster.

This begged the question if Titans outside the Walls had this unknown protein on their RBCs, or was it just him because he used to be human? 

Stepping back, he rapidly blinked to rid the blur from his vision.

He...He needed more samples.

Taking off his gloves, he tugged his mask down and rushed out the door. Both Mikasa and Armin jumped in their seats and turned to him with wide eyes, spoons held in the air. "Guys, can I have your blood?" He blurted out.

Mikasa immediately frowned. "We're eating, Eren. Don't bring work to the dining table."

"Please?" Eren begged, clasping his hands together. "I just, I really need more samples to compare, and I can't ask anyone else right now or they'll ask why. Just a quick draw." He knew eating could change the chemicals in the blood, but it didn't change the fact that they were human, so it didn't matter too much.

Armin hesitated but began rolling up his sleeve. "If-If you have to..." He conceded reluctantly with a squeamish expression. Giving him a look of despair, Mikasa sighed and rolled up her sleeve as well.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Eren quickly disinfected the areas and used separate needles for each of their extractions. He only needed one sample each from them, and once he got what he wanted, he rushed back to his lab, disregarded hygienic standards by wearing the same apron and gloves, and sealed their blood samples into separate slides before putting each of them in, Armin then Mikasa.

Armin's blood showed he was 100% human. Low on iron and vitamin D, though that was expected due to his frail frame. Eren made a quick mental note to help his friend eat more meat somehow.

Putting in Mikasa's blood sample, Eren frowned when he noticed she had a high RBC count as well as a WBC count. Mikasa was pretty healthy and had no heart problems or bone marrow diseases that he knew of. Taking an extra minute to observe her blood, his eye caught sight of something and he furrowed his brow. There was...something there. 

He might just be seeing things but...he could've sworn one of her red blood cells had an unknown protein attached to it, like the ones he had. Was he going crazy? Or maybe it was from her Asian heritage?

"Probably her Asian heritage..." Eren muttered, trying to convince himself. It wasn't like he could compare data since she was the last Asian, and she wasn't even full Asian at that.

Placing the remaining blood into the ice box, he glanced at his father's syringe.

He...He didn't know anything anymore, only that he had to keep moving forward. He _had_ to figure this out, and soon.

"Eren. You're eating dinner. _Now_."

"Yeah yeah..."

 

 

* * *

  **December 27th**

 

"Mikelle! Come here, come here!" Eren eagerly gestured to himself. Standing on wobbly legs, the fourteen month old slowly stumbled her way to him, a little bit of drool escaping from her gummy smile. "Yes, yes! Come to Eren!"

"Wahh...Ang, an ba!" Mikelle babbled happily with every step she took. Her onesie was made from one of Eren's old dresses that he deemed wasn't cute enough to attract the wrong kind of attention, and her curls had been combed back into a little ponytail. She had grown so much in just over a year, from Eren helping birth her to finally learning how to walk and babble.

When she reached the doctor, she fell straight into his lap with a squeal, and Eren lifted her up under her arms. "You did it!" He cheered. "I'm so proud of you!"

She waved her hands up and down, mirroring his excitement. "Yaaa! Bababaa..." In her enthusiasm, she ended up drooling all over Eren who laughed sheepishly.

"Oh?" Armin came in to the apartment with a small but bright smile, bookkeeping tome under one arm. "Is she finally getting the hang of walking?"

"Yep!" Eren grinned. "She's doing so well, too! She's only tripped a couple times and she never cried when she failed."

"Wow, Mikelle!" Armin leaned down and patted her on the head. "Congratulations! We're so proud of you!"

The toddler gave him a gummy smile too, and both of them went "aww" from the pure cuteness.

The door opened again, showing Mikasa who had come back from grocery shopping. "Do I hear someone being cute?" She smiled softly. "Is Mikelle doing well?"

Eren nodded. "Her development has been amazing, considering everything. She's growing at a good rate, and she's been able to beat back any sicknesses common in babies. Her mental development has been good, too!"

"Mm." Armin nodded in agreement. "She was able to recognize us when she was around six months old, and crawling around at seven. Now she's officially walking at fourteen." He brightened. "Maybe she'll start talking soon! She's been babbling more, hasn't she?"

"Ha na ba ha puuu...." As if on cue, Mikelle let out a string of unintelligible words, followed by a few spit bubbles. 

Laughing fondly, Eren wiped her mouth with her bib. "You're too cute, Mikelle." 

Her face scrunched up. "Ma..."

Blinking, the three looked at each other before turning their gaze back to the toddler. "What was that?" Mikasa asked.

Mikelle tugged on Eren's shirt. "Ma...ma...?"

Eren felt his breath hitch. "What..?" 

Encouraged by his reaction, Mikelle repeated herself. "Ma...ma...mama. Mama!" She clapped her hands as if congratulating herself. "Mamamamama."

"Did she just..?" Armin murmured in surprise. "Did she just call you mama, Eren?"

Eren couldn't breathe. There was no way. He wasn't. He wasn't Mikelle's mother. No way.

Difa's face, though blurry around the edges now that so much time had passed, appeared in his mind.

 _She_ was Mikelle's real mother, not him. Why...Why would Mikelle think that he was her mother? It didn't make sense. He couldn't...He couldn't replace anyone's real mother, not when they deserved it more.

It was Difa's right to be called Mikelle's mother.

"-ren. Eren!" A hand roughly shook him and he looked up at Mikasa in a panic. "Eren, calm down," His sister advised. "It's okay."

"Mamamama mama." Mikelle kept repeating the word as if it was a mantra. While she said it, her gaze never left him, her tiny fist never letting go of his shirt. Eren stared back, overcome with shock and guilt and underneath it all, so much love for her. Why would she think he was "mama"?

"Probably because you've been taking care of her the most," Armin answered, and Eren realized he had said his question out loud. "You were the one who helped birth her, remember? You clothe her, you feed her, you teach her. To be honest, you're her mother in all but blood at this point."

"But..." Eren croaked out. "Ana, and Madam Hiesel, and the other girls..."

"Are more like temporary caretakers than real guardians," Armin finished, smiling sympathetically. "I know it's a little unorthodox, but this whole situation has been unusual. Why not just accept it?"

"Because she's..." Eren swallowed. "Mikelle is Difa's, and if she's calling me mama, then...I feel like it's not fair."

"Because it feels like you're replacing her," Mikasa whispered, ducking into her scarf. Her eyes remained uncovered though, and they shined with un-shed emotions. "It's...It's okay, Eren. We all know Difa is her mother, and you always make sure to take Mikelle to her resting place. But Eren..." Her lips curled into a small smile. "You're her mama. You're not replacing Difa in any way, you're just...another parent, another guardian. Another mom. Not a lot of people can say they have more than one mom."

"Yeah," Armin encouraged, one hand patting Mikelle's head. "She gets twice the love, and we all love her as if she's our own, so it's okay, right Eren?"

Eren slowly absorbed their words and looked down at the toddler in his lap who looked up at him with a blithe smile. He wasn't replacing Difa. He was just...giving Mikelle more love. If that love meant she called him mama, then... "Okay..." He whispered, smiling unsurely. "Mama then, I guess."

Mikelle clapped her hands. "Mama mama mama!" She repeated.

"Can I be auntie then?" Mikasa suggested with a rare grin.

"Only if I can be uncle," Armin laughed. "Of course Eren gets to be mama. How does it feel to be a mother at twelve years old, Eren?"

"About the same as you two being evil friends," Eren quipped back, but he grinned as well. "I hope I'm as good a mother as mine was."

His little family wasn't going to last long, but...he'll enjoy it as much as he can.

 

 

* * *

  **847 January 2nd**

 

 

"Are you sure about this, Eren?" Mikasa asked solemnly, a backpack slung over her shouder. "Last chance."

Eren surveyed the apartment that had been their home for the last year and a half.

Everything had been packed and stored away. His plant collection had been sold off to numerous apothecaries as well as his tools and supply. All he had left was a briefcase of all his essential equipment inside, as well as his father's glasses, basement key, and syringe. It hadn't actually needed to be stored in a specific temperature, so he felt it was safe to take it with him. Better than to leave it here for someone to find it. The furniture remained as is for any future renter moving in, and all unneeded clothing was donated to the Trost orphanage. What was once a cramped and crowded apartment filled with greenery, was now just empty space.

"...Yeah." He nodded determinedly. "I'm ready. Let's go," He commanded.

Armin nodded as well, clenching his jaw. "We're joining the military."

Anyone could join the military so long as they were turning the required twelve years old in the same year. All three of them had decided to enlist as quickly as possible. They spent a good chunk of time with everyone in the Alley, and outside it as well. They told Luke what was happening months beforehand, and though the gang was disappointed, they couldn't do anything to stop them. Not if they wanted Mikasa to break their balls. 

Eren threatened him to keep them updated about the Alley, whether it was with coded letters or in person. "If anything happens to Mikelle, I'm holding you personally responsible." He growled at the gangster. It may seem ridiculous to see a twelve year old boy at the height of 159cm threatening a full grown man who was nearly a head taller, but judging by Luke's cold sweat, it worked just fine.

 

Eren had also paid Mr. Levi one last visit, meeting up at Trost HQ instead of the apartment. The man had appeared fine if reluctant to see him enlist, citing that he didn't want Eren to rush to his death.

Eren had of course, pouted. "I'm not! Who said I'll die? You'll see, I'll graduate in the Top Ten and you'll let me into your squad!"

The older man rolled his eyes. "Let's see some results before you start bragging. You should cut your hair, too. It's really long now."

Eren touched his hair, self conscious of the length. "You think? I could tie it up..." It came in handy to have long hair. It was what helped him obtain several test subjects, after all.

Levi softened his expression and reached out to pat his head, scowling when he had to lift his arm up to his own height to do so. "You're growing too fast, brat." He said almost regretfully. "I just don't want you to sign your life away. You're not even twelve yet. You could open up a practice, find a job at the hospital. You don't have to enlist to help us."

Eren clenched his jaw and snatched the man's hand in his own. "I don't want to join just to help you. _I want to kill every last Titan out there,_ " He swore with a growl. "Whatever you say won't be able to stop me. My goal is and has always been to eradicate all Titans so that Humanity can finally live in true freedom."

Taken aback, Levi stared at him, almost regarding him in a new light. "...I see." He let out a small sigh. "Then all I can say is this: I'll be waiting for you. You, Armin, and Mikasa." He barely smiled, but the sheer sorrow underneath almost shook Eren to his core. "Train hard."

Blinking in surprise, Eren grinned brightly and saluted. "Yes sir!"

 

Now that it was the day of enlistment, all three of them were leaving, but they had to make one last stop first. With their bags on their back and in their hands, they walked down the Alley. It was quiet today. Everyone who knew them were present, eyes trained on their small figures.

Though they were small and barely teenagers, they had grown from the scared children they used to be.

Armin had grown a little taller, though he was still the shortest. His face had begun to lose its baby fat, and his limbs, though skinny and stick-like, had more muscle than before. He still kept his hair in a bob-like style, but it was cropped above his eyes and ears. His eyes, a bright baby blue, held more forbidden knowledge that a regular child would never even think about.

Mikasa was taller, and her body had slowly begun to gain what promised to be womanly curves. Her long and luscious black hair was the envy of every girl, and her features, having already been quite fair, had gained a sharper edge, such as the slimness of her chin and the small curve of her nose. She still preferred to wear long skirts and shirts, but anyone with eyes could see the muscle hidden underneath. Of course, even though she had changed so much, she was never seen without her signature red scarf.

Eren changed most of all. His hair was longer than either of his friends, falling in straight warm brown strands to his shoulder blades. Sometimes he wore men's clothing, other times people swore they saw a girl who looked just like him, clad in soft colors with an even softer smile. He had more muscle than Armin, yet had remained quite slim. Most of all, his eyes caught everyone's attention. They were a little sharper, sometimes darker, but no one could deny there was a glow that lured them in. 

Entering the brothel, the three of them paused in the doorway. Madam Hiesel greeted them, as did every other girl under her employment. They all stood there with a smile, some of them crying, and some of them trying to hide their emotions. In Ana's arm, Mikelle brightened and immediately reached for them. "Mama, mama!" 

Eren gave her a wobbly smile. He still felt unsure at being called mama, but so long as the little girl was happy, he could put up with it. "Hi Mikelle."

"Today is the day then," Madam Hiesel stated. "We wish you the best at training, and from the bottom of my heart..." Though she looked like she had eaten something sour, a small smile broke out and she bowed. "I would like to thank you three for your help this past year."

"Thank you for taking the creeps away, Mikasa!"

"And thank you for making sure we're paid correctly, Armin!"

"Eren," Ana called out with a bright smile. "Thank you very much for giving me that medicine. I'll take care of Mikelle, and we'll try to visit you if we can get permission!"

Mikelle was still grabbing for him. "Mama, mama!"

Eyes misting over, Eren reached out and took Mikelle, holding her in his arms. Clenching his jaw, he held her close and tried to remember her scent, the feel of her baby soft skin, her hair, her eyes, her smile. "Mama-" He choked on the title. It was uncomfortable to say, but if it made her happy. "Mama's going away for a little while, okay?"

The toddler tilted her head, not understanding.

Armin sniffled, his face red from their compliments. "Um, y-you're welcome! I'm glad to have helped you all, even though it was as small as bookkeeping!"

Mikasa bowed her head, trying to hide her blush with her scarf. "I'm glad to have helped keep you all safe. Please call for Luke if you need anything."

Eren looked down at his- daughter? Ward?- child, and tried his best to smile for her. "I have to say goodbye for a while. Please, be a good girl for Ana and the others, okay?"

"Huh..? Mama..?" Mikelle began to frown when she noticed his tears. "Cry..?"

He bit his lip. Giving her a long kiss on her forehead, he reluctantly handed her back to Ana. Giving them all a nod, a long gaze at Madam Hiesel who nodded in return, he turned around and headed for the door.

Armin waved sadly. "Bye, Mikelle. Be a good girl!"

"Stay healthy..." Mikasa prayed quietly, gently cupping the toddler's face before stepping back as well.

"Mama..?" Eren heard behind him, the voice full of confusion and beginning to panic. "Mama?! Mama! Mama!!"

Clenching his hands, it took every ounce of will inside him not to turn around. He was doing this for Mikelle. For Difa. For Armin. For Mikasa. For his mother. For his Father. Everyone who had been affected by Titans. He was going to train hard to enter the Top Ten. He'll join the Survey Corps with Mr. Levi's squad. He'll kill all the Titans. He'll keep moving forward until he'll find true freedom.

Lifting his head up high, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin marched toward the enlistment site.

He was the monster that killed other monsters.

He was the doctor that saved humans.

He was Eren Jaeger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you have been looking forward to crossdressing Eren, so here she is! As a small note in case anyone is confused, Eren identifies as a boy and is biologically male, but he has no concept of shame in matters that aren't life or death, so he has no qualms about wearing dresses or looking feminine or masculine. Everything kind of boils down to practicality with him (can it help his patients, his friends, his goal in killing titans, etc), and so long as he's not hurting anyone innocent, he'll do what he does without guilt or confusion.
> 
> 39.2C = 102.6F for my fellow Americans lol I use fahrenheit as well but I've been taught to use celsius when it comes to science, so I went with celsius here.
> 
> Nanaba is my favorite Scout that isn't a main character *u* and I guess I've decided to use Mike instead of Miche
> 
> *Also, small announcement!*
> 
> Some of you might have noticed that I changed my username here and that's because my previous one was being used for too many things, so I thought to finally separate it under a somewhat new name. I also made a twitter specifically for my fanfics and fanart/art under the same name! You can follow me there for fic updates and lots of fanart (lots of Eren right now, and lots of current manga spoilers, so you have been warned!) Please give me a follow if you'd like!
> 
> https://twitter.com/AristoMuse


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been more than a month since I updated??? I swear I posted ch 16 like, 2 weeks ago. My sense of time is so messed up, I'm sorry!! My classes have started so I've been trying to adjust, and I have a super big art project I'm working on in my free time, so I haven't had the time or energy or motivation to write whoops.

The enlistment site was little more than a tent propped up outside the Trost military headquarters. It was manned by two people representing the Training Corps, the only regiment of the military that has exclusive duties to training new soldiers to eventually graduate into one of the three other regiments. The tarp itself was a faded green, having been used for several years, with the Training Corps logo on it. The site of the badge with two swords crossed was enough to get Eren excited, as seen by him impatiently tapping his foot. There were over a hundred people who showed up today, with at least forty people in front of them, and the process seemed lengthy judging by the slow crawl of time.

Armin looked around at the variety of people lined up with them and subtly swallowed. "So many people...How many do you think are only enlisting for guaranteed rations?" He murmured.

"At least a third," Mikasa answered quietly, eyes slanted for any potential threats. "It's always been like this, hasn't it?"

"They'll probably be the first to drop out." Eren rolled his eyes. "Signing up just for free food shows they aren't serious about training at all."

It took a good hour, but they finally made it to the front of the line. A member of the Training Corps had a clipboard in their hands while another one had what looked like a measuring tape. Eren stepped forward first, eager to finally get into training.

"Name?" The Training Corps officer asked, his bored voice mirroring his expression.

"Eren Jaeger, sir!" Eren answered, right hand clenched over his heart.

"Age?"

"Twelve years old!"

"Where are you from?"

Eren paused. He technically lived in Trost right now, but he was born and raised in Shiganshina. He didn't know if Armin had gotten their records changed or anything either, not that it really mattered. "...Shiganshina," He said with a finality in his tone. Shiganshina had always been home.

Writing it all down on the clipboard, the officer nodded and pointed to the side. "All right, you're in. Biggs will be taking your measurements, then you'll be transported to the training camp by wagon. Next!"

Clearly dismissed, Eren stepped to toward the other officer and let Armin take his place after to stammer out his own information. The officer in front of him grunted and gestured for him to lift his arms. He then took his shoulder, chest, waist, and hip measurements, the measuring tape wrapping on and off his body in quick and concise snaps that showed just how often he did this. "You're a bit on the smaller side, but let the tailors know you're a size medium when you get assigned your uniform."

And with that, he was enlisted.

Taking a seat in one of the wooden wagons once they were all signed up, Armin wiped the sweat that had accumulated on his brow from sheer nerves. "That was...ridiculously quick," He remarked in disbelief. "I expected a little more questions, perhaps even some sort of proof of citizenship."

"Right?" Eren glanced back toward the tent where a small scuffle broke out from someone cutting the line. "I guess it doesn't really matter, though. We got in."

Armin breathed out. "Yeah. We're...We're in training now." He stated for them, a small smile breaking out. "We're going to join the Survey Corps and maybe see the world." He grinned to himself. "I'm scared, but...it's also kind of exciting!"

"Right?!" Eren said again, this time with more enthusiasm. "We're finally one step closer to our dreams!" He clenched his fists on his lap and resisted the urge to bounce in his seat.

Mikasa smiled fondly. "Calm down, you two. We have to pass training before we can talk about seeing the outside world."

Eren tilted his head quizzically. "Hey Mikasa, do you want to see the Outside too? You've never really shown an interest in it like us."

"I want what you want, Eren."

"That's not a good answer! What do you want for yourself?"

Sitting back in his seat, Armin watched his two closest friends bicker before looking up at the sky. It was a clear day and the heavens looked impossibly blue, so blue that if he stared for too long, he felt like he could fall into it.

In the last two years, he had rarely left the Alley, and he had grown used to the cramped buildings and tiny pathways leading to and from backdoors. Being out in the heart of the city felt cleaner somehow. It wasn't even just the hygienic state. The Alley was near the waterway, lending an unpleasant smell of sewage and stale water, but it wasn't just physically filthy. The residents could spend all day scrubbing their bodies, but they could never get rid of the stench of poverty and hopelessness. The very atmosphere felt like wading through grime. He almost forgot just how... _pure_  it could be, away from that place.

As Armin stared up at the vast cerulean sky above them, he wondered how clean the outside world was if it had been untouched by humans for a hundred years.

 

* * *

 

With nine other wagons full of recruits, they set off on their journey toward the southeast of Rose territory. Their own wagon held six other individuals, all of them close to their own age actually, and some of them were nervously shifting their eyes around to glance at their future peers. Eren noted a skittish brown haired girl who had crumbs all over her clothing, along with a boy with a buzz cut, and another boy with freckles. These were likely to be his future comrades, if they made it that far. No one else really mattered, though. Only Armin, Mikasa, Mr. Levi, and Mikelle.

The ride took the whole morning, closing into early afternoon before they finally arrived at the training camp. On their way, they had even passed the mountainous forest that had become their little testing ground for the last two years, which prompted Armin to speak up.

"Eren," Armin whispered, gaining the attention of his friend. "You remember the precautions we talked about, right?"

"Huh?" Eren's brows furrowed in confusion before his face smoothed out into a blank slate. "Oh, right. You mean about the thing." The thing being his Titan powers. Him being a monster while constantly surrounded by a crowd of humans was going to be a problem.

He wasn't so arrogant to think he was going to come out of training unscathed.

It was likely that he was going to acquire several injuries over the next three years, and while his regeneration was useful, people were going to ask questions if say, his laceration from the afternoon was gone by evening. His medicine could provide a good cover, but not even the most advanced compounds of drugs could explain away a fully healed injury that also steamed. He would have to stave off his regeneration by will.

His transformation was another problem they had discussed.

His control still wasn't the best- they hadn't had the luxury to test it out often- but his Titan form lasted longer and longer the more he practiced. The trick was officially established, as Armin liked to think of it, as blood sacrifice accompanied with a will. He needed to have some sort of laceration, deep enough to draw blood, and it could be self-inflicted or an injury done by someone else. Sometimes when he transformed, he didn't have enough strength in his muscular body, and other times he was missing limbs. He still couldn't speak- seemed like his vocal cords weren't structured the same as a human's- but he could grunt and growl a few syllables.

The scariest moments during the last year were when he didn't have any control. Armin and Mikasa had quickly learned to stay out of sight. They said he would just stand there -if he had legs- and either stare up at the sky until he couldn't stay in that form anymore, or he'd knock a few trees over in a rage fueled tantrum.

For Eren, it was like being in a deep but exhausting sleep, waking up with no recollection of what had happened as well as unresponsive limbs. Mikasa always had to carry him back after, and he would be bedridden for a whole day. The more he practiced, the less often he lost control, but he was always afraid he wasn't strong enough to control the monster.

As of right now, he could stay in his monstrous form for about four hours, the more energy he exerted the less time he had. However, now that they were going to live surrounded by people and constantly under the surveillance of superiors, there was no way he could practice without tripping some alarms.

They couldn't explain a sudden strike of lightning that formed a 15 meter Titan out of nowhere, after all.

The smallest transformation he could summon was an arm, but that was still accompanied by light and sound. In the end, Eren just had to be careful about his healing abilities and to hide any steam that came off his person. The steam wasn't too thick while he was a human, so hopefully if he kept moving around, no one would notice. "I'll be as careful as I can, Armin."

"Don't worry, Eren," Mikasa spoke up quietly. "If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll kill them."

Eren sent her a sharp frown. "Do  _not_  kill anyone while we're here, okay?" He whispered frantically. "We're trying to get into the Survey Corps, not get court martialed before we even graduate!"

"Just one or two won't be missed-"

" _No._ "

"But there's plenty of forest, no one would find them-"

"No means no, Mikasa!"

"What are you guys arguing about?" One of the others in their wagon spoke up curiously.

Eren turned to look at him. He was young, around their age, with a buzz cut and a relaxed countenance. His eyebrows were slim but expressive, and his eyes shone bronze with a lightheartedness that Eren rarely saw these days, at least around the Alley. This guy seemed like the young and naive type. For some reason, just looking at someone so carefree made him feel old.

"Nervous about entering training?" The stranger asked with an easygoing grin.

"Oh, um, sort of..." Armin answered for them with an awkward smile. "Sorry, were we being loud?"

"Nah, it's cool!" The stranger responded, leaning back in his seat with his arms behind his head. "I get it. It's not every day we sign up for the military, after all." He held out his hand. "I'm Connie Springer, from Ragako. It's this small village in the Southwest of Rose, so no worries if you haven't heard of it."

Sitting closest, Eren hesitated but took his hand and shook it. His palm was rough, likely from farming. "Eren Jaeger. This is Armin Arlert, and Mikasa Ackerman." He gestured to his friends respectively. "It's...nice to meet you," He answered stiffly.

Shaking his hand, Connie gave him a sympathetic smile. "Hey, loosen up! We're all nervous around strangers, but we'll be comrades for the next three years, right? So let's do our best to get along." He turned to the others in the cart, who had been watching them with curious and shy gazes. "How 'bout you guys? Let's all get to know each other a bit. It's a long ride to sit around in silence."

"Um, I'll start then?" A boy with black hair volunteered, a nervous smile on his freckled face. "I'm Marco Bodt, and I'm from Jinae, a small town just north of Trost. It's nice to meet you all and I wish all of us well on our journey to become soldiers."

The girl next to him startled and sat up, back ramrod straight, and looked as spooked as a deer. "I-I am Sasha Braus! From, uh, Dauper village. P-Pleasure to meet your acquaintances..?"

Eren gave her an odd look. Why was she speaking so formally and so stilted as well?

"I'm Mylius Zeramuski," The silver haired boy introduced himself with a quiet smile. "From Krolva. Nice to meet you all."

"Samuel Linke-Jackson." A tall brunet waved. He could've been Marco's brother or cousin from how similar they looked. "I'm uh, from Krolva as well."

The last girl on their wagon perked up with a chipper smile, one hand twirling a black pigtail. "Hi, I'm Mina Carolina and I'm originally from Calaneth! It's nice to meet you guys!"

Eren smiled hesitantly. They all seemed like nice people.

The rest of the journey was filled with light and somewhat stilted conversation. They were all awkward with each other, and it didn't help that some of them were clearly being eaten up by nerves as seen by their hunched shoulders and jittery legs. Mina, Marco, and Connie did their best though, filling the long pauses with jokes or small talk. For some reason, they were all rather nice to Eren, which was a novelty in itself. It had been a long time since anyone his age actually wanted to interact with him, other than Armin and Mikasa at least. It seemed like he might make some more friends while in training.

Their driver took a pit stop to let the horses rest, and everyone got off to stretch their legs. The journey was long, but it seemed even longer when in a wagon that was towing ten people.

Stretching his arms up in the air, Eren arched his back and let out a small breath. A movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned slightly to see Samuel.

The taller boy was staring at him, a hint of red in his cheeks. He hadn't realized that his staring had been noticed yet, either. Eren tilted his head at the strange reaction. Was he dehydrated, or perhaps feeling faint from the sun exposure? It wouldn't do to go into the induction ceremony feeling under the weather.

"Samuel?" Eren called out, snapping the other boy out of his trance. "You okay?"

"Huh?" Jumping a little, Samuel tore his gaze away and rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, y-yeah, I'm fine. Sorry." Without waiting for a response, he quickly walked back to the wagon, sitting down stiffly.

Eren was left staring after him, confused. The hell was that about?

"He's suspicious," A voice spoke flatly from behind him and he jumped. It was only due to the familiarity of her dulcet tones that Eren didn't instinctively take out his wrist knife.

Turning around, he frowned. "What do you mean, Mikasa? You think he'll be trouble?" He asked, making sure to keep his voice low in case anyone was close enough to listen.

Mikasa shook his head. "Not in the way you're thinking, no. Just stay away from him if he gets closer."

Eren furrowed his brow.

He was about to ask why when their driver called out. "All right, everyone back on the wagon! We'll arrive at the camp in an hour."

Clamping his mouth shut, Eren shrugged and walked back to the cart. It didn't matter. He could take care of himself if any situation arose.

All three of them were more than equipped to handle humans.

 

* * *

 

The sun was high in the sky when they arrived at the camp. It was little more than a large clearing spanning roughly a kilometer, with the main attractions in a small gorge, and each area sectioned off accordingly. There was the practice field and an area that held some sort of balancing machines. Beneath the small cliffs that overlooked the camp were the barracks, the officers quarters, the mess hall, and the main buildings. Being built entirely out of wood, they were surprisingly well-worn and sturdy even compared to the stone and brick buildings in the cities. Trails lead into and from the forest next to the training area, implying that there was more property that they had yet to see.

Theirs wasn't the only wagon to arrive, either. Several others came from the road in the hills of northeast, hosting the potential trainees from Calaneth. By the time everyone disembarked their vehicles, the camp was full to the brim with people.

"Attention, cadets!" An officer called out from the top of the stairs from the main building. Everyone turned to look at him. "We will begin the induction ceremony shortly, but first, we'll get you all into uniform! Separate into two lines, boys and girls, and do it swiftly!"

The camp burst to life, and everyone panicked, trying to get to their designated spots. Eren grunted when the fifth person bumped into him, and he stepped closer to his friends.

Armin turned to Mikasa and waved. "See you later when we line up?"

She nodded, though her brow was furrowed with worry. "You two stick together, okay? Don't let anyone push you around."

"Same to you," Eren replied back. "We'll probably meet back up during dinner time. Let's all do our best!"

Before he could get in line, however, her hand reached out for his. Her other hand came up as well, and she held him gently, almost reverently. Her palms were rougher than his, and guaranteed to be stronger, but the way her fingers gripped him, it was almost like she believed she would break without him as her anchor.

Eren frowned. "...Mikasa. We have to get going."

"I know," She whispered, but still she didn't let go. "But...this is the first time we can't be together. Us three, I mean. I..." Her jaw tightened and she ducked her head to hide in her scarf. "I don't like it."

Smiling sympathetically, Armin reached out and held on as well. "That's life, Mikasa. I understand how you feel but it's just not possible for people to be together forever. Besides, it's just for now. I'm sure we can still be together during meals and what free time we're allocated."

"Armin's right," Eren added after. With little difficulty, he gently took his hand back. Her grip grew tighter, fighting against his decision, but after a moment, it reluctantly loosened and he slipped away. "I know you swore some oath or whatever to look after me, but it's time you look after yourself, too. We'll still be together later, and if not, we're all joining the Survey Corps, right? This isn't the end."

Eren smiled determinedly. "We're doing this together."

Peering up at his sunny demeanor, Mikasa nodded minutely and squared her shoulders. "Okay." With a confident gait, she took her spot in the girls line, leaving the two of them to join up with the other boys.

Even from his position, Eren could see her fists were clenched tightly at her sides. Armin glanced between them and placed a hand on his shoulder. "She'll be okay. She's strong," He reassured.

"I know she's strong..." Eren answered halfheartedly.

Only physically. Mikasa, for all her monstrous strength, was sensitive and weak on the inside. She was quiet, awkward, and clingy. The only times she roused into action were when his safety was on the line. He hoped that with this gender segregated placement, she could grow without needing him as a crutch.

The lines were long, and with all the recruits in two single files, it stretched from the building entrance all the way to the end of the camp zone.

There were less female recruits, so Mikasa was called up before Eren and Armin were. A few minutes after she entered, she walked out, completely garbed in the trainee uniform.

The jacket was the same tan corduroy that was common throughout the whole military. The only difference being that the emblems were shown to be a badge with two swords crossed over it, signifying the wearer as a trainee. The pants were white and skin tight, melding to the curve of her thighs and calves, only to be interrupted by knee high brown leather boots. She kept her white button-up shirt, and her scarf was wrapped securely around her neck.

With an anxious nod, Mikasa walked over to the large sandy lot to find her placement.

Eren was excited to wear his own, and was almost bouncing up and down when it was finally his turn. As soon as he stepped inside, he was directed to a small room with a tailor and several sets of pre-made uniforms hanging from a rack.

"Size?" The tailor asked in a bored voice.

"Medium," Eren answered.

He was promptly shoved a uniform set into his hands and pushed toward the changing room. "Strip there and tag your belongings with your name. You'll be given them back later, whether or not you pass."

Whether or not he passed? What did that mean? Deciding to keep quiet, Eren closed the curtain behind him and stripped out of his now civilian clothes. As expected, the white military pants conformed to him like second skin, but it was made of some sort of stretchy material that allowed for flexibility. The boots were a little clunky, but the leather was also treated with a chemical that let it stretch to the size of his feet and calves.

When his fingers trailed at the hem of his shirt, Eren hesitated. He hadn't worn any other type of shirt since...since the Breach. He was comfortable with the wide collar and hanging strings, but more than that, it was the kind of clothing his mother made for him.

Carla Jaeger had never been a skilled seamstress, always claiming that collars were hard to stitch, but she did it with love as a housewife and mother. Even though their family had been well-off compared to the rest of Shiganshina, they never spent frivolously. What they could buy out in the marketplace, his mother would insist on a cheaper alternative. When he complained he was cold, she would sew him a new jacket. She had knitted the scarf that he gave to Mikasa. She had sewed all his clothes.

It was stupid, but his shirt was one of the few things he had left connecting him to his mother.

"Hurry up in there!" The tailor called out impatiently. "You're holding up the line!"

Snapping out of his memories, Eren left his shirt on and slipped on his new jacket. This wasn't the time to think of such things. He was finally going to take his first steps as a real soldier. Just a few more steps until he could finally be a full-fledged Scout. Until his first Titan kill.

Until he could find that blonde Titan and devour her.

The corduroy was thick, but it was warm and made sufficient protection. Bending his arms, Eren nodded at the fit and bundled his clothes together into his pack. Glancing at the curtain that veiled him from the outside, he put on his basement key around his neck, making sure it stayed under his shirt. He also shifted another scalpel under his sleeve, placing it next to his wrist knife holder, and smoothed out the fabric, making sure it couldn't be seen.

Taking out what was likely the most precious thing he had in his possession, he opened one of the small breast pockets in his jacket and slipped the syringe inside. There was no way he was going to let whoever was going to search through their belongings to find this. He left nothing suspicious.

Straightening up, Eren gathered his clothes into his pack and walked out. He handed it off to the tailor, wrote his name on the tag, and finally, walked out of the building and into the bright sun, garbed as a trainee.

Armin walked in after him, giving him a nervous but anticipating smile, and Eren subtly pressed a small satchel in his palm. Anyone else watching would just see two friends shaking hands in the face of nerves, but only they and Mikasa would know what was in it.

Accepting the pouch, Armin walked inside, and Eren walked out into the field.

It took the better part of an hour, but soon enough, everyone was stood in lines. Armin was to his left, and Mikasa was somewhere to the right. He also recognized a few others from the ride. Everywhere he looked, all he saw were fellow potential soldiers and comrades-in-arms, dressed in their tans and whites. It felt good to feel the uniform against his skin, the sun shining down on him, and surrounded by others like him.

Squaring his shoulders, Eren stared ahead.

Small nervous murmurs that were present were immediately silenced when a resounding bang exploded, and all their eyes snapped to the right of the field. An officer had their arm stretched up toward the air, and in their hand was a small gun. A plume of smoke trailed from the barrel, a leftover of the bullet they had shot. Next to her, an imposing man stood.

At the impressive height of 198cm, he was able to see above the heads of even the tallest of recruits. The officer's uniform draped across his broad shoulders, and the cut of his coat signified him as  _the_  man in charge. The sun reflected off of his bald head, shadowing his wide eyes that glared at them all without blinking once, and his mouth was set in a stern and disapproving grimace. Stress lines cut deep into the skin of his face, around his eyes, mouth, and forehead. The only hair that could be seen was his well-trimmed goatee, peppered with grays from stress and post-trauma.

Holding his hands behind his back, the head instructor glared at them, the action intensified by his permanent dark circles. "ATTENTION!" He shouted.

His voice carried from one end of the line to the other without any difficulty, and the power behind his command made all the recruits stand up even straighter. Hands behind the small of their back, shoulders squared, feet set apart.

Sweat dripped down from a few of their faces. Whether that was from the sun's afternoon rays or from fear, no one could say.

Eyeing them all for a few seconds, the instructor scowled in disgust. "I AM KEITH SHADIS, YOUR HEAD INSTRUCTOR DURING THE THREE YEARS YOU WILL BE HERE! YOU ARE THE 104TH TRAINING CORPS, AND FROM HENCE FORTH, YOU WILL ALL OBEY MY ORDERS. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT, AND FURTHER DISOBEDIENCE WILL EARN YOU AN EXPULSION. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!"

"Yes sir!" They all answered.

"I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!" Shadis yelled. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"YES SIR!" They all shouted in unison, with Eren's voice carrying stronger.

Clenching his hands, the imposing man held them out, and folded them against his body, left hand on the small of his back and right hand on top of his heart. "THIS SALUTE SHOWS YOUR RESOLVE TO DEVOTE YOUR HEART TO THE PEOPLE, THE MILITARY, AND TO THE CAUSE. REMEMBER THIS WELL BECAUSE WITHOUT RESOLVE AND DEVOTION, YOU ARE WORTH LESS THAN NOTHING!"

"NOW! DEDICATE YOUR HEARTS!"

Spreading his feet evenly, Eren held out his arms and swung them counter-clockwise, his left hand behind his back, and his right hand firmly above his heart. He had devoted his heart long before this, and the salute felt almost like second nature after he met Mr. Levi. He would dedicate his heart to his training, to killing Titans, to finding freedom.

Stepping forward, Shadis inspected each and every recruit, occasionally calling them out for their name. "Row three, about face!" He stopped in front of a blond boy and glared down at him. "Who the fuck are you?!"

Puffing out his chest, the blond boy saluted. "Thomas Wagner from Trost, sir!"

"I can't hear you!" The instructor goaded.

Clenching his eyes shut, Thomas tried again in a louder voice. "Thomas Wagner from Trost-"

"Too soft! Go practice in the cattle shed!"

Leaving the boy whimpering, Shadis moved on to the next person, stopping in front of Mina. "Who the fuck are you?!"

Mina saluted, a look of fear staining her face. "Mina Carolina from Calaneth, sir!"

Shadis bent down toward her. "Wrong!" He shouted in her face, almost spitting. "You're a pig who's worth less than cattle!"

"Yes sir!" Mina shouted, barely able to keep back her tears. "I am less than cattle!"

"No, you're a fly!-"

It went on and on. Whoever Shadis deemed too soft or unprepared, he would single them out and yell in their face. He left several cadets in tears, with one or two openly sobbing from his scathing insults.

Armin held in his breath when he approached, and when he stopped, didn't dare move an inch. After a tense moment that felt like several minutes, Shadis moved on, leaving the blond to silently sigh in relief. His eyes trailed after the tall man, calculating the chances of his fellows as well as his own. Seemed like he had proved his mettle somehow. Perhaps he had grown a little jaded in his time at the Alley.

"Row four, about face!"

Eren pivoted on his heel and squared his shoulders, staring ahead at the cadet in front of him. Her icy blue eyes, partially covered by pale gold hair, stared right back at him.

"I've seen a lot of shit in my time," Shadis began while walking forward. "But you are the sorriest pieces of shit I've ever seen! You're in for three years of hell!" Glancing around the trainees in row four, his eyes widened momentarily when he noticed Eren. His step faltered for a split second, before his jaw tightened and he ignored the brunet, moving onto the next recruit.

Eren didn't notice, too busy sizing up his fellow cadets, but Armin did. The budding strategist frowned, puzzled about the reaction.

"Who the fuck are you?!"

"Jean Kirschtein from Trost, sir!" A tall boy with ash blond hair and a dark undercut replied, making sure to salute.

"And why are you here?!"

Jean hesitated before smiling nervously. "To join the Military Police, for a life deep within the Walls..."

Eren glanced over before dismissing him. He knew the Military Police did nothing for the people and even less in the war against the Titans. If this guy wanted to join something that put his skills to waste, he was welcomed to.

Shadis narrowed his eyes. "Oh? Is that so..." He trailed off before slamming his skull against the younger boy's, sending him to the ground to crouch in pain. "Did I say you could sit down?! Anyone who can't handle this has no business joining the Military Police!"

Leaving Jean on the ground, Shadis moved on to Marco. "And who the fuck are you?!"

Marco smiled anxiously, almost leaning back to put some distance between them. "M-Marco Bodt, from Jinae! I-I want to join the Military Police to offer my body and services to the king!"

"Really..." Shadis raised a brow. "I'm glad to hear that. Good luck. However..." He leaned in closer, harsh shadows darkening his face. "The king doesn't  _want_  your  _body_."

With Marco trembling in fear, Shadis moved on to Connie. "And you?!"

Startled, Connie closed his eyes in trepidation and saluted, using his left hand to clench over his right breast. "Connie Springer from Ragako Village, Wall Rose South District!"

Immediately, Shadis lashed out with both hands and held up the young boy by his head in a clamp. "You're doing it wrong,  _Connie Springer_..." He spat out the name. "I explained that this salute demonstrates your resolve to devote your heart to the people. Is your heart on the right side?"

Actually, Eren knew in very rare instances that some humans were born with their hearts on the right side instead of the left, but the probability was so slim that he doubted Connie was one of those individuals.

Connie didn't answer, or rather  _couldn't_ , since his head was held in a vice grip, but before Shadis could continue belittling him, a crunch attracted his attention. Suddenly, the entire camp fell into a dead silence, with everyone staring at the culprit with wide eyes.

Taking another bite of her boiled potato, Sasha chewed anxiously, her bronze pupils swinging back and forth. She wasn't paying attention at all to the hazing session that was happening just a few feet from her, which made the current situation even more tense.

Eren stared with wide eyes at her boldness. Was she seriously eating while the instructor was looking for people to humiliate? And where did she get that potato from, the mess hall that was next door to the storage? So many questions popped up. When he had met her on the ride here, he hadn't expected  _this_.

"Hey, you..." Shadis called out quietly. "What do you think you're doing?"

Sasha glanced around curiously, trying to figure out who he was referring to.

One eye twitched, and Shadis loomed above her. "I'm talking to  _you_! Who the fuck do you think you are?!" He shouted in her face.

Quickly swallowing her mouthful, Sasha saluted, potato and all. "Sasha Braus from Dauper Village, Wall Rose South District!"

"Sasha Braus..." Shadis called out in a threatening tone, looking ready to throttle her. "And what is that in your right hand?"

"A boiled potato!" She answered without any hesitation or fear. "The kitchen had a fresh batch, and I could not resist."

The camp was dead silent.

Eren, unable to help it, gaped. Holy shit. She was dead.

Shadis stared at her. "...Did you steal it? Why would you choose to eat it  _now_?"

"Letting it go cold would be a waste, so I decided I should eat it now," Sasha answered, completely serious.

"...I still don't understand," Shadis said blankly. "Why are you eating a potato."

She furrowed her brow, confused. "Are you...asking me why people eat potatoes?"

The camp grew even more still. Everyone, whether they were a fresh recruit or an officer, stared at her in disbelief. Shadis had even been shocked into silence, which was something no one had thought was possible.

Suddenly, Sasha perked up, as if an idea had popped in her head, and she broke her potato in two, with one piece being much larger. Holding the smaller piece at the instructor, she looked as if she was in pain. "You can have half..."

Stunned, Shadis numbly accepted it. "Half..?" He repeated, staring at the piece that wasn't even a third of the size of hers.

Sasha gave him what she probably thought was a nice smile, but it was ruined by the potato bits that stuck to her face.

With one eye twitching, Shadis promptly dropped the potato to the ground, and Sasha screamed in anguish. "NO! THE POTATO!" Snatching it out of the air before it touched dirt, she immediately stuffed it into her mouth, as well as the other piece she kept for herself.

"Braus!" Shadis yelled out, freezing her in place. His expression was as dark and dangerous as a thunderstorm. "Run around this clearing until you drop!"

Sasha whimpered.

"If you don't..." He narrowed his eyes. "No dinner for you."

Her face paled and she screeched loudly before stumbling onto her feet to begin her laps. Watching her desperately run, Shadis shook his head in disbelief and continued the ceremony.

 

* * *

 

Once the induction ceremony came to a close, with almost half of the recruits in tears, Shadis guided them to a row of large complicated-looking machinery. "These balance machines will determine your worth as a soldier." He explained to the crowd. "The Omni-Directional Maneuver Gear relies on the user's balance. If you can't keep your balance, then there's no point wasting resources on you. There's six machines, so get into rows of six! Officers will hand you your belts and hook you up!"

Eren waited somewhat impatiently after Mikasa and Armin, not in the least bit worried. His balance was great, guaranteed by Madam Hiesel. Seemed like her teachings really were going to be useful somehow.

Some recruits fell with their butts hanging up, and others barely passed by while trembling from tensing their muscles. Once Mikasa was strapped in, they lifted her up into the air. She didn't move a single muscle, and even appeared relaxed.

"Hm, outstanding talent..." Shadis noted to his fellow officer. "Next!"

Once back on the ground, Mikasa joined them once more, staying as close to Eren as humanly possible. He grimaced but didn't push her away.

Armin went up next, and even though he looked somewhat frightened and he had to pose uncomfortably, he was able to retain his balance. "Arlert passes!" Shadis called out. "Next!"

With an excited smile, Eren ran up to the machine and was strapped to the wires by an assistant. The hooks were attached to the sides of his belt, and he knew there was no way he could fail. With where the wires supported his weight, he didn't have to do a single thing.

The assistant pulled the cord, and Eren was lifted into the air, just a foot off the ground. He held himself gracefully, using his core muscles to keep himself upright, but mostly relied on the belt to keep him steady. For a few seconds, he stayed motionless in the air.

Then all of a sudden, he tilted and felt his entire world shift.

"Wha-?! Whoa!" Flipped onto his back, it was only due to fast reflexes that he didn't smash his head on the ground. Instead, his arms held him up. "What the hell..." He breathed out in disbelief, anger, and then worry. What was going on?

"Eren!" Mikasa yelled out in worry.

"Eren?!" Armin gasped. "What happened?!"

"I...don't know..." Eren mumbled in shock. "There's...no way..."

His balance should've been perfect! He had worked for more than a year to get it right! He could stand on the tips of his toes without moving an inch, and balance just on one foot. There was no way he failed. The machine was totally faulty! But no one else had any problems, so it was clearly just him. Was he...really that bad?

Did this mean he couldn't be a soldier? Were his dreams going to end here?

"Eren Jaeger, right?" Shadis called out in a solemn voice. "Your balance is below the standard. You failed."

Just the words alone was like ice down his spine. "No way, there's no way!" Eren yelled out, twisting himself back up. He yelped when he put too much force and tilted forward instead, but he lifted his head and glared defiantly at his commanding officer. "Sir, please! There has to be a mistake. My balance is usually perfect!"

Everyone had stopped to watch at this point, more interested in his results than continuing their own tests. The ones who had rode on the same wagon frowned with worry and pity, while others scoffed and rolled their eyes at what they thought was pathetic groveling.

"That's not what I'm seeing right now." Shadis frowned disapprovingly. "There has been no malfunctions with the machine, so it has to be you."

Eren was properly panicking. "Please, sir!" He pleaded, his heart pounding violently in his chest. "I can prove it!"

"It-It's true!" Armin spoke up, resisting the urge to tremble when the instructor turned his head to glare at him. "Eren has better balance than me, and even Mikasa at times! There must be something wrong..."

Grasping his chin thoughtfully, Armin inspected his friend with a calculating gaze.

Eren stared back, emerald eyes almost glistening with desperate tears. Was he...really going to be stopped here? He had all the cards stacked, he was more than ready to dedicate his life to killing Titans, to fight for freedom. He was supposed to become a Scout with Armin and Mikasa. He was going to fly under the command of Mr. Levi, maybe even as equal comrades. He was supposed to eat the smiling Titan, and figure out what his father left him in their basement in Shiganshina.

How was he going to do all that if one measly test betrayed him?

He was almost desperate enough to use his more monstrous abilities-

Armin's eyes lit up. "If the machine isn't malfunctioning, and Eren's balance isn't the cause, then it has to be the belt. There's no other explanation! Eren, switch with me, would you?"

Eren lifted his head, feeling the small glimmer of hope, and nodded quickly. "Y-Yeah, sure!"

The assistant let him back down, and the two quickly traded belts. Neither of them noticed Shadis's grimace.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes.

With Armin's belt at his waist, Eren placed the hooks into the loops. His hands shook, and he felt like throwing up. This had to work. It  _had_  to. It didn't go wrong for Armin, so it wouldn't go wrong for him, but the fear and uncertainty clung to him like slime. Failing once had almost broken him.

If he failed again...

Without waiting, the assistant pulled him up into the air, and Eren held his breath. He didn't dare move a finger, and used every ounce of willpower he had in his abdominal muscles to stay upright. Seconds ticked by, then a whole minute...

And his balance was perfect.

Letting out a huge exhale, Eren laughed breathily, bringing up hand to wipe his eyes. "I-I did it! I passed, right?!" He looked hopefully at the instructor.

Stunned, Shadis could only stare at him. An almost broken expression passed his face before it returned to a stony frown. "Eren Jaeger...pass!"

Breaking into a beaming smile, Eren threw his hands in the air. "Yes! Armin, Mikasa!" He turned to his friends, tears of joy in his eyes. "I did it!"

"Mm!" Armin nodded with a proud smile.

Mikasa hid her smile in her scarf, but the happiness in her eyes couldn't be shrouded. "Congratulations."

"Good job, Eren!" Mina called out with a smile from a few feet away, and the sentiments were echoed by Marco as well as the others.

Shadis took the defective belt. "Seems there's a broken spring. I'll have to put that in the inspection list." He muttered halfheartedly. His hands clenched tighter, his blunt nails leaving crescent marks.

Leaving another officer in charge, he headed to the armory.

Giving them all a wide grin, Eren hopped off the machine and joined his friends. Nothing could stop him now. Now that he knew he could keep going, he would charge ahead no matter what.

 

* * *

 

It was sunset when Connie leaned against the wooden railing of the mess hall. "Sasha has been running forever..." He remarked boredly.

At this point, Sasha was staggering around, sweat drenching through her clothes with her hair sticking to her face and neck, but still she didn't stop. It was interesting to watch for the first couple of minutes, but the spectacle quickly grew old. She had been called to test out the balance machine in the middle of her run, and when she passed, Shadis sent her right back out again. In a way, she never stopped her punishment.

"Yeah..." Eren hummed. "Five straight hours now, right? Her stamina must be amazing." He smirked a little. "It was surprising to see she was more distraught about missing dinner than about the punishment, though."

Connie crossed his arms thoughtfully. "If I remember correctly, Dauper Village is a tiny hunting village deep in the mountains."

"So she's grown up doing strenuous physical exercises like this," Armin surmised.

A movement caught his eye and Eren looked up to one of the paths that led out of the gorge and back onto the roads. "What's that?" He pointed.

It was a carriage full of former potential cadets, slowly making its way out of the camp.

"Those are the dropouts," Mina explained with a pitying glance. "The ones who didn't pass the balance test, and those who didn't bother at all. They're heading to the landfills."

"What?" Armin breathed out, taking a step closer to the railing. "But it's only the first day."

Eren shrugged. "If they can't handle it, then that's that. It was their choice to persevere or to drop out, and clearly, they made their decision. Not everyone has the mettle to be a soldier."

Connie whistled. "Wow, harsh. Weren't you about to be one of those guys just a few hours ago?"

Eren flushed red, embarrassed to be reminded by his almost failure. "Sh-Shut up! It clearly wasn't my fault, it was the belt's!"

Chuckling, Marco placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's all right, Eren. We know you're more than capable yourself."

Eren resisted the urge to pout and looked away.

"By the way..." Marco continued. "On the ride here, I don't recall if you three ever mentioned where you're from. Are you from Trost? Perhaps another small village in Wall Rose South?"

Eren and Armin shared an uncomfortable glance. "...We're from Shiganshina," Armin answered quietly.

Immediately, the good mood dispelled. Connie, Marco, and Mina stared at them with wide eyes, cold sweat dripping down their faces. "Really?" Connie breathed out, a strange smile breaking out on his face. "Then, you guys were there on  _that day_?"

Eren frowned, taken aback by his forwardness. "Y-Yeah..."

"Then, you saw the Colossal Titan, right?!"

A gigantic head that blocked out the sunset, steaming from its exposed carrion. A large hand that cracked the top of the Wall. The beginning of the end.

Eren clenched his hands. "Yeah. I saw it." He spoke darkly.

A hand was placed on his shoulder, and he turned to see Mikasa. "Are they making you uncomfortable?" She asked flatly.

Connie faltered in his enthusiasm and held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Sorry, was that too much..?"

Pursing his lips, Eren smiled awkwardly. "It's fine. We should get used to talking about it. What do you want to know?"

 

* * *

 

Eren stared down at his metal tray in the mess hall. A piece of stale bread and bland potato soup. This was what he had to look forward to for the next three years, perhaps even longer if they served the same meals in the Survey Corps.

Armin grimaced at his meal as well and took out the satchel Eren had passed to him earlier. Untying the string, he sprinkled some seasoning into his soup and gave it a taste test. He shrugged. "It tastes a  _little_  better. Did you really have to smuggle seasoning, though?"

"I didn't know if they were gonna take it away," Eren defended himself. "They might've thought it was drugs."

Mikasa sat down next to him with her own tray and unceremoniously dumped a fair amount of seasoning into her soup and began eating. "Eat everything," She ordered. "You both need your energy for tomorrow and onward."

"Yeah yeah, I'm not a kid..." Eren grumbled, lifting up his spoon.

A pair of hands slammed down on the table, startling him, and he looked up to see Connie giving him an expectant and excited grin. "Can I ask now?!"

"Uh, sure..." Eren answered uncomfortably.

Brightening at his permission, Connie leaned in closer. "So, you totally saw the Colossal Titan, right? How big was it?"

"It was taller than the Wall, but not that much taller. About sixty meters?" Eren guessed.

Armin nodded. "That seems about right. Its chin barely scraped the top."

Thomas choked on his soup. "R-Really?! I heard it could step over the Wall!"

Eren frowned. "It wasn't that big..."

"Is that true?" Mina chimed in from the next table over, even getting up to join Connie in surrounding the trio. "What did it look like?"

"It didn't really have skin, so you could see all its exposed muscles," Mikasa answered quietly. "It had a big mouth and tiny teeth."

At this point, several other trainees had forgotten about their meals, too busy being enthralled by real life accounts of what had happened during the Breach. A crowd had surrounded the trio's table, encasing them like animals on display.

"What about the Armored Titan that broke through into Wall Maria?!" Daz asked, anxiously chewing on his nails.

Eren shrugged uncomfortably, trying to get a bite in. He wanted to finish dinner soon. "They call it that, but it didn't look too different from a normal Titan. It had white hair though, I think, and weird plating."

"Th-Then..." Samuel stammered, leaning closer to Eren. "What does a regular Titan look like?"

Eren's eyes widened.

_A large smile with tiny teeth. Empty, glazed eyes. Blonde hair in a neat trim. Rib cage protruding out of its skin, with thin arms and legs._

_His mother in its hands._

_Blood spewing out like a fountain of flower petals._

His spoon clanked noisily against the metal soup bowl and he held a hand to his mouth, trying to fight back against the bile that climbed up his throat. He didn't want to think about that.

Why was it always that Titan that haunted him? He had seen others. He had a monster inside him, too. And yet...

"Eren..." Armin reached out with a hand, worried.

Noticing the negative reaction, Marco turned to the others with a gentle frown. "Guys, let's stop with the questions. We're making Eren uncomfortable."

"R-Right..." Connie winced. "I'm sorry for asking, Eren-"

"Don't!" Eren cut him off, forcing himself to lower his hand. His jaw tightened for a moment. "You should know your enemy." He let out a small shaky laugh. "Titans aren't so bad. Just a little cut at the nape will take them down. If we can master the maneuver gear, then we'll have one more advantage over them." He gave them an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I forgot myself there for a second. I'm excited to finally take a step forward to becoming a soldier."

He turned to Armin and Mikasa. "When we join the Survey Corps, we have to do our best, okay? We'll train hard to be even better-"

"Sorry to interrupt, but did you say 'Survey Corps'?"

Furrowing his brow, Eren turned to his right. Jean gave him a lazy smirk from one table over. "Couldn't help but overhear. Did you just say you want to join the Corps?"

Eren nodded, wary. "Yeah, that's right. And you want to join the Military Police, right?" He asked politely. "To have an easy life?"

Jean held up his hands. "Whoa, I was just being honest. I don't know what sort of fantasies you live in, miss, but I know that choosing the Military Police is the right choice. For one thing, I won't be eaten by Titans."

Eren was just trying to be nice, but at some point, his patience had to run out. Like now. Standing up from his seat, he glared right at the taller boy. "Are you trying to say that people who choose to go into the Corps are wrong?" He asked softly.

Jean stood up as well and gave him a patronizing smile. "Hey, don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying, I know where I'll be in ten years. Alive. Will you?"

"Eren!" Armin hissed in a panic. "Don't fight!"

Eren opened his mouth-

And was immediately interrupted by the evening bell, signaling that dinner time was over. The entire mess hall was silent, with every pair of eyes trained on the two.

Awkwardly clearing his throat, Jean held out his hand. "I'm sorry," He apologized with a halfhearted shrug and smile. "I don't mean to say you're doing the wrong thing. Why don't we just put this behind us?"

Eren stared at him, before smiling sweetly. "Already forgotten." Turning to the exit, he didn't wait for a response, his smile disappearing within an instant.

Jean stared after him, a hint of red on his cheeks from the unexpectedly cute smile. Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention and his breath hitched again, seeing shimmering ebony locks surrounding a porcelain face. "Uh, excuse me!"

Mikasa stopped and turned to him with an expressionless face.

"You..." Jean heated up and looked to the floor. "You have really pretty hair," He mumbled.

"...Thank you," Mikasa replied, before ignoring him and headed right for the door. She caught up to Eren who was only a little a ways, and matched his stride. "You're being too impulsive, Eren. Don't get into any fights."

"He started it," Eren retorted, though even he knew that was a weak excuse. He just didn't like anyone badmouthing the Scouts. Not when people like Mr. Levi and Mr. Erwin were working so hard out there for Humanity. People died out there because they believed in the cause. Who the hell was Jean to say it was wrong?

Glancing over to his sister, Eren casually flipped some of her tresses. "Your hair's getting long. Do you want to cut it?"

Mikasa blinked and held up some of her hair. "Do you think I should?"

"It could get caught during training. You can tie it up."

"...No, I think I'll cut it. It's too much management."

"If you're sure."

"What about you?" Mikasa asked. "Your hair is almost longer than mine."

Eren brushed a few of his long brown strands behind his ear. "It's still useful. I'll tie it up in a bun or a ponytail for now. Maybe one day when I can't pass as a girl anymore, I'll cut it."

Unbeknownst to the two of them, Jean was still staring after them with his mouth hanging open.

 

* * *

 

After getting his pack back from the office and making sure nothing had been taken, Eren and Armin waved goodbye to Mikasa who headed for the girls dorm, and they entered the boys dorm. There were no assigned beds, so everyone could pick and choose. The beds were barely more than a tightly packed hay mattress, with thin cotton sheets and a hard rock they tried to pass as a pillow. There were four beds atop four, two on each side.

In the end, Eren and Armin found a free set on a top bunk. The other side was occupied by two taller boys who introduced themselves as Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover.

"Hey, Eren?" Reiner called out.

Eren glanced up from his medical journal, already clothed in his sleepwear and more than ready to go to bed. "Yeah?"

"Um, this may sound rude, but..." Reiner smiled kindly. "Should you be here?"

Eren gave him an odd look. "What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, genuinely confused. Was he misplaced? He took a look around, but paused when he realized every other guy in the dorm was staring up at him with awkward and uncomfortable expressions on their red faces.

Armin blinked from his spot next to him. "What's going on?"

"Erm..." Bertholt stammered, but his face quickly grew red and he hid in his knees, sweat already dripping from his hairline.

Reiner quickly recovered and took over. "What I mean is that, shouldn't you be in the girls dorm instead?"

Eren tilted his head. "Why?"

"Aren't you...a girl?"

Slowly blinking, Eren looked over at Armin, whose expression smoothed out into what was definitely amusement. "...No. I'm male," Eren answered after a long pause.

"...Oh," Reiner uttered, speechless. "...How about you, Armin?"

"I'm also male," Armin answered, amused.

The large blond's face turned almost as red as Bertholt's. "N-Never mind then. Ha ha...ha..." He tried to laugh it off and awkwardly turned away.

Jean stared up at where they were with a blank look of defeat, and planted his face into his bed, startling Connie who was next to him. "The hell, Jean?" Connie yelped.

"I have no faith in Humanity," Jean mumbled through his bedding.

Faces a blotchy red, Samuel and Mylius ducked into their bunks as well. Marco was beet red, but managed to give Eren and Armin a sheepish smile.

Armin softly chuckled next to a pouting Eren. "Well, that was interesting."

"I didn't think I looked that feminine..." Eren mumbled, brushing through his long hair.

"I just think you're very pretty when you want to be," Armin pointed out, laying down on his bed. "It seems like you had all the other boys fooled."

Eren conceded. "I guess..."

A loud knock on their door interrupted any other conversations. "Lights out!" An officer yelled out.

All lamps were turned off, leaving the barrack in complete darkness save for the dim moonlight that seeped through the windows. Eren laid down on his bed, staring up at the wooden ceiling beams.

Tomorrow was his first day as a trainee. One step toward becoming a soldier. One step toward killing Titans. One step toward the Outside.

He couldn't wait.

"Should we tell Mikasa that everyone thinks we're girls?" Armin whispered.

"Hell no. Then she'd make us sleep in the girls dorm with her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -In the original japanese dub, Sasha has been shown consistently to speak very formally, like a co-worker at an executive office. There's a lot of "desu/deshita" as well as proper forms of words. Eren and co. would usually cut out the usage of "desu" and even subject/object/location markers unless they're speaking to a superior officer, so Sasha's way of speaking really sticks out and I wanted to emphasize that!
> 
> -Mylius and Samuel aren't listed to be from anywhere, but there aren't any characters from Krolva, so I decided to put that as their home city. Nedlay was also an option but Hitch mentions how Eren and co are from "the southern training camp" which means there's a northern one, so it'd make more sense if they were from Krolva instead.
> 
> -I combined the balance test with the ceremony day because it didn't make sense that they would house and feed all these recruits for a day when some of them were definitely going to fail and would be forced to drop out anyway. I'm sure it was to show how narrow minded Eren is in his determination, but I decided to combine it to cut all that stuff out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOKIT ME, UPDATING IN THE WEE MORNING AS ALWAYS
> 
> And again, like last time, I am so so sorry this update has taken a whole month. Thankfully though, I finally finished the big art project which took up all of February (haven't shown it yet though, I'm waiting for it to arrive so I can take pictures), and I don't plan to do any big projects like that for a while. I should be able to pick up the pace in April and maybe finish up Sing My Dreams Away to focus more on this~
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments and just, all the love! You guys are the best <3

Even though Eren had been relieved that he could stay in the military, that didn't mean the tests were over.

On the contrary, they were only beginning.

The most important test to pass had been the balancing test, but after that comes several full body physicals, a fitness test, and even a written exam. These methods will continue to weed out the unsuited individuals, leaving the most promising recruits.

First was the written exam. Recruits had to be able to read and write at an acceptable level while also demonstrating basic problem solving skills, otherwise they would be unfit for the military. Commander Shadis had explained, in a loud and penetrative voice, that the military had no need for idiots who couldn't even write a simple report and that they weren't here to provide education, they were here to make soldiers out of them.

Names were called by family names in alphabetical order, and they were led into classrooms. Pencils and erasers were already provided on the long desks, so all they had to do was sit down and wait for an officer's signal to begin.

Armin and Mikasa were one of the firsts to go due to their last names both beginning with "A."

Eren waved them off when they went inside, and fell in line next to the wall to wait his turn. Back straight, legs placed apart shoulder width, hands behind his waist. He glanced to his left with a frown, seeing one of his roommates quickly looking away with a scowl and hunched shoulders. He just _had_ to be in the same group as Kirschtein.

Ever since last night, all the other guys in their dorm had acted weird around him and Armin, but mostly around him. Marco had let it slip to him during breakfast that almost all of them had thought he was a girl. Reiner had apparently forgotten this morning and almost refused to strip in front of him, saying it was improper. Eren had been really tempted to punch him. Didn't the fact that he was assigned to the male dorm say anything? 

Before he had been able to deck the larger boy, however, Armin stepped in and tugged him toward the boy's latrine, reasoning that they should get ready as soon as possible before a superior yells at them.

The place had vacated as soon as Eren stepped into the showers, and he rolled his eyes at their immaturity. Whatever. More water for him and Armin.

Eren watched Jean from the corner of his eye while they waited in the hallway. After minutes full of glances, squirming, and awkward scowls, Eren couldn't take it anymore and spoke up. "...Is there a problem, Kirschtein?" He asked, making sure to keep his voice quiet in case an officer walked by.

Jean almost flinched out of his standing rest position. "What?! N-No!" He denied quickly then paused. "Wait. No, yes."

Eren gave him an odd look. "Wha..? Do you or do you not? You keep staring at me so I'll assume yes."

"Yes, I have a problem!" The taller boy scowled with a hideously red face. "What's your deal, Eren- Er, Jaeger!"

" _My_ deal?" Eren repeated, brow scrunched. "What _deal_? Did we have an agreement or something?"

"That's not what I-"

"Um, excuse me!"

The two boys paused and turned to their interrupter. A girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes looked imploringly up at them from her short stature. She barely reached Eren's shoulder, let alone Jean's. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you shouldn't fight!" She pleaded, clasping her hands together in a prayer. "Aren't we all equals here? We should try our best to get along!"

"A goddess..." Jean breathed out with a dazed expression. "We, uh, we weren't fighting."

Eren frowned. Something about her irked him despite her relatively harmless disposition. "...Who are you?" He asked bluntly.

"Oh!" The girl in question blushed innocently at her faux pas. "My name..." She paused and gave them a small but sweet smile. "Is Krista Lenz. It's nice to meet you both."

Eren's face smoothed into a blank canvas. Oh. _That_ was what was bothering him. She was faking it. No one blushed and gave strangers smiles like that unless it was just a mask. Even though her smile was sweet, her eyes were blank. What was she trying to gain here?

Jean stood straighter, trying to make himself taller while puffing his chest. "I'm Jean Kirschtein. It's nice to meet you, Krista." He introduced himself while offering a small but awkward smile.

Krista beamed at his introduction and turned to Eren, giving him an expectant smile. "And you are?"

Eren stared down at her for a moment before smiling just as sweetly. "Eren Jaeger. Nice to meet you, Krista." If she wanted to be fake, he'll play her game. At least until he can figure out why she's here and what her goal is. Did she also want a cushy life inside the Interior like Jean, or was she sent here to charm her superiors for a smuggling ring? He couldn't recall if Commander Shadis had hazed her yesterday.

The small girl's mouth turned into an "O" at his response. "You're very pretty when you smile, Eren!" She complimented.

Eren beamed widely, stretching his cheeks to the point where it felt uncomfortable. "You're pretty, too!" 

"That," Jean pointed at the young doctor's face with an uncomfortable grimace. "Is my problem. Why are you so girly, Jaeger? Are you _really_ a guy?" 

The fake smile fell off Eren's face, replaced with a frown. "Does it matter that much to you? You're weirdly obsessed with my looks. Bertolt is okay with me, right Bertolt?"

Said person jumped in his spot at the mention of his name and his wide, panicked eyes darted over to them. "Uh, n-no. No problem, Eren." He smiled nervously, sweat already beading down from his short dark hair. "I think you're a nice guy. R-Right, Annie?"

The girl in question glanced over at them with cold blue eyes before looking away. "Sure." She answered nonchalantly, doing her best to ignore them.

"No one's gonna ask _me_?" Samuel muttered under his breath after listening in for several minutes.

Eren perked his ears and turned to him with a quizzical frown. "Ask what?" He asked.

"...N-Nothing." 

Loud footsteps marched down the hallway and an officer appeared before them. "Atten _tion_!" He shouted. "Cadets with family names H through L!"

Immediately, everyone straightened their postures and saluted. The officer walked past, scrutinizing them with cold, hard eyes. "You will file into room C down the hall for your exam. There will be no chit chatting, no drinking, and no eating! Don't be like that Braus girl." He looked down and shook his head. "How'd she get another potato? I thought we locked the kitchen this time..." He muttered before raising his voice. "Now, right face!"

Pivoting in their spots, everyone turned to the right and marched down the hall. Eren was able to glance into one of the already occupied classrooms to see Armin and Mikasa hard at work, though Armin seemed bored. Of course his smart brother would find this all too easy. Hopefully it'll be the same for himself.

Arriving at room C, they walked in single file and took any available seats until every spot was filled up. A piece of paper was placed face-down on the table, as well as two pencils and an eraser. The officer stood in front of the classroom and wrote a time on the chalkboard. "You all have one hour to complete this test. When the time is up, we'll be collecting whether or not you actually finish, and the results will be posted tomorrow on the information board outside of the building. You may begin."

Eren flipped over his paper immediately as the class was filled with the sound of charcoal scratching on parchment, and began reading through the first question. 

 _What is your first priority as a soldier?_ To serve and protect Humanity, he penciled in. 

 _Your second priority?_   To ensure the eradication of Titans.

_Your third priority?_

Eren frowned and wracked his brain for information. Was there more? What else did soldiers do? They protected the people. The Survey Corps surveyed outside land and killed Titans. The Garrison maintained the Walls and monitored each district's borders. The Military Police held more authority within the Interior and protected the nobles as well as the king- Oh. Right, that guy. He almost forgot they even had a ruler.

He penciled in To serve and protect the Crown. 

Whatever. He can leave that worthless job to Marco and Jean while he'll go kill the Titans that were threatening their very existence.

The rest of the test consisted of similar questions, asking his priorities when it came to certain tasks and what he would do in certain situations. One question even asked if he would rather save a little girl or a little boy if they were in danger and it wasn't possible to save both by himself. 

He wrote that soldiers were never alone; they always went in pairs or squads; therefore, both children can be saved.

His answers were written as truthfully as possible, and if it didn't fit what they were looking for, it didn't matter to him. The only real test that mattered was the balancing test and he passed with flying colors. 

He paused when he read the last question. 

_What is it you hope to accomplish as a soldier?_

What did he hope, exactly? Just to get into the Survey Corps? No. He wanted to _eradicate_ every Titan in existence and take his hometown back. He'll use the opportunity to venture beyond Wall Rose to find that Smiling Titan again and devour her, just like his father wanted. Then, he'll find out what his father had been hiding from him all these years.

After that?...He'll figure it out.

"Times up!" The instructor informed them, and they immediately stopped writing. "Head for lunch, then it'll be time for your physicals at the infirmary."

Eren perked up, interested piqued. They had an Infirmary? How well-stocked was it? Perhaps he could scope it out, maybe... _borrow_ some equipment.

When he went outside, Mikasa and Armin were already waiting for him on the steps. Armin brightened when he saw him. "Eren! How did the exam go for you?"

"Fine." Eren shrugged and stretched his arms in the air. "Nothing too hard. It was full of moral questions."

Armin nodded, and the three of them trekked toward the mess hall. "I noticed as well. It's most likely a psychological probe to test how well we'll perform as soldiers. If we answer something that doesn't align with what they want, there is a possibility that it could affect our outcomes."

Eren snapped toward him, eyes wide. "Are you serious?! Shouldn't our actual training count more?"

"It probably does," Mikasa answered with a frown. "But that doesn't mean our answers won't affect how we'll be monitored."

Armin nodded. "That's correct. It's also a good way for the officers to note the more..." He glanced toward Eren for a second. "Eccentric cadets. Perhaps those who aren't mentally sound enough, or those who may abuse their positions."

Eren snorted softly. "I guess they sort all of those into the Military Police."

They arrived at the mess hall and got in line for their daily slop of stale bread and potato soup. At this point, they were all using the dried herbs Eren had smuggled in yesterday, but he knew it wasn't going to last long if they kept using it for every meal. "You think there are any herbs growing around here?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Armin blinked and glanced out the window toward the forest just above the camp. "It's definitely a possibility." He conceded. "Maybe when we have some off time, we can go collect some for you to dry?" He looked down at his flavored potato soup and grimaced. "The taste of basil and garlic will get old soon..."

"Just be grateful we have _some_ flavor." Mikasa pointed out after she swallowed her mouthful. "We could be eating tasteless food like everyone else."

"Oh, speaking of our fellow cadets," Armin perked up in his seat. "How was the girls dorm, Mikasa? Did you sleep all right?"

Surprised at his unexpected question, she could only nod. "Yeah...It wasn't _too_ bad. I'm bunkmates with Sasha. She snores, but not as loud as Eren."

Eren scrunched up his face. "I _snore?_ "

"I got used to it in the first week." Mikasa replied bluntly. "You're not loud, but you do toss and turn."

Armin tried to stifle a laugh. "And is Sasha like that?"

"...There are crumbs on her bed, but she sleeps like a log. I..." She ducked into her scarf. "I would be more comfortable with you two. Like how we slept back in our apartment." She mumbled shyly. 

"You mean in one cramped bed and in a dog pile?" Eren corrected, dipping his bread into his soup. "We can't anymore; the barracks don't allow gender mixing. You'll have to get used to sleeping with the other girls." He paused. "By the way...What do you know about Krista Lenz? The small blonde girl?"

Mikasa frowned thoughtfully. "...She seemed okay. I didn't pay much attention to anyone. Is something the matter?"

"Just...keep an eye on her." He glanced behind his shoulder at the girl in question to see her sitting with Sasha and a taller brunette with freckles. "There's something weird about her. Look at her right now, do you see what I mean?"

His two friends subtly leaned to the sides, their eyes trained on the blonde girl. "I'm not seeing anything strange..." Mikasa murmured.

"Now that you mention it, Eren..." Armin began hesitantly, watching as Krista giggled daintily at Sasha's ravenous appetite. "She seems familiar for some reason. At least, her smile does..." His brows furrowed. "Where have I seen it before..?"

Eren reached up to his hair tie and loosened his ponytail, shaking his head so the tresses fell to his shoulders. "Does it look like this?" He asked, stretching his lips into an innocent smile. The same smile he used to lure filth into his trap.

Armin raised his brows in surprise, and sharply glanced over to Krista with a new light in his eyes. "I see. You think she has another agenda here?" He surmised.

"Do you want me to corner her?" Mikasa asked bluntly. "I can wait until after dark to quietly drag her from her bed. With her tiny physique, it would be almost too easy."

"No!" Eren snapped, tying his hair back up. "We discussed this yesterday, _remember_? No bringing negative attention to us."

"For now." Armin added. Eren gave him a look of disbelief and the young book keeper shrugged. "If her agenda somehow sabotages us, we _will_ have to do something about it. Until then, however, I would suggest we keep our distance or we stay vigilant when interacting with her. Don't let her know we suspect her of anything. Her goals could be honest, or it could be something sinister. We won't know until she slips."

Both Eren and Mikasa nodded in agreement. "Understood." Eren replied. "I can always count on you to come up with some sort of plan."

Armin smiled bashfully. "It's only because you have so much faith in me that I feel confident about them."

"I wouldn't say that." Mikasa refuted softly. "It's because you organized us so well back at the Alley that we were able to live as comfortably as we could. It wasn't the most privileged life, but we survived and we survived well thanks to you thinking ahead."

Cheeks reddening, Armin ducked his head. "I didn't do it alone. My planning wouldn't have been so successful if I didn't have you two with me."

"Which is why we'll be the best soldiers the Survey Corps has ever received." Eren smirked confidently. "With all three of us together, we can really make a change!"

A loud gong echoed throughout the camp, signalling the end of lunch. The cadets began to stand up to hand back their eating utensils to the group assigned to kitchen duty for the day, and headed out of the mess hall in chattering droves. Handing their trays to the cleanup crew, the trio walked out of the hall as well, quietly whispering among themselves.

"Keep an eye out for what supplies and tools they use at this infirmary." Eren murmured. "I'm really curious to see if they're well-stocked, or if they have access to Interior quality medicine."

"How do we tell?" Mikasa whispered, glancing over when a cadet would walk too close to them.

"You can tell by how they handle their hygiene; If the practitioners have an apron or lab coat, if they wear gloves, and maybe even goggles." He answered. "From what dad used to tell me, Interior medication usually comes in a pure liquid form. If they give you any injections, that's another sign. Only Interior doctors regularly use syringe based medication. They have the funding and the proper equipment from Stohess University of Medicine."

"The most highly esteemed medical school..." Armin mused. "Your father got his license there, right? It's the only school that officiates practitioners."

"Only an honorary one." Eren grumbled. "To this day, I still think it's bullshit. He didn't study at a school they recognized; he only took the exam, so he never received an official license to practice."

Mikasa furrowed her brow. "Why didn't he study there?"

"There are other medical centers people can learn from, but only Stohess University of Medicine can license doctors." Armin explained. "Since it's the largest medical school and within the Interior, they have access to state-of-the-art technology there. However, because it's in the Interior..."

"Only the wealthy can attend." Eren finished sourly. "The entrance fee is ridiculously expensive, not to mention the exam fee. Using me as an example: I have plenty of knowledge about medical practice and herbalism, but because I can't afford the exam fee, I can't get a license that will let me legally practice within the Interior, and therefore I'm not a real doctor."

His sister clenched her hands tightly at her sides. "How cruel..." She scowled. "You've saved so many lives, but it means nothing in the face of money."

"I don't think the Interior would care." Armin stated warily. "Eren never attended a medical school, either. His education came from Dr. Grisha, and that wouldn't be recognized in any of the schools unless he receives a sponsor."

Eren turned to him in surprise. "Sponsor?"

Armin stared, taken aback. "You didn't know? There's an alternative if you can't afford the school fees, and that is if a licensed doctor or a military official sponsors you. I read up about this at your house once; I assumed you already knew, so I never said anything."

"Huh..." Eren made a thoughtful noise.

They got in line like the rest of the cadets, waiting for their turn to be seen at the infirmary. The infirmary was situated nearest to the practice areas in case of training related emergencies, and was one of the smaller buildings in the camp. Like the other buildings, its foundation was completely made out of wood, but even from the back of the very long line, they could smell the nostril-stinging scent of astringent soap. A nurse, dressed in a bleached white uniform with a face cloth, would occasionally come out from the entrance to guide another cadet in.

"You think Mr. Levi would sponsor me?" Eren spoke up a few minutes later.

At the mention of their honorary caretaker, Mikasa's mood darkened. "As if the shorty has that kind of pull."

"...Have we ever asked what his rank is in the Corps?" Armin slowly asked.

Eren stilled. "...No." He breathed out in shock. "We never did. Wait, what if he's actually some sort of elite soldier, like a captain or a lieutenant?!"

"Who's a lieutenant?"

Tensing, they looked behind them in line to see Mina. She leaned in closer with a curious smile, her black pigtails falling over her shoulders. "Who are you guys talking about?"

"Uh, just a soldier." Armin stuttered out with a trembling smile. "We met him in Trost near the headquarters there, but we didn't ask for his rank."

"Ooh." Mina nodded understandingly. "Well, if you ever see him again, you should ask! I don't think he can resist Eren's beautiful eyes!" She grinned teasingly. 

Eren blinked and then frowned. "Don't tell me you thought I was a girl too, Mina."

She laughed sheepishly and idly scratched her cheek. "Guilty as charged. I knew something was strange about you, but asking right from the get go would've been really rude of me. Imagine my surprise when I didn't see you with Mikasa in the girls dorm last night!"

Eren rolled his eyes and groaned. "You and everyone else."

Mikasa blinked. "'Everyone else'?"

Armin let out an embarrassed laugh and tried to disguise it as a cough. "Um, all the guys in our dorm thought we were girls, too. I think they thought I was a girl because I'm with Eren."

Immediately, her face changed into a more dangerous visage and she grabbed Eren by his shoulders. "Did anyone try to touch you?" She interrogated, her eyes glowing with a glint of blood lust. "Who were they? I'll kill them."

"Wha- Mikasa!" Eren complained, trying to remove her unrelenting grip but to no avail. "You're going to rip my jacket with your bear paws! No one tried to do anything, okay? Besides, I'm not some helpless damsel-in-distress! Hell, I'm not even a damsel!"

"Still, if anyone tries anything, you come straight to me right away, okay? I'll protect your innocence-"

"Are you joking?! This isn't funny at all, you are so embarrassing-"

Armin and Mina watched the two of them argue, and the girl leaned in closer. "Do they always argue like this?" Mina asked, befuddled. "Mikasa seems really overprotective."

Armin smiled sheepishly. "Well...She has good reason to be, I suppose." He couldn't tell her that Eren's main hobby was luring pedophiles into their basement to be dissected for medical progression and organ harvesting. That would just bring up awkward questions.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It took almost two hours of waiting, but they were finally at the front of the line. The sun was about to set, and with the waning light came the early year chills. Armin shivered, even in his thick corduroy jacket, so Eren tugged him closer. His body temperature was higher, so he was physically warmer to the touch. Leaning into his hug, Armin let out a pleased sigh of relief.

The doors opened and the nurse walked out. "Next!" She called out. There wasn't much about her that Eren could tell, except that she was exhausted based on the dark circles and droopy skin near her eyes.

Mikasa went in first, of course. Eren gave her a nod, reminding her what to look out for, and waited with Armin outside. Mina was still behind them, but she had struck up a conversation with a blond boy with growing mutton chops; Thomas, if Eren remembered correctly. He was one of the first to be hazed by Commander Shadis yesterday. Further down the line, he could see Jean and Marco was engaged in a conversation as well, probably about heading for the Interior. Marco was a nice enough guy, and Eren couldn't understand why he would ever associate with an asshole like Jean. The guy wasn't all bad, but he was definitely annoying what with his habit of criticizing him and the Scouts.

"What do you think the test consists of?" Armin asked quietly. "It's going one by one, so that means there's only one doctor and nurse here."

Eren shrugged. "Not sure. Seems like someone's in there for only about ten minutes each, so I doubt they can do anything invasive like a blood test. Probably just weight, height, measurements, blood pressure, and temperature-" He paled. "Oh shit."

Armin looked up at him, alarmed. "Temperature? Do you think they'll notice your, um, condition?"

"It's hard not to; I'm burning up for human standards." Eren answered grimly. "I'll...I'll figure something out." 

How was he going to hide a 39.2C temperature? Even if there wasn't a thermometer used, the doctor would still be able to touch him and feel how hot he was burning.

Around ten minutes later, Mikasa stepped out, not a hair out of place. "Basic equipment but they're definitely expensive." She whispered to Eren. "I also saw some labeled chemicals and syringes in a locked cabinet. The key is kept in the doctor's coat. Doctor is an older man, graying hair, dulling eyes. Either unaware of me snooping around or didn't care."

Eren smiled. "Perfect." Giving Armin a thumbs up, he took his arm back and walked into the infirmary. The door closed behind him, encasing the burning scent of harsh soap and bleach, and the nurse directed him past several empty patient cots to where the doctor was sitting at his desk.

Accurate to Mikasa's description, the doctor was an aging man, most likely around the age of forty-eight or older, with a balding head and thick glasses. His belly protruded, a sign of indulgence, and his skin, though wrinkling, was healthy and glowing. His clothes were similarly well taken care of, and were made from higher quality materials.

This was a man who lived a privileged life.

"Name?" The doctor croaked out, throat sore from hours of examinations. The nurse turned around, closed the privacy curtain, and left back to the entrance.

"Eren Jaeger."

"Age?"

"Twelve."

Writing it down into what Eren assumed was his file, the doctor stood up from his seat and took out a pump attached to a cloth wrap: an aneroid sphygmomanometer. He wrapped it around Eren's arm and squeezed the pump, doing it until Eren felt like his arm was about to be crushed from the pressure. After a few moments, the doctor released the pressure and wrote down his results. A 125/89. Slightly higher than normal but wasn't too strange.

Throwing the tool to the side, the doctor then took out a glass thermometer. "Put this under your arm and hold it for a minute." He instructed wearily.

Eren did as told, taking off his jacket and inserting the thermometer through the loose collar of his shirt. He glanced around in the meantime, quickly spotting the locked cabinets to the side, as well as a closet door to what he assumed were the truly precious supplies. If he could get into one of those cabinets, he could have access to medical equipment again.

The doctor turned around to take a long swig of water, and Eren used this opportunity to take the thermometer out. It read 39.3C. Silently panicking, he waved it in the air, hoping that it would cool fast enough to a normal body temperature-

"All right, take out the thermometer." The doctor requested, turning around again to see his patient pull the thermometer out from under his shirt. Taking it back, he hummed and wrote down 37.5. "A little high. Have you been feeling feverish?"

Eren smiled genially. "A little. I think I'm just nervous."

"Understandable..." The doctor murmured, blinking a few times before taking out a measuring tape. He took his height, around 158cm, and then took his measurements around his shoulders, chest, waist, and hips. 

Eren shifted uncomfortably in place with his hands held out on either side, waiting for it to be over. He never knew how awkward it was to be measured; he had always done the measuring to others like Armin, Mikasa, and even Mr. Levi. None of them had ever shown any discomfort so he assumed it was okay, but maybe it was because they knew him. According to the doctor here, he was 158cm, which meant he was only two centimeters shorter than Mr. Levi. It was rare to find an adult man so short. Could he have been lacking nutrition during his critical growth periods? Maybe he starved for a long time. 

It might be that when they meet again in three years, he'd probably be taller than Mr. Levi. Now that would be a sight to see-

Eren stilled.

Tired hands that had been measuring his waist, were now subtly squeezing his sides. Thick fingers that had been holding the measuring tape tickled the strip of exposed skin where his shirt had lifted. Warm breath sickeningly caressed the back of his neck, blowing strands of his hair against his skin, and he felt sick to his stomach. 

He didn't even dare to breathe.

After what seemed to be an eternity of tension, the doctor moved the measuring tape to his hips. He wrapped it tight, an excuse for his hands to stroke against his rear, and slowly down the cleft towards-

Anger coursed through his veins like an overwhelming inferno and Eren snarled silently, teeth bared to the world, ready to tear this **filth** into pieces-

"Dr. Heimler? It's almost time for the next cadet." The nurse called out from behind the curtain.

The doctor startled and immediately moved away from his patient. "O-Oh yes, thank you Nurse Pia." He coughed and cleared his throat, and gestured for Eren to step onto the weight scale. "Stand there for a few seconds."

Hands dropping to his sides, Eren blankly walked over and stepped onto the scale. His fingers twitched for the small blade hidden up his sleeve, but no. He couldn't just murder this filthy animal yet. His job wasn't finished. If something happened now, he'd be the first suspect. 

He had to wait. 

"...Are you the only doctor here?" Eren spoke up, his voice slightly higher than it was before. Like a subtle change, his body shifted from its neutral stance into a more feminine one. Chest raised, rear back, shoulders held low. Eyes wider to catch the oil lamp lighting, showing off the different hues of green and gold.

The doctor startled out of his trance. "H-Huh? Oh, no, I'm only standing in for Dr. Muran. He was held back in Stohess with some business, so I was called in."

Eren hummed. "I see...That's a shame. You're a really good doctor from what I can tell!" He praised sublimely. Stepping off the scale, Eren miscalculated his landing and ended up stumbling into the doctor. "Oomph, I-I'm so sorry!" He cried out, one hand dipping into a coat pocket undetected.

"Oh!" The doctor looked frazzled and slightly winded. "It's all right, Ms. Jaeger. Just watch your step next time." He cautioned, even as his hands lingered on the cadet's waist.

Standing up straight, Eren smiled apologetically. "Right. Thank you, Dr. Heimler. I'll get going now." With that, he almost skipped out of the building, passing the nurse with a cheery wave, and heading straight for Armin who was first in line.

"Eren," Armin looked up with a smile. "How did it go-"

Eren clutched his shoulders firmly, almost bruising the poor boy. "Be careful in there." He warned quietly. "Don't let him touch you for too long."

Armin's breath hitched. "You mean-"

The young doctor nodded grimly. "We have a target."

And it was only the second day, too. 

 

* * *

 

 

Once the medical examinations were over and dinner had been eaten, Eren took Armin and Mikasa behind the storage shed where not a single cadet nor officer walked past, and explained exactly what had happened during his examination, detail by detail. "We're getting rid of that filth." He stated bluntly. 

"I'll kill him myself..." Mikasa growled out, teeth clenched in outrage. "Just cover up the body and I'll take care of everything else."

"We can't!" Armin hissed out. "Don't forget that he's an official doctor contracted out here. If he's murdered, we'll _all_ be suspected."

"Except he's not really on contract." Eren revealed in a hushed tone. "I buttered him up and he said he was only filling in for another doctor, a Dr. Muran." He grinned. "Which means he's ripe for the picking."

Armin frowned but slowly nodded his head. "...Fine, but how are we going to get rid of his body? There's too much monitored space around here; it'll be found in an instant! We're not even qualified to dispose of a body out in natural states like this; we've always done it in a controlled setting back in Trost."

"Simple." Eren answered with a shrug. "We won't kill him immediately."

"I'm guessing you mean a slow acting poison?" Armin raised a brow. "But you forget. You didn't bring much with you from the apartment. I doubt you have enough to make such a complicated concoction."

Mikasa slowly pulled out her wrist blade. "It doesn't have to be complicated." She stated matter-of-factly. "We just need to cut up his body into as many pieces as possible and scatter them. We can drain the blood into a hole."

Eren rolled his eyes. "Except that's way too messy. I have a better idea."

"Which is?" Armin asked.

Reaching into his pocket, Eren pulled out a key. It wasn't a key that they were familiar with, the one with a bronze body and a golden spark. This key was a dark gray, made of wrought metals from the Interior. 

Eren smiled as satisfied as a predator who cornered his prey.

"I have the key to the medical cabinet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [E M A](https://twitter.com/AristoMuse/status/1105030133545603079) with their new hairstyles at camp!
> 
> Did you guys think training would be nice and peachy like in canon? ;D
> 
> Comments are loved and appreciated!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow jinxed myself; I thought April was going to be easier for me, but NOPE lmao probably the worst month so far for my health  
> AT LEAST SEASON 3 PART 2 IS NOW STREAMING!!! THE NEW ENDING BY CINEMA STAFF IS TOTALLY MY JAM!!!

 

"...-vi? Levi. Levi!"

Levi snapped out of his trance and turned to his fellow Scouts who were giving him frowns from their seats. "Sorry," He said coolly, mentally cursing himself. He was in an important meeting, he shouldn't be getting distracted. "What's the next thing on the list?"

Nanaba raised a brow and held up a stack of papers. "If you were listening, we were still talking about our dwindling medical supplies," They replied. "Sooner or later, we'll have to re-budget our resources to bulk buy from Stohess again. I was asking for your input about how much we should spend."

Levi crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "Why even bother? Those Interior pigs would rather watch us die than sell us any proper medicine."

Mike huffed. "You may be right, but we still need supplies and they're the best place to get it now..." He eyed the much shorter man. "Unless your contact can pull through."

Tensing, Levi matched his gaze head on. "For the last time, _no_ ," He spoke with almost a bite to his words. He swallowed his irritation and continued with a calmer tone. "He's preoccupied with something else right now, and will be for the next few years."

Eren had given his farewells just a week ago, and was already gone from his apartment. He would know since he had dropped by yesterday. The gang that operated in the area had told him the trio had left a few days prior and they were to keep up the usual routine in their absence. Locke or Loof or whatever his name was- the guy who sweated his balls off whenever he saw him- said they would have a stable correspondence in a few weeks. They were just waiting for Armin to send them the first letter giving them the go ahead.

As much as he wanted to stay in touch with his brats, Levi knew he couldn't. It would be suspicious if he was sending letters to anyone outside the Corps, and if someone linked the letters back to him, they'd accuse him of favoritism and he'd get a court martial and a whole bunch of shit would go down. It wouldn't just be him who got in trouble, either; his brats would as well.

It hadn't even been a month yet, and he was already losing his shit worrying over them. Case in point: him zoning out during meetings like now.

"You're so stingy, Levi." Hange pouted to his left. "At the very least, you could've asked him for the recipes. With how cheap he sold them, the ingredients must be easy to get. I could've replicated them."

Levi glared at them. "Or you'd _kill_ us all. Didn't you tell me medicine isn't your forte? Why the hell would you even attempt to recreate his stuff?"

The scientist grinned slyly. "It may not be my forte, but I'm sure I could at least follow his instructions. My usual creations may not be the healing type, but in the end, every concoction starts out the same: With a plant." They clapped their hands together and smiled dreamily. "Oh, if only you'd let me meet him! I would dig around his brain for hours- no, weeks! _Forever!_ "

"If you're both finished," Gelgar interrupted grumpily. His brown pompadour was mussed up from how often he ran his hand through. "Can we just agree on a budget already? We've been ordering the usual from the Garrison: Bandages, gauze, alcohol, and anesthesia. We haven't needed their pain relievers or burn creams in a while because of Levi's contact, but we're going to run out soon."

Nanaba nodded with a worried frown. "Agreed. It may be a downgrade, but it's better than nothing. I'll write them into the supplies needed."

Mike huffed, his large nose breathing out so hard that it rustled his bangs. "We're spoiled, clearly."

Leaning back into his chair, Levi felt pride swell up in his chest. His brat was more capable than the Interior, which was both impressive and horrifying to think about. Impressive that a kid whose voice hadn't even started cracking yet could provide effective medications. Horrifying that the Interior, for all their wealth and resources, couldn't or wouldn't provide medicine that could even compete.

"If that's all, then this meeting is adjourned," Hange announced with a clap of their hands, and stood up. "To summarize, our funding is going down the drain now that the Interior thinks the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan aren't coming back, recruitment rates are down by 12%, averaging about thirty recruits per graduation, and we have now lost what is arguably our most valuable asset because Levi refuses to tell us where our benefactor has gone for the next few years." With a flourish, they grinned wide and hard. "Did I miss anything?"

Everyone collectively let out a snort at the scientist's deprecating summary, with the senior members all wearing sardonic smirks on their faces. 

"Seriously though," Gelgar began, sitting forward in his chair to face Levi. "We really won't be getting _anything_ from your guy? Not a thing?"

"No," Levi replied flatly. "It's unfortunate, I know. His medicine saved Klaus from losing an arm, and I'm sure the rookies have been using his stuff the most." He let out a tired sigh. "But there's nothing I or he can do. His circumstances right now won't allow him to make medicine, let alone the amount he used to."

Nanaba grimaced at the reminder. "Our death toll might rise again..."

"It's never stopped rising," Mike corrected them with a grim frown. "The medicine helped, but it can't bring back the ones on the edge. We don't have the funding, the supplies, or the soldiers who know more than the basic first aid taught during training."

Levi looked away, bitterness rising up like bile. He had only been with the Corps for a few years now, but he had lost dozens of fellow squad members, and now as a squad leader and lieutenant, he had lost a few under his command. Like Mike said: the death toll never stopped, it had only been slowed down. The ones who would survive today may die tomorrow. It was inevitable.

Sighing, Hange made their way out of the meeting room, and everyone else followed at a more sedate pace. Nanaba held their finalized report in their hand. "Who wants to deliver this to the Commander?"

Hange immediately lifted Levi's arm in the air without his consent. "Levi does!"

Scowling, Levi yanked it back, even taking out a handkerchief to wipe away their dirty fingerprints.

Amused, Nanaba held out the report to the short man who, with a roll of his eyes, took it. "We'll head to training then. Gelgar? Mike?"

"Yeah, let's go." Gelgar stretched his arms up in the air. "I need a little fresh air after sitting on my ass for so long."

Mike huffed, but followed his squad members out to the training grounds. Hange gave a merry wave and skipped back to their designated lab a few floors below, leaving Levi to stare down at the papers in his hand.

"Tsk..." Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance but drudged his way to Erwin's office. Why did he have to be the delivery boy?

Arriving at the double doors, Levi knocked twice, heard his Commander's voice inviting him in, and opened the door. Erwin was sat at his desk, mounds of paperwork on either side of him. His larger-than-life brows were furrowed in concentration, and even though the man had been hard at work for hours, days, weeks, he showed no signs of fatigue.

His Commander was a freak, Levi decided.

Erwin looked up from his report. "Levi. I assume the meeting is over?"

Levi nodded and handed over the packet. "We're running low on...basically everything," He reiterated with a grimace. "Nothing particularly noteworthy."

Nodding, Erwin flipped through the papers. "I'm glad that this time, the report is legible enough to be skimmed," He commented.

Levi could practically  _taste_ the other man's amusement. "Shut up," He snapped halfheartedly. "You know the Underground doesn't focus on education. You should count yourself lucky I can read and write at all." Unlike Isabel.

Even now, after so many years, the thought of the little girl who strong-armed him into accepting her into his gang sent a painful pang in his chest. She had never learned to read or write, always shoving the duties onto himself or Farlan.

Erwin's lips twitch into a barely noticeable smile. "Yes, that's true," He conceded. "And how is your writing coming? Have you improved your chicken scratch?"

"I oughta punch that shit eating grin off your face..." Levi muttered darkly before raising his voice. "We'll be fine, right?"

Looking up at him, Erwin's smile faded into a more focused expression. "We will make due, as we always have. The loss of our young friend's medicine will negatively impact our morale and performance, but we survived without him for years. We will survive through this as well, at least until he graduates."

"Except whatever progress we made before the Breach is gone now," Levi countered with a growl. "We can't kill all the Titans in Maria territory if the holes in Shiganshina aren't blocked because there would just be _more_ Titans coming in anyway." All the supplies they had used up, all the horses they had lost, and all the comrades who had died. It was all... _wasted_.

With a noise of disgust, Levi kicked a nearby chair and it collided loudly with the stone wall. "We're stuck like flies in shit!"

Erwin watched evenly, and let out a sigh at the destruction of his furniture. "Please don't break any more of my chairs. The budget can't afford more furniture replacements." Straightening out his papers, he placed them on the side and linked his hands together on the table. "I understand where you're coming from, however. It is frustrating to be given such a tremendous setback, but we will make due." His gaze hardened. "We can't do anything else, considering how much we have lost to get here. We will continue to move forward."

Levi bit back a scowl and reluctantly nodded. "Yeah...Sorry." 

With an almost guilty sigh, he went over and picked up the chair. One of the legs had snapped, and the left arm rest was barely hanging on, but with a few nails, it could still be usable. He parked it in its original spot and then plopped down on the other chair that was available. "...Speaking of our drug dealer, he's off in training now," He mentioned nonchalantly.

Erwin nodded, slight raising a brow at the drug dealer reference. "Yes. Are you worried about him?"

"...A little," Levi confessed, looking away self-consciously. "What does training consist of?"

Erwin blinked, slightly surprised, but then schooled his expression. "Ah, right. You never did go through any of that, did you?" He sighed. "I suppose that's my fault. In any case, training lasts for three years. In those three years, a trainee will train themselves physically and mentally. It involves several drills, exercises, hand-to-hand combat lessons, and of course, Omni-Directional Gear training. There are also special seasonal trips to test a trainee's abilities in extreme weather conditions, such as during a blizzard or heat wave." His expression morphed into a more amused one. "Thankfully, you came almost fully equipped, so there was no need to put you through the camp."

Levi mulled it over in his head. That meant his brats would bulk up, or in Mikasa's case, turn into a real beast. Both Armin and Eren could do with a little more muscle on them, especially little Armin who was painfully thin. Yet, even though he spent most of his time indoors, Eren wasn't flimsy in the least. In fact, he was competently fit for a kid during a famine. Perhaps he took some sort of body enhancer? It was what Farlan had insisted their gang to pilfer, most of the time. 

A chuckle broke him out of his thoughts and he gave his Commander a questioning frown. Erwin only smiled in response. "It's rare to see you so distressed about something. You must really care for this child."

Levi huffed. "That's none of your business."

"On the contrary, it is," Erwin replied. "You are our only link to him, and it's only through you that we have had access such high quality medication. You refuse to share any information about him or his location, so yes, it _is_ my business whether or not you will keep up correspondence with him." He frowned disapprovingly. "You care for this child, and it is because you care for him that you don't even share his name with me. Frankly, your secrecy about his identity has hurt the Corps more than it has helped."

Levi abruptly stood up from his seat and glared at him. "What?" He hissed, outraged at the other man's insinuations. "Of course I'd keep him hidden; he's just a kid! I'm not about to place the burden of over two hundred soldiers' lives on top of his skinny ass shoulders!"

"Yet _you_ placed your life in his hands when you went to him injured," Erwin countered coldly. "Aren't you being hypocritical, Levi?"

Levi outwardly flinched and he clenched his fists hard enough that he could feel his nails dig deep into his palms.

He _had_ trusted Eren to suture him up when he could've went to any of the Garrison hospitals set up in each major district. He could've done it himself, it wasn't like it was the first time he had to sew up a wound. And yet...He had wanted _Eren_ to do it. Not just to test his skills as a doctor, but because his wound had given him a good excuse to visit him and check out his living conditions. He wanted to make sure he was okay.

Eren was a good kid who didn't deserve to live like how he did in the Underground.

"...That's different and _you know it_ , Erwin," Levi snapped back after a moment. "I went to him with a minor injury. If I told everyone else how to find him, how is he going to deal with the fact that most of them would be dead before they'd even reach his doorstep? We have our own medics here that can sew up shit and deal with the aftermath. He's done more than enough for us already. We shouldn't be relying on a _child_ before his balls even drop."

A silence fell between them, thick with tension and raised tempers.

After a few moments, Erwin closed his eyes and let out an exhale. "...You're right. We shouldn't be placing such a heavy burden on a child. I apologize, Levi. I overstepped my boundaries. We will just have to contend with what we have, at least until he graduates." He opened his eyes. "Do you think he will graduate at all?"

Letting out a harsh breath, Levi dropped into his chair again and held a hand to his temple. "Of course he will."

Eren said he would, and if there was one thing the brat was gold for, it was his hard headed determination in everything he did. Whether that was cleaning, cooking, or nursing others. It was why he didn't want to introduce Eren to anyone else in the Corps, at least, not until he officially joined as a Scout.

Because he would've done _everything_ he could for each and every one of his patients. He would've made new medicines, tried new procedures, new treatments, but the human body could only take so much. It was a guarantee that at least twenty people would die for every expedition they went on, and that would be twenty too much for him.

Levi didn't want to see Eren- young and bright and _innocent_ Eren- broken and dispirited by all their deaths and failures.

"You still won't tell me his name?" Erwin asked.

"...You'll find out in three years," Levi muttered, and left the office.

He needed to hit something.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Class was informative but dull, Eren decided, resisting a yawn.

It was the fifth day in training, and two more days before the filth in the medical clinic was going to be replaced with their real doctor. The three of them had worked out a plan- or rather, Armin did and Eren had agreed to it, and if he agreed to it, Mikasa did as well. 

They had sat back and watched.

Made conversation outside where they had a clear view of the clinic.

Anytime the doctor was seen, so was either Eren, Armin, or Mikasa, usually with some of their other fellow trainees.

They would chat and bicker and laugh, but their eyes would occasionally drift over to the seemingly innocent building.

The clinic was also closest to the training fields and farthest from the barracks, so every time they were outside doing their morning runs, afternoon classes, and late afternoon physical lessons, _they watched_.

They figured out the busiest and least busy hours of the clinic, the doctor's schedule, where he came and went, where he ate and who he ate with, and how many people were around.  

They observed that the clinic was busiest around the late afternoon, when injured cadets would get patched up after a botched training session. They knew it was the least busy right before dinner time because everyone was hungry and would rush to get their portions.

The doctor left his temporarily assigned dorm in the officers' quarters at approximately 10 A.M. and would retire for the night at 8 P.M. every day. Mikasa knew because she had been assigned as a messenger the second day, delivering letters for Officer Berks. She had seen Dr. Heimler leave his room, and immediately after the doctor had left and the coast was clear, she marked the door with a piece of chalk, marring the worn wood with a small smudge of white. No one else would notice, but  _they_ would.

He ate at the officers' canteen at around 10:30 A.M. by himself and would be done within half an hour. Eren had been designated kitchen duty during the third day and his eyes never moved away, boring holes into the doctor's back. The doctor never noticed, and reluctantly ate his oatmeal, grumbling for better meals.

Armin had faked an injury on the fourth day, claiming he had a sprained wrist, and observed. A female nurse had taken up the duty instead of the doctor, and a male nurse went around to exchange the used linens for clean ones. The doctor was always sat at his desk behind his curtain, trying to maintain some form of privacy from the rest of the clinic.

When Armin had asked why the nurse was tending to him instead of the doctor, the female nurse strained a smile and said his injury wasn't serious enough for the doctor to see. The male nurse had walked by while she explained and had made a noise of derision, muttering that the doctor was too pompous and stuffy. Once his injury had been looked at, both nurses promptly shooed him out of the clinic and left for dinner, while the doctor stayed for an extra thirty minutes.

Two nurses were Dr. Heimler's only companions and neither of them liked him.

He was a perfect textbook example of prey if Eren had ever seen one.

Twirling his pencil to stave off his boredom, Eren glanced to his right where Armin was furiously writing down notes from the chalkboard and lecture. Their lesson today was a quick rundown of basic math which evolved into challenging equations about physics. The teacher up front was currently explaining the importance of knowing how to angle themselves as well as being able to measure faraway obstructions to avoid a messy death via force of contact.

"If you don't take care of how much gas you use in relation to your weight as well as the angle of where you shoot your hooks, you could reel yourself right into a wall or tree and give yourself a concussion," their teacher lectured, drawing a quick diagram on the chalkboard. "Therefore, the smaller you are, the less gas you need to use, but it also means the less control you have. If M is mass, and A is for acceleration, then..."

Eren wrote down what he considered to be important, but math was never his forte. His practical score would probably end up higher than his technical score, but so long as he worked hard, he could make it in the Top 10, and then Mr. Levi would definitely accept him into his squad.

He glanced to his left and held in a snort. Mikasa had written fewer notes than him, but there was no doubt that when it came to being tested, she'd ace it. She was abnormal like that. Never had to try or work hard for anything. Everything came easily for her, except perhaps being gentle. 

Sometimes he hated her for her prodigious self, but he had to remind himself that whatever her score was didn't affect his. Whether she passed or failed, he still had to work twice as hard.

In the row behind him, Eren could hear Connie and Sasha snickering to themselves and he lightheartedly rolled his eyes. When those two became friends, it was like watching a house on fire: Bad for everyone around. Not only had they already gotten several tongue-lashings from their superior officers, Sasha was officially on Commander Shadis's shit list and Connie was just about there as well. They were funny though, he conceded. Connie was quick due to his small size, and Sasha had killer instincts and reaction times.

Since he was sat in the front, he couldn't get a good look at his other fellow trainees, but he knew everyone in the room. It was surprising. He had grown up with only Armin as his only friend, until Mikasa joined them. Other kids used to avoid him, or rather, he avoided them. He thought they were dumb and small-minded, they thought he was creepy and weird. 

Everyone here was a weirdo in their own ways, so he fit right in.

After another hour of the lecture, they were dismissed for hand-to-hand combat training. Like the previous days, they were taught how to make a proper fist, how to balance themselves on their feet, and most importantly, how to deal with a violent, _human_ interaction.

Something he's dealt with for years.

"Why am I paired up with you?" Eren grumbled as he held up his fists.

"Oh shut up already and get on with training," Jean replied, just as unhappy with the situation. "You think I _want_ to be paired up with you?"

"The hell is your problem with me?" Eren snapped back. "You've been playing hot and cold with me since the first day! Make up your mind; Am I a comrade or a threat?!"

Jean puffed up, his cheeks streaked with embarrassment. "I-You're-What are you?!" He burst out.

Eren blinked. "Huh..?" _What_ was he? Strange way to ask for his identity. Unless... Eren narrowed his eyes. Did he not mean identity and more about species? Had he received a wound that steamed, and Jean saw? How would he have figured it out otherwise?

"Jaeger! Kirschtein!" Commander Shadis shouted at them from the side. "Get moving or you're both stuck with latrine duty for a week!"

Grimacing, the two trainees moved closer and began to simulate a fist fight.

Some of their peers took the training seriously; Reiner easily beat down Samuel and Mikasa fended off Hannah effortlessly. Some of them didn't; Sasha and Connie were goofing off by doing exaggerated martial arts stances, with Sasha lifting both her arms and one leg up, and Connie crouching low and using his hands as peckers. 

Eren threw a light punch at his opponent's sternum; Jean blocked it with his arm and threw him off.

"What do you mean, 'what am I'?" Eren whispered, dodging to his right as Jean punched where his head used to be.

Jean grimaced and gestured to his hair, which was held up in a ponytail. "I mean, are you a boy or a girl? Because you sleep in the boy's dorm, but you grow your hair and look all girly. You walk like a girl, too, but you dress like a guy. You've got these big eyes and smile, but then you scowl like a guy. I don't get it, Jaeger. How am I supposed to treat you? Like a guy or a girl?"

Eren blinked, and blinked again. Wow. He hadn't expected Jean of all people to notice _that_ _much_ about him. "...Does it matter?" He asked slowly. "Does me being a girl somehow affect you?"

"So...you're a girl?"

"No."

"Guy then?"

"Yes and no."

Jean exploded. "What the hell does that even mean?!" He groaned, pulling at his short ash-colored hair. "See, you're so damn confusing!"

Eren rolled his eyes. "Can't we have this conversation later? We're _supposed_ to be training."

"No, answer my damn question!" Jean demanded, throwing a punch right at his face.

Scowling, Eren ducked under and grabbed him by the arm with both hands. Throwing his shoulder up, he twisted his grip clockwise, putting enough pressure under the armpit that he could easily rip the arm out of the socket. Jean yelled out loudly in pain, and swiped a foot under his ankle, offsetting his balance. Eren fell backwards with a shout but didn't let go, pulling Jean down with him with a vicious yank.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Jean shouted, his other hand coming up to clench his shoulder. "Let go!"

"Get off me, you stupid horse!" Eren yelled out, pushing the taller boy off him with a grunt.

Standing up, he brushed off the dirt on his uniform and glared down at him. "You need to stop getting so hung up about this. Can a guy not grow his hair out? It's just hair, right? By that logic, girls who have short hair wouldn't be girls then, would they?"

"Well- No, that's not," Jean stammered, scrambling to his feet. "There's nothing wrong with having long hair, it's just-"

"And so what if a girl dresses like a guy?" Eren continued without letting the other boy answer, because honestly, he was getting sick of everyone being on tip toes about his appearance. "Are they not girls because they wear pants? Are guys only guys because they wear pants?"

"Uh-"

"And what if a guy wants to wear a dress? Is it a _crime_? No! There's no law saying a man can't wear a skirt, so long as he isn't flashing his genitals. Dresses are easy to move in, _and_ if we're going by anatomical reasons, _guys_ should be wearing skirts and _girls_ should be wearing pants."

"Well, that's-"

"And so what if I have big eyes? I can't help that, I was born with them!" Eren crossed his arms. "If you're going by that logic as well, then you'd consider Ymir to be a guy."

They both paused after that statement, and they turned to watch Ymir who was cruelly mocking Thomas into trying to punch her. The blond boy was sweating and honestly looked ill at ease around her, and after scrounging up the courage to actually attack her, found himself on the ground with Ymir stepping on his back so he couldn't get up. She then cackled loudly and flexed in front of Krista, who cheered her on and then told her to go easy on Thomas.

"...Never mind," Eren muttered, shaking his head. "You can think whatever you want, Jean, but make sure it doesn't get you killed or something. Who knows, maybe wearing a dress will save your life one day."

Jean snorted. "Right, because a thief is gonna stop stealing if I go up to him in a pretty frock. Yeah, no."

"Whatever, your loss." Eren shrugged. "Dresses are really comfortable, so long as you're not wearing a corset with it."

Jean just stared at him. "...I'm not going to ask why you know that. I'll just...accept that you're a guy who...doesn't care about being mistaken for a girl..." He muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

Eren hummed thoughtfully, and nodded. "That sounds about right. Anyway..." He lifted up his fists once more with a smirk. "Think you can actually land a hit this time?"

Scowling at the taunt, Jean spread his feet evenly and was about to extend his arm into a punch-

"Time's up!" Commander Shadis announced. "Switch up your partners!"

Everyone separated and tried to find a new partner that would spar with them. With over fifty cadets, it was almost like trying to get through a stampede.

Dust flew up from the ground from the rushed migration, coating his shoes and his white pants, and Eren grimaced. Who's smart idea was it for the military to wear _white_ pants? Why not black, or brown, or some sort of darker color that wouldn't make dirt stand out so much? Laundry day was going to be a bitch.

"Wanna spar?"

Eren looked up and blinked at the sight of Reiner, who gave him a friendly smile. "I promise to be gentle," the larger boy assured. 

Staring up at him with a dull expression, Eren forcefully sighed. "Are you saying that because you still think I'm a girl?" he asked flatly.

"Uh-" Reiner blinked, taken aback. "I mean-"

Eren raised his fists. "C'mon!" He yelled, launching himself at his opponent.

Reiner raised his arms in a block, his larger frame giving off a stalwart stance, but Eren ducked underneath and past him, grabbing hold of one of the arms in the process.

Twisting it clockwise like he did to Jean, he pulled it backwards; the awkward angle and strain made the larger boy bend down instinctively to relieve the pressure on his shoulder, and Eren took the opportunity. Letting go- something Reiner didn't expect if his noise of surprise was any indication- Eren pushed him down.

Unfortunately for him, his slight frame wasn't enough weight, and Reiner stood back up without a problem, lifting him up as well. Twisting around in a flash- so fast that Eren's breath hitched- Reiner wrapped his arms around his waist and bent backwards, about to slam him into the ground.

Adrenaline rushed through his veins along with the blood flowing to his head, Eren stretched his arm out and crudely pressed down on a pressure point between the neck and shoulder muscle, and Reiner shouted, in surprise or pain or both. "Shit!"

Unable to throw off the additional weight that was Eren, Reiner toppled over onto his back, landing on the hard ground with an "oomph" and scattering dust everywhere.

Since he hadn't let go, Eren went down with him, collapsing on top of his hard chest. "Ow..." Eren winced in pain as his ODM gear buckle dug painfully into his upper sternum. He tried to push himself up but the two arms around his waist didn't budge. "Let go already, we both lost."

Reiner slowly blinked the dust out of his eyes, dazed from his landing. He slowly tilted his head down. "Oh...right..." Loosening his grip, he brought one hand to rub the back of his head. "Man, you are something else, Eren."

Snorting, Eren stood up and extended a hand. "You too." He grinned. "I wasn't expecting you to be so fast since you're such a big guy. Good reflexes."

Staring at the outstretched hand, Reiner huffed a smile and accepted it, heaving himself onto his feet with Eren's help. "Well, Bert and I used to live in a small village in the south of Maria, and we helped out as farmboys for one of the ranches there. You gotta be fast in case a horse freaks out and tries to stomp on you, or else it'll break your bones."

Eren winced at the image. "Yeah, that definitely sounds like something you'd need good reflexes for." He offered a smile. "Nice spar?"

Reiner grinned. "Yeah! You know..." He rested his hands on his hips. "You look so tiny and fragile, especially compared to me, but you've got resolve. You'll go far in life with that kind of determination."

Tensing his jaw, Eren glanced away for a moment. Fighting was something he was intimately familiar with. If he didn't fight, he wouldn't win. If he didn't win, he wouldn't live. To live is to fight, and to live is to be free. Would he go far in life? He'd certainly _try,_ but he doubted that Reiner even knew what he aspired to do.

"Also, what was that crazy thing you did to my neck?" Reiner asked curiously, rubbing the spot where Eren pressed down earlier. "You just used your fingers and then all of a sudden, I couldn't move my arms at all!"

"Oh, uh," Eren blinked at the unexpected question. "I'm- my dad was a doctor, so I know a lot about human anatomy. It's something I figured out myself-" 

 

_An unfamiliar land, with strange trees that blossomed, and square shaped buildings that he had never seen before in his life._

_People walked around in head-to-toe clothing that was made in fabrics and designs that were so foreign that he could barely tell what anything was._

_Large red arches lined the walkways and stairs everywhere he went._

_A language that was completely separate from his own, but he could faintly remember hearing one or two of the words before._

_Men and women in white, holding needles in their hands over their patients on the beds._

_A sea of blacks and browns and greys, with sharp gazes just like Mikasa's-_

 

"Eren? You okay?"

Gasping, Eren rapidly blinked and saw Reiner was looking at him with a concerned frown. "I- yeah, sorry. Um, just memories of my dad," he lied. "He- He died two years ago, so..." He trailed off, panic slowly welling up inside him.

What was that? _What the hell did he just see?_ That was definitely not one of his own memories, he would know. Those places, those trees, those people...He had never seen things like that before in his _life_. The people there...They all looked like Mikasa, but more. Were they Asian? But there were no more Asians, and there wasn't anywhere within the Walls that looked like that place; a land of square shaped buildings with thin window doors and red rectangular arches everywhere.

Had he seen...something from the Outside? From the past?

Someone else's memory..?

A hand was placed on his shoulder and Eren gasped, reflexively taking a step back. Reiner gave him an odd look and slowly lowered his arm. "Are you sure you're okay? I was giving you my condolences but you looked like you weren't listening again...Hey," His tone became soft and sympathetic, a contrast to the frustrated grunts of the other trainees. "I understand. It's hard to lose your dad, and you're from Shiganshina, right? It must've been rough. I know we still don't know each other very well, but we're fellow cadets and bunk-mates, so if you need anything, let me know, okay?"

Eren slowly blinked, overwhelmed and surprised and just generally speechless. No one had ever offered so much. "Th-Thanks, Reiner." He smiled softly. "You're a good guy."

Blinking, Reiner idly scratched his cheek as he grinned sheepishly. "I can't lie; your smile's a nice bonus," He confessed with a laugh.

His smile quickly flipped into a scowl. "Don't coddle me," Eren grumbled, crossing his arms. "And again, I'm male, remember? Haven't you seen me around in the showers?"

Reiner's face blanked-

A loud gong reverberated throughout the training grounds and everyone stopped what they were doing; the bell signaled that training was over for the day and that dinner would be served shortly in the mess hall.

"All right, you maggots! Get in single file lines and march to dinner!" Commander Shadis shouted over everyone's heads. He stood at the front with an impressive frown, watching with the eyes of a hawk as the trainees under him scrambled to do what he ordered. 

Eren glanced over to the clinic.

Giving Reiner a wave, he went off into the crowd of similarly dressed cadets, camouflaging himself in the sea of brown corduroy and white pants, until he found the head of blond and black he was looking for.

"Eren," Armin greeted him with a faux smile. His eyes were sharp, and were trained on the clinic. "No one was injured today," He remarked.

"Which means it'll be empty except for him," Mikasa added quietly; Her gaze promised a hard-set determination. "Which would you rather we do? The clinic or his room?"

"The clinic would be the better choice, if we really are doing this," Armin stated with a somewhat displeased grimace. "His room is too close to our superiors, and it's almost a guarantee that we'll be caught. With the clinic, we can go in and Eren can take a quick look at what's inside the cabinet. Then, we'll complete the next step either tomorrow or on his last day. If you can make something that's slow acting and untraceable, he'll expire far away from us."

Eren grasped his chin and hummed thoughtfully. "I don't think I would even need to make something; If there's an empty syringe, that'll be more than enough." His mouth hardened into a straight line. "We'll go now. Armin," He turned to the budding strategist. "You'll go to dinner without us, maybe go hang with Marco or something. Mikasa, you'll-"

"I'm coming with you," She replied flatly. 

"Mikasa-"

"I can watch your back." She didn't budge an inch. "And if anything happens, I can throw you over my shoulder and jump out of the window. You know I'm faster than you."

Eren clenched his jaw. "I do know that," He hissed. "Fine."

Armin glanced between them and then over to the line-up. "I'll try to save you both some dinner. Be quick about it, and no matter what," His brow pulled together as he frowned worriedly. "Don't get caught."

They both nodded.

They lined up at the very back. Once the line started marching toward the mess hall, with all of their instructors near the front, both Eren and Mikasa began to gradually lag behind, until there was enough distance, then they sprinted to the side. Hugging the cliff face, they crouched down and crawled. The clinic was the closest to the training grounds and was semi-isolated from the rest of the buildings. Seeing that the coast was clear, they slipped behind the clinic and disappeared from view.

Dark eyes watched the entire time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Slipping her wrist knife out, Mikasa peeked into the window. "...Coast is clear from here," she whispered. "The target is at his desk, and there's a curtain between him and the rest of the clinic. The medicine cabinet is directly behind him."

"Are the nurses there?" Eren asked while looking around the ground for a suitable purpose.

"Yes- Wait, no. They just left. Probably for dinner."

Picking up a small sized rock, Eren smiled. "Perfect," He purred. 

He swung his arm in an arch and threw the rock at a window that was closer to the entrance and away from their current location. 

Mikasa watched as their target inside jerked at the noise and stood up from his desk. As an old man, he wasn't very fast, but once he left the curtained office and out of their view, she flicked her knife out and used it to open the window with an almost silent pop. They both slipped through and rolled onto the floor, minimizing noise, and Mikasa took watch.

Eren immediately scooted over to the medicine cabinet with a rapidly beating heart filled with excitement and anxiety, and used the key he had pilfered- their target apparently had extras or else they would've heard about a theft. He opened the door and carefully slid the drawers open.

Brand new, factory manufactured syringes, lined up in a soft cotton case. All of them were empty.

His eyes lit up at the treasure trove and pocketed three or four, mostly for the sharp needles. He didn't have enough storage on his person or Mikasa to carry more, and he wouldn't have to so long as he could slip in here from time to time to "relieve" the clinic of their supplies.

Pushing the drawer closed, he pulled a different one open and peered at the bottles. Alcohol at 92%, saline solution, liquid silver, acetaminophen, several vials of morphine, and...that's it.

Eren blinked. That's it?

He pulled another drawer open. Bandages, staples, gauze, tweezers, intravenous tubes and bags.

His brows pulled together. He was confused and almost...appalled. This was all there was at a government funded military camp with Stohess grade doctors? Sure, there's morphine and acetaminophen, but where were the antihistamines? The benzodiazepines? _The antibiotics_?   

When Mr. Levi had questioned what antibiotics and bacteria were, he brushed it off, but...was it possible that no one aside from his father and himself knew about germ theory or human physiology?

Who was his father exactly..?

"Eren, hurry!" Mikasa hissed at him from her spot, glimpsing out of the curtain. "He's coming back!"

Biting back a curse, Eren rummaged through the vials and took one of everything- he'll figure out what he'll use them for later- but this was an unexpected setback. He had expected a plethora more of chemicals and herbs, but everything in here relied on manufactured liquids, and it didn't even contain the ones he really wanted. 

The sound of a door opening reached them on their side of the clinic, and Mikasa gestured for the window lest they get caught-

"Dr. Heimler, I want a word."

Both Eren and Mikasa froze. A bead of sweat slowly dripped down Eren's hairline as he slowly turned around and made eye contact with his sister. That voice was one they had become intimately familiar with since they arrived here.

"O-Oh," they heard the doctor stammer. "Commander Shadis. A pleasure."

"Yes, a pleasure," the Commander replied back stonily, his deep and intimidating voice projecting the image of a ruthless leader. "Tell me, doctor, what can you tell me about the cadets?"

"Th-They're a healthy bunch, from what I gathered." Eren could practically hear him sweat buckets. "A lot of young recruits as well, most likely coming from the disaster five years ago. There seems to be almost an even number of boys and girls, which is, er, rare, for the military. Only a few were physically unfit and were marked down."

"I see. Healthy and young, hm?" 

"...Y-Yes-"

"Dr. Heimler, do you know why you're here?" Shadis asked all of a sudden.

"T-To fill in for Dr. Muran until he concludes his business in Stohess. What is with all these questions, Commander-?"

" _I_ am the one asking questions here, _doctor_ ," Shadis interrupted with a low rumble, sending shivers down their spines. "Is. That. Understood?"

"Y-Yes, of course!" The doctor squeaked out in fear.

"Good. Now, I've received some complaints about you during the trainees' examination day. I wonder, _doctor_ , if you know who they are?"

"I-"

"They're the cadets you've inappropriately touched," Shadis growled out, and Eren froze.

He shared a glance with Mikasa. The Commander knew?

"I received more than ten complaints from female cadets, and even three from male cadets. _What precisely do you think you're doing here?_ " Shadis asked in a thunderous tone.

"Th-This is outright slander and is completely unsubstantiated!" The doctor yelled out, though his voice still trembled. "I have never done anything toward the cadets-"

"Then why would I have thirteen complaints in one week about you?" Shadis countered relentlessly. "If it was unsubstantiated, then there would only be one or two, but thirteen is too high of a number to be a coincidence. You will pack your bags immediately."

"You..! You have no right to-!"

"I have _every_ right to fire you. You, a third rate doctor that couldn't even keep his clientele in Ehrmich and was forced to relocate to Trost just to keep practicing. I'll be sure to let the board know about your actions," Shadis mocked, his tone like a predator who had finally caught the rat. "Dr. Muran will be arriving tomorrow. Now, leave. Or something _unfortunate_ may just happen to you."

With a frustrated grunt, the doctor pushed past the Commander and made for the door, but Officer Berks appeared beside him and forcibly grabbed him by his arm to drag him out of the building. The door closed with a bang and complete silenced filled the tense clinic.

Eren shared another glance with Mikasa. Their whole operation had just fallen out.

Mikasa signaled for Eren and pointed toward the window again, this time more urgent than the last. Eren nodded, and stealthily crept behind her, hoping to the Goddesses that they hadn't made any noise or left any evidence.

"You two, come out."

They froze. Did he mean them? There was no way, right? 

"Jaeger," Shadis called out once more, this time with a more threatening tone. "Come out _or else_."

Clenching his jaw at the direct call out, Eren snarled and reluctantly stood up. With his fists tightly held at his sides, knuckles white from pressure, he slowly walked out from behind the curtain and into the view of the Commander himself.

Fear and wariness blended themselves into a horrible mixture in the pit of his stomach, to the point where his head was pounding from the pressure and stress. It was better to face the man now, instead of escaping and facing his wrath later when it could stew.

Taking a deep breath, he stood straight and saluted with as much sincerity as he could muster. "Sir!"

Mikasa stepped up behind him with a blank expression, also saluting.

Shadis regarded the both of them with a heavy stare, but he mostly focused on Eren. His dark sleepless eyes looked as if they could see right through his soul and into the Titan inside him, and Eren mustered all he could in an attempt to be confident, and glared back.

Raising a hairless brow, Shadis huffed. "You have Carla's face, but those eyes...Those are the eyes of Grisha Jaeger. I expected nothing less from the son of that man."

Eren's breath hitched. "Car- You knew my parents?" He asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

Shadis ignored his question and his gaze slid over to the other cadet. "Ackerman," He greeted. Mikasa stood up straighter. "I see you both decided to skip dinner to play murder."

Mikasa furrowed her brow. "Sir, that's not what-"

"Save your excuses for someone who would believe you," Shadis interrupted callously. "You may fool the others, but you two and Arlert are all on my radar. What did you think you would accomplish here?"

Eren kept his mouth shut and said nothing.

The intimidatingly tall man glared down at them. "When I saw you on the first day, I knew you would pull something. I expected nothing less from Grisha's son. Did you think you could trespass in here without anyone noticing? That you could, what, murder the doctor without anyone knowing because his hands lingered a little too long?" He scoffed derisively. "Did you also think I was unaware of the doctor's actions? I was already planning on doling out a punishment when I saw you weren't present at dinner."

So the Commander had been aware all along. "You knew my father," Eren stated tensely. 

Shadis sneered down at them. "Yes. I knew what kind of person he was, and how you've obviously taken up his legacy as a 'doctor,'" he quoted. "Didn't you ever wonder why you never got in trouble back in 844 even though you murdered three men?"

They both tensed.

"A doctor holds lives in his hands, choosing who gets to live and who gets to die," Shadis growled. "A child learning to be a doctor isn’t something a normal parent would allow, and yet, your father decided otherwise. Grisha taught you the best ways to treat people, and also the most effective ways to put them down. How many people have you put down, Jaeger? How drenched are your hands?"

Eren stared at him unblinkingly, breath caught in his throat. What..?

"How many people have you killed since the Fall of Maria? How many people did you kill before then?" Shadis interrogated without looking for a real answer. "You're skilled, I'll give you that, but don't forget. You're a _child_ compared to me; I've lived more than three times your age. Don't think you can skirt around the law when _I_ am the law here, understood?"

Eren clenched his jaw so hard it _ached_. "Yes, sir," he gritted out.

Shadis stared at him for a long moment before huffing.  "The only reason why you aren't facing punishment is because you hadn't accomplished what you set out to do. All the cadets are being watched, Jaeger. Whatever you've been doing these past two years, you can't pull here."

He stood aside and pointed toward the clinic door.

A clear dismissal as any. 

Eren walked by stiffly, followed by Mikasa who held her head down, ducking into her scarf. Just as they reached the door, Shadis called out to them once more.

"Next time something like this happens, you tell a superior officer," he lectured. "Exhaust all your legal means before resorting to illegal ones. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!" Eren responded tensely with a salute, Mikasa silently following his movements.

With a nod, they were dismissed.

Walking out of the clinic, Mikasa shuddered and hugged herself. "That was...too close," she mumbled, mortified by what had just happened. Her eyes strayed to the ground and stayed there. All she could do was hang her head in shame for being caught and reprimanded. "We were lucky that he hadn't punished us..."

Eren didn't answer her. _Couldn't_ answer her. His jaw was clenched so tightly that his teeth creaked, and his fingers dug through into the palm of his hands. He couldn't hear anything over the sound of gushing blood in his ears, of the sheer _humiliation_ that ran rampant inside him right now. He had been scolded like a child and he hated it.

 _Because Shadis was right_.

He was young and had gotten arrogant. So arrogant over the fact that no one had ever caught him killing the filth in Trost, that no one could see through his smiles and long hair, that no one could ever think of him as someone whose hands were drenched in blood, and he got _caught_.

He had been a fucking _idiot_ to think that he could keep doing what he did here, where there were eyes everywhere.

No longer did he have dark and rarely trodden alleyways to hide his ordeals, nor the freedom to move and operate unnoticed. He couldn't get rid of filth the way he used to; where he depended only on himself and the people around him.

He had forgotten somewhere, sometime, that there were actual military officers who had the lawful power of executing orders against filth like that.

He had forgotten civility.

He was no better than a monster.

Balling up a fist, he punched himself right in the face. The impact was painful, and he felt blood spurt out from his mouth from where his teeth had cut into the tender flesh. 

"Eren!" Mikasa cried out in alarm, grasping his hand between hers to stop himself. "What are you doing?!"

He still had another hand.

Clenching his left hand, he punched his other cheek, spitting out a mixture of blood and saliva onto the ground. "Beating the idiocy out of myself," he snarled. "We were stupid. I was stupid!"

"Eren..." Mikasa whispered forlornly, lowering her head in shame.

Shadis could've punished them; could've kicked them out of the military with a lifelong ban, and for what? For a stupid doctor who couldn't keep his hands to himself? He almost chose killing a filthy man over the chance of eradicating the Titans. A chance to fight alongside Mr. Levi, to find the answers that his father begged him to find. A chance to find freedom.

He had lost himself in his arrogance.

He hated himself.

"We're not killing anyone anymore," Eren stated tightly. "We're not risking it."

Mikasa wordlessly nodded in agreement, and tugged him along to the mess hall.

Eren followed along silently, letting her guide him. He could feel his injuries steaming from the slight increase in temperature, and by the time they were inside, any traces of his self-harm would be gone. Still, he couldn't allow himself to forget again.

Too much was at stake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to end their badass streak, i'm sorry ;w; they're good but they're still 12 year olds
> 
> I'm sure you all noticed that both Hange and Nanaba are referred to as "they," since their genders are never revealed or spoken about in the manga, which I find really cool tbh because who cares about genders when you're fighting for your lives, right?
> 
> If any of you are curious as to what I've been so busy with during Jan-Feb -> to now, I've been working on an [19 year old Eren bodypillow](https://twitter.com/AristoMuse/status/1122035298236542976) rofl It's mostly for me because I am that kind of trash (I've honed my drawing skills for the sole purpose of drawing whatever trash I want HUZZAH) but if anyone else wants it, I may be able to open preorders in the future!
> 
> Comments are loved and appreciated as always <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow not an update at 6am, but at 4am!! What an improvement
> 
> I wanted to get this chapter out sooner, like end of May sooner, but things happened with my health and I've just been in a pretty bad rut lately. Writing has definitely helped me escape, and this chapter was pretty hard to write as well since it's so dialogue heavy. I hope you all enjoy!

**A Few Weeks Later**

 

"So, Mikasa," Mina began with a giggle. "Tell us: How did you become friends with Armin and Eren?" 

"Yeah," Hannah chimed in, combing her ginger hair into a low ponytail. "You guys are all totally different, but you seem like the best of friends. How did that happen?"

Mikasa smiled slightly, doing her best to hide just how nervous she truly was. "Well..."

They were all sat in their dorm, already in their sleepwear. It was just after dinner but before curfew, and some of the girls clearly wanted to get to know each other better by doing something called "girl time."

Mikasa wasn't quite sure why girls had to have their own designated time to discuss gossip and such, but...it was kind of nice to interact with her peers like this. No matter how feminine Eren could be, he was still a boy, and there wasn't anything quite like having another girl understand her struggles.

It wasn't just Mina and Hannah who were here, however. There was also Sasha who may or may not be munching on something underneath her pillow, Krista, Ymir who always stuck by her side, Annie, Ruth, and Sandra. That was all the girls here in this dorm room. 

"I met Eren when we were nine," Mikasa finally answered. "And he introduced me to Armin. We've been together ever since."

Vague was always better. She knew now that giving more information than necessary was a breach in their security. After just barely escaping corporal punishment from Commander Shadis a few weeks ago, it was better for everyone that she didn't mention anything that could pertain to their connections to the darker side of society.

"Ehh?" Mina whined. "C'mon, there must be more to tell! Where did you meet? _How_ did you meet? I know you guys came from Shiganshina, so you must've stuck together the past two years, right?" She bit her lip, unsure of what she could ask. "Was it...Was it hard?"

Mikasa subtly clenched her jaw. "...It was. We had to ration our food, and we also had to find a place to live."

"Maybe it's best to leave it alone?" Krista suggested from her bed. "Mikasa seems uncomfortable talking about this. If she doesn't want to answer, she doesn't have to." 

Mikasa glanced over at her, and received a beauteous smile in response.

Krista Lenz. She presented herself with a sort of angelic facade; a person who could do no wrong and would always do her best to help others, as seen by her going around the other trainees and trying to be supportive of their troubles. She was still a mystery to everybody in camp, with maybe the exception of the parasite that always latched onto her.

"If she doesn't want to speak about it, then she shouldn't have answered in the first place," Her parasite, Ymir, spoke up with a callous sneer. "Clearly it wasn't as traumatizing as it must've been if she isn't breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about it. Then again..." Her sneer transformed into a more mocking smirk. "Ackerman here doesn't have much of a reaction to anything, does she? Just like the ice princess over there."

They all turned to look at the one girl who situated herself as far as possible from them. Annie's cold blue eyes swerved in their direction before she resumed to ignoring their presence.

Mikasa frowned. Annie Leonhart. Another unknown, and in her cautious opinion, a much bigger threat than whatever Krista was. Not only was she strange, the slightly-taller-but-not-by-much blonde didn't speak to anyone unless forced to. Most suspicious of all though, was the strange form of martial arts she used during hand-to-hand combat training. None of their instructors recognized it, which meant it was something she learned away from conventional means. The muscles that made up her short body was another big clue that, whoever she was, she was dangerous.

And Annie seemed to recognize that in her as well.

Along with the other girls.

Their bunks were placed on opposite sides of the room as far away from one another as possible, almost as if they were marking their territories. They weren't allowed to spar with one another, either, due to their immense strength. The one and only time it had happened, the entire training field had to be evacuated to avoid any innocent casualties. Eren had scolded her afterwards for going so far, but he didn't understand. 

Annie Leonhart was someone who proved to be a worthy adversary, and that meant she was a potential threat to Eren and Armin's safety.

"...Annie's as cold as ever," Ruth muttered. "Isn't it strange that she's so antisocial to everyone, but she's from the same village as Reiner and Bertholt? You'd think they'd be friends or something."

Sandra shook her head. "I don't think so. Remember? Reiner mentioned that their village used to be in Southern Maria territory. Maybe, you know..." She bit her lip and lowered her voice. "She's just traumatized from the Titans?"

"See?" Ymir smirked and leaned back on her bed. "Two peas in a pod, her and Ackerman."

Mikasa ignored her and turned to her bunkmate who was lying down on her stomach with her head under her pillow. "Sasha," she called out calmly. The other girl's squirming stopped. "Don't leave any crumbs on our bed."

With a wet choking sound, Sasha lifted the pillow from her head and turned to her with wide eyes. "Of-Of course, Mikasa! I would not dare to, um, dirty our sleeping area with any, er..." Her eyes darted away with a dash of guilt. "Any, um, sustenance."

Mikasa just stared at her with an unimpressed yet blank expression, and slowly reached out to wipe the last of the crumbs from the other girl's face.

Sasha's face burned with embarrassment, but her hand darted out quick enough to catch the small bits of food and promptly shoved them into her mouth. "M-My apologies, Mikasa..." She laughed sheepishly.

Ymir rolled her eyes. "Yeesh, potato girl. Don't invite any vermin in our dorm with your smuggled food, got it?"

Sasha sputtered. "P-Potato girl?! What sort of nickname is that supposed to be?!"

Mina laughed out loud. "You're crazy for potatoes! I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say that our first impression of you was of you eating a potato in front of Commander Shadis. You're so brave, Sasha!"

"I'm not sure I can call that brave..." Ruth interjected with a wince. "I can't believe you're still alive after all that running. You're probably on his shit list by now."

Sasha only whimpered and curled up into a ball. "...It's worth it for food."

Mikasa smiled faintly and reached over to gently pat her head. After being with Eren and Armin for so long, it was surprising that she was actually enjoying the time spent with these new...friends. Maybe sleeping away from her brothers was a good thing.

"But you know..." Hannah spoke up after a bit. "Commander Shadis seems to have it out for Eren now."

Mikasa snapped her head in her direction. Hannah slightly jumped at the sudden and intense focus on her person, so she continued on with a slight warble in her voice. "Y-You know? Commander Shadis, when he's not yelling at everyone, he's usually staring at Eren."

"You think he wants to yell at him about his hair?" Sandra asked curiously. "It does seem weird that a boy would have such luxurious hair. Is it against regulation?"

Krista clasped her hands together. "Oh, I hope not. Eren is just so pretty with his long hair!" she remarked with a dreamy smile. "It would be a shame if he had to cut it short!"

"Wha-?!" Ymir sputtered and tugged the much smaller girl into her side. "As if! You're the prettiest of them all, Krista!" She rubbed their heads together, mussing up their hair. "Marry me!"

Ducking into her scarf, Mikasa hid her frown, shame and guilt mixing into one.

It was her fault for not stopping Eren, for not noticing the doctor's wandering hands. She had gone first, after all. They wouldn't have gotten into trouble if she had been more aware.

Perhaps the doctor hadn't been interested in her as much as he was in Eren and a few others, and that's why she hadn't noticed. If she did, she could've told a superior, as Commander Shadis had reminded them. She had become so used to doing things herself, throwing men out of bars and brothels with her own two hands, that the thought of going to the authorities never even occurred to her.

She hadn't expected Commander Shadis to have known Eren's parents, either, and to hear him so callously throw around the belief that Grisha Jaeger had taught Eren how to kill, it was bone chilling. There was no way that anyone knew about Eren's activities in the Alley; Armin had checked in with Luke about any paper trails, and had come up with nothing. No one had ever reported about Eren's victims.

Shadis must've gotten a copy of the police report about _that day_ when they were nine, and assumed everything else. Perhaps there had been bad blood between the Commander and Grisha Jaeger, and now he was projecting that onto Eren.

A darker part of her wanted to _straighten_ things out with the Commander, but she knew it wouldn't be worth it. She wasn't going to sabotage their chances at entering the Survey Corps, even if it did mean that Eren would be reunited with that stupid shorty.

Mina giggled at the strange display. "I don't know who's prettier, Eren or Krista. I still can't believe Eren isn't a girl! Mikasa!" She turned to the Shiganshina native. "Is Eren really a boy?! How about Armin?!"

"Both of them are biologically male," Mikasa answered for what was probably the tenth time. "Eren started growing out his hair a few years ago. Armin only looks frail, so people think he's feminine."

"Huh?" Ruth tilted her head. "So, does Eren not care about being mistaken for a girl? Isn't it a little weird that a boy would want to look so girly?"

Mikasa shook her head. "Not at all. Eren doesn't care."

"Eren's...pretty strange," Hannah concluded with an awkward laugh. "I've never met a boy who likes looking like a girl before, and he's so weirdly flexible!"

"Is he?" Sandra raised her brows. "You pay a lot of attention to him. What happened to liking Franz, hm?" she teased.

"I-I-I-" Hannah stuttered with a blush. "Franz and I aren't getting married!" She laughed forcefully while covering her red cheeks with her hands. "What a silly thing to say!"

Ruth stared flatly at her flustered flailing. "Uh-huh, sure. That's definitely what we just asked." Rolling her eyes, she turned back to Mikasa. "Do you ever get jealous of how pretty Eren is? I know I would if I had to hang around him as often as you do. Unless..." She smiled slyly. "You like-like him?"

Mikasa blinked slowly. "...Eren is Eren. He and Armin are family. Though..." Her eyes darkened into a dangerous glare. "I have noticed that some of the boys are treating him poorly, like Jean and Reiner. I won't let them do anything to him."

"Woo, go protect his girly virgin ass," Ymir cheered as dully as humanly possible. "Make sure he doesn't drop any soap in the shower, or else..." She cackled at the thought. "Ha! Those guys might not mind him from behind, if you know what I mean. They probably won't mind his front, either."

Lips curling in disgust, Mikasa turned to glare at her. "Eren would never let that happen," she hissed. " _No one_ deserves his love or his body like that. That goes for all of you here as well."

Looking between the two of them and panicking, Krista quickly held up her hands. "Please, don't fight!" she cried out. "We're all friends here, aren't we?"

"Y-Yeah!" Mina joined in with a stutter. "C'mon, why don't we talk about something else? Um..." She tapped her chin. "Oh! how about, who's the best looking guy here? And Eren doesn't count; he's in his own category!"

"Franz, of course!" Hannah immediately chimed in with a dreamy smile. "He's just so handsome and kind and- eeee!" She squealed into her pillow.

Sandra pursed her lips. "Pretty sure you're biased, Hannah. In any case, it's a tie between Bertholt and Samuel for me. I love tall boys with dark hair."

"Well, _I_ think Jean's not so bad, if he wasn't such a jerk..."

Letting the vapid conversation wash over her, Mikasa glanced once more in the opposite end of the room. Annie appeared to be tuning them all out, but the occasional flash of blue amidst the forest of long blonde locks showed that she was still paying attention to them. Why didn't she just suck it up and join them?

It wasn't like she would attack the blonde for coming too close.

Then again, if she also had some sort of derogatory comment towards Eren or Armin, Mikasa may just change her mind.

"I think they're all good looking in their own ways!"

Mikasa glanced back at Krista who just spoke, observing as she let out a tinkling laugh akin to tiny bells.

Both of them were to be watched carefully.

In her careful examination of the two blondes, she missed the narrow gaze amidst the crowd of freckles that watched her in turn.

 

* * *

**March 22nd**

 

The grass crunched loudly underneath the heavy rubber of their boots, adding to the sounds of the forest. As they trekked deeper past the tall monoliths of nature, they could hear chirps from the native birds, the scurrying of scavengers, and the flutter of leaves in the spring breeze. The trees here were large, though not as large as the vast forests in South Maria territory, and the canopy above them blocked out most of the early sun's rays with the exception of a few smatterings that reached the forest floor. 

"Are we looking for anything in particular?" Armin asked, lagging behind a few steps.

"Anything edible would be good, but call out to me if you see any special plants," Eren replied absentmindedly, his eyes already darting around and categorizing what passed as the local flora and fauna. 

The only days off they got were on Sundays, the day of worship, and so Eren thought to take the opportunity to finally scour the surrounding area for things he could use. He wasn't very religious at all, but free time was free time, and he would rather use it for something that could benefit him instead of spending it lazing around like Connie and Jean did. 

Armin volunteered to come with him since he was somewhat familiar with identifying certain medicinal plants. Mikasa opted to stay behind for once to hang out with some of the other girls, and to also watch Commander Shadis.

Just thinking of the tall and intimidating man made Eren's hackles rise, both from feeling defensive and the all too familiar sensation of guilt and humiliation. It's been over two months since the incident, and he still wanted to strangle something at the memory. Being caught wasn't something he ever thought would happen, which was arrogant to even say. There was no doubt that he had learned his lesson, and he wasn't ever going to risk attempting anything like that again for a long while, if ever. 

When Armin had learned what had happened later that very night, he had been absolutely mortified, even taking them around the corner of a building after to dinner to yell in harsh whispers. What if we were expelled? We could've been arrested. Forget being arrested, we could've been court martialed and then executed for murder, he had whimpered. 

Eren had winced at the thought, and if Mikasa hadn't had such a tight grip on his hands, he would've punched himself again for being so stupid. It wasn't just him he was risking; he was risking his friends as well, and that was unacceptable. 

Since then, they had done their best to avoid attention. While Armin was still at the top of the ranks regarding his superior intellect and fast thought process, and Mikasa was number one with anything physical, all three of them didn't do much else other than train. Eren wasn't as smart as Armin or as physically capable as Mikasa, but he was no slouch, either. They completed their training to the best of their abilities, and that was that. 

No experiments, no trespassing, no murders. 

The filthy doctor had already been replaced by a younger, more respectable sort, but even he wasn't anywhere near Eren or his father's level of expertise. Dr. Muran was a stuttering mess half the time, but he treated all his patients fairly and as competently as he could. 

However, even with so much time passing by, Commander Shadis's dark gaze barely ever left them, especially Eren, and he was sick of the tension. The man seemed to have it out for him; he seemed to believe that he would pull out a knife and stab someone any minute now. Eren had no idea what the hell kind of relationship the man had had with his parents, but judging by the fact that he had never seen him around their house, it didn't seem like it had been a good one. 

His father may have taught him the best ways to dismantle a body, but that didn't mean he was a murderer. Why couldn't anyone else see that? Maybe it was strange that he had been taught from a young age about being a doctor, but he hadn't been groomed to kill. It was because no one else had been stepping up against the injustices in the world that he coated his hands in blood. _Animal_ blood, because men like the filthy doctor weren't human, they were animals who couldn't control themselves and should be put down.

With a frustrated sigh, Eren shook his head and concentrated. "Make sure to wear your gloves at all times," he continued. "Some of these plants may be poisonous and can give you a bad rash."

"R-Right..." he heard Armin reply back weakly. "I'm surprised that we're allowed out here."

"I don't think they care if we do anything during our off hours," Eren replied back, eyes honing in on a specific plant just a few meters in front of him. "Armin, look!" He gestured for his friend to join him. "I found some thyme!"

"That's great!" Armin breathed out excitedly. Stepping next to him, he crouched down and gently picked the spindly herbs from the ground. "If we ever get served any meat, this would go well with it."

Eren snorted. "Doubt it. We've been eating potato soup and bread non-stop for the last _month_."

Armin shrugged. "We can always hope, though I know the camps get the smallest allocation of funds next to the Survey Corps. The Military Police have the largest budget, of course."

"Damn pigs..." The young doctor cursed halfheartedly. "I bet they're all eating chicken every day, or even steak. All they do is get fat on their laurels."

Armin turned to him with a weary smile. "I know, but we can't do anything about it right now, so why bother complaining? Let's focus on what we can do, like getting more variety in our seasoning."

Nodding, Eren surveyed the surrounding flora.

For a forest in Rose territory, it held quite a variety of greenery. A lot of the trees were redwoods, but he could see there were oaks and blue spruces, all blending together as giant pillars that reached toward the sky. Growing near their roots, though, were where the real treasures were. The forest floor and understory were what he set out to forage through, and he was in luck.

Crouching near a rather gnarled redwood, Eren slipped on his gloves and poked and prodded around the leafy bushes around him. He pushed a few leaves away, revealing a bushel of wild berries that were safe for human consumption. Next to the berry bush were several juniper trees, all barely budding with berries, and next to those were various flowers like arnica, lavender, chamomile, foxglove, and to his surprise, calendula. They were all growing in one of the rare spots of sunlight that managed to penetrate the barrier of leaves in the canopy, and were an undisturbed- not to mention priceless- treasure trove.

"Oh, wow..." Eren breathed out in delight. "Armin! Make a note about this place! It has a bunch of good stuff for us!"

"O-Okay-achoo!" Armin suddenly sneezed, followed by several more sneezes that came one after another without any mercy. "Achoo! Ah-Achoo! Achoo! Ugh..." He sniffled, the wet sound echoing around their location. "I think I'm allergic to something here- Achoo!" 

Frowning, Eren dug into his small pack. "See, this is why I told you to cover your face first," he admonished. He found what he was looking for, and took it out. "Here, this should protect you from most of the pollen."

Armin accepted and quickly tied the rag over his mouth and nose even as his eyes watered from the onslaught of released dust. "Maybe I bumped into some ragweed..." he murmured sheepishly. "Why aren't you affected, Eren? You used to get hay fever too."

Eren shrugged halfheartedly. "It wasn't obvious before since we lived in a city, but I stopped having symptoms about two years ago, because...you know," he hinted rather obviously.

"Oh, right," Armin blinked, almost surprised at himself for forgetting. "Well, despite your 'condition,' not getting hay fever is a boon."

The young doctor grinned. "Isn't it? Now I can spend as much time as I want out here with no repercussions," he boasted. "C'mon, let's hurry up and find some other stuff. We can make jam out of the berries- they should be sweet enough- but we should search for some mint and parsley. If we're lucky, we'll even be able to find some strings of garlic and maybe even ginger!"

"You're so excited..." Armin laughed awkwardly. "I hope you remember though; we only have a limited amount of room. What are the other guys going to think when they see you hanging sage and mint from the rafters? Poor Reiner and Bertholt. They have to sleep nearby."

Already crouched down to forage for more plants, Eren snorted. "Hey, it's not my fault they chose the bunks next to ours, okay? Besides..." He suddenly scowled. "Reiner needs to stop forgetting I'm not a girl."

Armin pulled a face. "So you're going to make him associate the scent of our herbs with you in the hopes that you can psychologically manipulate him into acknowledging your male sex?"

Eren paused. "Wha-? No. I mean...sort of?" He scrunched up his face. "I just meant that I'd show him I have access to good seasoning. You see how Sasha is, right? She's always complaining about the food being bland and not having any flavor." He picked a leaf off of a bay laurel. "If she was happier with her food, she'd be more motivated with training. It'll probably be the same with Reiner. I'll give him seasoning if he stops treating me like fragile glass."

"Oh." Armin blinked in surprise. "That does make sense. Food is an important aspect of survival, and being given bland potatoes and bread every day has probably worn down all our friends and their appetites. They know they have to eat, but it's a guarantee that they're sick of the lack of taste. By withholding all the seasoning and brandishing it above our beds, we're sending a message to our peers that we have the power to make our time in training a little easier, so long as they cooperate with us..." He continued to mutter to himself, even taking out his journal to jot his notes down with a piece of charcoal.

"Err, yeah..." Eren slowly agreed, slightly taken aback by how far Armin had thought ahead. Typical Armin.

Shaking his head, he perused the forest floor. If he could find a pile of decaying leaves, he could track down a more healthy vein, and a healthy vein usually meant something edible. 

He passed by a few snails and beetles, along with the occasional squirrel, and gasped with a strange smile when he saw what had been growing next to a hollow tree. "Is that..?"

Long, spindly stems that grew several serrated leaves, and at the very top stood a burst of blue petals that folded up and inwards.

Monkshood.

How lucky of him.

Slowly inching his way closer, Eren made sure his gloves covered his skin before carefully reaching out toward the plant. He wouldn't take much, maybe half a stock along with one bulb, but it would be more than enough in case of...emergencies.

After all, monkshood was one of the deadliest plants in the world.

Even just coming into contact with bare skin could prompt paraesthesia; a numb hand was not something he needed right now.

Taking out a scalpel, he meticulously cut off several sections. It only took one or two slices for the very sharp blade to do its work. Then, he wrapped each individual piece in wax paper, then cloth, and finally bagged it all up in one. 

Once he made the sure the bag was secure and wasn't going to leak any plant juices, he threw away his gloves and retrieved a new pair. It wouldn't do to use the same gloves to pick actual edible plants.

"Eren, how much mint should we collect?" Armin asked from several meters away.

"As much as you want," he replied absentmindedly. "It's good for nausea, headaches, and muscle pain."

"I know," Armin snapped back lightheartedly. "You've taught me this years ago, remember?"

Right. When Grandpa Arlert had started getting aches in his joints and shoulders, Armin had almost begged to be taught on how best to help him. Even in the short three months after they had fled Shiganshina, Armin had continued absorbing any and all information Eren had provided to him to help his grandpa avoid having another heart attack.

It was all in vain, though. At least Grandpa Arlert had left them while smelling like home.

The hours slowly passed by as they continued to scour the forest for more herbs. With their combined efforts, they were able to scrounge up a nice amount of sage, thyme, parsley, peppermint, and even garlic. Eren had to warn Armin a couple of times from getting too close to a dangerous plant, and even though Armin had a mask on, he still occasionally sneezed from whatever pollen had managed to make it pass up to his nose. 

With what they were able to find, they would have no shortage of seasoning for their food, and Eren would even be able to make simple pastes and creams that the clinic wasn't able to provide. Why would he ever need anything like morphine for something as simple as a pulled shoulder when good old fashioned cream and acupuncture can solve it? 

It was strange that the clinic, and Interior medicine in general, relied so heavily on manufactured medications. He supposed they had the resources, so why not, but...there was plenty of medicine all around them here in the wilderness. It may be less concentrated than a pure extract, but it was considerably cheaper and easier to produce.

Deciding to take a break for lunch, they took a seat in a mostly empty clearing with a loud sigh. "We're lucky to have not run into any wild animals out here," Eren remarked while taking out a piece of stale bread and halving it with his friend.

"I doubt anything dangerous would live so close to a military camp," Armin surmised, taking one half for himself. "It's likely that only small foragers live around here; animals that don't have much of a survival instinct. I'm sure the daily shots of acoustic flares have scared anything larger away, like wolves and deer."

"That...sucks," Eren admitted. "We could've gone hunting. Venison can be pretty nice, especially if Mikasa prepares it."

"It would've been..." Armin sighed longingly. "We haven't had meat in a long time. Not since that last deer you killed by accident before we joined training."

At the mention, Eren flushed red and crossed his arms. "Listen, it spooked me, okay! I thought animals would be afraid of Titans. I didn't think it would come up behind me, so I..." He trailed off with a wince. "Didn't see it."

"And you elbowed it to death," Armin finished with an amused smile. "I know. Still, it was delicious, and we were able to give Mikelle her first taste of venison."

Still pouting, Eren quickly ate his bread and washed it down with his canteen. "Maybe we can shoot down a bird..."

Armin raised a brow. "With what? We can't stone it, it'll fly away, and it's not like you can spear it with a scalpel-" He immediately cut himself off when his companion's face turned thoughtful. "Eren, no."

Eren looked at the collection of knives he kept on his person and grinned. "We won't know unless I try-" 

"No. You'll just waste a knife."

"But, what if I partially transformed and used my strength to throw it-"

"You'll sooner melt it since it's metal."

"Okay, but how about-"

" _Eren_."

"Okay, okay, jeez." Eren snickered at his friend's extremely unimpressed face. "I was just joking. We could do it the old fashioned way?"

Armin blinked. "'Old fashioned way'?"

"Like hunters!" Eren beamed. "Isn't Sasha from a hunting village? I bet we could bribe her into helping us!"

"So this is where you guys went," an unexpected voice spoke.

Tensing in their seats, Eren and Armin got up in a flash and turned toward the direction of the voice, with the former palming his wrist knife. The tall bushes rustled noisily before a large nose appeared, followed by narrow eyes and thin lips lifted in an easygoing smile. 

Eren relaxed and slid his knife back into its hidden holster. "Reiner? The hell?" 

"What a coincidence, bumping into you two here!" Reiner called out jovially, stepping out of the bush and into the clearing.

Another form appeared out of the mess of leaves, showing an even larger form that waved shyly at them. As always, Bertholt followed wherever the behemoth of a blond went.

"What are you two doing here?" Armin asked curiously with a smile.

"W-We were heading to our secret location," Bertholt answered quietly but kindly. "How about you? You've been gone for a long time."

Eren and Armin exchanged a look. "...Just a hike," Eren answered, smiling innocently. "It sometimes feels suffocating being around so many people, so we thought we could come out here and be alone for a while, just the two of us."

Reiner nodded sagely. "Yeah, I get what you mean. We came from a small village, so being around this many people every single day of the week can be exhausting. Say..." He smiled. "Wanna see our secret location?"

"Eh? We-We're inviting them?" Bertholt stuttered, shoulders hunching up to his ears.

The stocky blond slapped him on his arm. "Lighten up, Bert! We're all friends here, aren't we? C'mon you two." He gestured to the two smaller boys. "If you've got the strength to keep hiking a little further, you'll see our secret location."

"Uh, sure..." Eren hesitantly accepted.

They fell into step with their fellow bunk mates after a short pause, and followed them through the thick foliage. The two taller boys didn't talk much, only exchanging a few words every once in a while.

Eren leaned in closer to Armin. "...What the hell is their secret location?" he whispered. "You don't think it's something weird, is it? Like a cave where they hold animals hostage?" 

Armin gave him a strange look. "What? Of course not. I doubt it's anything even close to what you're thinking," he muttered. "It's most likely a nice place to relax for them."

"How do you relax with two people?"

"Eren...We lived in an alley of sin."

"So?"

Armin closed his eyes and took a deep breath to withhold a look of long endured suffering. "...I'm saying that two people can relax via romantic or sexual relations."

Eren blinked, surprised, and darted his gaze to his two other friends who walked a little ways in front of them. "You really think they're like that?"

"No."

"Up there!" Reiner pointed up toward a slope that extended past the forest edges. "Just a few more steps now!"

Curious now, they both followed them up the hill. As soon as they left the outskirts of the forest, the afternoon sun shined down on them, blinding them with its unrelenting light. Blinking tears out of his eyes, Eren squinted in front of them, and found his breath stolen away.

It wasn't a dark cave filled with blood, nor a den for secret lovers.

Instead, it was a lake, spanning far into the distance to hit another set of hills close to the horizon. The pure water glistened like jewels underneath the sunlight, shining white, green, and blue, and varying shades in between. Standing on top of a cliff overlooking the lake and the forest below, completely untouched by man, it felt magical and unbelievable.

"Wow..." Armin breathed out in awe. Eren silently nodded in agreement, his eyes fixated on the sight in front of him.

"Beautiful, right?" Bertholt smiled. "We come here when we feel too stressed. The view never fails to help us relax, like our troubles are far away..."

"Yeah..." Eren whispered. His eyesight blurred, and he realized tears had gathered in the corners of his eyes. "It's...really nice out here."

Everything really did feel far away.

As far as the eye could see, there were only trees, mountains, and the beautiful lake below. There were no people shouting at each other for petty reasons. No superiors breathing down his neck because they suspected him, no filthy men who violated anything they touched, and most importantly, there were no Titans. Instead, it was quiet, so quiet that all he could hear were the rustling of healthy leaves, the rushing crystalline water, and the soft conversations between friends and between the animals that lived here.

This...This was what he wanted.

Freedom.

"You crying, Eren?" Reiner gently asked. "Hey, c'mon, I know the view is great-" He flexed his arms rather conspicuously. "-But it's nothing to cry over." 

Choking out a laugh, Eren rubbed his eyes of any stray moisture and smiled, oh so very carefree. "Keep dreaming!" Without waiting, he rushed down the hillside toward the lake. 

One day, he wanted to see more.

Until then, this was more than enough.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks again for sharing your secret with us," Armin spoke up gratefully.

Sitting on a few rocks right next to the lake, the four cadets were enjoying a peaceful afternoon together. They had even gone fishing for a little bit, and were able to enjoy a few trout in front of an open fire. Eren did all the gutting, as per usual, but as people who hadn't ever witnessed him doing anything but train, both Reiner and Bertholt were surprised at how expertly he had descaled and ripped out the internal organs. 

"It's no problem," Reiner replied with a grin. "I think out of all the people we know, you two deserve knowing this the most."

Bertholt nodded in agreement. "You two always look so serious, and while it's good to train hard, h-humans have limits."

Eren reluctantly conceded. "That's true. I guess I'm just...impatient." He pouted. "I feel like if I train more, I'll be a better soldier."

"That's correct to a certain extent." Reiner leaned back on his rock. "But, why are you in such a rush? You, Armin, Mikasa, but mostly you. It's like you can't wait until graduation."

"Of course!" Eren clenched his hands tightly. "I...You know we're from Shiganshina, right?"

Reiner nodded, a grim expression replacing his easygoing smile. "Right. You were there that day, right? When the breach happened?"

"...Yeah." It took a considerable amount of effort to not clench his jaw at the reminder. "That day...I lost almost everything. I lost my home and..." He took a shuddering breath. "I lost my mom."

The tallest boy crumbled into himself. "I'm...so sorry, Eren," Bertholt whispered, hiding his face in his knees. 

"Don't be." Eren forced himself to relax. "It wasn't your fault." With his eyes trained on the gleaming waters next to him, he missed the older boy's flinch. "It was those damn Titans. Because of them, we lost twenty percent of our territory and our people. Mr. Hannes had to drag me and Mikasa away, otherwise I probably wouldn't be here right now."

Armin visibly winced next to him. "Eren..."

"You know it's true." Eren mindlessly picked at a few of the bones left over from their meal, uncaring of where they landed. "I would've stayed and died there with mom in a Titan's stomach, but I didn't, because of you. So..." He turned to his friend; his first and most precious friend, and smiled softly. "Thanks. It's because I'm alive right now that I can say this..."

His eyes gained an unearthly glow to them, energized by the dark rage he had always held, and now forever scarred onto his heart by the death of his mother.

"I will kill _every single Titan_ in this world until there are none left."

The Colossal.

The Armored.

The Blonde Smiling Titan.

One day, whether it was in three years, or ten, or twenty, he will kill them all.

Then...

He will be the only monster left.

A thoughtful silence filled the group afterward, though unbeknownst to the two younger boys, their companions weren't nearly as relaxed or lost in thought.

Reiner glanced over to his friend, noting the many trickles of sweat that dotted his face and down his neck, and the sheer agony and remorse that colored his olive eyes. Reaching over with a hand, he placed it on his shoulder.

He could feel Bertholt trembling under his palm.

 

* * *

**April 6th**

 

It was a strange day today. Most of the trainees in the camp were gathered near the gates, talking excitedly among each other, while only a few of their superiors watched on from the sidelines. Barely anyone was dressed in their uniform as well, with most of them opting for civilian wear such as simple wool shirts and hemp pants or dresses. Not only were the cadets not training, they had been allotted time off for the entire day.

It was an occurrence that would only happen once every three months where the camp allowed visitations; a chance for families and friends to reconnect with any cadet going through training.

"It's been three months, right?"

"Man, I miss my parents..."

"Great, my mom is probably coming just to nag at me. Even in the military, I can't escape her..."

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa were waiting together on the side, having taken a seat on some steps. "Is Luke coming?" Eren inquired while fiddling with a stem of peppermint.

"Mm." Armin nodded. "He wrote back to me saying he'll be coming along with company. It's likely that he wants to update us on the situation and possibly ask for any advice on how to dispatch any...discrepancies."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but..." Mikasa paused. "I missed him."

"...Same," Eren confessed. "It was a lot simpler when we were able to give commands in person."

"And we could play with Mikelle any time we wanted," Armin mused somewhat regretfully.

At the mention of their child, all three of them let out a collective sigh full of fondness and yearning.

Eren looked down at the peppermint in his hands with a rather forlorn frown. He felt guilty for not thinking of his daughter as often as he should, given that she's chosen him to be her mother, but with Commander Shadis watching his every move and training taking up every hour of his day, he hadn't had time to think of a lot of things lately. 

He missed her; the smell of her fresh baby scent, the curls of her dark brown hair, and her soft cheeks and smile. He wondered what color were her eyes now that she was a bit older; if they stayed a light blue or darkened into a different hue...

"You think she's okay?" Mikasa whispered into her scarf. "She's probably eaten through all the baby formula Eren had left her."

"Ana and the other girls are taking care of her, so she _should_ be okay..." Eren wrung his hands. "But we were always there to help. Did the letters say anything, Armin?"

Armin shook his head. "Not much. Luke did mention that Mikelle was growing fine, but otherwise, there was no other information about her that I could glean."

Mikasa frowned. "And what did the letter entail exactly?"

Reaching into his pocket, Armin took out a crisply folded piece of parchment and smoothed it out for them to see. "An overview of what has been going on since we left. No one has moved into our apartment yet, and the landlord recently expired."

"Oh right," Eren chimed in nonchalantly, leaning in to get a better to look. "I guess he wasn't able to find an alternative to my inhalants."

"A pity," Mikasa added indifferently.

Armin gave them both a long suffering smile, having grown used to their rather morbid and ruthless dialogue. "Yes, well, it means the building will likely stay vacant until we return, if we wish to in the future. The Rosicas already took the deed and filed it with Trost's resident registry, so it's out of our hands for now." He glanced down at the letter. "To continue, Luke also mentions that the rate of crime has risen since we vacated Trost, but not enough that they can't handle it the old fashioned way. Their influence has spread throughout the four districts, and they've been able to make contact with Stohess, though it's more slow going now that they don't have Eren's merchandise to help them. The Military Police has also recently begun doing checks around town now that everything is more or less stable, so we were lucky to have left beforehand."

Eren snorted. "I bet the police only came to 'survey' the women."

Mikasa deadpanned and lightly thumped him on the head. "Bad pun."

"I punned?"

"Military Police? _Surveying_?"

"Uh...Oh. _Oh_!" Eren blinked at his own unexpected quip. "Oops. I didn't mean that."

Bursting out into laughter, Armin covered his face in his arms. "Wow, Eren...Please don't make any more jokes."

"I didn't mean it!" Eren replied defensively with a pout. "In any case, that's it? Just Luke telling us 'everything's a little worse but still the same'?"

"Uh, yeah, basically." Armin tucked the letter back into his pocket. "He should be arriving any minute now with the rest of the visitors."

Eren peered up at his fellow trainees, spotting the nervous stance in Sasha, the easygoing grin on Connie's face, the neutral and unmoved Mylius, and the dreading despair hanging over Jean's shoulders. 

A horse's familiar whinny echoed down from the top of the valley, and the first caravan of visitors appeared on the road down, driven by two steeds and their handler. Several more wagons followed suit, creating a constant acoustic of creaking wood and the clip clop of the horses' shoes, until they were all gathered at the gates.

One by one, the passengers stepped off. Most of them were older men and women, clothed in simple garbs. There were one or two people who had on finer suits and dresses, but the majority of visitors were clearly commoners. 

Immediately, the families and cadets surged to find their relatives, engulfing them in bone-tight hugs and kisses that were marred with tears.

Sasha reunited with a gruff and stern man that was dressed as a hunter; her father most likely. An older but still quite spry couple met up with Connie, and he could see the similarities in their eye shape and smile. Mylius nodded to an older girl with similar grey hair like this, and Jean was desperately trying to push a portly older woman away who was currently hugging the life out of him.

As far as Eren could see, parents were hugging their children, brothers with brothers, sisters with sisters, and vice versa. Everywhere he looked, he could see a family.

His chest ached with a voracity that he didn't expect, and one hand unknowingly reached up to clutch the area above his heart.

What if his mother had lived? Would she be among the people here, greeting him with hugs and kisses, followed by a lecture or two?

What if his father had lived? Would he be here as well, giving him quiet words of encouragement and prodding him about his health?

Would they still accept him now that he was a monster? 

His father made him become this, he knew that now, but his mother...

Did she ever know?

"Eren?" Mikasa gently shook his shoulder. "Are you okay?" 

Blinking out of his thoughts, Eren shrugged her hand off. "...I miss mom," he admitted quietly, so quietly that no one else could've heard him.

Mikasa softened and nodded. "Me too..."

"I miss grandpa..." Armin breathed out with a muted expression. "You think he would be here if they hadn't announced the cull?"

"For sure," Eren whispered. "He wouldn't miss this for the world."

Their somber mood contrasted the cheerful crowd in front of them, and it left them feeling more alone than ever. Glancing to her left, Mikasa slowly crept her hand closer until it laid on top of Eren's. Similarly, Armin did the same with his right hand, and together, they grasped each other tightly, never wanting to let go of one another.

"Hey!"

Perking up, the three of them looked up to see the familiar silhouette of their friend and business partner, Luke.

He grinned and waved in their direction, before turning behind him to gesture for someone to follow him. Walking through the throng of people, they were able to meet up somewhere near the outer perimeter of the crowd, and lo and behold, from behind Luke was the smiling face of Ana and in her arms-

"Mikelle..!" Eren breathed out, his entire countenance brightening up like the early afternoon sun above them. "Mikelle!!" 

The toddler turned at the sound of her name, showing her dark green- almost grey eyes, and she innocuously blew a spit bubble. "Mikelle!" She repeated her own name. She was dressed in an adorable light green onesie that Eren recognized as an old dress that had been modified, and on her head was a headband that held back her dark curls. 

"Luke, Ana." Mikasa nodded her greetings with a soft smile. "Mikelle."

Armin couldn't help but smile as well. "It's nice to see you three in good health." He waved at the toddler. "Hi Mikelle!"

"Hi guys!" Ana greeted them joyfully with her arms full of their bundle of joy. "Look Mikelle, look who it is!" She gestured the toddler to look toward the trio, specifically at the young doctor. "Who is that?"

Mikelle tilted her head, not a single hint of recognition on her face. "Huh..? Who? Hoo, hoo!" 

"Mikelle..." Eren couldn't fight back the tears- not that he wanted to in the first place. He reached out with his arms, yearning to hold her again. "Remember me? It's...It's mama."

Armin frowned sorrowfully. "Was she too young to remember us?"

"No way..." Mikasa looked down. "I thought...since she spent so much time with us..."

Hearing his friends ponder over the toddler's genuinely confused reaction, Eren felt himself begin to wilt. "...Children don't generally remember much until they're around four years old," he whispered. A tear slipped down his face. "I guess I expected too much..." Forcing a smile on his face, Eren tentatively waved at his daughter. "Hi Mikelle, I'm Eren. Remember?"

Ana winced at their dejected faces. "I...I'm so sorry. I thought if I brought her with, you guys would be happy to see her, but I see that backfired..."

Armin shook his head. "No, you meant well and we can't fault you for that." He turned to the man who stood by awkwardly, unsure of what he could or should do. "Luke, can we talk for a moment?"

"Uh, yeah sure!" Luke quickly agreed to get away from the painfully uncomfortable scene in front of him, and gladly followed the bookkeeper a few meters away.

"Hi Mikelle," Mikasa gently greeted the inquisitive child. "I'm Mikasa. Auntie Mikasa, remember?"

Watching the child for any signs of recognition, Eren felt his hopes fall when she failed to respond. "Forget it, Mikasa...We've been away too long. She sees Ana the most often, so it's not surprising to know she hasn't retained any permanent memories of us." 

Mikasa looked away forlornly. "I had hoped..."

Eren clenched his hands. "Yeah..."

Ana glanced between them and nervously shifted in place. "Well, I didn't come all this way and miss out on today's clients just so you guys can mope about this," she scolded. "C'mon, at least hold her! My arms are getting numb!"

Blinking in shock, Eren nodded. "R-Right." He held out his arms and soon enough, had a toddler deposited in them.

Mikelle squirmed in place, and he automatically shifted his arm under her so she wouldn't fall. He had held her so many times that he didn't even have to think, his body just knew already. The feeling of her in his arms was a familiar one, though she had thankfully gained some more weight in their time apart.

Stilling in his embrace, she turned herself around and looked up at him with her big inquisitive eyes, questioning his very identity.

At a loss for words, Eren could only hold her tightly, and rested his cheek on top of her head. "Hi Mikelle," he whispered tenderly.

Pressed up against him like this, Mikelle wriggled her nose at the very familiar scent of peppermint. "Spicy..?" she murmured. "Minty..."

Mikasa peered down at her. "'Minty'?"

"Oh, I guess she's smelling the peppermint on me..." Eren surmised halfheartedly. "She's learned a lot of words, too. She's growing so fast." He forced himself to smile. "She's so smart."

Leaning closer, Mikelle pressed her nose into Eren's neck and curled up against him. "Mm..." She closed her eyes and reached out with her much smaller hands to grasp at his shirt. "Ma..."

Eren's breath hitched at the sound. ""Ma'..?" He prompted, hope blossoming in his chest.

The toddler snuggled closer, and something, somehow, made her finally remember why everything felt so familiar in the arms of this person. "Ma...ma..?"

Hearing the familiar moniker, Eren could feel his throat close up and he choked on his next words, "Y-Yeah, it's...It's mama." Tears spilled down his cheeks and he pulled his daughter as close as he could. "It's me, Mikelle."

"Mama...Mama!" Mikelle brightened up with recognition and eagerly returned his cuddles. "Mama mama mama mama!"

Mikasa and Ana breathed out a sigh of relief, and they smiled at the sight. "I'm so glad..." Mikasa murmured. "At least she remembers one of us."

"So glad I taught her to call him that," Ana added with a faint grin. "I couldn't handle being a mom, not like him."

"Mikelle..." Eren sobbed, hope bubbling into relief and joy.

Falling to his knees, he rubbed his head against hers like any affectionate parent should.

That's right. He still had family. His mother and father may be gone, but he still had Mikelle. He had Armin and Mikasa. He even had Ana and Luke. 

There were people he had to protect, no matter what.

Crouching down to their level, Mikasa gently bopped the toddler on the nose. "Do you remember me as well?" she asked with a small hopeful smile.

Mikelle looked up at her and tilted her head with an adorable pout. "Like Mikelle! Um, um, um..." She bounced in place, even in Eren's iron-tight grip. "Mi...Mi...Mika!"

Mikasa lit up. "Yes, Mika! It's Aunt Mika!" She breathed out a small but joyous laugh and ruffled the child's hair. "Smart girl!"

Ana sighed happily. "I'm so glad everything turned out fine, whew." She wiped the sweat off her brow. "For a second there, I was real worried..."

"Aru!" Mikelle called out toward Armin, who had just walked back with Luke and now sported a look of delighted surprise. "Aru!" 

Bending down as well, Armin gently shook her small hand with his much larger one. "Yes, it's Armin! Say it with me: Ar-min," he sounded out his name as carefully as possible.

Mikelle grinned toothily. "Aru!"

Eren let out an earnest laugh. "Forget it, _Aru_ , that's your name now."

She turned back to him with a pout. "Mama!" she called out.

Taken aback by her commanding tone, Eren's grin fell off his face. "Y-Yes?"

"You leave..." She whimpered, large gem-like tears pooling in her eyes. "Why? Why mama leave?"

Eren's heart broke at the sight. "Oh, Mikelle..." He hugged her tighter. "I'm sorry. Mama never explained, did he? Mama is, um...training right now. Both your Aunt Mika and Uncle Aru are training with me..." How would a toddler be able to understand? "We won't be able to come back for a long time, but uh maybe Aunt Ana can bring you on more visits."

"I could," Ana chimed in. "It's a good thing visitation is only allowed once every three months, else I'd be missing out on a lot of work to bring her here."

Eren breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Mikelle..." He faced the toddler and met her eyes, greyish green meeting shining green. "Mama loves you a lot, okay? I love you so much." He gave her a wobbly smile. "Please don't forget again."

Mikelle shook her head forcefully, sending her curls tumbling in every direction. "Mikelle won't, she loves mama."

Eren beamed brilliantly at the admission. 

"Did-Did that baby just call you mama, Eren?"

The group looked up at the shocked faces of Jean and Marco, who had somehow gotten away from their relatives. "Is..." Marco hesitated. "Is she yours?"

Eren hugged his child protectively. "Yes, she's mine," he replied fiercely. "I've raised her since birth!"

"Huh?!" Mina suddenly came up behind them, and wherever Mina went, a crowd of friends always followed her, as seen by Thomas, Samuel, Reiner, Ymir, and Krista who all followed after her to see what the commotion was.

"Wow!" Mina's eyes sparkled as she leaned down. "Eren, I didn't know you had a sister!"

Mikelle clung tightly to Eren's shirt. "Mama!" she corrected.

"M-Mama?!" Reiner yelped, his face reddening at the term and the admittedly endearing sight of Eren cuddling a toddler in his arms. 

Not only was Eren holding onto Mikelle tightly, but in such close proximity, everyone couldn't help but notice their similar shade of hair; a luscious brown that shined with a red hue in sunlight. Eren's hair was spilling out of his bun, mixing with some of hers, and they could barely tell the difference. Another thing were their eyes; though Eren's were more of a strong and bright green, the young girl had a cooler shade of green, almost borderline grey.

With Eren's effeminate looks and the toddler clinging tightly to his shirt, it wasn't hard at all to see why Eren was being called mama.

"Aww, how adorable!" Krista cooed with her hands clasped tightly together. "Eren, you make such a cute mother!"

"Ah, thanks..." Eren awkwardly spoke, doing his best to balance Mikelle against his chest and shoulder rather than on his arms. Even after years of holding her and months of training, he could feel his arms strain from holding her for so long.

"What..." Samuel looked on in disbelief. "So, you're really a girl?!"

Eren blinked. "Huh?"

"She's calling you mama! Hahaha!" Ymir cackled, holding her stomach. "What kinda guy are you to have a baby call you mama?! Guess you really don't have balls, Jaeger!"

"Shut your mouth, Ymir!" Eren growled out. He glared at the taller girl who shared the same hair fringe as him. She was infuriating on a good day, and an absolute bitch on the worst days.

Both Marco and Krista immediately held out their hands and stepped in between them. "Please don't fight," Marco advised with a frown. "You'll scare the child."

"Mama?" Mikelle tugged on his shirt. "Hungry..."

Snapping out of his anger, Eren gave her a gentle smile. "Right, we'll get some food in you." Giving his fellow trainees a warning look, he gestured for Ana to follow him and they headed into one of the buildings.

With a shared look that was both equally full of confusion and bafflement, they all dispersed once more.

Once he was gone, Jean numbly shook his head. "What the fuck is he..."

Mikasa stepped up beside him. "Eren is Eren," she answered calmly. "I don't see the problem."

Jean gave her a frown even as his face lit up in red at how close she was. "Of course you don't; you're like his shadow! The problem I have with Eren is that nothing he does makes sense. He's a guy, but he grows his hair out and smiles all girly, then he throws down opponents during training like it's no big deal, and now I see him holding a kid and she's calling him 'mama'!" He furiously mussed up his short hair. "Ugh! I hate it!"

"Jean!" The same portly woman who had been clinging to him before, walked up to him with a frown. "Were you even listening to me?! Have you been eating well? Do they even serve you any good food here? Is training strenuous? You know you can always come home to me and your father; we won't judge you. Have you made sure to change your underwear often-"

"Shut up, mom!" Jean snapped with a burning red face. "Stop talking about my business in front of other people! You're so embarrassing! Why'd you even come?! I sent you a letter telling you not to!"

His mother frowned, clearly hurt from his stinging words. "Because you're my son!" She paused for a moment to cough into her hand. "And I worried about you! You only sent me one letter telling me you arrived!"

Watching them argue back and forth, Mikasa frowned.

"Ugh!" Jean pushed her toward the caravans. "You've seen me, I'm fine, now go home!"

"Wait, Jean-" His mother tried to protest, but in the end, shook her head and headed toward the carriages.

Letting out a big sigh, Jean shook his head. "Damn stupid mom..."

"...That's not very nice of you," Mikasa spoke up suddenly.

"Huh?" Jean turned to her with a confused frown before it cleared up. "She's always like this. If I don't shove her away, she'd smother me in food and who knows what else. She's so embarrassing," he complained incessantly. "I wish she didn't come here."

Mikasa frowned disapprovingly. "...You should consider yourself lucky," she admonished with a dark look in her eyes.

Jean scrunched up his face. "Why?"

"Because you still have a mom." Mikasa glanced over at the building Eren had entered into. "Did you know that none of us have parents anymore?"

Jean froze. "...No," he answered diminutively. "No, I didn't know."

"Armin lost his when he was young, so he barely remembers them. I lost mine due to some criminals. Eren...Eren watched as his mother was eaten by a Titan." She tilted her head down to cover the lower half of her face within her scarf, hiding the grief in her mouth. Her eyes spoke differently, and was a stark image in Jean's stare. "We wish we could be scolded by our moms, one last time. We wish we could see them, one last time. Losing a parent is hard; losing both is like having your world destroyed. I..."

She looked away distantly. "I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for Eren and Armin. All we have are each other, and Mikelle. She also lost her mother, and Eren took her in as his own, even letting her call him mama. If he hadn't, we would've been forced to leave her in the orphanage where she would grow up not knowing what love is. Eren is giving her that; the experience of having a mother that loves her."

"So, please..." She turned back to him imploringly. "Don't treat your mother so badly. You know she loves you, and you love her. One day, she won't be here anymore, and you'll regret telling her to go away."

"I..." Jean breathed out, eyes wide at the onslaught of personal and intimate information that he had never expected to hear. He glanced toward the caravans where he could spot his mother sitting alone with her head bowed, waiting to go home after her son rejected her presence. A stab of guilt pierced itself in his stomach, and he swallowed roughly. "...Yeah. I understand."

Mikasa nodded. "Good. I'm glad. You should ask Eren for help."

"Wha- Why?"

"Your mother has a persistent cough."

Jean gave her a strange look, still unsettled by their talk. "And how is _Eren_ going to help?"

Mikasa began to walk away, but not before saying, "because he makes good medicine." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the names used in this chapter are accurate to AOT's database of characters.  
> I actually cut a scene from this chapter because it didn't fit, and it'll be in the next chapter instead! One more chapter during training and then...Trost. 
> 
> Also, I made a new cover art for this fic! (I guess that's what I do now, make a shit ton of cover arts) I'll be updating the first chapter with it as well!  
> [ Version 1 (gore warning)](https://twitter.com/AristoMuse/status/1132919650621284352)  
> [ Version 2 ](https://twitter.com/AristoMuse/status/1133553364577472513)
> 
> [ Eren and Mikelle](https://twitter.com/AristoMuse/status/1138620371119329283)
> 
> I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter, please leave me a comment letting me know! I appreciate you all <3

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate comments, thanks for reading! Follow me at [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/AristoMuse) for updates and general AOT artworks!


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